Pure Jokes
90 pure jokes and hilarious pure puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pure that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Have a laugh with this collection of Pure Jokes! Featuring an array of non veg, Pure Michigan and Archie jokes, as well as some sheer and bred jokes, this article has something for everyone. Whether you're looking to lighten the mood or just need a good laugh, this article has got you covered. Read through and enjoy!
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Funniest Pure Short Jokes
Short pure jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pure humour may include short original jokes also.
- I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him.. Guess that's what I get for buying a pure bread dog...
- I can't take my dog to the park anymore. He keeps getting attacked by ducks. I guess that's the last time I buy a pure bread dog.
- I realized that I can't take my dog to the park anymore. He keeps getting attacked by ducks. I guess that's the last time I buy a pure bread dog.
- What do you call an airplane that flies backwards? a receeding airline.... bada boom! The little bros joke book is pure gold haha
- Receiving a kiss while sleeping is the most pure form of love there is... Unless you're in prison
- I can't take my dog to the park anymore.. Every time we show up, all of the ducks try to eat him... I guess that's what I get for having a pure bread dog..
- I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because ducks keep attacking him That's what I get for buying a pure bread dog
- I was at an airport recently and there was a aircraft that was pure white. Looked pretty plane to me.
- It's frustrating, every time I take my new dog to the park, the ducks just won't leave him alone. I guess it's kind of my fault, I shouldn't have gotten a pure-bread dog.
- Every time I take my dog for a walk in the park, he gets attacked by all of the ducks there. Thats what I get for having a pure bread dog
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Pure One Liners
Which pure one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pure? I can suggest the ones about plain and neutral.
- A Pure Mathematics degree is useless… I want a Pure mathematics radian.
- A society without plates Would be pure dishtopia
- What do you call an ocean of orange soda? A pure fanta sea.
- Why doesn't one argue with π? Because π is purely irrational.
- Did you hear about the guy who tried to make an ocean of soda? It was pure Fantasea
- When is a dog not a dog? When its pure bread.
- When is a dog not a dog? When it is pure bread.
Told to me by a friend. - What is a baker's favorite type of dog? Pure Bread Dough-bermann.
- Everyone's got a little bit of racism in them. Not me tho, I'm pure.
- how to lose 75 kilos of pure fat ? Divorce
- How do bakers share their professional secrets? Purely on the knead to know basis.
- My chem exam just came back today I thought I did well. It was 24K golden. Pure "Au"ful.
- A pumpkin spice latte is like pure sodium hydroxide. They're both extremely basic.
- What do they called a mix of two pure breed dogs in Mexico? Mestizo.
- Your girfrieind is like square root of -100... A pure 10 but bothing whitout i in it.
Pure Gold Jokes
Here is a list of funny pure gold jokes and even better pure gold puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Have you heard the new Bruno Mars song? It's pure gold, truly magical.
- All these michael phelps memes coming out today are so funny.... They're just pure gold.
- I sat on my hand for a while, then m**... with it. It was pure gold. Thank you, kind stranger.
Pure Michigan Jokes
Here is a list of funny pure michigan jokes and even better pure michigan puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How many US states start with the letter P? Two. Pennsylvania and Pure Michigan
Howlingly Hilarious Pure Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening
What funny jokes about pure you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean fresh jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pure pranks.
I couldn't join the k**... if I wanted to, my bloodline isn't pure enough.
Turns out my parents weren't even related.
I saw a man dragging a loaf of bread along the floor so I asked him: 'What breed is it?'
He replied: 'It's pure bread.'
Sigmund Freud discovered the "Freudian Slip"
which in my opinion, was pure p**......I mean genius.
So a blind man walks into a bar..
A blind man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Hey, do you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bartender replies "Look buddy, im blonde, and I am 200 pounds of pure muscle. The guy next to you is blond too, and he is 250 pounds, and the guy on the other side is also blonde, he is 300 pounds of bulk, are you still sure you want to tell that joke?"
The blind man replies "Never mind, I dont wanna have to repeat it 5 times."
My grandpa's favorite joke
This works better in my native language, but I am going to do my best to try to translate it effectively.
At the end of a good day's work, an accountant goes home and announces proudly to his wife "Honey, I missed the bus today but I saved $2 by chasing after it all the way home! "
His wife fixes him with a look of pure contempt and says "You fool!! You could have saved $75 if you'd only chased after a cab."
I got a purebred Beagle puppy for my wife
I thought it was an awesome trade.
It's for the birds...
What kind of bird represents peace? The pure white (Dove)
What kind of bird represents wisdom? The wise old (Owl)
What kind of bird represents birth control? Sound of gagging. (the s**...)
George W. Bush is sitting with his aides...
and he is getting debriefed on the world news of the day. The news is rather mundane and unexciting, but one of his aides states that 3 Brazilian people perished in a plane c**... early this morning.
Dubya's reaction is pure shock and grief, he's shaking and can't control his emotions.
Tearfully looking over to the man who broke the news, he asks him, "How many is a Brazilian?"
I asked my girlfriend to describe me in 5 words. She said I'm mature, I'm moral, I'm pure, I'm polite and I'm perfect..
Then she added that I also had a fundamental lack of understanding about apostrophes and spaces.
A nice Scottish lad moves to New York.
After 6 months his mom calls him and she asks how he finds the Americans. Horrible, he says. They always yell and scream. He hates how they pound on the walls and stomp the floors. Oh pure! she says, how do you get by?
I just relax in bed, playing me bagpipes, says the lad.
I've just taken my sausages back to the butchers...
There was only a tiny bit of pork in the middle, the left and right sides were just pure breadcrumbs.
The butcher apologised and said that he was suffering financially, business was tough and he was finding it increasingly difficult to make ends meat.
People say that we are years away AI capable of emotion,
But if the pure spite that is written into printer software is any indication, I'd say we're already there.
Look At Me Darling
Man Looked His n**... Body In Mirror And Said To The Wife Man: "Look 70 Kgs Of Pure Dynamite" Wife Smiled And Reply: "But Shame On The 5cm Fuse"
What was h**...'s favourite beer?
Pure blonde
Women are like numbers ...
* Some are Rational, but infinitely more are Irrational.
* The Real ones might be Proper or Improper, but only the Imaginary ones are ever Pure.
* Some are Natural, the rest are Negative, or just not there.
* Some are Prime, but those are hard to find.
* Every other one is just plain Odd.
Solar radiation has turned the American flags on the moon pure white...
Now it looks like France landed there...
A photon checks into a hotel..
The bellhop says: "Can I get your bags?"
The photon says: "that's ok, I'm traveling light"
- I heard Neil DeGrasse Tyson tell this joke with pure giddiness
Its disgusting and derogatory to call a gay man a fruit
How could something so pure and sweet be compared to a homosexual!!!
What type of dog did the tweaker have?
A pure bred m**... lab.
Noticing a woman sitting alone at a table in a bar...
.. a man goes over to chat with her. After talking to her for a while he makes his move.
"Stop!" says the woman as the man tries to kiss her. "I'm sorry but I'm keeping myself pure until I meet the man I truly love."
"Wow", says the man, "that must be difficult."
"It's not too bad", replied the woman. "My husband's quite upset though."
Bob ,did you know.............??
**JIM**: Bob ,did you know people eat manure in some parts of the world?
**BOB**: Thats pure b**...!!!
**JIM**: Exactly.
"I saved a girl from getting r**... yesterday." "Wow! That's great. How?"
"Pure self-control."
So I took my girlfriend's virginity and her father found out
It went a bit like this
Father: I can't believe you two did that! You're supposed to stay pure until marriage!
Me: I'm very sorry sir. I assure you it will never happen again.
Man looked his n**... body in the mirror says to wife-look 75 kg of pure dynamite
Wife says: but shame on the 5 cm fuse
A white supremacist gets tested for diseases
So much for their "pure blood" claim, the only thing that came up negative was their IQ test.
If 6**... is the mark of the beast...
... and the beast is pure evil wouldn't 25.8069758011278803 technically be the root of all evil?
I was admiring my n**... body in the mirror today, when I said to my wife, "Look at this! 200 pounds of pure dynamite!"
My wife replied, "Too bad about the two inch fuse!"
-Son, remember that in many ways, life is like a display of fireworks on a clear winter night.
-Beautiful?
-Nope. A pure loss, but fun none the less!
The speaker at the podium was talking about preserving pure blood lines and AK-"something or other."
Not sure if it was a dog show or a k**... recruiting rally.
I'm made out of pure dynamite!
An elder couple wakes up together and kiss each other a good morning.
After that, the man stands up, picks up his weights and starts lifting them.
The man says: "Do you see this? I'm made out of pure dynamite!"
His wife looks up, with one eyebrow lifted, and says: "Too bad about the short fuse..."
(I hope it's clear because my English isn't so great)
I have a litter of Pomeranian puppies specifically nurtured to look like a French loaf, 500$ per pupper
Please don't ask me to go lower on the price, they are *pure bread*
I ordered some pure Iodine-131 online a month ago.
