Qualifications Jokes
22 qualifications jokes and hilarious qualifications puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about qualifications that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Qualifications Short Jokes
Short qualifications jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The qualifications humour may include short qualified jokes also.
- Volta and Ampere interview for the same job. After the interviews, the managers concur - although Ampere's qualifications are current, Volta is the only one who has potential.
- I've got all the qualifications you need to be a taxi driver. I can't speak English and I can't drive.
- Got rejected from the daycare centre when I applied for a job last week "Former priest" is apparently not a sufficient qualification
- What qualifications so you have for working with kids? Well, I have a lot of hands-on experience.
- I barely passed my professional dredging qualification. Just about managed to scrape a sea.
- Why didn't the elephant get the job he wanted? His qualifications were completely irrelephant.
- cheap grunt,who's looking for some simple, easy work that takes no real skill or qualification,just the boring junk you don't want to deal with.
- Urgent girlfriend needed.. Qualification – must be the only
daughter of a petrol pump owner.:P.!! - Despite having no qualifications for such a position, we hired an impoverished p**... to become our son's math tutor. It's the thot that counts.
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Qualifications One Liners
Which qualifications one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with qualifications? I can suggest the ones about disqualified and ability.
- "So, what are your qualifications?" "I'd say my biggest weakness is my listening skills"
- The only qualification for working at an airline is making a confused face at a monitor.
- Chuck Norris got into Cambridge... without any qualifications.
- "What is your Qualification?"
Comical Qualifications Jokes and Gems that Will Get You in Laughter Land
What funny jokes about qualifications you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean skills jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make qualifications pranks.
A guy applies for a job with the L.A.P.D.
Inspector says "These are the best qualifications I've ever seen, just one more test before you get the job.
Take this gun, go out and shoot six black guys and a rabbit."
Guy replies "Why the rabbit?"
Inspector says "Fantastic attitude, you've got the job!"
A guy applies for a job with the Chicago Police Department
He has an impressive resume, gives the best answers to the interview questions, and is very enthusiastic about the job.
"Your qualifications are impressive" says the police chief. "Here's the final test. Take this gun, go out, and shoot ten black guys and a clown?"
The man asks, "why the clown?"
The police chief replies, "Fantastic attitude, you're hired!"
A woman posts an ad in the news paper that looks like this...
'Looking for man with these qualifications; won't beat me up; or run away from me and is great in bed.'
She got lots of phone calls replying to her ad but met someone perfect at her door one day. The man she met said, "Hi, I'm Bob. I have no arms so I won't beat you up and no legs so I won't run away."
So the lady says, "What makes you think you are great in bed?"
Bob replies, "I rang the door bell didn't I?"
Newspaper ad - RICH WIDOW LOOKING FOR MAN TO SHARE LIFE AND FORTUNE WITH THE FOLLOWING QUALIFICATIONS:
1. WON'T BEAT ME UP
2. WON'T RUN AWAY
3. HAS TO BE GREAT IN BED
For several months, her phone rang off the hook, her doorbell was ringing constantly, she received tons of mail...all to no avail. None of the men seemed to meet her qualifications.
Then one day the doorbell rang yet again. She opened the door to find a man, with no arms and no legs, lying on the welcome mat. Perplexed, she asked, "Who are you and what do you want?"
"Hi," said the man "Your search is over, for I am the man of your dreams. I've got no arms, so I can't beat you up and I've got no legs, so I can't run away."
The old woman asked, "What makes you think you're so great in bed?"
To which he replied, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"
A guy applies for a job at the L.A.P.D.
The inspector says "These are the best qualifications I've ever seen! Just one more thing: take this gun and shoot 6 black men and a rabbit."
"Why the rabbit?" the man replies.
"Good attitude, you've got the job!"
Woman and the news paper( kinda short)
A woman places an ad in the local newspaper. Looking for a man with three qualifications: won't beat me up, won't run away from me, and is great in bed. Two days later her doorbell rings. Hi, I'm Tim. I have no arms so I won't beat you, and no legs so I won't run away. What makes you think you are great in bed? the woman retorts. Tim replies, I rang the doorbell, didn't I?
Looking for a relationship is like finding a new job...
People are way more interested when you already have one already and want 5+ years experience with a laundry list of impossible qualifications for an entry level position.
A woman places an ad in the local newspaper. “Looking for a man with three qualifications: won’t beat me up, won’t run away from me, and is great in bed.” Two days later her doorbell rings. “Hi, I’m Tim. I have no arms so I won’t beat you, and no legs so I won't run away.” “What makes you think you are great in bed?” the woman retorts. Tim replies, “I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?”
