Push Jokes

173 push jokes and hilarious push puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about push that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Push Jokes - Get your daily fix of laughter with jokes about push activities, products and more. Read through hilarious one-liners about push ups, push bikes, push up bras, push-pull motors, prodding and dustbins!

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Short Push Jokes
Push One Liners
Push Pull Jokes
Push Ups Jokes
Push Up Bra Jokes
Push Bike Jokes
Push Up Jokes
More Push Jokes

Funniest Push Short Jokes

Short push jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The push humour may include short pull jokes also.

I dated a girl in a wheelchair She broke up with me because I kept pushing her around.
I said, "why don't you stand up for yourself?"
If you buy a man a plane ticket, he will fly for a day… If you push a man out of a plane, he will fly for the rest of his life
Give a man a plane ticket and he'll fly for a day.
Push a man from a plane and he'll fly for the rest of his life.
Why are people in wheelchairs always getting taken advantage of? Because they're easy to push around and never stand up for themselves
How many police officers does it take to push a black man down the stairs? None. "He fell".
I just got kicked out of flat earth Facebook groups because I asked if the 6 foot social distancing had pushed anyone over the edge yet.
A wife says to her husband ... "I don't like you pushing me around all the time and talking behind my back"
Husband say "Well honey what do you expect you're in a wheelchair"
Flat earthers are very worried about the COVID-19 pandemic. They are afraid that social distancing measures may push people over the edge.
I told my gay friend I could turn fruits into vegetables... He said "prove it."
So I pushed him off the balcony.
I was at the atm when an old lady came up to me and asked to check her balance... So I pushed her over.

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Push One Liners

Which push one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with push? I can suggest the ones about press and squeeze.

Why do the Lannisters have such big beds? They push two twins together to make a king.
If the earth really is flat Wouldn't cats have pushed everything off the edge by now?
My physics teacher said i have potential and then pushed me down the stairs
No matter how much you push the envelope. It'll still be stationery.
How do you stop a Russian tank? Shoot the soldiers pushing it.
How do you stop a Russian tank? You shoot the two soldiers pushing it.
How do you stop a North Korean tank? Shoot the soldier pushing it.
How do you stop a russian tank from advancing? Shoot the soldier pushing it.
What's the best pick up line at a gay bar? "May I push your stool in."
How many cops does it take to push a minority down the stairs? None, "He fell"
There are two words in life that will open a lot of doors for people Push and pull
Old romanian Joke: How do you stop an Albanian Tank? You shoot the guy pushing it.
Why are Lannisters like beds? Push two twins together and make a king.
I finally fixed that annoying noise in my car. I opened the door and pushed her out.
I bought a push up bra today... It didn't work, I can still only do 2...

Push Pull Jokes

Here is a list of funny push pull jokes and even better push pull puns that will make you laugh with friends.

A man is walking down the street dragging 20 ft of rope behind him. His neighbor is curious & asks, "Hey buddy, why you pulling that rope?"
The man replies, "You ever tried pushing it?"
Remember these two words. They will open up the doors in your life. Push and pull
Always remember these 2 words in your life which will open many doors to you. Push and pull.
What's the difference between a gentleman and a gay gentleman? A gentleman pulls his date's chair out for her. A gay gentleman pushes his date's stool in.
What's the difference between pulling and pushing a car? When you pull a car, you get tired. When you push one you get exhausted.
A man is walking down the street with a length of string trailing behind him ... Why are you pulling that string along ? asked a nosey cop. The mans answer? You try pushing it !
Its funny how men and women both want to make their chest look bigger and that they're both just one similar search away from doing so .. men look for pull up bars and women search for push up bras
I saw a man pulling a length of rope behind him on the street the other day... Me: Why are you pulling that rope?
Man: You want to try pushing it!
2 words can open up many doors in your life. Push and Pull
Whenever you feel sad, just remember that somewhere in this world There is an idiot pulling a door that says "Push"

Push Ups Jokes

Here is a list of funny push ups jokes and even better push ups puns that will make you laugh with friends.

Why can't t-rexs do push ups? Because they have been extinct for 65 million years.
How many Push-Ups can Chuck Norris do? All of them
While in Soviet Russia, I went to visit a doctor. "What happened to you?" He said.
"Migraine" i replied.
He bent forward, push upped his glasses and said, "Correction. Ourgrain."
My new personal trainer encouraged me to do do fifteen push-ups every commercial break on TV Man... I love Netflix!
Chuck Norris doesn't do push ups ... He does Earth downs.
Push-ups are easy. I can do them with my eyes closed.
My therapist said some exercises would add me several years... and he was right. I've made 15 push-ups right now and I feel like I'm 85 years old.
Yo mama's so fat, She tried to do push-ups, but just bench pressed the earth
Did you hear that the unions for Bridgestone, FedEx, and UPS are pushing for a merger? They wanted to be rebranded as The Local Tired and FedUp.
Chuck Norris can do push-ups with his beard.

Push Up Bra Jokes

Here is a list of funny push up bra jokes and even better push up bra puns that will make you laugh with friends.

My Kids Got p**... at Me for Cooking pancake this Morning Seems he was their favorite rabbit
What does a push up bra and a dictatorship have in common? They both oppress those on the inside. They both lie to those on the outside. And they both raise monuments to the fallen.
How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips? As soon as you open it, you realise it's half empty.
What does a push-up bra and a bag of chips have in common? When you open them, they're only half full.
What's the first ingredient in a push up bra? Start with two cups of lies.
What do you get when you push a female mathematician into a swamp? Algae bra
What does a weightlifting divorce attorney have in common with a good push-up bra? They both lift and separate.
Hey George. I just bought a push-up bra. Cool, thanks for the uplifting news.

Push Bike Jokes

Here is a list of funny push bike jokes and even better push bike puns that will make you laugh with friends.

Learning to ride a bike is like losing your virginity... No matter how many years go by, you never forget the feeling of your dads hands on your shoulders as he pushes.
What do you get if you push a gypsy off a bike? Your bike back
I once pushed a guy off his bike I've since been banned from that gym
What do you call a drug dealer on a push bike? A dope pedlar.

Push Up Jokes

Here is a list of funny push up jokes and even better push up puns that will make you laugh with friends.

I told my wife, You're always pushing me around and talking behind my back. She said, What do you expect — you're in a wheelchair!
I was at an atm and some little kid asked me to help him check his balance ... So I pushed him over
I have a friend that accuses me of pushing him around and talking behind his back He is in a wheelchair and we get along quite well.
I lost my job at the bank on the first day... ...a lady asked me to check her balance so I pushed her over
I saw a lonely little boy sitting all by himself on a swing, so I went over and gave him a push… He still wouldn't get off, so I punched him.
An old woman stopped me and asked "Excuse me, can you show me how to get to the hospital"?
I said "No problem"
Then I pushed her under a bus
I think a gay guy hit on me in a bar... He was passing behind me and asked "Do you mind if I push in your stool?"
Some people are like slinkies Not really good for much, but bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs
So I'm in line at the ATM. And the old woman in front of me asked me to help her check her balance..
So I pushed her over
Flat Earthers It's funny making a flat earth beliver angry, but if you push them over the edge then you're only proving them right.

Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Push Jokes

What funny jokes about push you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean force jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make push pranks.

Just bought a new deodorant...

The instructions say 'remove cap and push up bottom.'
...which helps with the smell, admittedly, but hurts a lot!

Help! I need a push!

A man and his wife were awoken at 3am by a pounding on the door.
The man gets up and goes to the door where a
drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3 in the
morning!"
He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife..
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not, it is 3 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!"
"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife.
"Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us?
I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes," comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you!" asks the husband
"Over here on the swing," replied the drunk.

When I was a kid in Scotland...

...I asked my dad once day
"How come you always screw the sheep on the edge of the cliffs? Isn't that kind of dangerous?"
He said "Yes, son, it is, but it makes the sheep push back a lot harder."

A man is walking down the street

He notices another gentleman walking down the sidewalk towards him dragging a long chain behind him.
He says to the man, "Excuse me sir, but why on earth are your dragging that long chain down the road?"
The man replies, "Have you ever tried to push a chain down the road?"

People are like slinkys...

... they're no fun to look at but when you push em down the stairs you cant help but smile.

A man and woman live in a two story house.

A man and woman live in a two story house and sleep on the second floor. At 3 a.m. they're awakened by a knock at the front door. The man goes to the window, opens it and looks down but can't see anyone.
"Who's out there?" he asks.
A voice says, "Please help me. I need a push."
"I'm sorry," the man says. "I'm not leaving my house at this hour."
He gets back into bed. His wife says, "Honey, don't you remember when our daughters were stuck in that bad part of Oakland at 3 in the morning, and if that stranger didn't give them a jumpstart, they would been there for hours?"
"Yeah, you're right," the man says. He gets out of bed and returns to the window. "Are you still down there?" he asks.
"Yes."
"Do you still need that push?"
"Yes."
"Where are you?" the man asks.
"I'm over here on your swings."

God Loves Drunks Too

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!"

He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife.

"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!"

"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! God loves drunk people too."

