Quantum Jokes

What are some Quantum jokes?

Quantum entanglement is not hard to understand:

Socks come in pairs. If you put a sock on your left foot, the other sock of the pair instantly becomes the right sock, no matter where it is located in the universe.

Schrodinger's cat was meant to prove how dumb quantum states are, yet it's widely used to advocate and explain it. I bet he's rolling in his grave...

and not

Are quantum computers going to change our world?

Yes and no.

I discovered that my socks exhibit quantum entanglement.

As soon as I put on my left sock, the other sock immediately becomes the right sock, and vice versa, regardless of the distance between them.

Why don't quantum physicists have sex?

When they find the position, they don't have the momentum. When they have the momentum, they can't find the position.

What kind of Mechanics fix and break your car at the same time?

Quantum Mechanics.

Relativity theory

In classical (Newtonian) physics, we can't solve the three-body problem. In the theory of relativity, we can't solve the two-body problem. In quantum mechanics, we can't solve the one-body problem, and with quantum electro dynamics, we don't even understand the vacuum anymore.

What do sex and quantum physics have in common?

I don't get either of them.

Did you hear about the Large Hadron Collider going down?

They are gonna have to bring in a quantum mechanic.

Where does an atom go when it breaks down?

A quantum mechanic.


A quantum physicist gets pulled over.

The police officer asks "Sir, do you have any idea how fast you were going?" The quantum physicist responds "No, but I know exactly where I am."

What does the quantum duck say?

Quark Quark

I saw two lesbian quantum physicists in a super position.

It was a double-slit experiment.

I can't wait for the next Quantum Physicist triathlon.

I'm going to stand beside the bikes and yell out their speeds. They'll get so lost they'll end back at the starting line.

Quantum humor is so random

Schrodinger and Heisenberg were driving in a car. Eventually, a cop pulled them over and ask Heisenberg, Sir, do you know how fast you were going? Heisenberg replied, No, but I can tell you exactly where I was. Thinking this was a weird response, the cop decided to check the vehicle. He come back up to Schrodinger and asks, Sir, did you know you had a dead cat in your trunk? Schrodinger replied, I do now.

A quantum physicist and his friend go out for ice cream.

"What's your favourite flavour?" asks the friend.

"Charm," replies the physicist.

His friend looks at him.

"Why is it that whenever I ask you a question," begins the friend, "your answer is always strange?"

"Well it's strange *now*," the physicist protests, "shouldn't have waited a picosecond."

Quantum physicists have the best sex.

They know all the super positions.

You're not supposed to understand, it's.. (science joke)

A student is in biology lecture when the professor gets to a part he doesn't understand. The student asks, "I don't understand, why does this happen?" The professor answers, "You're not supposed to understand, it's chemistry."

So the student later takes a chemistry lecture and the professor gets to a part he doesn't understand. The student asks, "I don't understand, why does this happen?" The professor answers, "You're not supposed to understand, it's quantum mechanics."

So the student later takes a quantum mechanics course and the professor gets to a part he doesn't understand. The student asks, "I don't understand, why does this happen?" The professor answers, "You're not supposed to understand, it's quantum mechanics."

Mr. Bean and Einstein

Mr. Bean and Einstein were taking a coffee when Einstein challenges Mr. Bean to a knowledge challenge.

**Einstein**: here is the deal, Bean. I'll make you a question. If you don't know the answer you give me 1$. Then you ask me something and if I have no answers for you, I'll give you 1000$

**Mr. Bean**: Fine.

Einstein, sure of his upcoming success, proceeds to ask Bean his question.

**Einstein**: What's the basic of quantum physics?

**Mr. Bean**: ehm...
He gives Einstein $1.

**Einstein**: alright, it's your turn now.

**Mr. Bean**: What has four legs while crossing the street, five legs when sitting down and two legs while flying?

Einstein thinks once, twice... But he really can't come up with an answer so he gives Mr. Bean $1000.
But then...

**Einstein**: But what was the answer?

*Mr. Bean gives Einstein $1*.

Why do quantum computers make terrible community leaders?

Because you can never be sure of their true values.

A quantum object turns from wave to a particle...

"It's just a prank bro! Look, there's the observer!!"

I was going to tell a joke about quantum mechanics

but even though its funny, it's also unfunny at the same time.

Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex ?

Because when they find the position, they can't find momentum;

And when they find momentum, they can't find the position.

Can a quantum computer run Crysis?

yes and no

Science jokes

Thought i'd make a post compiling a few of my favourite science jokes. You can add your favourites in the comments below.

Q: How many physicists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: Two. One to hold the lightbulb, and the other to rotate the universe around it.

Q: What's the difference between a quantum mechanic and an automobile mechanic?

A: The quantum mechanic doesn't have to open his garage door to get his car out.

Werner Heisenberg is pulled over for speeding. The officer asks him "Do you know how fast you were going?. Heisenberg replies "No, but I know where I am."

The secret of quantum teleportation is simple...

...but it's a secret.

I had a really small problem with my car

so I took it to a quantum mechanic

What's a quantum physicist's favorite trend?


I would make a pun about quantum entanglement...

but it would be both funny and unfunny, simultaneously.

Some quantum physicists play twister at a party

Later that day, one of them spontaneously flattens and three seconds later the other is hit by a car: they were still entangled.

All the atoms go to the bar Quantum Accelerator

Why? Because it's a smashing time

Are you afraid of quantum mechanics ?

Dont worry, it's gonna be Feynman.

What do you call someone who fixes tiny cars?

A quantum mechanic

I wanted to make a joke about quantum physics, but I wasn't sure if I should.

So I did and didn't.

I just lost my quantum computer!

I checked to see if it was on, and now I don't know where it is...

What's the most common question in Quantum Physics?

I don't know

Two particles are trapped in a field

One particle says to the other "I got you some flowers, you may have them if you quantum"

Two quantum mechanics professors had sex

They must have had physical chemistry.

Why are colleges starting to teach quantum computing?

When professors try to explain binary states, the students tell them to go educate themselves.

An electron was pulled over by the quantum state patrol...

The officer walked up to the car and said, "do you know how fast you were going?" To which the electron responded "no, but I know where I am!"

I did terribly in my quantum physics class, but still got an "A"

and I also got an "F"
I'm not opening my report card.

Quantum physics has its ups and downs

But it all quarks out in the end

I own a quantum computer.

When I'm looking at it, things do not load. When I'm not, they instantly do so.

My friend thinks the Canadian prime minister does not know quantum physics.

I know it's trudeau.

What do you call a Quantum Physicist's signature?

A wave function.

how are women like a quantum computer?

they are both turned on and off by you at the same time.

Why are quantum physicists bad lovers?

When they find the position, they can't find the momentum. When they find the momentum, they can't find the position.

What's the opposite of quantum physics?


(If you don't like physics jokes, just keep movin')

...(if you don't like math jokes, trust me, sometimes it makes a difference).

Why do people in tumblr like quantum computing?

Because it's non binary

Where did the lazy quantum mechanics student say his project was

in a box

I love the BBC's documentaries about time and space!

I really quantum to continuum!

Why are dicks like quantum particles

Measuring them changes the result

A scientist was being interviewed by the press

The press asked him "Can you explain to us about quantum computers?"

He replied "Yes and No at the same time"

Quantum Computers are rubbish

When you want a result they collapse

How to make Quantum jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Quantum to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Quantum? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Quantum pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes