The Best 16 Quarrel Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Quarrel jokes. There are some quarrel brawl jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these quarrel fight puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Quarrel Jokes and Puns

The secret to a long life.

Everyone asked a 100 year-old man for his health secrets:
The old man said: I'll tell you you a secret.
I've been married for 75 years. Promised my wife when we got married that when two people quarrel, the loser has to walk for 5 kilometers.
I've been walking 5 kilometers everyday for 75 years!

Everyone asked again: But how come your wife's very healthy as well?

The old man answered: I'll tell you another secret: she'd been following me to make sure I really finish the 5 kilometers!

Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands

When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset.

You're running around with other women, she charged.

You're being unreasonable, Adam responded. You're the only woman on Earth. The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve.

What do you think you're doing? Adam demanded. Counting your ribs!

Husband and Wife 40th Anniversary

A husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting a headstone that reads: 'Here lies my wife, cold as ever'." "Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone reading: 'Here lies my husband, stiff at last."
-Sacha Guitry

Quarrel joke, Husband and Wife 40th Anniversary

Everyone asked a 100-year-old man and his 98 year old wife for their health secrets:

The old man said: I'll tell you my secret.
I've been married for 75 years. Promised my wife when we got married that when we quarrel, the loser has to walk for 5 kilometers.

So I've been walking 5 kilometers every day for past 75 years!

Everyone applauded and asked again:
But how come your wife is very healthy as well?


The old man answered: That is another secret. For 75 years every single day She has been following me to make sure I really walk the full 5 Kilometers!

Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands.

When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset. 

"You're running around with other women." she charged. 

"You're being very unreasonable," Adam responded. "You're the only woman on Earth." 

The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve. 

"Just what do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded. 

"Counting your ribs," replied Eve


Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands.

When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset.

You're running around with other women, she charged.

You're being unreasonable, Adam responded. You're the only woman on Earth.

The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone **poking** him in the chest. It was Eve.

What do you think you're doing? Adam demanded.

*Counting your ribs!*

Everyone asked a 100 year-old man for his health secrets:

The old man said: I'll tell you you a secret. I've been married for 75 years.

Promised my wife when we got married that when two people quarrel, the loser has to walk for 5 kilometers. I've been walking 5 kilometers everyday for 75 years!

Everyone asked again: But how come your wife's very healthy as well?

The old man answered: I'll tell you another secret: she'd been following me to make sure I really finish the 5 kilometers!

Quarrel joke, Everyone asked a 100 year-old man for his health secrets:

A couple was having a quarrel in a lodge...

The man calls the manager and says, "I'm having an argument with my wife, and now she wants to jump out the window please come fast!"

The Manager angrily responds, "I am sorry sir this is your personal issue, please do not waste my time again."

The Husband replies back, "The window is not opening. This is not a personal issue, this is a maintenance issue."

What are the most argumentative parts of the ocean?

Quarrel reefs

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband,

You know, I was a fool when I married you."


The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."

A man and a woman had a quarrel

Woman: If I had known that my life would become like this, I should have just married the devil himself.

Man: But getting married with your relatives is a taboo, isn't it?

You can explore quarrel husband reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean quarrel argument dad jokes. There are also quarrel puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


There are two ways to keep a marriage happy and without quarrel

But nobody knows them

What did the crossbowman say to his dead wife?

It was just a lover's quarrel

Modern food, I just don't get it.

I mean, Japanese-style batter and deep fry, I've no quarrel with that. But then they start applying this to these giant salt-water eels...

*O tempura! O morays!*

Petulant wife

In the middle of a fight, husband said, "Let's not quarrel, let's discuss the things sensibly."

"No," said the wife angrily. "Every time we discuss sensibly, I lose!"

Starting quarrel with the girl, think a little time — to you in about 10-15 minutes will bother to swear, and her not.

Quarrel joke, Starting quarrel with the girl, think a little time — to you in about 10-15 minutes will bother to

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the quarrel feud jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working quarrel controversy piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes