Quack Jokes
85 quack jokes and hilarious quack puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about quack that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh out loud with this hilarious collection of quack doctor jokes! Featuring irascible mallards, quack doctors, and even a quackhead physician, you won't be able to contain your guffaws!
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Funniest Quack Short Jokes
Short quack jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The quack humour may include short cluck jokes also.
- What has 6 eyes, 16 tentacles and quacks like a duck? I don't know either but it's in my kitchen please help.
- There are 2 ducks. One duck pulls his pants down. What does the other duck see? His but-quack.
- What did the duck do after he lost his wife, his job, and his house? He became a quack head
- Conspiracy theorists are like, If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck... It's a government surveillance drone.
- A duck walks in to an alternative medicine practicioners office. Points a wing at him and says with a frown: "Quack!"
- A duck was found dead on the sidewalk today... The autopsy revealed he overdosed on quack.
- So there's this duck, trying to sell drugs to this horse The duck hold out his wing and says: "Quack?" The horse shakes his head and says: "Neigh!"
- Two ducks are sitting in a pond One duck says "quack".
The other duck says "Hey, I was just going to say that!" - Two Scottish ducks were flying south.. The first duck says:
- Quack.
The second duck says:
- Am flyin as quack as I can! - I think I made an original joke,at least none of my friends have ever heard it before. Why did the duck become a detective?
Why?
So he could QUACK the case!
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Quack One Liners
Which quack one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with quack? I can suggest the ones about goose and 2 ducks.
- Do you know why the duck went to narcotics anonymous? He had a quack addiction.
- I think I hit a duck. How do you know?
There's a quack in the bumper. - Why did the duck become broke and homeless? Because he smoked to much quack
- Why did the duck need to sell himself? He got hooked on the quack.
- What kind of duck uses drugs? A quack head
- What do you get when you put a duck in a cement mixer? Quacks in the pavement
- Did you hear about the duck that got arrested? He was caught smoking quack
- What kind of drugs do ducks take ? Quack
- Never trust a duck that claims to know medicine They always turn out to be quacks.
- Why don't ducks tell jokes while they are flying? Because they would quack up.
- What do you call a duck inside a glacier? A quack in the ice.
- Why did the duck enter rehab? He was addicted to quack
- What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter? "Quack, quack."
- What's a drug for birds? Quack
- Why did the duck cross the road To score some quack
Quack Doctor Jokes
Here is a list of funny quack doctor jokes and even better quack doctor puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a duck who's a doctor? A Quack.
- I heard it was medically impossible for a quack doctor to make me straight But my chiropractor managed to realign my spine.
He was kinda cute too. - Doctor Doctor! Person: Doctor doctor! I think I'm turning into a duck!
Doctor: Sorry I have no idea how to help you with this
Person: Well then learn how, you absolute QUACK - Why are bad doctors called quacks? Because they have big bills.
- Why don't doctors use the term 'quacks'? It can get them sued for mallard-practice.
- Why is the oregon ducks a bad doctors favorite football team? Because they're a quack
Laughable Quack Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles
What funny jokes about quack you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean donald duck jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make quack pranks.
A duck walked up to a lemonade stand, and he said to the man running the stand
Quack
fovorite irish jokes?
how does an irish duck say hello... whats the quack? - this may be the worst irish joke ever... does anyone have an irish joke worse than this?
What is a duck's favorite drug?
Quack.
Girlfriend came up with it. It was so bad it was good.
What does Dr. Oz do when you throw scientific evidence at his head?
Ducks like a quack.
So three ducks go to court...
The first duck goes up to the platform and the judge says, "Okay why are you here and tell me your name." The duck says, "My name is Quack and I was found blowing bubbles in the pond." The judge says, "Okay you're sentenced to six months."
A second duck walks up to the stand and the judge says, "Tell me your name and why you are here." The duck says, "My name is Quack Quack and I was caught blowing bubbles in the pond too." The judge says, "Alright you're sentenced to six months too just like the other guy."