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.

He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes," comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing set," replied the drunk.

Guy walking down the street...

...sees a bloke coming towards him pulling a rope. It looks about 20 feet long, there doesn't seem to be anything tied to the end of it. As they pass each other he says, "G'day mate, mind if I ask why you're pulling that rope?"
The other bloke replies, "Come off it! Have you ever tried to push a rope?!"

What did one gay man say to another at the bar?

"Mind if I push your stool in? ;)"

What did the polite gay man say to the other man when he left the bar?

Please allow me to push in your stool sir.

A redhead, an brunette, and a blonde are about to be executed by a firing squad.

The redhead is first, so they push her against the wall. The captain says "ready, aim..." and the redhead screams "tornado!" so everyone runs away and she escapes.
The brunette is next, so they push her against the wall. The captain says "ready, aim..." and the brunette screams "earthquake!" so everyone runs away and she escapes.
The blonde is last, so they push her against the wall. The captain says "ready, aim..." and the blonde screams "fire!"

To make it stand, you wet it. To make it wet, you s**... it. To make it stiff, you lick it. To get it in, you push it.

Man, threading a needle is tough!

Two Gay Men Walk Into A Bar

One sits down, the other says "Can I push your stool in?"

Fords new heated tailgates..

Fords working on a new heated tailgate feature, that way when you have to push it in the snow your hands won't be cold.

Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?

Tequila.

A guy and his wife are in bed late at night...

... when they hear a knock on the door. The guy goes to the door and answers it and there's a man standing there who says, Hey, guy, can you give me a push?
The guy who answered the door says, no, get lost , and slams the door shut.
He goes back to his bed and his wife asks him what that was all about. He tells her there was this guy at the door wanting a push, and he said no.
She says, Go out there and give him a push. He's probably having car trouble. If you were in need of a push, wouldn't you want someone to get up and help you out?
Reluctantly, he gets out of bed, throws on some shoes and pants and goes out the door. He goes all the way out to the street but doesn't see the man. Out loud, he says, Hey buddy, you still need a push?
The other man says, Yeah .
So the first guy says, Well, where are ya?
The second man says, I'm over here…on the swing.

What is the best pickup line at a gay bar?

Let me push your stool in for you.
^^I'm^sorry.

Bench Bros...

Two guys are in the gym working on their bench pressing when a b**... coed comes up to the rack next to them and begins to do her workout. o**... turns to his spotter and says "hey you think that's a push up bra?" And his spotter says "nah brah, that's a squat"

No matter how hard I tried to push the envelope...

It was still stationery.

How do you make a Swiss Roll?

Push him down a hill.
BONUS: How do you make French Wine?
Invade.

Some people are like Slinkies...

Some people are like Slinkies.
Not really good for anything, but they can still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.

Told by a 5 year old boy live on local radio: Why did Mr humpty dumpy push Mrs humpty dumpy off the wall?

.....So he could see her crack....

My first drink with my son

I was reading an article last night about fathers and sons, and memories came flooding back of the time I took my son out for his first drink.
Off we went to our local bar, which is only two blocks from the house.
I got him a Miller Genuine. He didn't like it – so I drank it.
Then I got him a Fosters, he didn't like it either, so I drank it.
It was the same with the Coors and the Bud.
By the time we got down to the Irish whiskey,
I could hardly push the stroller back home.

Apparently there is a bipartisan push in the US senate to legalize m**... for arthritis treatment....

So in other words, there's joint support for joint support for joint support.

What's the difference between parsley and p**... hair?

Nothing. You push them both aside and keep on eating.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To push Jake off a cliff.... he really hates Jake.
as told by my 6 year old who hates a kid named Jake.

There is now a bipartisan push to legalize medical m**... to relieve arthiritis.

In other words, there is joint support for joint support for joint support.

Boy VS Girl Friends

A Girl is giving directions to her new boyfriend to get to her apartment.
She says: You come to the front door of the apartment complex where I live and look for apartment 14A, and with your elbow push button 14A. Come inside and you'll find the elevator on the right. With your elbow hit 14. When you get out of the elevator you'll find my apartment on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell and I'll open the door for you
The boyfriend says: Dear, that sounds very easy to find, but why am I hitting all these b**... with my elbow ?
Oh my God!! You're not coming empty-handed, are you?

p**... Training

Little Johnny was just being p**... trained and his mom tried this new method with 6 steps:
1. Unbutton pants
2. Pull pants down
3. Pull f**... back
4. Pee
5. Push f**... forward
6. Pull pants up and button up
She walked past the bathroom one day and heard Johnny going 1,2,3,4,5,6 and she was thinking she did a good job.
Then she walked past the next day and heard him saying real fast 3-5,3-5,3-5...

