JokoJokes

Putting Jokes

174 putting jokes and hilarious putting puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about putting that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Discover hilarious jokes related to a putting green, putting on weight, putting out, bad putting, washer, wash and dividers. Laugh along to the funny one-liners, puns, and anecdotes. Get a few jokes to share with your friends and family to bring humor to your next gathering!

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Funniest Putting Short Jokes

Short putting jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The putting humour may include short puts jokes also.

  1. People who don't understand the difference between... People who don't understand the difference between etymology and entomology bug me in ways I can't put into words.
  2. I bought a locket today and put my own picture in it. Guess now I really am.... Independent
  3. Did you hear that the US bobsled team put Donald Trump's picture on the front of the sled? Apparently nobody else can make America go downhill faster.
  4. The American Government is just like a car... If you want it to go forward you put it in (D) and if you want it to go backwards you put it in (R)
  5. So I put a giant map of the world up on the wall and gave my wife a dart. I told her wherever it lands is where we go on holiday. I guess we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.
  6. My 7 year old daughter just told me this one. I'm so proud. What did the duck say when he bought chapstick? Put it on my bill
  7. My ten-year-old daughter came up with this at dinner tonight: What do you get if put a copy of Macbeth on top of a dictionary? A play on words.
  8. Why are there pyramids in Egypt? They were too heavy to steal and put in a british museum.
  9. A teacher asks her class what their favourite letter is A student puts up his hand and says 'G'. The teacher walks over to him and says, "Why is that, Angus"
  10. What do hamsters and cigarettes have in common? They're both perfectly harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire

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Putting One Liners

Which putting one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with putting? I can suggest the ones about pushing and laying.

  1. I was fired from the keyboard factory today. I wasn't putting in enough shifts.
  2. When you pull the pin on a grenade, how do you put it back in? Quick answers please.
  3. What happens when you put a lot of LGBT people in a long line? You get a LGBTQ.
  4. I put a black hole in my living room. It's great. Really pulls the room together.
  5. People say being a waiter is a bad job... ... but, hey, it puts food on the table.
  6. Just got hospitalised due to a peekaboo accident They put me in the ICU
  7. My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list. Now I can't read any of it.
  8. I've just been fired from the clock making factory after all those extra hours I put in.
  9. This idiot on the treadmill at the gym. Just put a water bottle in the Pringles holder.
  10. My girlfriend told me to stop impersonating a flamingo... I had to put my foot down
  11. Quarantine has really put a damper on comedy. For months nobody has walked into a bar.
  12. Why do the Norwegians put barcodes on their battleships? So they can Scandinavian
  13. being a waiter may not be a very glamorous job but at least it puts food on the table
  14. What did the letter O say to the letter Q? "For God's sake man, put some pants on!"
  15. How do you blindfold an Asian woman? Put a windshield in front of her.

Bad Putting Jokes

Here is a list of funny bad putting jokes and even better bad putting puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I happily dad joked my fiancé While on her way to work, she texted me saying she only put deodorant on one side.
    To which I replied, "At least you won't smell half bad!"
  • There Once Was A Poet Named Bates, His poems weren't always first rate,
    His first lines weren't bad, but the problem he had,
    Was that he always tried to put too many syllables into the last line.
  • Why do midgets make bad parents? Cause they struggle to put food on the table
  • Bad luck Steve Irwin. Puts on sunblock.
    Doesn't protect against harmful rays.
  • The next time you make fun of a ginger, put yourself in their shoes. You'll know how bad it hurts to not have a sole.
  • I got an email telling me that it was vegan month... I felt bad putting the message in spam.
  • Steve Irwin put on sunscreen. Too bad it didn't protect him from harmful rays.
  • Some would say that putting decorative soaps that look like food in their bathrooms is cute. But it leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
  • To the guy that's bad at building fences... Oops, wrong place for this post.
    Figured i'd put it in the right place and re-post it for you.
  • When you put the punchline before the rest of the joke. How do you know when you're a bad comedian?

