Pushing Jokes
148 pushing jokes and hilarious pushing puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pushing that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article lays out a humorous take on the concept of pushing something up an incline. It covers the idea of pushing a tank, a cart, and even a gentle nudge. Enjoy this lighthearted take on getting things done!
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Funniest Pushing Short Jokes
Short pushing jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pushing humour may include short pushed jokes also.
- I dated a girl in a wheelchair She broke up with me because I kept pushing her around.
I said, "why don't you stand up for yourself?" - If you buy a man a plane ticket, he will fly for a day… If you push a man out of a plane, he will fly for the rest of his life
- Give a man a plane ticket and he'll fly for a day.
Push a man from a plane and he'll fly for the rest of his life. - Why are people in wheelchairs always getting taken advantage of? Because they're easy to push around and never stand up for themselves
- How many police officers does it take to push a black man down the stairs? None. "He fell".
- I just got kicked out of flat earth Facebook groups because I asked if the 6 foot social distancing had pushed anyone over the edge yet.
- A wife says to her husband ... "I don't like you pushing me around all the time and talking behind my back"
Husband say "Well honey what do you expect you're in a wheelchair" - Flat earthers are very worried about the COVID-19 pandemic. They are afraid that social distancing measures may push people over the edge.
- I told my gay friend I could turn fruits into vegetables... He said "prove it."
So I pushed him off the balcony. - I was at the atm when an old lady came up to me and asked to check her balance... So I pushed her over.
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Pushing One Liners
Which pushing one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pushing? I can suggest the ones about pulling and push pull.
- Why do the Lannisters have such big beds? They push two twins together to make a king.
- If the earth really is flat Wouldn't cats have pushed everything off the edge by now?
- My physics teacher said i have potential and then pushed me down the stairs
- No matter how much you push the envelope. It'll still be stationery.
- How do you stop a Russian tank? Shoot the soldiers pushing it.
- How do you stop a Russian tank? You shoot the two soldiers pushing it.
- How do you stop a North Korean tank? Shoot the soldier pushing it.
- How do you stop a russian tank from advancing? Shoot the soldier pushing it.
- What's the best pick up line at a gay bar? "May I push your stool in."
- How many cops does it take to push a minority down the stairs? None, "He fell"
- There are two words in life that will open a lot of doors for people Push and pull
- Old romanian Joke: How do you stop an Albanian Tank? You shoot the guy pushing it.
- Why are Lannisters like beds? Push two twins together and make a king.
- I finally fixed that annoying noise in my car. I opened the door and pushed her out.
- I bought a push up bra today... It didn't work, I can still only do 2...
Pushing Up Jokes
Here is a list of funny pushing up jokes and even better pushing up puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I told my wife, You're always pushing me around and talking behind my back. She said, What do you expect — you're in a wheelchair!
- I was at an atm and some little kid asked me to help him check his balance ... So I pushed him over
- I have a friend that accuses me of pushing him around and talking behind his back He is in a wheelchair and we get along quite well.
- I lost my job at the bank on the first day... ...a lady asked me to check her balance so I pushed her over
- I saw a lonely little boy sitting all by himself on a swing, so I went over and gave him a push… He still wouldn't get off, so I punched him.
- An old woman stopped me and asked "Excuse me, can you show me how to get to the hospital"?
I said "No problem"
Then I pushed her under a bus - I think a gay guy hit on me in a bar... He was passing behind me and asked "Do you mind if I push in your stool?"
- Some people are like slinkies Not really good for much, but bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs
- So I'm in line at the ATM. And the old woman in front of me asked me to help her check her balance..
So I pushed her over - Flat Earthers It's funny making a flat earth beliver angry, but if you push them over the edge then you're only proving them right.
Cheerful Pushing Jokes for Unforgettable Laughter with Friends!
What funny jokes about pushing you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pull jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pushing pranks.