"Push harder" I shouted at my wife while she was in labor...

"Push harder" I shouted at my wife while she was in labor.
"Screw you" she screamed back at me.
Bit harsh I thought...... it wasn't my fault the car broke down on the way to the hospital!

The Jewish Elbow

A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.

"You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301.
There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301.
I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell."

"Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these b**... with my elbow?

"What...you coming empty handed?"

A husband asks his wife...

Husband: Darling, if I lost my vision would you be my eyes?
Wife: Honey, of course I would.
Husband: If I lost my hearing would you be my ears?
Wife: Absolutely sweetheart.
Husband: If I lost my legs would you push me around in a wheelchair?
Wife: You don't need to ask. Why all the questions?
Husband: I just sprained my wrist...

How do the Lannisters save money on new beds?

They push Two twins together to make a King

A shipwreck survivor washes up on the beach...

...of an island and is surrounded by a group of warriors.
I'm done for, the man cries in despair.
No, you are not, comes a booming voice from the heavens. Listen carefully, and do exactly as I say. Grab a spear and push it through the heart of the warrior chief.
The man does what he is told, turns to the heavens, and asks, Now, what?
The booming voice replies, Now you are done for.

I went to a gay bar. As I sat down to order a drink,

I went to a gay bar. As I sat down to order a drink, a kind gentleman approached and offered to push my stool in.

No matter how hard you push the envelope it's still stationary.

thanks dad!

What do you get when you push a piano out of the second floor window of an elementary school?

A flat minor.

An Irishman's First Drink With His Son

I was reading an article last night about fathers and sons, and memories came flooding back to the time I took my son out for his first drink.
Off we went to our local bar, which is only two blocks from the house.
I got him a Guinness Stout. He didn't like it - so I drank it.
Then I got him an Old Style. He didn't like it either, so I drank it.
It was the same with the Coors and the Bud.
By the time we got down to the Irish whiskey . . .
I could hardly push his stroller back home.

some people are like slinkys

They really aren't good for anything but it feels great when you push them down the stairs.

The rope joke

A man is walking down the street one day when he notices another man coming towards him, dragging a length of rope. It's about 20 feet long and not tied to anything, so as they pass the first man says, "Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice your rope. May I ask why you're pulling it along?"
The second guy laughs and says, "You really need to ask? Have you ever tried to push a rope!?"

The men at gay bars are so polite...

Every time I stand up they offer to push in my stool.

Some people are like slinkies

They don't really have a purpose but it still brings a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs

I got a new stick of deodorant today.

The instructions said 'remove cap and push up bottom'
I can barely walk, but when I f**... the room smells wonderful

I pushed a random old guy's Life Alert to see what would happen.

He got so angry, he had a heart attack.
Good thing the ambulance was already on it's way.

What is green but turns red when you push the button

A frog in a blender

Push the envelope all you want...

It'll always be stationery

What does an old cranky person and a Slinky have in common?

Neither is much fun until you push them down some stairs.

This kid is dragging a chain down the road

and it's bangin' and clanging and making so much noise. An old man pops out of a house and shouts "Son, why you gotta drag that chain?" and the kid replies "Sir, have you ever tried to *push* a chain?"

If there was a bipartisan push in Congress to legalize medical m**... for arthritis treatment...

there would be joint support for joint support for joint support.

What do you call a Kia with push button start?

Nokia

I bought myself a new deodorant stick this morning.

The instructions say " remove cap and push up bottom ".
I can't walk very well at the moment, but every time I f**..., the room smells incredible.

We should line up all the parents who do not vaccinate their children...

and push them off the edge of the earth

I bought a new deodorant yesterday.

The instructions say "Remove cap and push up bottom." Wouldn't it be better to put it under your arms?

How many mobsters do you need to push a man off a cliff?

None. He slipped and fell by himself.

I purchased a deodorant stick today

Instructions say, Remove cap and push up bottom
I can hardly walk but the room smells lovely when I f**....

Bought a deodrant stick today...

It said 'remove top and push up bottom'
I can hardly walk but my farts smell lovely.

The Covid19 situation has been especially stressful for the Flat Earth Society.

They fear that the social distancing measures could push people over the edge.

I got a new deodorant today.

The instructions said "remove cap and push up bottom".
Now I can hardly walk, but my farts smell AWESOME

A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.

"You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in and with your elbow, push 3. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell."
"Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these b**... with my elbow?...
"What, you're coming empty handed?"

As a gentleman, I asked my date if I could push in her stool...

She said let's see how the date goes first