Quack Jokes

88 quack jokes and hilarious quack puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about quack that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Laugh out loud with this hilarious collection of quack doctor jokes! Featuring irascible mallards, quack doctors, and even a quackhead physician, you won't be able to contain your guffaws!

Funniest Quack Short Jokes

Short quack jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The quack humour may include short ducks jokes also.

  1. What has 6 eyes, 16 tentacles and quacks like a duck? I don't know either but it's in my kitchen please help.
  2. There are 2 ducks. One duck pulls his pants down. What does the other duck see? His but-quack.
  3. What did the duck do after he lost his wife, his job, and his house? He became a quack head
  4. Conspiracy theorists are like, If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck... It's a government surveillance drone.
  5. A duck walks in to an alternative medicine practicioners office. Points a wing at him and says with a frown: "Quack!"
  6. I can't wait to move out of this ducking ghetto. ... we have too many quack addicts out here.
  7. A duck was found dead on the sidewalk today... The autopsy revealed he overdosed on quack.
  8. Duck #1: "Quack." Duck #2: "Quack."
    Duck #3: "Quack, Quack."
    Duck #1 takes out a gun and shoots Duck #3.
    Duck #2: "Why did you shoot him?"
    Duck #1: "He knew too much."
  9. Why did the duck get arrested he got caught selling quack.
    ok you can ban me now.
  10. So there's this duck, trying to sell drugs to this horse The duck hold out his wing and says: "Quack?" The horse shakes his head and says: "Neigh!"

Share These Quack Jokes With Friends

Quack One Liners

Which quack one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with quack? I can suggest the ones about cluck and goose.

  1. Do you know why the duck went to narcotics anonymous? He had a quack addiction.
  2. I think I hit a duck. How do you know?
    There's a quack in the bumper.
  3. What do ducks smoke? Quack.
  4. Why did the duck become broke and homeless? Because he smoked to much quack
  5. Why did the duck need to sell himself? He got hooked on the quack.
  6. What kind of duck uses drugs? A quack head
  7. Why did the duck go to the rehab center? It had an addiction to quack.
  8. Q: Why did the duck go to jail?
    A: Because he got caught selling quack.
  9. What do you get when you put a duck in a cement mixer? Quacks in the pavement
  10. Did you hear about the duck that got arrested? He was caught smoking quack
  11. What kind of drugs do ducks take ? Quack
  12. Why was the duck arrested? He was selling quack
  13. Why did the duck get arrested? He got caught selling quack.
  14. What do ducks get addicted to? Quack
  15. Why did the police man arrest the duck. Because he was selling quack.

Quack Doctor Jokes

Here is a list of funny quack doctor jokes and even better quack doctor puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • why are all ducks such terrible doctors ? they are all quacks.
  • What do you call a duck who's a doctor? A Quack.
  • I heard it was medically impossible for a quack doctor to make me straight But my chiropractor managed to realign my spine.
    He was kinda cute too.
  • Doctor Doctor! Person: Doctor doctor! I think I'm turning into a duck!
    Doctor: Sorry I have no idea how to help you with this
    Person: Well then learn how, you absolute QUACK
  • Why are bad doctors called quacks? Because they have big bills.
  • Why don't doctors use the term 'quacks'? It can get them sued for mallard-practice.
  • Why is the oregon ducks a bad doctors favorite football team? Because they're a quack
  • I had to visit a doctor today... I hit my head really hard and gave myself a n**... bump. The doctor was a real quack though, all he told me was to duck next time. Plus I left with a huge bill!
  • What do you call a doctor who only pretends to treat c**... addictions? A quack.
Quack joke, What do you call a doctor who only pretends to treat c**... addictions?

Laughable Quack Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles

What funny jokes about quack you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean 2 ducks jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make quack pranks.

A duck walked up to a lemonade stand, and he said to the man running the stand


What does Dr. Oz do when you throw scientific evidence at his head?

Ducks like a quack.

So three ducks go to court...

The first duck goes up to the platform and the judge says, "Okay why are you here and tell me your name." The duck says, "My name is Quack and I was found blowing bubbles in the pond." The judge says, "Okay you're sentenced to six months."
A second duck walks up to the stand and the judge says, "Tell me your name and why you are here." The duck says, "My name is Quack Quack and I was caught blowing bubbles in the pond too." The judge says, "Alright you're sentenced to six months too just like the other guy."
The third duck walks up to the stand and the judge says, "Don't tell me your name is Quack Quack Quack." The duck goes, "No your honor, I'm Bubbles."

What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter?

"Quack, quack."

Did you hear about the duck with a drug problem?

He was addicted to quack c**...
(I honestly wish I could take credit for this)

What goes quack, quack, quack?

A j**... with a speech impediment

Bark bark, I'm a dog

Meow meow, I'm a cat
Quack quack, I'm a duck
First first, I'm a YouTube commenter

How did the duck become a addict

He started doing sea-w**... but quickly dived into quack.

What do you call c**... for ducks


I think I made an original joke,at least none of my friends have ever heard it before.

Why did the duck become a detective?
So he could QUACK the case!

How does a duck f**...?

Out of its b**... quack

why did the duck go to jail

he was selling quack

Why don't ducks tell jokes while they are flying?

Because they would quack up.


Q. Heard about the drug addict fisherman who accidentally caught a duck?
A. Now he's hooked on the quack.

why did the ducks get arrested?

they sold quack

Why did the duck cross the road

To score some quack

What time does a duck wake up?

The quack of dawn.

What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter on Thanksgiving Day?

Quack, quack!

What kind of drugs do ducks do?

Quack c**...

So I looked up Donald Duck, and I have bad news.

He's on quack now.

A couple ducks are floating on a pond, and one of them goes, Quack!

The other duck looks over and says, Wow, I was just gonna say that!

Why does a duck have tail feathers...

To cover it's b**... quack.

What do you call a duck inside a glacier?

A quack in the ice.

How did the duck get high?


What's the most popular drug with ducks?

Quack c**...

Why did the FBI investigate the duck?

He was a known quack dealer

What does a duck say when he is trying to be a rooster?

Quack. He's just a duck

What do ducks like to smoke?


Why Do Ducks Have Tails

To Cover Their b**... Quack

What's a drug for birds?


What time does Donald Duck wake up?

At the quack of dawn.

why shouldn't you listen to strung out ducks on the street corner?

Because they're quack heads.

At what time do ducks get up?

They get up at the quack of dawn.
This was a joke my little brother made.

Two ducks are sitting in a pond

One duck says "quack".
The other duck says "Hey, I was just going to say that!"

Why was the duck arrested?

He was a quack dealer.

We shouldn't have let this duck move in with us

He uses too much fowl language and deals quack c**...

Two Scottish ducks were flying south..

The first duck says:
- Quack.
The second duck says:
- Am flyin as quack as I can!

What is a ducks favorite drug?

Quack c**...

A joke my nephew told me recently... Why do ducks have feathers?

To cover their a**... quack

What do you see when a duck bends over?

It's b**... quack.

How do ducks get high?

Quack c**...

Why do you duck when the ceiling is low?

So you don't quack your head

Why did the duck enter rehab?

He was addicted to quack

Quack joke, Why did the duck enter rehab?

jokes about quack