The Best 50 Putt Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Putt jokes. There are some putt minigolf jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these putt birdie puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Putt Jokes and Puns

On the green of the 18th hole after a horrible day of golf...

The golfer says to his caddy: "I swear, if I don't make this putt I'm going to drown myself in the water hazard". To which his caddy replied: "You think you can keep your head down that long?"

A joke about golfers.

Two men were playing golf one afternoon when just as they are about to play an important putt on the final hole for the match a large funeral procession passes by on the road at the side of the golf course. One of the men stops in mid putt, removes his cap, bows his head in prayer. The second man retorts "Woah man, that was really respectful". "Well, we had been married for over 25 years" said the other man.

Putting Your exam results on the window of your car

So you can park in disabled spots.

Putt joke, Putting Your exam results on the window of your car

Thanks for putting out

Mom! ~ everyone. Happy Mother's Day!

He Takes His Golf Seriously.

An elderly golfer is about to putt when a funeral procession drives by.

He removes his hat, and waits for the cars to pass by.

His golfing buddy turns to him and says, "That was very thoughtful of you to do that."

He responds, "Well, it seemed appropriate. I was married to the woman for 55 years."

Why does putting a stone in a mans shoe make the best contraception.

It will make him limp

So, putting a "caution wet floor" sign down before delivering my best pick up line is frowned upon....

Putt joke, So, putting a "caution wet floor" sign down before delivering my best pick up line is frowned upon..

Putting a selfie on the top of your Christmas tree...

...because you're such a f**king star!

I'm only putting a picture of me in my locket.

This proves I'm independent.

Putting candles on a cake

Is wishful thinking

Putting juice in the fridge is fine

but put it in the oven and you're literally Hitler

You can explore putt hole reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean putt bogey dad jokes. There are also putt puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Why do we keep putting criminals behind bars?

putting criminals behind bars seems like a bad idea once you consider all the alcohol they're now next to

I tried putting my cat on a diet once, but she's still fat...

I guess it just didn't work out

I'm putting together an acting troupe of dogs.

It's called..........................................................................*Dramatic Paws*.

I'm putting my standards up for adoption

Because I can't raise them anymore

Putting captions in the wrong place

You know what I hate the most...?

Putting a ring on a woman's finger...

is like pulling the ripcord on an inflatable raft.

I'm not sure if putting Christmas lights up would offend my Jewish neighbours.

So just to be sure, i'll hang a massive swastika in my window too.

Two men are golfing at a local golf course

The first man is about to putt when he sees a long funeral procession right near the course. He stops mid-putt, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows his head in prayer.

The second man is in awe. "Wow, that is the most touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man."

The man replies, "Yeah, well, we were married for 35 years."

Some say putting helium in animals is wrong.

I say whatever floats your goat.

Putting all this paper on the gifts I bought everyone this Christmas season made me realize something..

I'm almost a worse wrapper than Lil Wayne

Putting dogs on product packaging increases sales by up to 25%.

Unless you are trying to sell tires or sex toys.

A golfer misses a putt...

He read the break as left-to-right, but it hit the edge of the cup and went the other way.

It was a bad lip reading.

Putting your finger on someone's lips and saying "Shhhh... Not another word." is super-romantic.

But the cop didn't think so.

Putting down your book...

... is the original pause button.

Putting things in the bin may be 'lit'

But dropping them on the floor is litter

Putting on contacts without a mirror is hard

You just gotta eyeball it

My gf keeps putting her tampons in the garbage...

Talk about putting all your eggs in one basket.

After putting up with Asian driving, it got me thinking...

Pearl Harbour was probably an accident.

I was putting on a Warriors jersey...

But my friend said "that's a choking hazard."

I just saw Phil Mickleson putt a ball that was still moving

He gave me 2 strokes.

I've been putting margarine on my cut for a week now but there's been no improvement at all.

I Can't Believe It's Not Better

A young guy gets paired with an elderly man for a round of golf.

The old man lines up to putt on the fourth green, when they notice a funeral procession passing by the course.

The old man backs away from the putt, removes his cap, bows his head for a quick prayer, crosses himself, and returns to the putt.

After the hole, the young guy says, I'm impressed with your show of respect for the deceased .

Old guy says, Well, we were married 42 years... least I could do.

Putting quotation marks around random words in sentences

So I got up today after a "long" nights sleep, got dressed, and "woke up my kid".

I'm putting sesame street characters in brine jars

Pickle me elmo

What do you call a pizzeria on a golf range?

Pizza Putt.

After putting it in my mouth, moving it all over it and tasting it I just spitted it out violently, I never liked to swallow it.

Man, this toothpaste is so refreshing.

Did you know that they are putting barcodes on condoms now?

what??? don't you roll it back that far?

I'm not sure whether putting up Christmas lights would offend my Hindu neighbors.

So to make sure, I hung a giant banner saying YOU WORSHIP FALSE GODS! on my window.

Try putting a leaf blower against your ear. It will blow your mind.

Putting 'not' to the end of your usual joke makes your wife smile again


Putting air in your tires used to be free now its costs a dollar...

Its called inflation.

I am putting my grades up for adoption.

I can't raise them by myself.

Putting the new dry cleaner shop next to the Planned Parenthood was probably a bad idea.

All those discarded wire hangers in the dumpster aren't helping the cause.

They're putting a speed limit to sex..

Once you get to 68 you have to turn around

I used to think that putting ketchup on my glasses was a great way to clean them.

But in Heinz sight, I don't think that was such a good idea.

I just can't ever see myself putting anything up my own butt

So I got a mirror.

I was putting atoms together for chemistry. Until I put magnesium and oxygen together.


Did you know that putting ketchup on your glasses makes you see better

It's because Heinz-sight is 20 20

John is playing golf with the vicar

He misses a three foot putt, and says "damn, missed the buggar."

The vicar warns him "keep talking like that and God will open up the heavens and strike you dead with lightning."

John then misses a two foot putt, and repeats "damn, missed the buggar."

Sure enough, God opens the heavens and sends down a lightning bolt, but it strikes the vicar and he falls over dead.

"Damn, missed the buggar." God says.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the putt caddy jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working putt teed piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes