purple Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious purple puns

I just found out I'm colorblind

The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.

👍🏼

I once dated a girl with a twin.

People asked me how I could tell them apart. It was pretty simple, Rachel always painted her nails purple and Dave had a cock.

👍🏼

I once dated a girl with a twin

People ask me how I could tell them apart. It was simple, Jill colored her nails purple and bob had a cock

👍🏼

I once dated a girl who had a twin.

I once dated a girl who had a twin.

People always asked me how I could tell them apart.

It was pretty simple, Rachel always painted her nails purple and Dave had a cock.

👍🏼

Purple is my favorite color!

I like it more than blue and red combined.

👍🏼

I bought pink cotton but my wife wanted purple

Sorry, wrong thread

👍🏼

I was forced to swallow purple food color.

I feel violated.

👍🏼

I found out I was colourblind today

It was totally out of the purple

👍🏼

What did the green grape say to the purple grape?

Breathe dammit, BREATHE!

👍🏼

I recently found out that I'm colorblind...

It came out of the purple.

👍🏼

I found out I was colorblind last week...

...came right out of the purple.

👍🏼

I recently found out that I was colorblind...

It came completely out of the purple.

👍🏼

What's both blue and purple and never seen again?

This thread :/

👍🏼

What's 9 inches long, purple, and I love to shove it down my girlfriend's throat?

Her miscarriage.

👍🏼

I was just diagnosed with colorblindness

The result came completely out of the purple

👍🏼

Blue Guy lives in the blue house, red guy lives in the red house, purple guy lives in the purple house, orange guy...

Lives in the White House.

👍🏼

My doctor just told me I'm colorblind.

The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.

👍🏼

I've just been diagnosed as Colorblind..

I know, it certainly has come out of the purple.

👍🏼

Why do the Minnesota vikings wear purple as a team color?

If you've been choking for 50 years, you'd be purple too!

👍🏼

A teacher asked her class to use "definitely" in a sentence.

"The sky is definitely blue," said one girl.
"Nice try but the sky can be black or purple or even orange," replied the teacher.
"The grass is definitely green," said a little boy.
"Well... The grass can be brown too."
Little Johnny raised his hand.
"Yes Johnny?"
"Are farts solid?" asked little Johnny.
Finding this an odd question she was slightly shocked, but answered anyway, "No Johnny."
"Well I definitely pooped my pants."

👍🏼

Why are elephants big and grey?

Because if they were small and purple, they would be called grapes.

👍🏼

A doctor told me I was colorblind

But I don't trust purple people

👍🏼

A purple man has a purple wife.

They have two purple kids and live in a big purple house. One day they decide to take a vacation, so they all pile into their purple car, drive it to their purple boat, and set out to sea. Sadly the boat crashes and they are stranded on a small island. The purple man looks to the heavens in desperation and cries, "Oh no! We've been marooned!"

👍🏼

Breaking News: A ship carrying red paint just collided with a ship carrying purple paint, in the South China Sea.

Authorities report that the crews of both ships are marooned

👍🏼

Cutest joke ever

What does a red grape tell a purple grape? Breathe, you idiot! Breathe!!

👍🏼

What do colorblind people say to the unexpected?

Well that came out of the purple

👍🏼

Vietnam veteran comes back from a tour of duty...

only to find out he has some kind of exotic STD. his dick burns when he pisses and has lumps and bumps on it that are red, green, blue and purple. He goes to the V.A. hospital and the doctor says he's never seen anything like it, but he's pretty sure he's going to have to amputate.

"Fuck that" the vet says, "I'm going to a real doctor".

The next doctor doesn't have any better news for him and also recommends amputation. Being so attached to his member, he thinks about it and comes up with an idea. "Since I got this funky crotch rot from those Asian hookers I was fucking, maybe an Asian doctor can help me.

After the Asian doctor examines him he come to a conclusion; "No Mr. Smith, we no have to amputate".

"Really? That's great news Doc, thank you!"

"Yeah, three maybe four day, it fall off by self."

👍🏼

Breaking News - in Hong Kong, a ship carrying red paint collided with a ship carrying purple paint

CNN reports that both crews are marooned

👍🏼

There are two boats (tankers) about to collide at sea.

One is filled with purple paint, the other with red paint.

They collide...

All the survivors were marooned.

👍🏼

I bought purple Jell-O mix and now I feel like a superhero.

With grape powder comes great responsibility.

👍🏼

My dad said people shouldn't get ribbons just for participating because it rewards them for losing.

So I took the Purple Heart that he got in Vietnam.

He was so mad he threw his prosthetic leg at me.

👍🏼

What do you call a member of the blue man group when he's caught red-handed betraying his fellow blue men?

The purple traitor of a crime.

👍🏼

What did the green grape said to the purple grape?

BREATHE, GOD DAMMIT!! BREATHE!!!

👍🏼

That's not a bowling ball, dad.

This weekend me and my dad were out bowling, you see. He gets his shoes on, and picks his ball from the rack. A nice, shiny, pinkish purple ball. He throws it down the lane, and we can't find it. The thing is gone. We look for at least an hour for this ball, but it's vanished. In the car on the way home (for automotive reasons) we pull into a gas station. My dad perks up, face scrunching in focus, and he says: "there's the ball!"

I said: "Dad, that's a short fat man buying a granola bag."

👍🏼

A joke my little sister thought of today

A blue man lives in the blue house, a purple man lives in the purple house, a red man lives in the red house, who lives in the white house?

An orange man.

👍🏼

What are the most funny Purple jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Purple? Well, here are the best Purple dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Purple pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes