Quarantine Jokes

Following is our collection of toxins humor and tweetable one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Quarantine puns for adults, dirty hypochondria jokes or clean outbreak gags for kids.

There is an abundance of patient jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 35 funniest jokes on quarantine. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any deficiency witze you can hear about quarantine.

The Best jokes about Quarantine

I made a virtual bubble wrap to keep you all busy during quarantine. There might be some irregular bubbles, but that is normal.

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Coughy Filter Joke

The barista at Starbucks was wearing a face mask.

Me: Why are you wearing a surgical mask?

She said: I'm not, it's a coughy filter.

Ellen jail joke

Ellen DeGeneres coronavirus jail joke - Today, I am filming this in my living room because all the other rooms in my house are filled with toilet paper !

One thing that I've learned from being in quarantine is that people this is like being in jail, is what it is !

It's mostly because I've been wearing the same clothes for 10 days and everyone in here is gay.

What are strippers doing during quarantine?

Twerking from home.

A crow was caught recently breaking quarantine laws.

They charged him with attempted murder.


My wife said she wants to go out to eat after the quarantine is over

I am thinking no way is a month long enough for her to make up her mind where to eat.

"I'm sorry sir, but we've determined you have a highly contagious, deadly virus. You'll need to be kept in quarantine and fed a diet of pancakes."

"Oh my, that's horrible news, doctor. But will the pancakes really be able to help me get better?"

"No, that's just the only thing we can slide under the door."

The World Health Organization has officially announced that dogs are not able to contract COVID-19 and have released them all from quarantine.

It's safe to say that WHO let the dogs out.

Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have ?

I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since

What does LGBTQ stand for in 2020

Lets get back to quarantine, obviously




Stay safe everyone

Quarantine

Don't get it?

That's because it's an inside joke


What jokes are allowed during quarantine?

Inside jokes.

What kind of jokes do you tell during quarantine?

Inside jokes

Chuck Norris tested positive for COVID-19.

The virus is now in quarantine for two weeks.

Me before quarantine, watching Castaway: Really... He's best friends with a ball??

**Me, during quarantine:** Look at you go Roomba, you crazy son of a bitch!

Son: Why is my sister's name Paris?

Dad: Because we conceived her in Paris.

Son: Thanks dad.

Dad: No problem Quarantine.

After months in quarantine, I have something in common with a rotten egg..

It has been months since I was laid too.

What do you call a large group of anti-vaxxers?

A quarantine.

Since quarantine I've not had a haircut. Hell, I've not even stepped on the scales. So today I decided to weigh myself for the first time in months.

Who knew hair weighed so much?!


WHO let the dogs out joke.

The World Health Organization has announced that dogs cannot contract Covid-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released. To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.

In the morning, the mother wakes up the child "Come on, wake up, you know the quarantine is over and school starts again!"

"But, mom, why do I have to go? I hate school!"

"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."

"One: all children hate me, two: all teachers hate me even more!"

"These are just excuses, get up once and for all!"

"But then YOU give me two reasons to go."

"One: you are 41 years old, two: you are the school principal!"

2020 is a weird year

5 years ago i entered a bank in a mask and i got forced to quarantine for years, today i got praised for it.. weird times to be alive

THIS CORONA QUARANTINE HAS GIVEN MY WIFE ALZHEIMERS!!

She doesn't remember what she ever saw in me.

What's the best joke during quarantine?

An inside joke.

Quarantined Star Wars troopers be like "I miss people"

First off all, you always miss.

During quarantine, Google saw a shift in the top 5 Google searches.

The no. 1 position went from how to get laid to how to get laid off.

Wife: Did I get fat during quarantine?

Husband: You were never really that skinny

Time of death: 26/4/20 11:31am

Cause of death: Corona virus.

Quarantine birthday

My birthdays in quarantine, but I'm not sad I had the exact number of people who came last year

What kind of jokes are allowed during quarantine?

INSIDE jokes.



y'all have a great day :)

The quarantine is affecting everyone in the work force but it sucks especially for men

We're losing $1 for every $0.79 woman are losing.

Chuck Norris came into contact with coronavirus

Coronavirus is now in 2 week quarantine

My wife out of pure boredom started doing this new thing during quarantine that I really enjoy.

Me.

Due to the quarantine

I'll only be telling inside jokes

Yo mama's so ugly

She took off her facemask during quarantine and was arrested for indecent exposure

After it was determined that dogs could not transmit COVID-19 to humans, the world health organization deemed that all companion pets could be let out of quarantine

We really should have seen this coming, they told us WHO let the dogs out for years

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes