Pure Jokes
89 pure jokes and hilarious pure puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pure that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Have a laugh with this collection of Pure Jokes! Featuring an array of non veg, Pure Michigan and Archie jokes, as well as some sheer and bred jokes, this article has something for everyone. Whether you're looking to lighten the mood or just need a good laugh, this article has got you covered. Read through and enjoy!
Funniest Pure Short Jokes
Short pure jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pure humour may include short original jokes also.
- I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him.. Guess that's what I get for buying a pure bread dog...
- What do you call an airplane that flies backwards? a receeding airline.... bada boom! The little bros joke book is pure gold haha
- Receiving a kiss while sleeping is the most pure form of love there is... Unless you're in prison
- I was at an airport recently and there was a aircraft that was pure white. Looked pretty plane to me.
- Her body tensed and quivered as wave after wave of pure energy surged through it… I probably should've told her about the new electric fence…
- After years of practice I can finally tell what time it is based purely on the sun's location in the sky. Right now it is daytime.
- I saw a man dragging a loaf of bread along the floor so I asked him: 'What breed is it?' He replied: 'It's pure bread.'
- My wife out of pure boredom started doing this new thing during quarantine that I really enjoy. Me.
- My body is a temple. My body is a temple. I care about it three to five times a year purely out of guilt.
- I have a litter of Pomeranian puppies specifically nurtured to look like a French loaf, 500$ per pupper Please don't ask me to go lower on the price, they are *pure bread*
Share These Pure Jokes With Friends
Pure One Liners
Which pure one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pure? I can suggest the ones about plain and neutral.
- A Pure Mathematics degree is useless… I want a Pure mathematics radian.
- A society without plates Would be pure dishtopia
- What do you call an ocean of orange soda? A pure fanta sea.
- Why doesn't one argue with π? Because π is purely irrational.
- Did you hear about the guy who tried to make an ocean of soda? It was pure Fantasea
- When is a dog not a dog? When its pure bread.
- What is a baker's favorite type of dog? Pure Bread Dough-bermann.
- Everyone's got a little bit of racism in them. Not me tho, I'm pure.
- how to lose 75 kilos of pure fat ? Divorce
- My chem exam just came back today I thought I did well. It was 24K golden. Pure "Au"ful.
- A pumpkin spice latte is like pure sodium hydroxide. They're both extremely basic.
- What do they called a mix of two pure breed dogs in Mexico? Mestizo.
- My dog ate a loaf and a half of bread off the counter. She's pure bread.
- I ordered a Greek salad with no cheese. It was pure unfettered joy.
- I just got my Doctor of Medicine and my Master of Arts. It's pure ecstasy.
Pure Gold Jokes
Here is a list of funny pure gold jokes and even better pure gold puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Have you heard the new Bruno Mars song? It's pure gold, truly magical.
- All these michael phelps memes coming out today are so funny.... They're just pure gold.
Pure Michigan Jokes
Here is a list of funny pure michigan jokes and even better pure michigan puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How many US states start with the letter P? Two. Pennsylvania and Pure Michigan
Howlingly Hilarious Pure Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening
What funny jokes about pure you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean fresh jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pure pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I couldn't join the k**... if I wanted to, my bloodline isn't pure enough.
Turns out my parents weren't even related.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Sigmund Freud discovered the "Freudian Slip"
which in my opinion, was pure p**......I mean genius.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So a blind man walks into a bar..
A blind man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Hey, do you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bartender replies "Look buddy, im blonde, and I am 200 pounds of pure muscle. The guy next to you is blond too, and he is 250 pounds, and the guy on the other side is also blonde, he is 300 pounds of bulk, are you still sure you want to tell that joke?"
The blind man replies "Never mind, I dont wanna have to repeat it 5 times."
White wedding dresses
Two old men were sitting in a restaurant having a cup of coffee when one of them looks at the other and asks, Why are wedding dresses always white? The other man thinks for a moment and says, Well, you know, I think it means the bride's love is pure.
The first old man does not seem convinced so when another old friend sits down, the man poses the same question to him, Say, do you know why wedding dresses are white? I'm not sure, the newcomer responds, but back in the day didn't all household appliances come in white?
My grandpa's favorite joke
This works better in my native language, but I am going to do my best to try to translate it effectively.