The police vs the senior citizen
A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mp...h, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife
ran off with a State trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper
A Little Girl Catches Her Parents Having s**...
One night, a little girl decides to peek inside her parent's bedroom. She is shocked by what she sees, for she catches a glimpse of mommy bouncing up and down on top of daddy.
That very next morning, she asks her mom, "Mommy, why were you hopping up and down on top of daddy?"
The mom replies, "Oh, umm, well, I was just trying to help lose weight by pushing the air out of him."
The girl says, "Well that won't work mommy."
Puzzled, the mother replies, "Well why not, honey?"
"Well, every week while you're at work, the pretty girl from across the street comes to blow him back up!"
How do you stop a Polish tank?
Shoot the guy pushing it.
Did you know they buried Steve Jobs in an orchard?
Yep. He's still pushing apples.
The famous joke from eastern europe. Depicting a stereotypic slooow estonian character.
An Estonian stands by a railway track.
Another Estonian passes by on a handcar, pushing the pump up and down.
The first one asks: Is it a long way to Tallinn?
Not too long.
He gets on the car and joins pushing the pump up and down.
After two hours of silent pumping the first Estonian asks again: Is it a long way still to Tallinn?
Now, it is very long way to Tallinn.
A woman says to her husband...
A woman says to her husband, "I'm sick and tired of you pushing me around, and talking behind my back." The husband says, "but honey you're in a wheelchair."
People keep pushing me around and calling me lazy...
I don't care what they say though this wheelchair is the best thing I ever bought!
The first day of school...
The first day of school was always great. I remember mucking around in the classroom and wreaking havoc. Picking on the little kids and taking their lunch money. Asserting myself on the playground by tripping and pushing everyone.
I just hope the students were having fun.
Fords coming out with heated tailgates.
So your hands stay warm while you're pushing it home.
A man is walking down the street dragging 20 ft of rope behind him.
His neighbor is curious & asks, "Hey buddy, why you pulling that rope?"
The man replies, "You ever tried pushing it?"
My wife doesn't think I'm a good man...
My wife doesn't think I'm a good man because I'm always pushing her around and talking behind her back but what does she expect?, she's in a wheelchair.
It's awful being in a wheelchair
everyone is always pushing me around and talking behind my back
How do you stop a Mexican tank?
You shoot the people pushing it.
A lawyer, priest, and social worker are on a ship that hits an iceberg...
The captain comes over the intercom: "Everyone please make your way to the lifeboats".
The social worker yells out: "Women & children first!"
The lawyer starts pushing his way towards the boats: "Screw the children!"
The priest responds: "Do we have time?"
Why isn't Israel pushing harder for finalizing the peace deal with Palestine?
....They aren't a fan of "Final Solutions".
Pushing g**... off buildings shows just how interested in science Isis is...
They're turning fruits into vegetables
Why was the tumblrina mad at the gamer?
He was pushing the right trigger.
Why are most Hotwheel cars Ford?
So people can grow up getting used to pushing a Ford.
Saw a guy pulling some string down the road the other day
'What are you doing? why are you pulling that bit of string?'
'You should try pushing it!'
An experienced customs officer is having a shift on the border
At some point he sees a man pushing a bicycle with a huge sack thrown over the seat. He stops him at the border.
"What do you have in this sack?"
"Sand."
"Well let me check."
The officer opens up the bag and indeed it's full of sand. He searches it throughly, but there's nothing else, so he lets the man go.
The next day the same man shows up, again pushing a bicycle with a huge sack thrown over the seat, and again there was nothing but sand in it.
After a few days of this playing out, the customs officer holds up the man a little longer.
"Listen pal, I've been in this job for 10 years now, I can recognize a smuggler from a mile away. I have no definite proof, but I know you have been taking something past this border and it's driving me crazy. Let's make a deal - you tell me what you are smuggling and I won't stop you any more. So what is it?"
And the man replied.
"Bicycles."
The thing I love most about dad jokes...
...is how they keep pushing the boundaries of humour father and father.
Have you seen this new movie?
Heard this one from my 10 year old cousin.
Him: "Have you seen the new movie about constipation yet?"
Me: "No..."
Him: "It hasn't come out yet. But people are pushing for its release!"
What did the husband say to his wife when he tried pushing it in as much as he could, but it still wouldn't fit?
He said "I'm going to try on a different shoe size."
My sole task as an elevator boy is pushing b**....
It's just depressing.
Americans, Asians & Mexicans
What do you call Americans pushing a car up the hill?
A: w**....
What do you call Asians pushing a car up the hill?
A: Asian Power.
What do you call Mexicans pushing a car up the hill?
A: Grand Theft Auto.
My wife left me
According to her, she is sick of me talking behind her back and pushing her around.
In my defence, she's in a wheelchair.
Why does pushing my finger against a bottle of Pepsi make me sad?
Because it's soda pressing.
I'm laying in bed reading a book, when my dad walks in with a tape measure...
About five feet away from me he stops and starts pushing the tape out to me.
It gets closer and closer until it eventually pushes against my cheek.
I ask him "What are you doing?"
"I'm measuring your patience."
There is a spice shortage...
There is a shortage of spices all around the world. One entrepreneur saw the shortage coming and stocked up. His advisor was pushing to sell it soon so that people could have all of their favorite dishes. The entrepreneur looked at his advisor and said "what's the rush? We've got all the thyme in the world."
The wife told me she's sick of me pushing her around and talking behind her back.
I said "Well you are in a wheelchair"
[One Liner] You can't blame vending machines for killing more people than sharks...
Imagine if people were pushing YOUR b**... all the time.
I was s**... assaulted by tony the tiger today.
I'm pushing charges for rrrrrrape.
My 5 year-old son caught me having s**... with my wife.
He asked, "Dad, what are you doing with Mom?"
"I was just pushing the air out of her tummy." I replied.
"It's no use, I saw our neighbor blowing air between Mom's legs every morning after you leave for work."
Adam saw a boy putting 2 flour beetles in a small box, pushing the beetles against each other...
Adam: hey kid, what are you doing with the beetles?
Kid: trying to get them to fight.
Adam: why would you do that to them?
Kid: to see which is the better of 2 weevils.
How to play the game n**... Simulator 2016'
Just keep pushing alt right.
What is the best feature of a Trabant?
There's a heater at the back to keep your hands warm when you're pushing it.
How do you stop an Ethiopian tank with a gun?
Shoot the people pushing it.
What is the biggest compliment you can pay at a gay bar?
Pushing in somebody's stool.
Why do Ford vehicles have heated rear bumpers?
To keep your hands warm when you're pushing it
A homless lady pushing a cart at 2 am told my friends and i this. "What did the one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire"
See you the same time next month.
And then she cackled like a witch who'd been smoking for 40 years most of her teeth missing, it was horrifying and hilarious at the same time.
I wanted to send a death threat letter to my boss...
Except that'd really be pushing the envelope.
Why are so many hotwheels based after Ford models?
So kids get used to pushing them at a young age.
I've never walked into a gay bar....
Just not a fan of someone pushing in my stool.
What's the difference between pulling and pushing a car?
When you pull a car, you get tired. When you push one you get exhausted.
I just had s**... with a programmer...
I told him to keep pushing until i pop.
What do you call white people pushing a car up a hill?
w**....
What do you call asian people pushing a car up a hill?
Asian power.
What do you call mexicans pushing a car up a hill?
Grand theft auto.
Why can't you take a m**... speed dating?
He'll start pushing all the tables together.
My grandmother is pushing ninety. She's so strong, bless her.
It's just annoying that the bus had to break down.
What do cats and procrastinators have in common?
They both like pushing thing off.
Who was the girl pushing her way to the front at the concert?