The third duck walks up to the stand and the judge says, "Don't tell me your name is Quack Quack Quack." The duck goes, "No your honor, I'm Bubbles."
What does Scrooge McDuck smoke?
A quack pipe.
My friend says he's got a psychic duck
He's got it all dressed up like a gypsy in a little circus tent in his house.
What are you on? I said to him.
Quack said the duck.
Did you hear about the man who couldn't stop blowing his "duck call" whistle?
He was addicted to quack.
Duck Jokes
What do you call a duck addicted to crack?
A quack head.
What is a ducks favorite snack?
Quackers.
Why couldn't the duck drive his car?
His windshield was quacked.
A man was water skiing when he fell into the river.
As the boat
circled to pick him up, he noticed a hunter sitting in a duck boat in the reeds. The man put his hands in the air and joked, Don't shoot!
The hunter responded, Don't quack.
Why did the duck go to rehab? (Different answer than normal)
He wanted to quack down on his drug usage.
Have you heard about Donald Duck getting arrested this week?
He was caught selling "quack"
A Duck and a Fox walk into a bar...
The Fox says "Duck"
The Duck says "quack"
They both hit their heads because the Fox was just trying to start a conversation
What did The Donald say to Dr. Oz?
Quack.
Two ducks from Belfast are flying together
One says "Quack, Quack"
The other says "I'm goin as quack as I can!"
What is drake's favorite drug?
quack
A duck walks into a bar and says "Quack"
His psychologist takes a sip of his beer, diagnoses the duck as suffering from delusions, and tells the duck to leave his office.
I've eaten Peking Duck every day for the past year.
I need help. I'm hooked on quack.
I had my pet duck drug tested this morning...
Turns out he's been doing quack this whole time!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I had to visit a doctor today...
I hit my head really hard and gave myself a n**... bump. The doctor was a real quack though, all he told me was to duck next time. Plus I left with a huge bill!
Why is Scientology often brought up when talking about quack religions?
It's a cult classic
Not sure if this has been told before
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What goes quack, quack, quack?
A j**... with a speech impediment
From my 7 year old son: Why did the duck have to fix his bill?
Because it had a quack in it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Recently bought a duck, need some help.
How can I be sure I bought a **real** duck? It kinda looks like a quack to me.
Why was the little duckling taken away from his parents?
They were quack addicts
Bark bark, I'm a dog
Meow meow, I'm a cat
Quack quack, I'm a duck
First first, I'm a YouTube commenter
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A truck on the way to the zoo was pulled of on suspicion of carrying i**... drugs.
The truck was carrying various animals including a few ducks. The driver was promptly arrested for trasporting large amounts of *quack* across state lines.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I started a butchering job the other day.
My first job was to crack and pull out duck necks and to make a memorable first day I said
"You know how ducks quack? Well soon enough I'll be quacking their neck"
As a vet i dislike working with ducks
They keep calling me a quack
Why did the duck cross the road?
To get to his quack dealer
(Sorry)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How does a duck f**...?
Out of its b**... quack
My 7 year old told me this one (sfw)
Why does the duck have feathers?
To cover it's quack hole!
Drugs
Q. Heard about the drug addict fisherman who accidentally caught a duck?
A. Now he's hooked on the quack.
What time does a duck wake up?
The quack of dawn.
So I looked up Donald Duck, and I have bad news.
He's on quack now.
How did the duck get high?
Quack
Why did the FBI investigate the duck?
He was a known quack dealer
What does a duck say when he is trying to be a rooster?
Quack. He's just a duck
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Duck #1: "Quack."
Duck #2: "Quack."
Duck #3: "Quack, Quack."
Duck #1 takes out a gun and shoots Duck #3.
Duck #2: "Why did you shoot him?"
Duck #1: "He knew too much."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
We shouldn't have let this duck move in with us
He uses too much fowl language and deals quack c**...
Why do you duck when the ceiling is low?
So you don't quack your head