Golf Putting Jokes

Here is a list of funny golf putting jokes and even better golf putting puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My friend gave me a new "magic" golf ball. As long as you put to within 3 inches of the pin, the ball will always find its way to the hole.
    He did not recommend I keep it in my back pocket.
  • I have invented a golf ball that will go in the hole if within 4 inches. Don't put it in your back pocket.
  • I find the idea of golf.. Off putting
  • Why are black Asians bad at golf? Because they can't drive and every time they walk on a golf course a cop tries to put a hole in one
  • Why can't a fat man play golf Cause if he puts the ball where he can see it he can't reach it and if he puts it where he can reach it he can't see it.
  • Donald Trump spends more money on Trips to play golf at Mara Lago than it would cost to put on the Special Olympics he wants to cut Can we make the Special Olympics Trump golf at Mara Logo ?
  • Some people think that preventing injuries on a golf course is difficult. But it's quite simple really, when you put two and two together.
  • What happens when you put a bar at a golf range? (OC) A lot of drunk driving.
  • Why did the mini-golf course owner put a live donkey in the last hole? The move was completely a**...-in-nine.
Putting joke, Why did the mini-golf course owner put a live donkey in the last hole?

Putting On Weight Jokes

Here is a list of funny putting on weight jokes and even better putting on weight puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My girlfriend told me she's sad because she's put on a bit of weight I told her to keep her chins up
  • The worst part about online dating is when the girl lists her weight as 115lbs, but when you're lifting her to put her in your trunk, she's obviously well over 140.
  • What has caused Caitlyn Jenner to put on weight? Trans fats.
  • How do you know when your girlfriend is putting on too much weight? She starts fitting into your wife's clothes
  • People told me girls wait their whole lives to hear a man say "I do" Apparently not if the question was "Do you think I put on weight?"
  • You can lose weight by putting sliced bread on your head. It's a loaf-hat-diet.
  • Thinking about how much weight I've put on over the pandemic, I can't help wishing that I stayed in Britain… I'd eat pizza every day and I'd just keep losing pounds.
  • Losing weight is a piece of cake Just put down the fork!
  • I'm feeling more attracted to you lately. Have you put on weight?
  • How do you know when your wife has suddenly put on weight? When she sits on your face and you can't hear the stereo.

Putting Green Jokes

Here is a list of funny putting green jokes and even better putting green puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I put a bumper sticker on my car that says "honk if I'm pretty" Sometimes when I'm sad I go park at green lights
  • Some people give me strange looks when I put little dress shirts on my salads. What can I say? I really like collared greens.
  • I was playing on a putting green which was made on the roof of a luxury London hotel. I was putting on the Ritz.
  • How do you get red color from green color? You put frog in mixer
  • Why did the bunny find some extra green in his paycheck? Because he put in a little extra clovertime.
  • I'm going to make a bumper sticker and put Honk if you think I'm pretty And then I'm going to start stopping at green lights so I can feel good about myself.
  • I noticed a gorgeous woman in a green dress. But she wasn't interested. My green dress probably put her off.
  • I put a Honk if you think I'm s**... bumper sticker on my car. My self confidence is skyrocketing!
    A *TON* of people think I'm s**... at this green light right now....
  • How do you fix a broken vacuum cleaner? Put a Green Bay sticker on it, it'll s**... again.
  • I put a bumper sticker on my car that says, "Honk if you think I'm s**..." Now I'm spending hours a day standing at green lights

Putting Out Jokes

Here is a list of funny putting out jokes and even better putting out puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • That's a nice ham you've got there... ... it'd be a shame if somebody put an 's' at the front and an 'e' at the end.
  • This girl I met on Tinder had a tattoo of a seashell on her innerthigh If you put your ear against it and listened closely, you could smell the sea.
  • During my prostate exam I asked the doctor, "where should I put my pants"? "Over there by mine", was not the answer I was expecting.
  • My boss arrived at work in a brand new Lamborghini. I said wow that's an amazing car. If you work hard, put all your hours in, and strive for excellence, I'll get another one next year.
  • If you ever feel lonely... just dim down the lights and put on a couple horror movies. After a while, you won't feel like you are alone anymore.
  • Barbies promote unrealistic expectations of women's bodies. Women's heads are much harder to put back on in real life.
  • I like my women like I like my microwave Hot, clean, and she'll kill any baby I put inside her.
  • My wife is so much better looking than me... ...that a cashier just put a plastic divider down in the middle of our groceries.
    Cr
  • I've been fired from work for putting in too many shifts Keyboard manufacturing isn't as easy as you think
  • So the iPhone 7 gets arrested... He puts on his earpods and smugly declares "sorry, you can't charge me while I'm using my headphones".
Putting joke, So the iPhone 7 gets arrested...

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about putting can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of putting puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Fun-Filled Putting Jokes to Make You and Your Friends Chuckle & Giggle

What funny jokes about putting you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean fixing jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make putting prank.