They must have messed up, because I received mostly Xenon today.
The receptionist got a bit shocked when a nun comes running out at full speed, with an expression that could only be described as pure horror.
Receptionist: What in gods name happened to her? The receptionist asked the doctor.
Doctor: Well, I told her she was pregnant.
Receptionist: Pregnant? A nun? Was she really?
Doctor: Of course not, but atleast I managed to cure her hiccups...
My wife out of pure boredom started doing this new thing during quarantine that I really enjoy.
Me.
While at the bakery, I couldn't figure out why this one loaf of bread was so much more expensive than the others...
...I asked the baker and he said, "Because that one is pure bread."
I don't understand why a sandwich is more expensive the more ingredients there are.
Shouldn't pure bread be more expensive?
How do you say farewell to a pure, s**... fluid person?
Good Bi!
My dog came bounding into the house this morning with the neighbour's rabbit hanging lifeless from it's jaws.
Panic set in and so I scrubbed it clean and got all the blood marks off until it was pure white again. I then sneaked into their garden and popped it back in its hutch.
That evening my neighbour knocked at my door and said "I can't believe it, flopsy is lying dead in its hutch and the kids are hysterical."
"Sorry to hear that" I replied nervously.
"The strange thing is" he said "we buried it a couple of days ago."
A man looking at himself in the mirror exclaims to his wife "Check out these 200 lbs. of pure dynamite!"
To which she replies without hesitation: "Yeah too bad the fuse is too short..."
Gold watch
Salim was on the verge of death. In his last moments, he called his son Saul ...- Saul, my son, are you seeing this pure gold watch?It belonged to your great grandfather.It belonged to your grandfather. It belonged to me ...... wanna buy?
A team of Swiss archaeologists discovered a new tomb in the middle of the Egyptian desert
They uncovered the tomb, and entered its dark cobweb-filled caverns. After digging and digging, they reached the center of the tomb, a burial chamber filled with treasures.
And at the center of the chamber, a sarcophagus made of pure gold. And once they opened it, they found an unnamed body, in pristine condition, surrounded by a curious combination of chocolate, hazelnuts and wafers.
They decided to call him Pharoah Rocher.
A Teacher taught a very hyperactive class
The class had students from many parts of the world. One day the teacher was late and when she came to the class, it was pure chaos in there. Americans were constantly quarrelling, Australians were standing on their head, Italians were making pasta. But the Spanish kid was surprisingly quiet and was in his seat.
Nobody expects the Spanish in position
Once, me and my family wanted to bake some marshmallows in the campfire.
We had the poles with marshmallows sticked to them prepared when we heard sirens. We all ran out to see what happened. The neighbours' house was on fire and I saw a lot of firefighters trying to get the fire under control. The neighbours looked at us with pure disgust. That was the moment I realized we were still holding the sticks with marshmallows.
A son asked his mother, "Why are wedding dresses white?"
She replied, "It shows your friends and relatives that the bride is pure."
Then the son went and asked the same question to his father.
"All household appliances come in white," said his father.
I had to stop taking my dog to the park, because the ducks kept biting him.
Should have known this would happen. He's pure bread.
I can't take my dog to the park anymore. The ducks keep biting him.
I should have known this would happen. He's pure bread...
My 90 year old neighbor has Alzheimer's
And every morning when i wake up he's in a panic knocking at my door asking if I'd seen his wife, and every day i am forced to remind him that she has been dead for over 10 years...
Honestly i could just move, the house isn't too great, and I've had many opportunities to live in better places..
But the look of pure joy on his face every time i tell him she's dead just makes my day and keeps me from leaving.
This is a traditional joke from my culture. Warning, the humor is a bit different than you're used to
Two men are having dinner. One man orders an uncooked fish, and the other man orders uncooked steak. Both are skeptical of the other's raw food. The fish man then orders a Martini, and the steak man orders pure alcohol. The fish man tells the other man not to drink it. The steak man c**... the alcohol. A few hours later, the steak man is at the hospital. The fish man visits. The fish man tells him that he once pulled a charger out of the wall. The steak man dies.
Her body tensed and quivered as wave after wave of pure energy surged through it…
I probably should've told her about the new electric fence…
What hurts the worst?
A very pregnant woman walks into a bar with her girlfriends and orders a diet coke. "Did you know that childbirth isn't nearly as painful as it is for a man to get kicked in the b**...?" the bartender asks the woman. "What?" The woman exclaims. "How can you say that? You have no idea how much pain a woman endures during birth." "Pure logic," the bartender replies. "You never see a man deciding two years later to go out and get kicked in the b**... again ..."
