Purse Jokes
133 purse jokes and hilarious purse puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about purse that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funny Purse Jokes about men's purses, coin purses, rucksacks, pouches and dividers are sure to keep you laughing! Whether you're looking for a humorous way to break the ice or just love to laugh at puns, these jokes are sure to have you in stitches.
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Funniest Purse Short Jokes
Short purse jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The purse humour may include short handbag jokes also.
- Today I saw a poor, old woman trip and fall. At least, I assume she was poor. She only had $4.75 in her purse.
- Just saw a couple of dudes trying to grab an old lady's purse so I ran over to help. We got it off her eventually
- What did the watch say when the necklace, earrings, purse and ring killed the shoes? I won't be an accessory to this.
- I was walking downtown yesterday when this poor little old lady fell down in front of me. At least I think she was poor; she only had $2.10 in her purse.
- I saw an old lady being mugged by several men while walking home today, I figured I better go and help! She was a tough old broad but in the end we got her purse.
- I ran 3 miles this morning Finally I turned around and said, here lady, just take your purse.
- Why won't the mother deodorant let her daughter carry a bag? Because she is an anti-purse-parent.
- I had to run three miles today *sigh* Guess that lady must have really wanted the purse.....
- Why didn't princess Diana carry any cash? Who would like their purse to be full with pictures of their mother-in-law?
- So I was driving down the street when I saw a couple guys trying to take an old lady's purse. I ran her over to help We got it off her eventually
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Purse One Liners
Which purse one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with purse? I can suggest the ones about shopping bag and pocket.
- I ran 3 miles yesterday Eventually I just said here keep your purse
- What does my purse and I have in common? We're both empty inside..
- How to make girls chase you ? Take their purse and run.
- I ran three miles today! Finally I said, "Lady, take your purse."
- Name one thing Taylor Swift doesn't have in her purse Her boyfriend's phone number
- Purse dogs... I've heard they're pretty clutch.
- I prayed to God for a handbag and he gave it to me It's a blessing and a purse.
- Chicago's a dangerous place. Last time I visited I stole two cars and a lady's purse.
- My wife has her own purse but she is my purse- Cause I put stuff inside
- What came first – coins or bills? Coins. Because coin purse.
- Anything is legal if you run fast enough Why do you think I have three Gucci purses?
- I think my purse is made out ouf onion because I can't stop crying everytime I open it.
- What do you call dry, flat area holding a purse? A clutch playa
- Men: why is your purse so big? Also men: hey can I put this in your purse?
- Chivalry isn't dead I always pass my girlfriend her purse when paying the bill.
Man Purse Jokes
Here is a list of funny man purse jokes and even better man purse puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- An elderly woman had her purse stolen by a man in a wheelchair... And as he wheeled away she yelled "You can hide, but you can't run!"
Hilarious Fun Purse Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter
What funny jokes about purse you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean money bags jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make purse pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A 10 year old girl opens her mother's purse, and finds her driver's license
Later, the girl says to her mom, "I know how old you are." The mom asks, "How old am I?" The girl says, "You're 34." The mom says, "You're right!"
The girl then says, "I know how much you weigh." The mom asks her how much, and the girl says, "135 pounds." The mom is a little puzzled, but says, "You're right on that, too."
Finally, the young girl says, "I know why daddy divorced you."
The mother freaks out, and asks, "Why is that?!?!?!"
The girl says, "Because you got an 'F' in s**...."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A black man takes a girl home from a nightclub...
She says, "Show me it's true what they say about black men." ;)
So he stabs her & steals her purse.
So a black man walks into a bar on a Friday night...
...and a woman approaches him and the two hit it off very well. After hours of flirting and dancing together they head back to the woman's apartment. The woman begins to undress and says, "Show me that it's true what they say about black men." So the black man stabs her, steals her purse and leaves.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for arsenic.
The pharmacist then asks what she needs it for, to which she replies: "I want to use it to poison my husband. The pharmacist says "Ma'am, I can not give you arsenic for that reason." The woman then pulls a photograph from her purse and hands it to him. It was a picture of two people having s**...; the man in the photo was her husband and the woman was the pharmacist's wife. He then says, "Oh I'm sorry, I didn't realize you had a prescription."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Grandmother's p**...
