Quant Jokes

30 quant jokes and hilarious quant puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about quant that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Howlingly Hilarious Quant Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy

What is a good quant joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.

Quantum entanglement is not hard to understand:

Socks come in pairs. If you put a sock on your left foot, the other sock of the pair instantly becomes the right sock, no matter where it is located in the universe.

Are quantum computers going to change our world?

Yes and no.

Why did the quantum physicist have such toned abs?

Because they planck constant.

Why don't quantum physicists have s**...?

When they find the position, they don't have the momentum. When they have the momentum, they can't find the position.

A quantum physicist gets pulled over.

The police officer asks "Sir, do you have any idea how fast you were going?" The quantum physicist responds "No, but I know exactly where I am."

What does the quantum duck say?

Quark Quark

Quantum humor is so random

Schrodinger and Heisenberg were driving in a car. Eventually, a cop pulled them over and ask Heisenberg, Sir, do you know how fast you were going? Heisenberg replied, No, but I can tell you exactly where I was. Thinking this was a weird response, the cop decided to check the vehicle. He come back up to Schrodinger and asks, Sir, did you know you had a dead cat in your trunk? Schrodinger replied, I do now.

Why was the quantum physicist bad at s**...?

Because he was able to find either the position or the momentum, but not both.

Quantum physicists have the best s**....

They know all the super positions.

A quantum physicist and his friend go out for ice cream.

"What's your favourite flavour?" asks the friend.
"Charm," replies the physicist.
His friend looks at him.
"Why is it that whenever I ask you a question," begins the friend, "your answer is always strange?"
"Well it's strange *now*," the physicist protests, "shouldn't have waited a picosecond."

I have a quantum mechanic...

He both repairs and doesn't repair my car at the same time, and I can never be certain of what the charge will be.

Why are quantum physicists such bad lovers?

When they find the position, they can't find the momentum. And if they do find the momentum, then they can't find the position.

Why do quantum computers make terrible community leaders?

Because you can never be sure of their true values.

A quantum object turns from wave to a particle...

"It's just a prank bro! Look, there's the observer!!"

Why is quantum physics so much harder than regular physics?

Because in regular physics, if something can go wrong, it will.
But in quantum physics, if something *could* go wrong, it will.

Why are quantum physicists so poor at s**... ?

Because when they find the position, they can't find momentum;
And when they find momentum, they can't find the position.

Can a quantum computer run Crysis?

yes and no

What's a quantum physicist's favorite trend?

Plancking.

Quantum Physics jokes

I don't always make jokes about Quantum Physics, but when I do, I don't

Some quantum physicists play twister at a party

Later that day, one of them spontaneously flattens and three seconds later the other is hit by a car: they were still entangled.

The quantity of consonants in the English language is constant.

If omitted in one place, they turn up in another. When a
Bostonian "pahks" his "cah," the lost r's migrate southwest,
causing a Texan to "warsh" his car and invest in "erl wells."

Two quantum mechanics professors had s**...

They must have had physical chemistry.