Purse Jokes
141 purse jokes and hilarious purse puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about purse that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funny Purse Jokes about men's purses, coin purses, rucksacks, pouches and dividers are sure to keep you laughing! Whether you're looking for a humorous way to break the ice or just love to laugh at puns, these jokes are sure to have you in stitches.
Quick Jump To
- Short Purse Jokes
- Purse One Liners
- Man Purse Jokes
- Mens Purse Jokes
- Coin Purse Jokes
- More Purse Jokes
Funniest Purse Short Jokes
Short purse jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The purse humour may include short handbag jokes also.
- Today I saw a poor, old woman trip and fall. At least, I assume she was poor. She only had $4.75 in her purse.
- I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice.. At least I presume she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse.
- I saw a poor old woman slip over on some ice the other day... ... at least I think she was poor; she only had $3 in her purse.
- I saw a poor old lady fall unconscious today. Well, I'm assuming she was poor because she had only a dollar in her purse.
- I saw a poor lady fall unconscious in the snow today Well I'm assuming she was poor,she only had $1 in her purse
- Just saw a couple of dudes trying to grab an old lady's purse so I ran over to help. We got it off her eventually
- A black man takes a girl home from a nightclub... She says, "Show me it's true what they say about black men." ;)
So he stabs her & steals her purse. - This poor old lady slipped and fell on the ice today..... at least I think she was poor she only had 75 cents in her purse.
- What did the watch say when the necklace, earrings, purse and ring killed the shoes? I won't be an accessory to this.
- I was walking downtown yesterday when this poor little old lady fell down in front of me. At least I think she was poor; she only had $2.10 in her purse.
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Purse One Liners
Which purse one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with purse? I can suggest the ones about shopping bag and pocket.
- I ran 3 miles yesterday Eventually I just said here keep your purse
- What does my purse and I have in common? We're both empty inside..
- It is never ok to ask a woman why she is taking her purse to the restroom Period
- How to make girls chase you ? Take their purse and run.
- I ran three miles today! Finally I said, "Lady, take your purse."
- Name one thing Taylor Swift doesn't have in her purse Her boyfriend's phone number
- Purse dogs... I've heard they're pretty clutch.
- I prayed to God for a handbag and he gave it to me It's a blessing and a purse.
- Chicago's a dangerous place. Last time I visited I stole two cars and a lady's purse.
- My wife has her own purse but she is my purse- Cause I put stuff inside
- What came first – coins or bills? Coins. Because coin purse.
- Anything is legal if you run fast enough Why do you think I have three Gucci purses?
- Yo mama's so old, she forgot her purse on Noah's ark.
- Yo momma's so old, she left her purse on Noah's Ark.
- I think my purse is made out ouf onion because I can't stop crying everytime I open it.
Man Purse Jokes
Here is a list of funny man purse jokes and even better man purse puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A black man picks up a girl from a nightclub... Back at his house, she says: "show me what they say about black men is true..."
So he stabs her and runs off with her purse. - Q: What three words will emasculate any man? A: Hold my purse.
- An elderly woman had her purse stolen by a man in a wheelchair... And as he wheeled away she yelled "You can hide, but you can't run!"
Mens Purse Jokes
Here is a list of funny mens purse jokes and even better mens purse puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I saw an old lady being mugged by several men while walking home today, I figured I better go and help! She was a tough old broad but in the end we got her purse.
- A white girl met a black guy in the club. He took her home and then she asked him, "Show me if it's true what they say about black men."
So he stabbed her and stole her purse. - Men: why is your purse so big? Also men: hey can I put this in your purse?
- Why is boxing the gayest sport in the world? Because you have two shirtless men in silk shorts fighting over a purse.
- Why do men carry condoms instead of women? Because by the time women found a c**... in their purses, kid would be 3 years old
Coin Purse Jokes
Here is a list of funny coin purse jokes and even better coin purse puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Your best "Your p**...'s so..." Your p**...'s so wrinkled I mistook it for an antique coin purse.
Hilarious Fun Purse Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter
What funny jokes about purse you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean money bags jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make purse pranks.
A 10 year old girl opens her mother's purse, and finds her driver's license
Later, the girl says to her mom, "I know how old you are." The mom asks, "How old am I?" The girl says, "You're 34." The mom says, "You're right!"
The girl then says, "I know how much you weigh." The mom asks her how much, and the girl says, "135 pounds." The mom is a little puzzled, but says, "You're right on that, too."
Finally, the young girl says, "I know why daddy divorced you."