My grandmother got pulled over for speeding. She rolled down her window and talked to the cop. He asked for her registration, and she said,
"Sure, i'll give it to you, but i want to warn you, I've got a Colt 45 in the glovebox."
As he reviewed her licence and reg, the cop asked her about any other weapons she had.
She admitted she had 2 other revolvers- one under her seat and one in her purse.
"3 pistols in your car!" said the cop, "What are you so afraid of?"
She said, "I am not afraid of anything!"
(did i read this here?)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bubba and Junior were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.
A woman walked by and asked what they were doing. "We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said Bubba, "but we don't have a ladder." The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement and announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away.
Junior shook his head and laughed. "Ain't that just like a dumb blonde! We ask for the height, and she gives us the length!"
A woman in her twenties sees a large black man walking by and decides to flirt with him. So is it true what they say about black guys?
He responds, Sure is. Then he punched her in the face and stole her purse.
A lady walks into the drug store
and asks the druggist
for some arsenic.
The druggist ask's "Ma'am, what do you want with
arsenic?" The lady say's, "To kill my husband."
"I can't sell you any for that reason" says the druggist.
The lady then reaches into her purse and pulls out a
photo of a man and a women in a compromising position, the
man is her husband and the lady is the druggist's wife, and
shows it to the druggist.
He looks at the photo and says" Oh I didn't know you
had a prescription!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Confusion at the hospital
Mrs. Smith had just gotten home from visiting her husband in the hospital. He had fallen ill and the doctors weren't sure what was wrong with him so they wanted to keep him at the hospital for observation. Mrs. Smith had just walked in the front door and was setting her purse down when the phone rang.
"Hello?" said Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, Mrs. Smith, this is Mary calling from the hospital. I'm afraid I've got some bad news and some worse news about your husband."
"Oh dear," said Mrs. Smith, "I guess I'll take the bad news first."
"Well," said the nurse, "The bad news is that we got the test results back for your husband but there's been a bit of a mix-up. It seems that there's another patient at the hospital with the same name as your husband, Bob, and we're not sure which test result belong to which patient. One of the tests came back positive for Alzheimer's disease and the other test came back positive for AIDS."
"Oh my goodness," said Mrs. Smith, "Well that's horrible. What news could be worse than that?"
"The worse news is that we can't find your husband. He left his room and we're not sure where he went," said the nurse.
"Oh my god!" exclaimed Mrs. Smith, "What do you suggest we do?"
"Well," replied the nurse, "if your husband finds his way home, don't have s**... with him."
A blonde woman was speeding...
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a female police officer, who was also a blonde.
The officer asked to see the lady's driver's license.
She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
"What does it look like?" she finally asked.
The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."
The driver finally found a mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman.
"Here it is," she said.
The officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little Johnny asks his mother her age...
Little Johnny asks his mother her age. She replies, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question." Johnny then asks his mother how much she weighs. Again his mother replies, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question." The boy then asks, "Why did Daddy leave you?" To this, the mother says, "You shouldn't ask that," and sends him to his room. On the way, Johnny trips over his mother's purse. When he picks it up, her driver's license falls out. Johnny runs back into the room. "I know all about you now. You are 36 years old, weigh 127 pounds and Daddy left you because you got an 'F' in s**...!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two old ladies are outside smoking a cigarette
It starts raining and without hesitating one of the ladies pulls a c**... out of her purse and covers the cig to keep it from getting wet.
The other lady thinks this is genius and walks to the nearest pharmacy.
She grabs a pack of extra large condoms and proceeds to check out.
The cashier says," ma'am, are you sure you need these in extra large?"
The old lady replies, "well I'm not sure, do you think they'll fit a Camel?"
So a blonde cop pulls over a blonde driver...
The blonde cop says "I need to see your license". The blonde driver digs through her purse for awhile, and says "I can't find it. What does it look like?".
So the cop, making a rectangle with her hands, says "it's rectangular, and has your picture on it". The blonde driver searches through her purse but can't find it. She finally comes up with the only rectangular item, a small mirror.