At the end of a good day's work, an accountant goes home and announces proudly to his wife "Honey, I missed the bus today but I saved $2 by chasing after it all the way home! "
His wife fixes him with a look of pure contempt and says "You fool!! You could have saved $75 if you'd only chased after a cab."
I got a purebred Beagle puppy for my wife
I thought it was an awesome trade.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It's for the birds...
What kind of bird represents peace? The pure white (Dove)
What kind of bird represents wisdom? The wise old (Owl)
What kind of bird represents birth control? Sound of gagging. (the s**...)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What was Philip seymour hoffman's favourite album?
Lorde - Pure h**...
What's the difference between love, pure love and excessive love?
Blowing
Swallowing
Gargeling
I asked my girlfriend to describe me in 5 words. She said I'm mature, I'm moral, I'm pure, I'm polite and I'm perfect..
Then she added that I also had a fundamental lack of understanding about apostrophes and spaces.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Whats so special about "d**... cats"?
Aren't all cats pure evil?
I've just taken my sausages back to the butchers...
There was only a tiny bit of pork in the middle, the left and right sides were just pure breadcrumbs.
The butcher apologised and said that he was suffering financially, business was tough and he was finding it increasingly difficult to make ends meat.
People say that we are years away AI capable of emotion,
But if the pure spite that is written into printer software is any indication, I'd say we're already there.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Look At Me Darling
Man Looked His n**... Body In Mirror And Said To The Wife Man: "Look 70 Kgs Of Pure Dynamite" Wife Smiled And Reply: "But Shame On The 5cm Fuse"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What was h**...'s favourite beer?
Pure blonde
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Women are like numbers ...
* Some are Rational, but infinitely more are Irrational.
* The Real ones might be Proper or Improper, but only the Imaginary ones are ever Pure.
* Some are Natural, the rest are Negative, or just not there.
* Some are Prime, but those are hard to find.
* Every other one is just plain Odd.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In honor of HRH on her birthday
A man walks into a London pub clearly beaten down after a rough day. Barkeep gets to talking to him and asks the man what he does.
"I'm the trainer for the Queen's pure breed corgis." the man replies.
"Well that seems like a pretty cushy job, why are you so distraught?" the barkeep asks.
"After so much in-breeding to keep the bloodlines pure, I'm working with some of the stupidest, most stubborn things on Earth." the dog trainer says.
"Ah, I can see how that'd be frustrating."
"You want to know the worst part of it all? The dogs aren't that bright either."
Donald Trump just obliterated Hillary Clinton's campaign to smithereens with THIS secret Trump bazooka
Pure sensationalism. Hillary Clinton supporters are furious.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What type of dog did the tweaker have?
A pure bred m**... lab.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When The Devil Tries To Buy My Soul I'm Going To Show Him Pure Evil.
Going to give him a 40p card charge
Noticing a woman sitting alone at a table in a bar...
.. a man goes over to chat with her. After talking to her for a while he makes his move.
"Stop!" says the woman as the man tries to kiss her. "I'm sorry but I'm keeping myself pure until I meet the man I truly love."
"Wow", says the man, "that must be difficult."
"It's not too bad", replied the woman. "My husband's quite upset though."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bob ,did you know.............??
**JIM**: Bob ,did you know people eat manure in some parts of the world?
**BOB**: Thats pure b**...!!!
**JIM**: Exactly.
So I took my girlfriend's virginity and her father found out
It went a bit like this
Father: I can't believe you two did that! You're supposed to stay pure until marriage!
Me: I'm very sorry sir. I assure you it will never happen again.
Did you know that people trying to loose weight eat pure grain?
It's cause wheat thins
Purebred Police Dog
A woman saw an ad in the local newspaper which read: "Purebred police dog $25."
Thinking that to be a great bargain, she called and ordered the dog to be delivered.
The next day a van arrived at her home and delivered the mangiest-looking mongrel she had ever seen. In a rage, she telephoned the man who had placed the ad.
"How dare you call that mangy mutt a purebred police dog?" she yelled.
"Don't let his looks deceive you, ma'am," the man replied, "He works undercover."
-Son, remember that in many ways, life is like a display of fireworks on a clear winter night.
-Beautiful?
-Nope. A pure loss, but fun none the less!
What do you call a group of carbohydrates that is made from the same ingredients?
Pure Breads
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The speaker at the podium was talking about preserving pure blood lines and AK-"something or other."