An old Ukrainian is cleaning his hunting rifle one day when his grandson runs in

"Grandfather, the radio says that the Russians have gone into space!"
"All of them?" he asks, putting down his rifle.
"No, only one."
He starts cleaning the rifle again.

Three nuns were talking...

The first nun said, "I was cleaning the father's room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines!" 
"What did you do?" the other nuns asked. 
"Well, of course I threw them all in the trash." 
The second nun said, "Well, yesterday, I was in the father's room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms." 
"Oh my," gasped the other nuns. "What did you do?" they asked. 
"I poked holes in all of them," she replied. 
The third nun said, "Oh s**...." 

The bride asks her husband

The bride asks her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a v**... and I don't know
anything about s**.... Can you explain it to me first?"
"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the
prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the
prisoner in the prison.
And then they made love for the first time.
Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.
Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."
Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."
After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but
the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him
a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"
The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently
born foal.
Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.
She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."
Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence,
OKAY!

Three nuns were talking about their chores...

Three nuns were talking about their chores. The first nun says: "I was putting away father's laundry, when i found some pornographic magazines in his drawer!"
"So what did you do?" The second nun asks.
"I threw them away." The first nun replies.
The second nun scoffs and says she can top that. "When I was making father's bed, I found some condoms underneath his pillow!"
"So what did you do?" The first nun asks.
"I poked holes in all of them!" The second nun exclaims.
The third nun fainted.

Tribal Wisdom

So a cowboy is riding along a trail in the old west and sees an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. As he gets closer he hears the Indian saying to himself "Wagon...two gray horses...two passengers, man and woman...man driving" The cowboy goes "Wow! you can tell all that by just putting your ear to the ground?" The Indian replies "No. Wagon pass half hour ago, run me over."

Did you hear that the World Hokey Pokey Champion has died?

At the undertakers, they were putting him into the coffin. They got his left leg in. That's when the trouble started...

Three old women are discussing how their memory isn't what it used to be.

The first woman says, "Sometimes, I'm in the elevator, and I don't remember if I'm going up or down."
"The second woman says, "sometimes, I have a bottle of mayonnaise in my hand, and I don't remember if I'm taking it out of the fridge or putting it back."
"The third woman says, "Well, I don't have any of those problems, knock wood," knocking on the table. "Oh, hold on a second, someone's at the door."

A doctor answers his phone and hears the familiar voice of...

...a colleague on the other end of the line.
"We need a fourth for poker," said the friend.
"I'll be right over," whispered the doctor.
As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, "Is it serious?"
"Oh yes, very serious," said the doctor gravely. "There are three doctors there already."

So this amputee hadn't told his fiance about his condition yet...

and he kept putting it off. Finally, on their wedding night, in bed with the lights out, he screws up his courage.
"Honey, I have a confession to make."
"What is it, dear?"
Instead of answering, he simply takes his brides hand and puts it on the stump of his leg.
"Well!" she exclaims, "This is a surprise! But I'll get the vaseline and see what I can do."

Meanwhile in business news...

...balloon prices are plummeting. Experts are putting it down to a poor inflation rate

I caught my neighbor putting a layer of topsoil on my allotment

The plot thickened

Blonde woman calls her boyfriend....

"Sweetie, I'm doing this jigsaw puzzle and can't figure it out, would you come and help me?" she says.
Boyfriend comes over, and asks "What is the puzzle of?"
"A rooster", she replies miserably, gesturing towards the table, "But I can't even figure out where to start."
Boyfriend looks at the table, takes his girlfriend by the hand and says "OK, let's sit down and have a cup of tea, and then we can start putting the cornflakes back in the box."

There are 500 bricks on a plane...

- There are 500 bricks on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?
499
- What are the three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator?
Open fridge, put elephant in, close fridge
- What are the four steps to putting a giraffe in a refrigerator?
Open fridge, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close fridge
- The Lion king is having a birthday party. All the animals attend but one. Which animal is it and why?
Giraffe. He's stuck in a refrigerator.
- Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There is no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across and makes it to the other side safely. Why?
The alligators are all at the birthday party.
- Sally dies anyways. Why?
She got hit in the head by a flying brick

Putting Your exam results on the window of your car

So you can park in disabled spots.

A doctor checks on two roommates in an insane asylum...

He walks into their room to find one man hanging upside down from the ceiling fan by his feet. The other man sits below him, putting together wooden blocks.
The doctor asks, "How are you two doing?"
The man on the floor says, "Oh, I'm building a castle. Don't mind that guy up there, he's okay but a little crazy, thinks he's a lightbulb."
"Well, let's get him down before he hurts himself."
The sitting man stares back in shock. "And work in the *dark*?!"