She looks at it, shrugs, and hands it to the blonde cop. The blonde cop looks at it, shrugs, and hands it back to the blonde driver. "Oh, you can go" the blonde cop says.
"I didn't realize you were a cop".
A blind man walks into a lesbian biker bar...
Canes his way up to the bar, sits down and asks the bartender if she wants to hear a blonde joke.
The bartender says, "Well, before ya do I should warn ya. I'm blonde and I've got a knife in my purse... that server behind you is blonde and she's got a gun in her purse... the bouncer is an MMA fighter, she's blonde. Our cook just got outta jail for killing a man and -she's- blonde. Finally, the owner of this place is the meanest of us all and she's blonde too. Ya still wanna tell that blonde joke?"
The blind man thinks for a second and says, "Well....not now. I'll have to explain it 5 times."
Cyanide?
A lady walks into the drug store and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic. The pharmacist asks "Ma'am, what do you want with arsenic?"
The lady says "To kill my husband."
"I can't sell you any for that reason" says the pharmacist.
The lady then reaches into her purse and pulls out a photo of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife. He looks at the photo and says "Oh...........I didn't know you had a prescription!"
So I saw these two guys fighting with a woman over her purse.
Being my first time in downtown New York, I didn't know if I should help out or intervene. Reluctantly I decided to lend a hand. Between the three of us, it didn't take us long to get the purse away from her.
~Garrison Keillor
Which purse runs from the law?
Disburse!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Berta and Ethel are two older ladies who were outside smoking cigarettes when it starts rain.
Berta reaches into her purse and pulls out a c**... with the tip cut off. She slides the c**... over the cigarette and resumes smoking. "What are you doing?" asks Ethel. "Oh, this?" replies Berta, "I always carry a c**... to put on my cigarettes when it starts to rain."
Thinking this is a terrific idea, the next day Ethel goes to her pharmacy to buy condoms. Realizing that she'd never done this before, she asks a clerk for some help. "Of course, ma'am," says the clerk, "what size do you need?" Ethel replies, "Oh I don't know, but it needs to fit a camel."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So a little kid is going through his mothers purse and takes out her drivers lincense...
his mother catches him reading it and mildly scolds him
the kid says "but i learned so much about you from it"
she says "well, ok, what did you learn about me"
"well, says the kid... "i know your age now"
"and what is that?" says his mother
"you're old" says the kid
"and i learned your height"
"which is?' says the mother
"your really tall" he says
"well, yes, i am tall for a woman"
"and, i learned your weight" he says
"and what is that?" asks the mother
"a lot for a woman your height" the kids says
the mother sighs and says "well, that's not nice, but i can't argue that"
"and" the kid says "i know why dad divorced you"
"Huh? what?" says the mother, "how on earth did you get that from a drivers license"
"because, you got an f in s**..."
What is it called when a thief steals a purse, runs into the street, then gets run over?
*Car*ma
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Black guy and a white girl hook up.
A black guy and a white girl meet at a bar and go back to her house. They start fooling around and he begins taking his pants off. She stops him and says "is it true what they say about black guys"? He says " yes. Yes it is" then stabs her and takes her purse.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mr. Know it all
Little Johnny asked his mom about her age.
"Johnny, gentlemen don't ask ladies that question"
Johnny asks his mom about her weight.
"Johnny, gentlemen also don't ask ladies about their weight"
So Little Johnny asks, "Why did daddy leave you then?"
"Johnny lets not talk about that." She then send Johnny to his room.
On his way to his room he trips on his mom's purse and there he finds her drivers license.
He runs back to his mom and proudly says, "Mom! I know all about you now! You are 42 years old, weigh 172 pounds and the reason why daddy left you is because you got an 'F' in s**...!"
My friend and I are going to see a movie.
As we enter the theatre, we see a sign that says "no food or drink permitted."
Quietly I say, "I have a way to get around this."
To which he says, "How? It's not like we have a purse or huge pockets to hide things in."
