The Best 33 Quart Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Quart jokes. There are some quart bottle jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these quart heineken puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Quart Jokes and Puns

If I had a quarter

for every woman I made love to Id have 45 cents.

Sometimes, like a quarterback, you have to make tough calls.

You want to make a play with the tight end but have to end up throwing to the wide receiver.

Grampa's favorite joke? Okay, here's mine.

[It took me years to understand this. But he laughed every time he told it.]

If a centipede a pint, and velocipede a quart, how much would a precipice?

A canopy!

Quart joke, Grampa's favorite joke? Okay, here's mine.

As the programmer was going to the store his wife called out

We need a quart of milk and if they have eggs bring me back a dozen. He returns with 3 gallons of milk and says: "They had eggs."

How many quarters does it take to play the Lor of the Rings pinball game?

None...it just takes Tolkiens


A guy approaches the cute cashier at the grocery store...

His basket contains a bag of Doritos, a quart of milk, and one TV dinner.

The cashier looks up and says, "You're single, aren't you?"

"Yeah, how'd you know?"

"Cuz your ugly."

I was going to be a quarterback for Halloween at work...

...but my boss said we couldn't be anything offensive.

Quart joke, I was going to be a quarterback for Halloween at work...

How much lube should you buy to prepare to have sex with a McDonald's fry cook with a cheddar fetish?

About a quart to pound her with cheese.

If I had a quarter for every time a homeless person asked me for change

I still wouldn't give him any

Why didn't the quarter roll down the hill with the nickle?

Because it had more cents

What do a quartet of prostitutes and planning ahead have in common?

Four thot.

You can explore quart ounce reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean quart chunky dad jokes. There are also quart puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Had my quarterly evaluation meeting with manager...

.. got screwtinized.

How does a quarterback discipline his kids?

Intentional Grounding

You should always keep a few quarters in your pocket, you never know when you'll need them...

It's just common cents.

If I had a quarter every time someone called me poor. .

I'd not be poor

Where does a trial over two pints of beer take place?

An appellate quart

Quart joke, Where does a trial over two pints of beer take place?

A quarter acre of undeveloped land may not seem like much to some people,

But to me it's a lot.

A young tourist was attempting to sneak a quart of tequila...

...back from Mexico when the border guard stopped him and asked what was in the bottle.

"Holy water from the shrine of the Virgin Mary" replied the man.

The border guard opened the bottle, took a sip exclaimed , "This is tequila"

"My heavens!" Gasped the man. "Another miracle!"

Being a quartet, why was the group named "Boyz II Men?"

Because "Boyz 4 Men" would have drawn a whole different sort of crowd...


How many Quarterbacks does it take to win the National Championship?

Tua them.

What did the quarterback say to the mountain?

Rush more.

If I had a quarter for every existing gender,

I'd have $0.50 and a bunch of counterfeits

Milk jug cop pulls over a speeding milk jug.

Speeding milk jug says: "I'll see you in quart!"

What do you call two pints of strict rules?

A quart of law

Quarters and nickels fall from the sky...

Me: what is this?

Climate: change.

If i had a quarter for every time i didn't understand something

I'd be like "Uh, why are you giving me so many quarters?"

If I had a quarter for everytime I didn't know what was happening

I'd be asking "why am I getting all these quarters?"

My trans am stopped running this morning..

anyone know where I can get a quart of gender fluid?

So I won a grand prize at a local trivia game.

They went up to me and said, Congrats! You've won
a 1 British dollar Sandwich that compresses 1/4 gallons worth of 25c coins!

And I said, So a 1 pound quart quarter pounder quarter pounder?

If you had a quarter," quizzed the teacher," and you asked your father for another dollar and fifty cents, how much money would you have?"

One quarter." answered little Johnny.

You don't know your arithmetic!" snapped the teacher shaking her head.

Little Johnny shook his head too, "You don't know my dad!"

Where do criminals go when they're arrested for possession of 32 ounces?

The quart room

Where do pints go to settle their legal troubles?

The Supreme Quart

Before I got married I was in a store paying for groceries.

I had a quart of milk, a half dozen eggs and a TV dinner. The cashier looks at me with a smile and says You MUST be single!
I said Why do you say that?
And she said Because your so fu$king ugly!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the quart whiskey jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working quart distillery piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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