Ramadan

Putting the slim in Muslim.

BLONDE LUCK

A blonde was at a gumball machine. She kept putting quarters in and getting gumballs out. The man behind her asked if he could get a gumball. She said, "Shut up! I'm winning."

A blond is tired

A blond gets tired of blond jokes, so she dyes her hair. She goes for a ride and comes across a farmer with a flock of sheep. She asks the farmer, "If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?" The farmer accepts. The blond guesses, "382". The farmer says, "Wow, that's correct. Pick any one you want!" She looks over the entire flock before picking one and putting it in her car. The farmer then says, "I have an offer for you. If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"

NBC is contemplating a new TV series titled "Airline Tragedies."

They are putting the pilot together right now.

A good zinger that my friend carpenter used on a doctor

So this Dr hired my friend (who's a carpenter) to do some work around the house, the doc was curiously looking over my friends shoulder as he was putting a piece of molding to cover his uneven cut. The doc said with a cavalier attitude "that's an easy way to hide your mistakes!" and without thinking, my friend replied "yeah, to hide my mistakes I don't need 6 feet of soil!"

One of everything.

A man walks into a grocery store and grabs a shopping cart. He grabs one egg, one tomato, one head of lettuce, one steak, one banana, one apple, and one of everything else in the store.
He walks up to the counter and starts putting his items on the belt. After the cashier gives him a weird look, she says, "You must be single."
He says, "I am. How did you know?"
She says, "Because you're extremely ugly."

How many feminists does it take to make a sandwich?

12
One to make the sandwich,
One to excoriate men for creating hunger,
One to blame men for inventing such a laborious recipe,
One to suggest the whole "putting meat in between two non-consenting flaps of bread" bit to be too "r**...-like",
One to deconstruct the Bologna sausage itself as being p**...,
One to blame men for not making the sandwich,
One to blame men for trying to make the sandwich instead of letting a woman do it,
One to blame men for creating a society that discourages women from eating,
One to blame men for creating a society where women make too many sandwiches,
One to advocate that sandwich makers should have wage parity with Michelin star chefs,
One to alert the media that women are now "out-sandwiching" men,
And one to take pictures for her blog for photo-evidence that men are unnecessary.

Alcoholic Horse

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, you're in here a lot, are you an alcoholic?
The horse ponders for a minute and responds, I don't think I am , and p**... he disappears.
This is where philosophy students start to snicker, as they are familiar with Descartes postulate, I think, therefore I am.
But telling you that first would be putting Descartes before the horse.

A blonde is putting together a puzzle. She is very frustrated and asks her husband for help.

"It's supposed to be a tiger!" she cries.
"Honey," says her husband wearily, "Put the Frosted Flakes back in the box."

Why do Vegans like to make their food look and taste like meat?

Same reason l**... use strap-ons. They still like putting meat in their hole, but they don't like where real meat comes from.

What's the worst thing about eating vegetables?

Putting them back in the wheelchair when you're done.

I started a business putting explosives in prayer mats

Prophets are though the roof.

At work I noticed the computer department have started putting Christmas decorations up

IT's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

A man goes to the dentist for a check-up

"Uh oh" the dentist says, "looks like your denture plate is eroding a bit. Have you been eating any new foods lately?"
The man thinks for a moment and says "you know, my wife has been using a lot of hollandaise sauce lately. She's been putting it on every dish."
"Ah, that explains it" the dentist replies. "We'll have to make you a new denture plate, but this one will need to be made of chrome."
"Chrome?" The man asks in surprise. "Why chrome?"
"Well, you know what they say", replies the dentist.
"There's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise"

Some say putting helium in animals is wrong.

I say whatever floats your goat.

My wife asked me: "Shall we go bowling or stay cozy home."

I replied: " I am sick of putting my fingers in holes that everyone has touched with their sweaty hands. Let's go bowling!"

I got kicked out of the library today

I got kicked out of the library for putting the women's rights book in the fiction section

Is it possible to stop a grenade from exploding by putting the pin back in?

I need a quick answer to this question

I hear they are putting Donald Trump on the penny.

It's to help motivate us to phase them out over the next four years.

I got kicked out of the library today...

Apparently putting the feminism books in the sci-fi section was not acceptable.

Why are closeted gay people good at poker?

Because they're always putting on a straight face.

People need to stop putting flyers on my car.

I don't want to see a band called "Parking Violation" at the "Courthouse."

Mother and son in Grocery store.

A mother and her young son returned from the grocery store and began putting away the groceries. The boy opened the box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table.
"What are you doing?" his mother asked.
"The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," the boy explained.
"I'm looking for the seal." - collected

So my wife finally had s**... with me

Apparently putting out was the only way to stop me from introducing her to everyone as "Wife without benefits".

Every cook has a secret

The Admiral was visiting one of his ships. When having tea he noticed that every biscuit has the ship's insignia embossed on it.
He is impressed and calls the cook to ask him how he does this.
Cook: When rolling the biscuits I slap each one onto my belt buckle before putting them in the oven.
Admiral: That's pretty unhygienic.
Cook: In that case sir, I'd suggest you skip the doughnuts.

If there are 500 bricks on a plane and one falls off, how many are left?

499.
What are the 3 steps of putting an elephant into a fridge?
Open fridge, put elephant in fridge, close fridge
What are the 4 steps of putting a giraffe into a fridge?
Open fridge, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close fridge.
The lion king is hosting a party. All but one of the guests show up. Who is missing?
The giraffe, he's stuck in the fridge.
Sally wants to go to the party, but she has to cross a crocodile-infested river to get there. She successfully swims across, how?
All the crocodiles are at the party.
Sally dies anyway, why?
She got hit in the head by a falling brick.

A Horse walks into a bar

A horse walks into a bar and says to the barman "5 whiskeys please!" before downing the whole lot.
The barman looks at the horse and says "That's quite a stomach you've got, are you an alcoholic?"
The horse says "I don't think I am". Suddenly the horse poofs out of existence.
See the joke is a reference to Descartes the philosopher who coined the phrase "I think. Therefore I am." However explaining this prior to the joke would be putting Descartes before the horse.

There was a man who claimed that, by putting mayonnaise on any food no matter how bland you could make it better.

They decided to name it after him and call it Cole's Law.

If you ever feel your job is pointless.

Just remember: there is some bloke in Germany putting indicators on BMWs

How do you make a Tupac cocktail?

Start by putting six shots in it.

So I got fired from the clock factory yesterday

Apparently I wasn't putting in enough hours

What's the hardest part about reading a Veterinarian book?

Putting it down

Today I donated a laptop, a smartphone and $500 to a poor guy.

Can't express the happiness I got when I saw him putting the knife back in his pocket

A horse walks into a bar...

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "Can I get you anything?" The horse replies "I think not," a promptly disappears.
If you don't get it, it's important to first understand that the French philosopher Descartes famously said, "I think, therefore I am." So when the horse said "I think not," then he could no longer be.
I guess I could have explained all of that before I told the joke, but that would be putting Descartes before the horse.

A horse walks into a bar; the bartender asks, "Hello, do you want a beer?" The horse responds, "I think not," and promptly disappears.

Now, admittedly, this joke only makes sense if you are familiar with the French Enlightenment philosopher, Rene Descartes, who famously said, "I think, therefore I am." The horse thought not, and therefore wasn't...
But if I had explained that first, I would have been putting Descartes before da horse!

Just got fired from the keyboard factory the other day

Apparently I wasn't putting in enough shifts

My wife is an equestrian and she uses the money she earns to pay for me to go to University and study Philosophy. One night she asked me to help out around the stable and I told her I would but only after I finished my readings.

She accused me of putting Descartes before the horse.

When I was little, my dad used to feed me alphabet soup, claiming that I loved it

I didn't really; he was just putting words in my mouth.

The US Justice Department were hellbent on taking IKEA to court a few years ago.

Unfortunately they had to walk away as they were having difficulties putting a case together.

It's the year 2070. Instead of putting funny one-liners in Christmas crackers, they put them in timecapsules embedded in space-rocks and send them to other planets.

The real joke is in the comets

There is a mysterious crime spree going on at our local IKEA.

The cops are having a hard time putting the pieces together.

What's one thing you dont want to have while putting out a fire?

Verizon Wireless.

A cyclops and his wife looking for their prefect holiday destination

Cyclobs: How do you spell Hawaii?
Wife: Well... You need two i's...
Cyclobs (putting the pen down): My life is just a joke to you isn't it, Linda?

Two guys are changing in a locker room, one is putting on lace knickers

"Since when do you wear womens pants?"
"Since my wife found them in the glove compartment!"

Putting air in your tires used to be free now its costs a dollar...

Its called inflation.

A horse walks into a bar, at which point the bartender asks if he's an alcoholic given all the bars he frequents.