I replied, "I've got a couple Twix up my sleeves."
a blonde and a redhead are in a bar
When they see a man on the news threatening to jump off of a building. The redhead says "bet you 50 bucks he jumps" to which the blonde replies "you're on!". Sure enough, the man jumps and kills himself. The blonde goes to grab the $50 from her purse but the redhead stops her and says " I can't take your money. This is a repeat of an earlier story. I've seen this already." The blonde grabs the $50, puts it on the bar and says "so did I. I just didn't think he'd do it twice!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A nurse walks into a bank...
A nurse walks into a bank totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift. She grabs a deposit slip, pulls a r**... thermometer out of her purse, and tries to write with it. When she realizes her mistake, she looks at the flabbergasted teller and, without missing a beat, says, "well, that's great...some a**...'s got my pen."
Little Johnny
"Hey, Mom," asked Johnny "Can you give me twenty dollars?"
"Certainly not."
"If you do," he went on, "I'll tell you what dad said to the maid when you were at the beauty shop."
His mother's ears perked up and, grabbing her purse, she handed over the money. "Well? What did he say?"
"He said, 'Hey, Marie, make sure you wash my socks tomorrow.' "
Two Ditzy blondes...
A ditzy blonde is driving 80 mph down the highway, 20 miles over the speed limit. A ditzy blonde police officer pulls her over. The police officer asks to see her license, but the ditzy blonde driver has no idea what a license is. The officer tells her it is an identification card with her picture on it. The driver rummages in her purse and pulls out her makeup mirror, opens it up, sees herself in the mirror, and hands it to the police officer.
The police officer looks at the mirror and says, "Oh! You should have told me you were a police officer as well!"
A gender studies major gets mugged
A gender studies major is walking through Central Park on her way back to campus, when a mugger jumps her. He takes her wallet and purse, but lets her keep her cellphone.
She immediately calls the police. "Was it a man or a woman?" the cop asks once he got there.
"I don't know," she says. "I didn't get to ask."
A drunk guy calls a radio station...
...and tells the RJ,"I found this purse outside Raven's club. It has 1500 dollars in cash, a credit card, an iPhone 6s, and a driving license with Rebecca's name on it."
The RJ asks in an impressed tone,"It was good of you to call us. Do you need my help contacting her so that you can return the purse?"
"No. I just wanted to request a sad song for Rebecca."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Q: What three words will emasculate any man?
A: Hold my purse.
White girl goes on a date with a black man
They have lots of fun, she takes him home, they have coffee, go up to her bedroom and she says, "Show me it's true what they say about black guys"
So he stabbed her and nicked her purse.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A child is going through his mother's purse and takes out her driver's license...
his mother catches him reading it and mildly scolds him
the kid says "but i learned so much about you from it"
she says "well, ok, what did you learn about me"
"well, says the kid... "i know your age now"
"and what is that?" says his mother
"you're old" says the kid
"and i learned your height"
"which is?' says the mother
"you're really tall" he says
"well, yes, i am tall for a woman"
"and, i learned your weight" he says
"and what is that?" asks the mother
"a lot for a woman your height" the kids says
the mother sighs and says "well, that's not nice, but i can't argue that"
"and" the kid says "i know why dad divorced you"
"Huh? what?" says the mother, "how on earth did you get that from a drivers license"
"because, you got an F in s**..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Husband: Hey baby, hold my jock strap.
Wife: That's disgusting why would I hold your jock strap?
Husband: Well I always hold your purse for you.
Wife: That's not remotely the same.
Husband: Why not, they both hold our junk.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A black man meets a white girl in a club.
They go back to the girls house and start making out. The girl says seductively "show me that its true what they say about Black Guys". The man then precedes to stab the girl take her purse and run off faster then the wind.
A black guy and a white girl are at a party
A black guy and a white girl are at a party. After a while they go together to a room, and she asks excited: "Show me if what they say about black men is true". He grabs her purse and runs
I went to the store today and seen this sausage begging her mom for an overly expensive purse. She then began to cry when her mother said no..
What a brat
9/11 gave rise to "Truthers", Obama gave rise to "Birthers", so...
... would a movement to determine whether Hillary Clinton actually carries hot sauce in her purse be called "Saucers"?
