Happy Quarantine Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends
I made a virtual bubble wrap to keep you all busy during quarantine. There might be some irregular bubbles, but that is normal.
>!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!Nev!< >!er !< >!Gon!< >!na !< >!Giv!< >!ve !< >!You!< >!Up,!< >!Nev!< >!er !< >!Gon!< >!na !< >!Let!< >!You!< >!Dow,!< >!n !< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!<
Quarantine has turned us into dogs.
We roam the house all day looking for food. We are told "no" if we get too close to strangers. And we get really excited about car rides.
Why's a graveyard the safest place in quarantine?
Everybody's 6 feet away
Quarantine has really put a damper on comedy.
For months nobody has walked into a bar.
Quarantine has me really stressed and bored so I've been trying that Chinese thing with the needles
You know, h**...
Coughy Filter Joke
The barista at Starbucks was wearing a face mask.
Me: Why are you wearing a surgical mask?
She said: I'm not, it's a coughy filter.
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on my couch at the beginning of March and I've grown significantly since.
Ellen jail joke
Ellen DeGeneres coronavirus jail joke - Today, I am filming this in my living room because all the other rooms in my house are filled with toilet paper !
One thing that I've learned from being in quarantine is that people this is like being in jail, is what it is !
It's mostly because I've been wearing the same clothes for 10 days and everyone in here is gay.
What are strippers doing during quarantine?
Twerking from home.
A crow was caught recently breaking quarantine laws.
They charged him with attempted m**....
My wife said she wants to go out to eat after the quarantine is over
I am thinking no way is a month long enough for her to make up her mind where to eat.
You can explore quarantine toxins reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean quarantine hypochondria dad jokes. There are also quarantine puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
"I'm sorry sir, but we've determined you have a highly contagious, deadly virus. You'll need to be kept in quarantine and fed a diet of pancakes."
"Oh my, that's horrible news, doctor. But will the pancakes really be able to help me get better?"
"No, that's just the only thing we can slide under the door."
The World Health Organization has officially announced that dogs are not able to contract COVID-19 and have released them all from quarantine.
It's safe to say that WHO let the dogs out.
WHO and Covid 😛
The World Health Organization announced that dogs cannot contract COVID-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released. To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.
I dont get why people are laughing in quarantine..
Must be an inside joke
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have ?
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since
What does LGBTQ stand for in 2020
Lets get back to quarantine, obviously
Stay safe everyone
Quarantine
Don't get it?
That's because it's an inside joke
What jokes are allowed during quarantine?
Inside jokes.
What kind of jokes do you tell during quarantine?
Inside jokes
Chuck Norris tested positive for COVID-19.
The virus is now in quarantine for two weeks.
An Indian family went into self quarantine
after eating lunch at their English friend's house as they couldn't taste anything.
Me before quarantine, watching Castaway: Really... He's best friends with a ball??
**Me, during quarantine:** Look at you go Roomba, you crazy son of a b**...!
Son: Why is my sister's name Paris?
Dad: Because we conceived her in Paris.
Son: Thanks dad.
Dad: No problem Quarantine.
Has anyone's gardening skills improved during the quarantine?
I planted myself on the couch in August and have grown significantly since.
Chuck Norris diagnosed with Covid-19
Coronavirus now in quarantine for 14 days
WHO let the dogs out joke.
The World Health Organization has announced that dogs cannot contract Covid-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released. To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.
You know the only good thing about quarantine?
I haven't seen a jehovah's witness in awhile.
The World Health Organization announced that dogs cannot contract COVID-19.
The World Health Organization announced that dogs cannot contract COVID-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released. To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.
Wife to husband: Did I get fat during quarantine?
Husband replies: you weren't really that skinny to be begin with!
Time of death: 11:00pm
Cause of death: Covid-19
After months in quarantine, I have something in common with a rotten egg..
It has been months since I was laid too.
What do you call a large group of anti-vaxxers?
A quarantine.
Since quarantine I've not had a haircut. h**..., I've not even stepped on the scales. So today I decided to weigh myself for the first time in months.
Who knew hair weighed so much?!
In the morning, the mother wakes up the child "Come on, wake up, you know the quarantine is over and school starts again!"
"But, mom, why do I have to go? I hate school!"
"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
"One: all children hate me, two: all teachers hate me even more!"
"These are just excuses, get up once and for all!"
"But then YOU give me two reasons to go."
"One: you are 41 years old, two: you are the school principal!"
After years of wanting to thoroughly clean my house but lacking the time,
this quarantine I discovered that wasn't the reason.