The mother freaks out, and asks, "Why is that?!?!?!"
The girl says, "Because you got an 'F' in s**...."
So a black man walks into a bar on a Friday night...
...and a woman approaches him and the two hit it off very well. After hours of flirting and dancing together they head back to the woman's apartment. The woman begins to undress and says, "Show me that it's true what they say about black men." So the black man stabs her, steals her purse and leaves.
A blonde buys a gun.
A young blonde is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home early to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She pulls the gun from her purse and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ''Shut up...you're next!''
Bubba and Junior were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.
A woman walked by and asked what they were doing. "We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said Bubba, "but we don't have a ladder." The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement and announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away.
Junior shook his head and laughed. "Ain't that just like a dumb blonde! We ask for the height, and she gives us the length!"
A woman in her twenties sees a large black man walking by and decides to flirt with him. So is it true what they say about black guys?
He responds, Sure is. Then he punched her in the face and stole her purse.
An Elderly Couple
An elderly couple Pauline & Frank were recently attending a church service at their retirement village.
About halfway through the service, Pauline took a pen and paper out of her purse, and wrote a note and handed it to Frank.
The note said:" I just let out a silent f**..., what do you think I should do?"
Frank scribbled back: "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."
Two old ladies are outside smoking a cigarette
It starts raining and without hesitating one of the ladies pulls a c**... out of her purse and covers the cig to keep it from getting wet.
The other lady thinks this is genius and walks to the nearest pharmacy.
She grabs a pack of extra large condoms and proceeds to check out.
The cashier says," ma'am, are you sure you need these in extra large?"
The old lady replies, "well I'm not sure, do you think they'll fit a Camel?"
Cyanide?
A lady walks into the drug store and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic. The pharmacist asks "Ma'am, what do you want with arsenic?"
The lady says "To kill my husband."
"I can't sell you any for that reason" says the pharmacist.
The lady then reaches into her purse and pulls out a photo of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife. He looks at the photo and says "Oh...........I didn't know you had a prescription!"
A blonde police officer pulls over a blonde driver...
"Are you aware of what you were doing?" The officer asks.
"Speeding?" "Yes, now show me your license and registration please." The driver with a puzzled look asked "What is that?" "The thing with your face on it." So the blonde driver looks through her purse and finds an eyeshadow palette with a mirror attached and shows it to the officer. "Oh, it's okay, you're a police officer."
So I saw these two guys fighting with a woman over her purse.
Being my first time in downtown New York, I didn't know if I should help out or intervene. Reluctantly I decided to lend a hand. Between the three of us, it didn't take us long to get the purse away from her.
~Garrison Keillor
Black guy and a white girl hook up.
A black guy and a white girl meet at a bar and go back to her house. They start fooling around and he begins taking his pants off. She stops him and says "is it true what they say about black guys"? He says " yes. Yes it is" then stabs her and takes her purse.
My friend and I are going to see a movie.
As we enter the theatre, we see a sign that says "no food or drink permitted."
Quietly I say, "I have a way to get around this."
To which he says, "How? It's not like we have a purse or huge pockets to hide things in."
I replied, "I've got a couple Twix up my sleeves."
A nurse walks into a bank...
A nurse walks into a bank totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift. She grabs a deposit slip, pulls a r**... thermometer out of her purse, and tries to write with it. When she realizes her mistake, she looks at the flabbergasted teller and, without missing a beat, says, "well, that's great...some a**...'s got my pen."
Tired Nurse Joke
A very tired nurse walks into a bank, totally exhausted after an 12-hour shift.
Preparing to write a check, she pulls a r**... thermometer out of her purse and
Tries to write with it.
When she realizes her mistake, she looks at the flabbergasted teller and
Without missing a beat, she says . . .
''Well, that's great . . . Just great . . . Some a**...'s got my pen
Little Johnny
"Hey, Mom," asked Johnny "Can you give me twenty dollars?"
"Certainly not."
"If you do," he went on, "I'll tell you what dad said to the maid when you were at the beauty shop."
His mother's ears perked up and, grabbing her purse, she handed over the money. "Well? What did he say?"
"He said, 'Hey, Marie, make sure you wash my socks tomorrow.' "
A gender studies major gets mugged
A gender studies major is walking through Central Park on her way back to campus, when a mugger jumps her. He takes her wallet and purse, but lets her keep her cellphone.
She immediately calls the police. "Was it a man or a woman?" the cop asks once he got there.
"I don't know," she says. "I didn't get to ask."
A drunk guy calls a radio station...