A blonde woman was speeding
down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she finally asked. The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop..."
I gave every penny I had to the homeless guy the other day!
Now I just have 20 $100 bills in my purse!
A blonde and a redhead are sitting in a bar
and on TV is news footage of a guy threatening to jump off of a building. The redhead says "Hundred bucks says he jumps." The blonde says "You're on!" and they precede to watch. After about 2 or 3 minutes of crying, the man jumps off of the building. The blonde reaches into her purse and grabs the money but the redhead shakes her head and says "I can't take your money. This is from earlier today, I've already seen this." "So did I." Said the blonde "I just didn't think he'd do it twice!"
Blonde is pulled over by a blonde cop..
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde. The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license.
She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. 'What does it look like?' she finally asked.
The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has your picture on it.'
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman.
'Here it is,' she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, 'Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop too.'
Arnold Schwarzenegger opens his own shopping mall. A customer left her purse on the counter after a purchase. Seeing the customer is nearing the exit of the mall, Arnold handed the purse to the nearest cashier.
"GET TO THE SHOPPER, NOW!"
A female blond police officer pulls over another blond female driver..
Blond police officer: "Can I see your license and registration?"
Driver: "What's a license?"
Police officer: "It's a thing in your purse with your picture on it."
Driver: *Fumbles through purse and finds her reflection on a mirror and hands it to the officer*
Police officer: *looks in mirror and sees own reflection and hands the mirror back the driver*
Police officer: "I'm so sorry for pulling you over, I didn't know you were a fellow officer, have a great day" *Walks away*
A blonde cop stops a blonde motorist...
A blonde cop stops blonde motorist and asks for her driving license.
The Motorist scuffles around in her purse and can't find it. She says to the cop, "I must have left it at home officer."
The cop says, "Well, do you have any kind of identification?" The motorist scuffles around in her purse again, and finds a pocket mirror.
She looks at it and says to the cop, "All I have is this picture of myself." The cop says, "Let me see it, then." So the blonde motorist gives the mirror to the blonde cop, who looks at it, and replies, "Well, if I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn't have even pulled you over. You can go now."
I brough my black friend home to meet my mom. She called him a drug dealer...
I told her to put her cash back in her purse.
A woman goes to the pharmacy and asks for cyanide.
The pharmacist looked stunned and couldn't believe what she had asked for but he was still curious.
"Why would you want to get cyanide?"
The women replied, "My husband has been having an affair and I want to poison him."
The pharmacist tried to reason with the woman, " I can't do this for you. I would lose my license and you and I would go to prison for this."
Then the woman reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband and a woman going into a motel. Upon closer inspection the woman in the picture was the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looks at the woman and says, "Why didn't you just say you had a prescription?"
A black guy brings a girl home from the bar. Once in the bedroom, the girl says to the black guy "Come on, let me see if what they say about black guy is true"
So the black guy stabs her and grabs her purse.
Blonde gets caught speeding.
The cop is also a blonde.
Cop: Let me see your driver's license.
Driver: What's that?
Cop: A square thing with your picture on it.
Blonde fumbles through her purse, finds a mirror, sees herself in it, and hands it to the cop.
Cop looks at it, hands it back and says,
I'm gonna let you go without a ticket. I didn't know you were a cop.
(
A Polish guy came to the police station, scared and very worried.
"What seems to be the case?" the police officer asked.
"My wife! She's wants to kill me!" said the guy.
"Are you sure? Tell us, what made you say so?"
"She went to work and left some things at the house so she asked if I could bring it over to her office, as it was my day off. When I went to pick up her purse, then I noticed something peeking out of it."
" What is it? A weapon?!" the police officer exclaimed.
"No sir.. something much worse. I found polish remover in her purse! I swear she wants me gone, officer!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I really need your advice on a serious problem.
I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. Some of the signs are if the phone rings and I answer, the caller hangs up. She also goes out with the girls a lot.
Anyway last night about midnight I hid in the shed behind the boat. When she came home she got out of someone's car buttoning up her blouse, then she took her p**... out of her purse and slipped them on.
