The Best 86 Push Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Push jokes. There are some push pushy jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these push push up bra puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Push Jokes and Puns
Help! I need a push!
A man and his wife were awoken at 3am by a pounding on the door.
The man gets up and goes to the door where a
drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3 in the
morning!"
He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife..
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not, it is 3 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!"
"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife.
"Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us?
I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes," comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you!" asks the husband
"Over here on the swing," replied the drunk.
A man is walking down the street
He notices another gentleman walking down the sidewalk towards him dragging a long chain behind him.
He says to the man, "Excuse me sir, but why on earth are your dragging that long chain down the road?"
The man replies, "Have you ever tried to push a chain down the road?"
People are like slinkys...
... they're no fun to look at but when you push em down the stairs you cant help but smile.
A man and woman live in a two story house.
A man and woman live in a two story house and sleep on the second floor. At 3 a.m. they're awakened by a knock at the front door. The man goes to the window, opens it and looks down but can't see anyone.
"Who's out there?" he asks.
A voice says, "Please help me. I need a push."
"I'm sorry," the man says. "I'm not leaving my house at this hour."
He gets back into bed. His wife says, "Honey, don't you remember when our daughters were stuck in that bad part of Oakland at 3 in the morning, and if that stranger didn't give them a jumpstart, they would been there for hours?"
"Yeah, you're right," the man says. He gets out of bed and returns to the window. "Are you still down there?" he asks.
"Yes."
"Do you still need that push?"
"Yes."
"Where are you?" the man asks.
"I'm over here on your swings."
God Loves Drunks Too
A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!"
He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife.
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!"
"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! God loves drunk people too."
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes," comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asks the husband.
"Over here on the swing set," replied the drunk.
What does a push-up bra and a bag of chips have in common?
When you open them, they're only half full.
A redhead, an brunette, and a blonde are about to be executed by a firing squad.
The redhead is first, so they push her against the wall. The captain says "ready, aim..." and the redhead screams "tornado!" so everyone runs away and she escapes.
The brunette is next, so they push her against the wall. The captain says "ready, aim..." and the brunette screams "earthquake!" so everyone runs away and she escapes.
The blonde is last, so they push her against the wall. The captain says "ready, aim..." and the blonde screams "fire!"
To make it stand, you wet it. To make it wet, you suck it. To make it stiff, you lick it. To get it in, you push it.
Man, threading a needle is tough!
My wife asked me to bring home stuff for the pancakes yesterday.
She wasn't happy when I came back with a push up bra.
Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?
Tequila.
A guy and his wife are in bed late at night...
... when they hear a knock on the door. The guy goes to the door and answers it and there's a man standing there who says, Hey, guy, can you give me a push?
The guy who answered the door says, no, get lost , and slams the door shut.
He goes back to his bed and his wife asks him what that was all about. He tells her there was this guy at the door wanting a push, and he said no.
She says, Go out there and give him a push. He's probably having car trouble. If you were in need of a push, wouldn't you want someone to get up and help you out?
Reluctantly, he gets out of bed, throws on some shoes and pants and goes out the door. He goes all the way out to the street but doesn't see the man. Out loud, he says, Hey buddy, you still need a push?
The other man says, Yeah .
So the first guy says, Well, where are ya?
The second man says, I'm over here…on the swing.
You can explore push fell reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean push pushup dad jokes. There are also push puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What is the best pickup line at a gay bar?
Let me push your stool in for you.
^^I'm^sorry.
Bench Bros...
Two guys are in the gym working on their bench pressing when a busty coed comes up to the rack next to them and begins to do her workout. One guy turns to his spotter and says "hey you think that's a push up bra?" And his spotter says "nah brah, that's a squat"
No matter how hard I tried to push the envelope...
It was still stationery.
Some people are like Slinkies...
Some people are like Slinkies.
Not really good for anything, but they can still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.
My first drink with my son
I was reading an article last night about fathers and sons, and memories came flooding back of the time I took my son out for his first drink.
Off we went to our local bar, which is only two blocks from the house.
I got him a Miller Genuine. He didn't like it – so I drank it.
Then I got him a Fosters, he didn't like it either, so I drank it.
It was the same with the Coors and the Bud.
By the time we got down to the Irish whiskey,
I could hardly push the stroller back home.
Remember these two words. They will open up the doors in your life.
Push and pull
Why can't t-rexs do push ups?
Because they have been extinct for 65 million years.
There is now a bipartisan push to legalize medical marijuana to relieve arthiritis.
In other words, there is joint support for joint support for joint support.
Why do the Lannisters have such big beds?
They push two twins together to make a king.
Boy VS Girl Friends
A Girl is giving directions to her new boyfriend to get to her apartment.
She says: You come to the front door of the apartment complex where I live and look for apartment 14A, and with your elbow push button 14A. Come inside and you'll find the elevator on the right. With your elbow hit 14. When you get out of the elevator you'll find my apartment on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell and I'll open the door for you
The boyfriend says: Dear, that sounds very easy to find, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow ?
Oh my God!! You're not coming empty-handed, are you?
Potty Training
Little Johnny was just being potty trained and his mom tried this new method with 6 steps:
1. Unbutton pants
2. Pull pants down
3. Pull foreskin back
4. Pee
5. Push foreskin forward
6. Pull pants up and button up
She walked past the bathroom one day and heard Johnny going 1,2,3,4,5,6 and she was thinking she did a good job.
Then she walked past the next day and heard him saying real fast 3-5,3-5,3-5...
What does a push up bra and a dictatorship have in common?
They both oppress those on the inside. They both lie to those on the outside. And they both raise monuments to the fallen.
"Push harder" I shouted at my wife while she was in labor...
"Push harder" I shouted at my wife while she was in labor.
"Screw you" she screamed back at me.
Bit harsh I thought...... it wasn't my fault the car broke down on the way to the hospital!
I bought a push up bra today...
It didn't work, I can still only do 2...
I think a gay guy hit on me in a bar...
He was passing behind me and asked "Do you mind if I push in your stool?"
The Jewish Elbow
A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.
"You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301.
There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301.
I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell."
"Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?
"What...you coming empty handed?"
A husband asks his wife...
Husband: Darling, if I lost my vision would you be my eyes?
Wife: Honey, of course I would.
Husband: If I lost my hearing would you be my ears?
Wife: Absolutely sweetheart.
Husband: If I lost my legs would you push me around in a wheelchair?
Wife: You don't need to ask. Why all the questions?
Husband: I just sprained my wrist...
How do the Lannisters save money on new beds?
They push Two twins together to make a King
A shipwreck survivor washes up on the beach...
...of an island and is surrounded by a group of warriors.
I'm done for, the man cries in despair.
No, you are not, comes a booming voice from the heavens. Listen carefully, and do exactly as I say. Grab a spear and push it through the heart of the warrior chief.
The man does what he is told, turns to the heavens, and asks, Now, what?
The booming voice replies, Now you are done for.
Always remember these 2 words in your life which will open many doors to you.
Push and pull.
I went to a gay bar. As I sat down to order a drink,
I went to a gay bar. As I sat down to order a drink, a kind gentleman approached and offered to push my stool in.
No matter how hard you push the envelope it's still stationary.
thanks dad!
What do you get when you push a piano out of the second floor window of an elementary school?
A flat minor.
An Irishman's First Drink With His Son
I was reading an article last night about fathers and sons, and memories came flooding back to the time I took my son out for his first drink.
Off we went to our local bar, which is only two blocks from the house.
I got him a Guinness Stout. He didn't like it - so I drank it.
Then I got him an Old Style. He didn't like it either, so I drank it.
It was the same with the Coors and the Bud.
By the time we got down to the Irish whiskey . . .
I could hardly push his stroller back home.
some people are like slinkys
They really aren't good for anything but it feels great when you push them down the stairs.
Give a man a plane ticket and he'll fly for a day.
Push a man from a plane and he'll fly for the rest of his life.
There are two words in life that will open a lot of doors for people
Push and pull
Why are people in wheelchairs always getting taken advantage of?
Because they're easy to push around and never stand up for themselves
The rope joke
A man is walking down the street one day when he notices another man coming towards him, dragging a length of rope. It's about 20 feet long and not tied to anything, so as they pass the first man says, "Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice your rope. May I ask why you're pulling it along?"
The second guy laughs and says, "You really need to ask? Have you ever tried to push a rope!?"
How many police officers does it take to push a black man down the stairs?
None. "He fell".
The men at gay bars are so polite...
Every time I stand up they offer to push in my stool.
How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?
As soon as you open it, you realise it's half empty.
Why are Lannisters like beds?
Push two twins together and make a king.
Some people are like slinkies
They don't really have a purpose but it still brings a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs
I got a new stick of deodorant today.
The instructions said 'remove cap and push up bottom'
I can barely walk, but when I fart the room smells wonderful
How many cops does it take to push a minority down the stairs?
None, "He fell"
What is green but turns red when you push the button
A frog in a blender
What's the best pick up line at a gay bar?
"May I push your stool in."
Flat Earthers
It's funny making a flat earth beliver angry, but if you push them over the edge then you're only proving them right.