I don't think I am. the horse replies.
*p**...*
The horse disappears.
This is the moment where those who are into philosophy start to grin as they're familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito Ergo Sum , or I think, therefore I am .
But to explain that joke beforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.

Yesterday my husband thought he saw a cockroach in the kitchen. He sprayed everything down and cleaned thoroughly.

Today I'm putting a cockroach in the bathroom.

Got fired from my job at the keyboard factory

At first I just wasn't putting in enough shifts, then I couldn't keep the space clean and finally I lost control

A horse walks into a bar...

... and orders a pint. The bartender then says "You know, you're in here pretty often. Do you think you might be an alcoholic?"
The horse responds "I don't think I am..." and promptly vanishes from existence.

See, this was a joke about Descartes' famous line from philosophy: "I think, therefore I am." But if I had explained that before the rest of the joke, it would have been putting Descartes before the horse.

[OC] I was fired from the keyboard factory yesterday.

I wasn't putting in enough shifts.

I just can't ever see myself putting anything up my own b**...

So I got a mirror.

A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender says, " you're in here alot, are you an alcoholic?"
The horse ponders for a moment and responds " I don't think I am" and p**... he disappears.
This is where philosophy students begin to snicker because they are familiar with Descartes postulate,
" I think therefore I am."
But telling you that first would be putting Descartes before the horse.

Common English Mistakes

Common English Mistakes
-mixing up there, their, and they're
-using the wrong too, to, or two
-putting commas in the wrong place
-enslaving innocent people and stealing their riches
-using apostrophes for plurals

A guy walks into a bar

He sits down and orders a drink. After he finishes it, he takes out a picture and looks at it for a couple minutes before putting it away and ordering another drink. He repeats this a few times always looking at the picture in between drinks.
The bartender gets curious and says "Man I have to know, what picture are you looking at?"
The man says "Oh, it's just my wife. I don't go home until she's pretty!"

A doctor received a call from his colleague.

"We need a fourth to join us for a game of golf," said his friend. "I'll be right over," whispered the doctor.
As he was putting his pants on, his wife asked, "Is it serious?"
"Oh yes, quite serious," he answered gravely. "In fact, they are three doctors there already."

A horse walks into a bar and orders a pint

The bartender says You know, you're in here pretty often, do you think you might be an alcoholic?
The horse says I don't think I am.. and promptly disappears from existence.
See this was a joke about Descarte's famous philosophy line I think therefore I am but if I had explained that before the rest of the joke I would have been putting Descartes before the horse.

I think my wife is putting glue on my rifle collection.

She's denying it, but I'm sticking to my guns.

A blonde woman called her brunette friend. "I'm doing a jigsaw puzzle at my apartment, but it's way too hard for me!"

"What's the jigsaw supposed to be?" asks the brunette.
"According to the box," says the blonde, "it's supposed to be a rooster."
When the brunette arrives at the blonde's apartment, she looks at the puzzle pieces. Then she look at the box. Then she says to the blonde, "I'm afraid you will not be able to make anything even remotely resembling a rooster."
This makes the blonde furious. "Calm down," says the brunette. "Once you are relaxed, we can start putting the corn flakes back into the box."

My neighbours are complaining about my loud groans during s**... in the mornings.If . . .

they only knew its me putting my socks on!

For past 10 years my wife has been complaining to me about not putting the cap back on the toothpaste...

On our anniversary, I decided to change this bad habit and make my wife happy.
For a week I was diligent, always capping the toothpaste.
I was expecting my wife to thank me, but she never did it.
Finally, last night she turned and looked at me and said:
Why did you stop brushing your teeth ?? !!!

Just got fired from my job at the keyboard factory.

They said I wasn't putting in enough Shifts.
But to be honest, I had been looking for an Escape for a while.

A horse went into a pub every night for a week.

The barman asked "you've been in every day. Do you think you might be alcoholic? '
" I don't think I am" said the horse, then promptly vanishes from existence.
You see, this is a joke about Descartes' philosophy of "I think, therefore I am", but telling you that first would be putting Descartes before the horse.

Just got fired from the keyboard factory today...

They said I wasn't putting in enough shifts.

A horse walks into a bar and orders a pint

The bartender says, " you're in here a lot. Do you think you might be an alcoholic? " The horse says, "I don't think I am, " and promptly vanishes from existence.
See, this was a joke about Descartes' famous philosophical statement, " I think, therefore I am." I could have mentioned that at the beginning, but that would have been putting Descartes before the horse.

Putting joke, A horse walks into a bar and orders a pint

jokes about putting

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these putting jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.