It was at that moment while I was crouched behind the boat that I noticed a hairline crack in the outboard engine mounting bracket.
Is that something I can weld or do I need to replace the whole bracket?
Please advise me ASAP since I'm quite worried about this.
A man is scouring through his house
He's looking under his couch. He couldn't find it. He looks in his bedroom draws and under his bed. Still couldn't find it. He checks his car, front and back. He looks under the seats and no matter how hard he tries but he still can't find it. He looks through the bathroom and even in his wife's purse and still no luck finding it. His wife wakes up due to all of the noise. She says, "Honey, what are you looking for?" He responds "The punchline to this joke!"
My wife said she can never find anything in her purse
I said, "Sounds like a purse-onal problem"
I just learnt that boxing is about two guys fighting the urge to come out as gay...
I mean. Two shirtless men fighting over a belt and a purse.
And they have to have another guy near them at all times who's entire job is to stop them from hugging.
How does a pickpocket fall in love?
At purse sight.
What do you call a purse that is inside another purse?
Purseception.
The only thing more depressing than finding a mostly-full pack of expired condoms in your draw...
is finding an empty pack of in-date condoms in your girlfriend's purse.
A blonde gets pulled over...
By a blonde police officer.
"Sorry but you're speeding so I'll need license and registration"
The blonde in the car starts looking through her purse. "I can't find my license, what does it look like?"
"It's a small little rectangle with your face on it" the officer replies.
The blonde find a mirror and looks at it. "Found it! A little rectangle with my face!" And hands it to the officer.
Stunned the blonde officer stares at the mirror in her hand. "Why didn't you just tell me you're also an officer? Don't worry about the ticket, officers stick together."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Blonde and her boyfriend are watching the 9pm news
A Blonde and her boyfriend are watching the 9pm news, the anchor is showing a video of a girl threatening to jump off a cliff. The guy turns to the Blonde and says "I bet you $500 she jumps" "you're on" the Blonde replies.
2 minutes later the girl jumps and dies.
As she is pulling money out her purse, the boyfriend says "I feel bad taking your money, but I watched the 6pm news and I saw this story" "me too" the Blonde answered, "but I didn't think she would be s**... enough to jump off again"
A girl takes a black guy to bed
"Let's see if true what they say about black guys" she said.
So he took her purse and ran
I have forbidden my wife to buy a new expensive purse. But she did it anyway!
How Gucci?
Blonde driver
A blonde was driving down the highway. Soon she heard sirens and saw lights behind her, and was pulled over. A cop, also a blonde woman, approached her door.
"You were speeding, miss," she said. "May I see your license?"
The blonde driver rummaged through her purse for a minute before looking up in confusion. "Well, what's it look like?" she asked.
"It's a small square thing with your picture on it," said the cop.
The driver looked again and finally pulled out a small mirror and handed it to the cop. The blonde cop looked at it and handed it back.
"Okay, you can go," she said. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were a police officer."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun.
She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.
Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so she is overcome with grief.
She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it."
The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next."
WEATHER MONEY
Q: Why did the woman go outdoors with her purse open?
A: Because she expected some change in the weather.
Today a strange stranger chased me for 10 miles. which made me think
whats so precious in her purse?
A foreigner was walking around Italy
When suddenly a thief grabbed her purse and started running away
The woman shouted "Hey! It's my purse!"
The thief shouted back "It's my job!"
A blonde gets pulled over for speeding
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a female police officer, who was also a blonde.
The officer asked to see the lady's driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
"What does it look like?" she finally asked.
The officer replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."
The driver finally found a mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the officer. "Here it is," she said.
The officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."
A blonde cop pulls over a blonde driver
The cop tells the driver "License please."
"What is a license?" the driver answers.
The cop replies "it goes in your wallet, has a picture of you on it..."
As the blonde driver digs through her purse, after a while she pulls an object out, looks at it for a second, smiles, says "Found it! Here you go officer!" and hands a mirror to the cop.
The cop takes off her aviators, looks in the mirror, rolls her eyes, and hands it back to the driver.
"If I knew you were a cop, I wouldn't have pulled you over!"