Jostlin'
It's not funny, but it's original.
If you were to describe me in a nutshell...
... it would probably be in a fetal position pushing against the sides hoping that the shell would break.
Did you hear that the unions for Bridgestone, FedEx, and UPS are pushing for a merger?
They wanted to be rebranded as The Local Tired and FedUp.
I was once driving down the road..
..where I read a sign which said,
Speed limit 30km
I slowed down to 30km/h
A little further, another one
Speed limit 20km
I had to slow down even more,
Moving on, I saw another one
Speed limit 10km
My speedometer had come down to 10km/h
Not long after that, there was another
Speed limit 1km
I pulled over and started pushing my car to a point where I finally saw the last sign,
Welcome to Speed Limit
A lady goes to a therapist to talk about her failing relationship.
Lady: Doctor! My husband has been pushing me around and constantly talking behind my back when we are around!
Therapist: That tends to happen when you're bound to a wheelchair ma'am.
A lizard walks into the bar...
A lizard walks into a bar pushing a baby in a stroller. What's your kid's name? asks the bartender. Tiny, says the lizard. Because he's my newt.
A woman is pushing her baby in a stroller thru the park...
...when she sees a friend of hers smoking a cigarette. She walks up to him and asks how he is, and says "I thought you gave up smoking for good?" The man says "I did, now I smoke for evil." and blows smoke in the baby's face and walks away.
A woman yells at her husband
W: I need feminism because your'e always pushing me around and talking behind my back..
M: But honey... You're in a wheelchair...
Did you hear about the Quiznos scandal where the management was pushing their tasks off onto their employees?
The media is calling it deli-gate
My new robot girlfriend broke up with me...
She told me I wasnt pushing the right b**... with her...
The year is 1945...
The Soviet army is pushing closer to Berlin with each day. As they march closer, they start to find the concentration camps. In one of these camps, a Polish man with a limited knowledge of the Russian language is talking to Russian military officers about the camps, with assistance from a translator. As he explains, he reaches a word he doesn't know, and turns to the translator.
"How do you say civilians?"
"Acceptable casualties."
Dad, I don't want to go sleighing with you any more...
Shut up, and keep pushing the sleigh, son!
I'm so annoyed at how much Microsoft tries to make me use their browser...
It's pushing me to the Edge
I get plenty of exercise.
I'm frequently jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines.
I saw my neighbor pushing a a shopping trolley filled horse shoes and rabbit feet.
I think she was pushing her luck.
My wife was pushing for hours.
Until she realised it was a Pull door.
This sub is overdoing it with the flat earther jokes...
... you're pushing them over the edge.
I tried to help an old lady cross the street.
Apparently, cars don't do a good job pushing people.
Did you hear about the nervous Spaniard?
He was always pushing the Hispanic button.
(From a joke book I had as a kid 40 years ago.)
How do you get a Ford to stop?
Shoot the guy pushing it
My German friend keeps pushing me around...
He's such a Deutsch-bag.
"Mommy, why are you pushing the car over the cliff?"
"Be quiet Timmy!", retorts the mother "You'll wake up Daddy!"
Interviewer: In a nutshell, tell me how you became an extreme contortionist.
Contortionist: That might be pushing it.
Why did the woman in a wheelchair leave her husband?
Because he was always pushing her around and talking behind her back.
I wish Ford installed heated bumpers.
Would keep my hands warm while I'm pushing it to the side of the freeway.
A man who was fond of wine was offered some grapes at dessert after dinner.
'Much obliged', said he, pushing the plate aside, 'I am not accustomed to taking my wine in pills'.
Quote by Brillat-Savarin
Mom, Mom, why are we pushing the car into the gorge?
- Be quiet! Do you want to wake up your dad?
If you toot and European
You're probably pushing to hard
I dated a girl in a wheelchair..
She got sick of me pushing her around so i told her she should stand up for herself.
