Python Jokes
71 python jokes and hilarious python puns to laugh out loud. Read animal jokes about python that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Make your audience laugh with a collection of whimsical Python jokes – from classic gags to silly puns. Explore the humorous side of Python programming and learn the clever jokes associated with Python snakes, arms, lists, importers, nerds, and more! See how Python stacks up against Perl in the Propulsion Adder test.
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Funniest Python Short Jokes
Short python jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The python humour may include short java jokes also.
- I recently bought a copy of Monty Python's Big Red Book, but was later dismayed to find that I'd purchased the Spanish language version... Nobody expects the Spanish text edition.
- I still remember the day my sister found out our neighbor's python isn't venomous. She was crushed.
- I advertised a python for sale in the paper a man rang up and said What size is it?
I replied It's quite big
How many feet? he asked,
None, it's a snake... - What kind of neighborhood was Monty Python's Ministry of Silly Walks located in? A gaited community.
- I was trying to sell my pet python today Guy asked: is it big?
I said: Huge!
He said: How many feet?
I said: None - it's a snake! - One of the Monty Python team has invented an unmanned aircraft that does sky-writing that's spelled the same backwards as forwards... It's a Palin drone...
- What do you call a python that blocks the door to a Milk Tea shop? A boba constrictor.
(one of the few that I've come up with on my own..got groans out of the family!) - Why did the python programmer run into the pole? He couldn't C it.
Don't worry, i'll cout<<"myself"; - Did you hear about the computer nerd who was eaten alive by a giant snake? Now he's programming in python.
- I remember this from a Monty Python "My dog has no nose!" Says one man. His friend asks "well how does he smell?" "Stinky!"
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Python One Liners
Which python one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with python? I can suggest the ones about script and physics.
- Why is Voldemort so good with computers? He's fluent in Python
- What did the Python say when he came out of his shell? Print("Hello World!")
- What was a python's first words? print("s" \* 10)
- My boss asked me why I don't like to code in Python. I just find it too constricting.
- Why do pythons live on land? Because it's above C level.
- What do a zoo owner and a Python data analyst have in common? They both import pandas.
- What kinda snake has a lisp? A Mike Python
- What Syntax do British Programmers Always Use in Python? \_\_init\_\_
- Why do Python developers wear glasses? Because they can't "C".
- What do you call a python which is exactly 3.14m long ? A πthon
- What do you call a Monty Python-themed nightclub? The CopaCaerbannog
- Why did the bodybuilder go to the vet? Because his pythons were sick
- Why did the python return his pants? They were too constricting.
- What do you call a snake that weighs 3.14 tons? Python
- Why was the programer killed by a snake? He underestimated the speed of the python.
Python Snake Jokes
Here is a list of funny python snake jokes and even better python snake puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A 3.14 meter long snake ! What do you call a 3.14 meter long snake ?
- a "Py"thon
What do you call a 43 kilometre long snake ?
- a marathon ! - What's a snakes favourite TV program ? Monty Python!
- If my girlfriend was a snake... She would be a python.
.
.
.
Cuz she swallows! - What do corridors, snakes, and resistors have in common? Monty.
Monty Hall, Monty Python, Monty Oum. - What do baby pythons play with? Rattle-snakes.
- What did the cannibal say when he came home and found his wife chopping up a python and a pygmy?
Oh no, not snake and pygmy pie again!
Python Program Jokes
Here is a list of funny python program jokes and even better python program puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's a Pirate's favorite programming language? Python.
It's really readable and flexible, and has great scientific packages, so most people are pretty fond of it. - Did you know Programming Languages have Genders? Almost all Programming Languages have a Gender, except the Non-Binary ones like Python
- What do you call a programming boxer? Mike Python
- What's a pirate's favorite programming language? Python. Duh.
Python Arm Jokes
Here is a list of funny python arm jokes and even better python arm puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Do you know a good veterinarian? Because these pythons are sick.
(Flex arm muscles)
Uproarious Python Jokes to Share with Friends
What funny jokes about python you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pies jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make python pranks.
A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks, "Excuthe me, but do you thell baby bunnieth?".
The pet store owner smiles and says, "Why, yes, sweetheart! We sell all kinds of baby bunnies. Now... what kind of baby bunny would you like? Would you like a baby grey bunny? Or a baby white bunny? Or would you prefer a pretty brown bunny?"
The little girl replies, "I don't think my python weally gives a thit."
A tourist is eaten by a python at the zoo.
Two tourists from the Czech republic are visiting New York. At the zoo, one leans forward, trying to get real close to the pythons. He falls down into the enclosure and is quickly swallowed whole.
Panicking, the other guy runs up to a caretaker and cries out for help. The caretaker asks him: "Which of these pythons ate your friend, the male or the female one?"
"That one! That one!", exclaims the Czech, pointing at the male snake, bloated with its stomach full. The caretaker runs up behind the satiated snake, cuts it open and pulls out ... a feeder pig.
"Oh no, it must have been the other one", yells the tourist. So the keeper cuts open the female snake, and sure enough, out comes the tourist.
In the end, the tourist could be revived, and miraculously, both snakes managed to live through the events, but there's still a lesson to be learned here: Never trust someone who tells you the Czech is in the male.
Bunny
A little girl walks into a pet shop. She asks the owner for a bunny, to which he responds "what kind of bunny would you like? A cute black one, an adorable brown one or perhaps a sweet little white one?"
The girl looks at the owner and answers: "I don't think my python really cares..."
What were the favorite Linux text editors of 8 randomly selected Monty Python fans?
vim, vim, vim, vim, vim, vim, emacs, and vim.
What do you call Rowan Atkinson watching Monty Python?
A jellybean.
Selling a python
p**... was selling his pet python on eBay.
Some bloke rang him up and asked, "Is it big?" p**... said, "Massive." The bloke said, "how many feet?" p**... says, "None, it's a snake ya fecking idiot!"
Why do some people think Python scripting is offensive?
Because white space matters. hehee
Spent two hours debugging my Python...
Turns out that p**... lice are difficult to get rid of.
Quoting Monty Python and the Holy Grail
is as easy as 1-2-5
When life gets you down, remember the immortal words of Monty Python.
NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!
Based on a true story (programming, walks into a bar)
Two programmers walk into a bar. The Python programmer orders an orange juice. The C programmer gets a look of disgust and says "You're in a bar! You should order an alcoholic drink!" The Python programmer gets his juice, pulls out his wallet, and pays for his drink. The C programmer tells the bartender, "I want a hard whiskey, and put it on my tab." The Python programmer gets a look of disgust and shouts "Tab?!?"
I oppose all this s**... on the television.
I mean, I keep falling off.
(credit to monty python)
A mother asks her Python programmer son what he wants for Christmas...
He says "I'd like 1 bike please."
So off his mother goes to buy him a bike.
Christmas morning comes, and the boy has opened all of his presents.
"Where's my other bike?!" He screams,
"I asked for 1 you only got me 0?!"
I had an idea for a Writing Prompt where there is an insane asylum full of people who think they are part of a Monty Python skit and quote the lines endlessly.
Someone told me that's called 'college'.
An infinite number of lemmings walk into a python
while True:
print("Ouch.")
^^\#oof
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer.
"I put an ad on Craigslist today trying to sell my pet python," he tells the bartender. "Is it big?" the bartender asks. "It's freakin' huge!" the guy replies. "How many feet?" the bartender asks. "None you idiot," the guy replies. "It's a snake."
It was surprisingly easy to get a job at the zoo as a computer scientist
Probably because I am fluent in Python
The oldest laptop can be traced back to Adam and Eve
An Apple with very limited memory (1 Byte), single core and OS written in Python.
A little girl walks into a pet store...
A little girl walks into a pet store and approaches the clerk. "Im looking for a wabbit" she says.
The clerk, taken aback by how adorable this girl is, asks "Aww, well would you like a white wabbit, or a brown wabbit?"
The little girl replies "I dont think my python gives a thit"
A little girl walk into a pet shop...
A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks for a bunny. The worker says the fluffy white one or the fluffy brown one ? The girl then says, I don't think my python really cares.
Why do Python programmers have low self esteem?
They're constantly comparing their self to other.
A man furiously approaches his neighbour and shouts, Where is your wife!?
Why? the neighbour asks. What did Anna do?
She tricked my wife into investing in a fake farm for giant snakes, the man yelled.
Anna conned her?
No. Burmese python.
What's a pirate's favourite programming language?
R
What's an optometrist's favourite programming language?
C#
What's IKEA's favourite programming language?
Assembly
What's a herpetologist's favourite programming language?
Python
I need to get a new friend
I've been trying to develop a website on my laptop but needed help as I only know basic coding. I asked my friend, a computer programmer, for advice and he told me to get Python
After about a week, the snake arrived. It then proceeded to wrap itself around the computer now it doesn't work at all. Seriously w**...? I should have just dumped coffee onto my keyboard because JavaScript is clearly better