...and tells the RJ,"I found this purse outside Raven's club. It has 1500 dollars in cash, a credit card, an iPhone 6s, and a driving license with Rebecca's name on it."
The RJ asks in an impressed tone,"It was good of you to call us. Do you need my help contacting her so that you can return the purse?"
"No. I just wanted to request a sad song for Rebecca."
White girl goes on a date with a black man
They have lots of fun, she takes him home, they have coffee, go up to her bedroom and she says, "Show me it's true what they say about black guys"
So he stabbed her and nicked her purse.
Husband: Hey baby, hold my jock strap.
Wife: That's disgusting why would I hold your jock strap?
Husband: Well I always hold your purse for you.
Wife: That's not remotely the same.
Husband: Why not, they both hold our junk.
Credit to /u/WhistleWhileYouLurk.
A black man meets a white girl in a club.
They go back to the girls house and start making out. The girl says seductively "show me that its true what they say about Black Guys". The man then precedes to stab the girl take her purse and run off faster then the wind.
A black guy and a white girl are at a party
A black guy and a white girl are at a party. After a while they go together to a room, and she asks excited: "Show me if what they say about black men is true". He grabs her purse and runs
2 blondes
A blonde was driving home when she was pulled over by a female cop, also blonde.
"Can I see your ID?" says the cop.
The blonde starts rummaging through her purse and is getting flustered. "What's it look like again?"
"It's small, rectangular and looks just like you"
The woman hands the cop a small mirror. "Like this?"
"Oh," said the cop. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were a cop too."
I went to the store today and seen this sausage begging her mom for an overly expensive purse. She then began to cry when her mother said no..
What a brat
So I was driving down the street when I saw a couple guys trying to take an old lady's purse. I ran her over to help
We got it off her eventually
A girl and a black man goes away for a date.
Ater the date they quickly head back to the girl's place.
Then she says,"Show me what they say about the black guys."
The Black guy then quickly stabs her and runs off with her purse.
9/11 gave rise to "Truthers", Obama gave rise to "Birthers", so...
... would a movement to determine whether Hillary Clinton actually carries hot sauce in her purse be called "Saucers"?
A blonde woman was speeding
down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she finally asked. The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop..."
I gave every penny I had to the homeless guy the other day!
Now I just have 20 $100 bills in my purse!
A Rabbi had been saving f**...
He wanted to make something nice out of his collection so he brought them to leather tanner. When he goes to pick up his product he's surprised that all his f**... collection only produced a coin purse. The leather tanner explained that if you rub the coin purse it turns into a duffel bag.
Arnold Schwarzenegger opens his own shopping mall. A customer left her purse on the counter after a purchase. Seeing the customer is nearing the exit of the mall, Arnold handed the purse to the nearest cashier.
"GET TO THE SHOPPER, NOW!"
A blonde cop stops a blonde motorist...
A blonde cop stops blonde motorist and asks for her driving license.
The Motorist scuffles around in her purse and can't find it. She says to the cop, "I must have left it at home officer."
The cop says, "Well, do you have any kind of identification?" The motorist scuffles around in her purse again, and finds a pocket mirror.
She looks at it and says to the cop, "All I have is this picture of myself." The cop says, "Let me see it, then." So the blonde motorist gives the mirror to the blonde cop, who looks at it, and replies, "Well, if I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn't have even pulled you over. You can go now."
I brough my black friend home to meet my mom. She called him a drug dealer...
I told her to put her cash back in her purse.
A woman goes to the pharmacy and asks for cyanide.
The pharmacist looked stunned and couldn't believe what she had asked for but he was still curious.
"Why would you want to get cyanide?"
The women replied, "My husband has been having an affair and I want to poison him."
The pharmacist tried to reason with the woman, " I can't do this for you. I would lose my license and you and I would go to prison for this."
Then the woman reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband and a woman going into a motel. Upon closer inspection the woman in the picture was the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looks at the woman and says, "Why didn't you just say you had a prescription?"
A black guy brings a girl home from the bar. Once in the bedroom, the girl says to the black guy "Come on, let me see if what they say about black guy is true"
So the black guy stabs her and grabs her purse.
Blonde gets caught speeding.
The cop is also a blonde.
Cop: Let me see your driver's license.
Driver: What's that?
Cop: A square thing with your picture on it.
Blonde fumbles through her purse, finds a mirror, sees herself in it, and hands it to the cop.
Cop looks at it, hands it back and says,
I'm gonna let you go without a ticket. I didn't know you were a cop.
(
A man is scouring through his house
He's looking under his couch. He couldn't find it. He looks in his bedroom draws and under his bed. Still couldn't find it. He checks his car, front and back. He looks under the seats and no matter how hard he tries but he still can't find it. He looks through the bathroom and even in his wife's purse and still no luck finding it. His wife wakes up due to all of the noise. She says, "Honey, what are you looking for?" He responds "The punchline to this joke!"
I just learnt that boxing is about two guys fighting the urge to come out as gay...
I mean. Two shirtless men fighting over a belt and a purse.
And they have to have another guy near them at all times who's entire job is to stop them from hugging.
Back in the day, I 'member me and my mom going to the store with two dollars in her purse and coming back with a big bag of spuds, two loaves of bread, a pound of cheese, three gallons of milk, half a dozen eggs and coffee…
You can't do that anymore…too many security cameras…
The only thing more depressing than finding a mostly-full pack of expired condoms in your draw...
is finding an empty pack of in-date condoms in your girlfriend's purse.
Chivalry isn't dead
I always pass my girlfriend her purse when paying the bill.
A girl takes a black guy to bed
"Let's see if true what they say about black guys" she said.
So he took her purse and ran
A woman and a black man are dancing in a bar
After a bit of dancing they go back to the woman's place
They start to kiss and began to undress
Before the black man takes off his pants the woman says
Is it true what they say about black men
Yes he proceeds to stab her and steals her purse
Blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun.
She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.
Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so she is overcome with grief.
She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it."
The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next."
I had to run three miles today *sigh*
Guess that lady must have really wanted the purse.....
WEATHER MONEY
Q: Why did the woman go outdoors with her purse open?
A: Because she expected some change in the weather.
Today a strange stranger chased me for 10 miles. which made me think
whats so precious in her purse?
A foreigner was walking around Italy
When suddenly a thief grabbed her purse and started running away
The woman shouted "Hey! It's my purse!"
The thief shouted back "It's my job!"
I was on a date at a restaurant.
At the end, she reached around in her pockets, then said, "Oh noooo! I forgot my purse!"
"How convenient," I replied. "It's fine, I'll pay."
I won't be seeing her again. But at least I have her purse, even if I had to use the money that was in it.
White woman takes a black guy home from the bar
Once they step into her house:
Woman: (shyly) So...is true what they say about black guys?
Black guy: Yes.
Then he stabs her and steals her purse.
A blonde gets pulled over for speeding
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a female police officer, who was also a blonde.
The officer asked to see the lady's driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
"What does it look like?" she finally asked.
The officer replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."
The driver finally found a mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the officer. "Here it is," she said.
The officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."
A blonde police officer pulls over a blonde
The police officer asks the blonde, "Can I see you license and registration, please?". The blonde then asked, "What is that?", the police officer says, "That thing with your face on it", the blonde then pulls a mirror out of her purse, and hands it to the police officer. The police officer then says, "Oh, my bad, if I knew you were a police officer I wouldn't have pulled you over."
A blonde cop pulls over a blonde driver
The cop tells the driver "License please."
"What is a license?" the driver answers.
The cop replies "it goes in your wallet, has a picture of you on it..."
As the blonde driver digs through her purse, after a while she pulls an object out, looks at it for a second, smiles, says "Found it! Here you go officer!" and hands a mirror to the cop.
The cop takes off her aviators, looks in the mirror, rolls her eyes, and hands it back to the driver.
"If I knew you were a cop, I wouldn't have pulled you over!"
What do you call dry, flat area holding a purse?
A clutch playa
My wife bought a slash resistant purse.
I didn't realize the guitarist from Guns & Roses was causing that much trouble, but I'm glad science is solving the issue.
My one night stand asked me "Show me if its true what they say about black guys"
So i stabbed her and stole her purse
After so much effort and so many tries, my wife finally was able to make a handmade purse!
Now that's what you call...perseverance.
Why didn't princess Diana carry any cash?
Who would like their purse to be full with pictures of their mother-in-law?
My wife carries condoms in her purse but I had a vasectomy four years ago.
Poor thing, she has become so forgetful.
The cab
A Jewish guy in New York City is in a cab. The cab is going down the street when the cabbie sees a guy on the sidewalk mugging a woman. The guy is hitting her and trying to grab her purse. The cabbie zooms to the side of the road and jumps out to go help the woman.
The Jewish guy rolls down the window and yells, "Stop it! Stop it! Stop the meter!"
Woman meets a black guy at a bar
They talked for a while then she invited him to her apartment and said: "I want you to show me if what they say about black men is true ;)"
So he stabbed her and took her purse.