If there was a bipartisan push in Congress to legalize medical marijuana for arthritis treatment...
there would be joint support for joint support for joint support.
What do you call a Kia with push button start?
Nokia
No matter how much you push the envelope.
It'll still be stationery.
I bought myself a new deodorant stick this morning.
The instructions say " remove cap and push up bottom ".
I can't walk very well at the moment, but every time I fart, the room smells incredible.
I bought a new deodorant yesterday.
The instructions say "Remove cap and push up bottom." Wouldn't it be better to put it under your arms?
How many mobsters do you need to push a man off a cliff?
None. He slipped and fell by himself.
I purchased a deodorant stick today
Instructions say, Remove cap and push up bottom
I can hardly walk but the room smells lovely when I fart.
Bought a deodrant stick today...
It said 'remove top and push up bottom'
I can hardly walk but my farts smell lovely.
The Covid19 situation has been especially stressful for the Flat Earth Society.
They fear that the social distancing measures could push people over the edge.
Flat earthers are very worried about the COVID-19 pandemic.
They are afraid that social distancing measures may push people over the edge.
A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.
"You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in and with your elbow, push 3. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell."
"Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?...
"What, you're coming empty handed?"
As a gentleman, I asked my date if I could push in her stool...
She said let's see how the date goes first
Mummy, Mummy, I hate daddy's guts
Then push them to the side of your plate!
Why did Karen push CTRL + ALT + DELETE?
She wanted the Task Manager.
Those push-up bras aren't very good, are they?
I wore my wife's to the gym this morning and I still couldn't manage more than six.
Why did Humpty Dumpty push Ms. Humpty Dumpty off the wall?
To see her crack.
Welcome to Lannister family mattress store!
Where we push two twins together to make a king.
How do you make a Swiss roll?
Push him off the Alps.
My wife said she was going to put on a slinky dress
I can't wait to push her down the stairs
Hollywood marriages
TV interviewer: You were married four times: to a banker, to an actor, to a minister, and to an undertaker. Can you tell me why?
Legendary actress: Well, it was One for the money, Two for the show, Three to get ready, and Four to go!
(I'll see myself out, no need to push...)
To make it stand, you wet it.
To make it wet, you suck it.
To make it stiff, you lick it.
To get it in, you push it!
Damn! Threading a needle at any age is no joke.
I was on a date with this girl I found on tinder
I reached the cafe early. She came a little later. Like a gentleman, I helped her sit by pulling her stool. When she seemed comfortable I asked, "Can I push your stool in ?"
She : "Let's see how this date goes first"
Flat earthers are very worried about the pandemic.
They are afraid that social distancing measures may push people over the edge.
How are a push-up-bra and a bag of chips alike?
It is only when you open them, that you realise they are halfway empty.
*PS: i work in a chips factory and i know the reason why the bags contain so much air*
How do you make an amazing egg roll?
...you push it
Bought a deodorant stick today.
Instructions say "remove cap & push up bottom"
I can hardly walk but when I fart the room smells lovely
So, this guy at the door trying to push his religion on me says, "Bro, you want this pamphlet?"
And I'm like, "Brochure."
visiting grandma...
A grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.
"You come to the front door of the apartments. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in. Come inside and the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3rd Floor. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell. OK?"
"Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow? .........
"What . .. . .. .. You're coming empty handed?"
I bought a new deodorant stick today. The instructions said remove the wrapper and push up bottom
I can hardly walk but when I fart the room smells lovely!
I am sorry, I didn't mean to push all your buttons.
I was looking for mute.
What did the pushpin say when threatened?
Attack!
Dogs are forever in the push up postion.
A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.
Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.
RIP to one of my favorite comedians, Mitch Hedberg. The king of one liners
It's only natural
My wife was in labour when the nurse said it was time to push.
She gave it everything she had, until a fart, that from sound and stench, had obviously followed through. She was mortified.
"Don't worry," i said, patting her head. "I've heard this kind of thing is perfectly natural during birth. Isn't that right nurse?"
"Yes," said the nurse gagging, "But it's usually the mother not the father!.."
By The Great Mitch Hedberg.
"A dog is forever in a push up postion".
I bet you $20 that you won't be able to push the same thing back in my wheelbarrow.
Two workers - one big and strong, the other small and weak - are on a building site.
The small chap says "I bet you $20 that I can push something to the end of the yard in my wheelbarrow and you won't be able to push the same thing back."
"You're on," says the big guy.
"Righto," says the small fellow, "Jump in."
Push-ups are easy.
I can do them with my eyes closed.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the push slinkies puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working push slinky piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.