quantum Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious quantum puns

Quantum entanglement is not hard to understand:

Socks come in pairs. If you put a sock on your left foot, the other sock of the pair instantly becomes the right sock, no matter where it is located in the universe.

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Are quantum computers going to change our world?

Yes and no.

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A quantum particle walks into two bars.

In one, he has a few drinks, becomes the life of the party, gets lucky and has a splendid time.

In the other he drinks too much, picks a fight with the wrong company and ends up beaten to half of his life.

The next day, he happens to meet an old buddy. After some very small talk, his friend asks

" hey, so what did you do last night?"

the particle, bruised and beaten shouts "DAMN IT MAN did you have to ask!!"

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I discovered that my socks exhibit quantum entanglement.

As soon as I put on my left sock, the other sock immediately becomes the right sock, and vice versa, regardless of the distance between them.

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Why don't quantum physicists have sex?

When they find the position, they don't have the momentum. When they have the momentum, they can't find the position.

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What kind of Mechanics fix and break your car at the same time?

Quantum Mechanics.

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Relativity theory

In classical (Newtonian) physics, we can't solve the three-body problem. In the theory of relativity, we can't solve the two-body problem. In quantum mechanics, we can't solve the one-body problem, and with quantum electro dynamics, we don't even understand the vacuum anymore.

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What do sex and quantum physics have in common?

I don't get either of them.

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Did you hear about the Large Hadron Collider going down?

They are gonna have to bring in a quantum mechanic.

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Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex?

Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position.

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Where does an atom go when it breaks down?

A quantum mechanic.

lel

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A quantum physicist gets pulled over.

The police officer asks "Sir, do you have any idea how fast you were going?" The quantum physicist responds "No, but I know exactly where I am."

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What does the quantum duck say?

Quark Quark

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I can't wait for the next Quantum Physicist triathlon.

I'm going to stand beside the bikes and yell out their speeds. They'll get so lost they'll end back at the starting line.

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A quantum physicist and his friend go out for ice cream.

"What's your favourite flavour?" asks the friend.

"Charm," replies the physicist.

His friend looks at him.

"Why is it that whenever I ask you a question," begins the friend, "your answer is always strange?"

"Well it's strange *now*," the physicist protests, "shouldn't have waited a picosecond."

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Quantum humor is so random

Schrodinger and Heisenberg were driving in a car. Eventually, a cop pulled them over and ask Heisenberg, Sir, do you know how fast you were going? Heisenberg replied, No, but I can tell you exactly where I was. Thinking this was a weird response, the cop decided to check the vehicle. He come back up to Schrodinger and asks, Sir, did you know you had a dead cat in your trunk? Schrodinger replied, I do now.

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You're not supposed to understand, it's.. (science joke)

A student is in biology lecture when the professor gets to a part he doesn't understand. The student asks, "I don't understand, why does this happen?" The professor answers, "You're not supposed to understand, it's chemistry."

So the student later takes a chemistry lecture and the professor gets to a part he doesn't understand. The student asks, "I don't understand, why does this happen?" The professor answers, "You're not supposed to understand, it's quantum mechanics."

So the student later takes a quantum mechanics course and the professor gets to a part he doesn't understand. The student asks, "I don't understand, why does this happen?" The professor answers, "You're not supposed to understand, it's quantum mechanics."

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Mr. Bean and Einstein

Mr. Bean and Einstein were taking a coffee when Einstein challenges Mr. Bean to a knowledge challenge.

**Einstein**: here is the deal, Bean. I'll make you a question. If you don't know the answer you give me 1$. Then you ask me something and if I have no answers for you, I'll give you 1000$

**Mr. Bean**: Fine.

Einstein, sure of his upcoming success, proceeds to ask Bean his question.

**Einstein**: What's the basic of quantum physics?

**Mr. Bean**: ehm...
He gives Einstein $1.

**Einstein**: alright, it's your turn now.

**Mr. Bean**: What has four legs while crossing the street, five legs when sitting down and two legs while flying?

Einstein thinks once, twice... But he really can't come up with an answer so he gives Mr. Bean $1000.
But then...

**Einstein**: But what was the answer?

*Mr. Bean gives Einstein $1*.

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A quantum object turns from wave to a particle...

"It's just a prank bro! Look, there's the observer!!"

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Why do quantum computers make terrible community leaders?

Because you can never be sure of their true values.

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I was going to tell a joke about quantum mechanics

but even though its funny, it's also unfunny at the same time.

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Why are quantum physicists so bad at sex?

Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position.

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Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex ?

Because when they find the position, they can't find momentum;

And when they find momentum, they can't find the position.

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Science jokes

Thought i'd make a post compiling a few of my favourite science jokes. You can add your favourites in the comments below.


Q: How many physicists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: Two. One to hold the lightbulb, and the other to rotate the universe around it.


Q: What's the difference between a quantum mechanic and an automobile mechanic?

A: The quantum mechanic doesn't have to open his garage door to get his car out.


Werner Heisenberg is pulled over for speeding. The officer asks him "Do you know how fast you were going?. Heisenberg replies "No, but I know where I am."

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Can a quantum computer run Crysis?

yes and no

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The secret of quantum teleportation is simple...

...but it's a secret.

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I had a really small problem with my car

so I took it to a quantum mechanic

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I would make a pun about quantum entanglement...

but it would be both funny and unfunny, simultaneously.

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What's a quantum physicist's favorite trend?

Plancking.

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All the atoms go to the bar Quantum Accelerator

Why? Because it's a smashing time

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Are you afraid of quantum mechanics ?

Dont worry, it's gonna be Feynman.

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What do you call someone who fixes tiny cars?

A quantum mechanic

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I wanted to make a joke about quantum physics, but I wasn't sure if I should.

So I did and didn't.

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What's the most common question in Quantum Physics?

I don't know

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Two quantum mechanics professors had sex

They must have had physical chemistry.

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What are the most funny Quantum jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Quantum? Well, here are the best Quantum dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Quantum pick up lines to share with friends.

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