Quarantine Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

Coughy Filter Joke

The barista at Starbucks was wearing a face mask.

Me: Why are you wearing a surgical mask?

She said: I'm not, it's a coughy filter.

Ellen jail joke

Ellen DeGeneres coronavirus jail joke - Today, I am filming this in my living room because all the other rooms in my house are filled with toilet paper !

One thing that I've learned from being in quarantine is that people this is like being in jail, is what it is !

It's mostly because I've been wearing the same clothes for 10 days and everyone in here is gay.

"I'm sorry sir, but we've determined you have a highly contagious, deadly virus. You'll need to be kept in quarantine and fed a diet of pancakes."

"Oh my, that's horrible news, doctor. But will the pancakes really be able to help me get better?"

"No, that's just the only thing we can slide under the door."

What do you call a large group of anti-vaxxers?

A quarantine.

WHO let the dogs out joke.

The World Health Organization has announced that dogs cannot contract Covid-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released. To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.

Chuck Norris corona joke

Chuck Norris tested positive for coronavirus. They had to quarantine the virus.

A lady's man goes to the doctor because he's been sick.

After running several tests, the doctor tells the man, "I'm sorry, sir, but you have HAGS."
"HAGS? What is that?" asks the startled man.
"Herpes, AIDS, gonorrhea, and syphilis," replied the doctor.
"What can you do for me, doc? Please, help me!" pleaded the man.
"First, we have to quarantine you. Then, we put you on the HAGS diet," said the doctor.
"What's the HAGS diet?"
"Pancakes and pizza," the doctor answered.
"Why pancakes and pizza?" the man asked.
The doctor told him, "Those are the only two foods we can kick under the door."

Kaceytron coronavirus joke

Q: Would you kiss someone who had the coronavirus disease, COVID-19 ?
Kaceytron: We would leave quarantine, and we would try to spread it as much as possible because the world would be a better place without old and poor people.

They quarantined part of the airport today as it looked like a virus was spreading amongst the passengers.

It was a terminal illness.

Boris: Lockdown

Me looking at my 1TB folder of TV and movies to pass the time.
It's like... I was made for this.

What are the funniest quarantine jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Quarantine? Well, here are the best Quarantine puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Quarantine pick up lines to share with friends.

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Joko Jokes