Not sure if it was a dog show or a k**... recruiting rally.
I'm made out of pure dynamite!
An elder couple wakes up together and kiss each other a good morning.
After that, the man stands up, picks up his weights and starts lifting them.
The man says: "Do you see this? I'm made out of pure dynamite!"
His wife looks up, with one eyebrow lifted, and says: "Too bad about the short fuse..."
(I hope it's clear because my English isn't so great)
What is well hung, pure, and loved?
Jesus on the cross.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I sat on my hand for a while, then m**... with it. It was pure gold.
Thank you, kind stranger.
I ordered some pure Iodine-131 online a month ago.
They must have messed up, because I received mostly Xenon today.
What is the purest subject you can study?
It's Eco-no-mix
My boss asked me to take a drug test
I told him I've already tried most, but I'm always up for some pure Colombian.
I watched a dog show today and was not impressed. My Mutt would run circles around these Pure Breds!
And probably get disqualified for doing so.
The receptionist got a bit shocked when a nun comes running out at full speed, with an expression that could only be described as pure horror.
Receptionist: What in gods name happened to her? The receptionist asked the doctor.
Doctor: Well, I told her she was pregnant.
Receptionist: Pregnant? A nun? Was she really?
Doctor: Of course not, but atleast I managed to cure her hiccups...
While at the bakery, I couldn't figure out why this one loaf of bread was so much more expensive than the others...
...I asked the baker and he said, "Because that one is pure bread."
I don't understand why a sandwich is more expensive the more ingredients there are.
Shouldn't pure bread be more expensive?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you say farewell to a pure, s**... fluid person?
Good Bi!
My dog came bounding into the house this morning with the neighbour's rabbit hanging lifeless from it's jaws.
Panic set in and so I scrubbed it clean and got all the blood marks off until it was pure white again. I then sneaked into their garden and popped it back in its hutch.
That evening my neighbour knocked at my door and said "I can't believe it, flopsy is lying dead in its hutch and the kids are hysterical."
"Sorry to hear that" I replied nervously.
"The strange thing is" he said "we buried it a couple of days ago."
A man looking at himself in the mirror exclaims to his wife "Check out these 200 lbs. of pure dynamite!"
To which she replies without hesitation: "Yeah too bad the fuse is too short..."
Gold watch
Salim was on the verge of death. In his last moments, he called his son Saul ...- Saul, my son, are you seeing this pure gold watch?It belonged to your great grandfather.It belonged to your grandfather. It belonged to me ...... wanna buy?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
After the baby was born, the panicked Japanese father went to see the obstetrician.
Doctor" he said "I don't mind telling you, but I'm a little upset that my daughter has red hair. She can't possibly be mine.
Nonsense" the doctor said. "Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool.
It isn't possible" the man insisted. "We're pure Asian".
"Well" said the doctor "let me ask you this. How often do you have s**...?"
The man seemed ashamed. "I've been working very hard for the past year. We only make love once or twice a month.
There you have it!" the doctor said confidently. "It's just rust".
A team of Swiss archaeologists discovered a new tomb in the middle of the Egyptian desert
They uncovered the tomb, and entered its dark cobweb-filled caverns. After digging and digging, they reached the center of the tomb, a burial chamber filled with treasures.
And at the center of the chamber, a sarcophagus made of pure gold. And once they opened it, they found an unnamed body, in pristine condition, surrounded by a curious combination of chocolate, hazelnuts and wafers.
They decided to call him Pharoah Rocher.
A Teacher taught a very hyperactive class
The class had students from many parts of the world. One day the teacher was late and when she came to the class, it was pure chaos in there. Americans were constantly quarrelling, Australians were standing on their head, Italians were making pasta. But the Spanish kid was surprisingly quiet and was in his seat.
Nobody expects the Spanish in position
Once, me and my family wanted to bake some marshmallows in the campfire.
We had the poles with marshmallows sticked to them prepared when we heard sirens. We all ran out to see what happened. The neighbours' house was on fire and I saw a lot of firefighters trying to get the fire under control. The neighbours looked at us with pure disgust. That was the moment I realized we were still holding the sticks with marshmallows.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
This is a traditional joke from my culture. Warning, the humor is a bit different than you're used to
Two men are having dinner. One man orders an uncooked fish, and the other man orders uncooked steak. Both are skeptical of the other's raw food. The fish man then orders a Martini, and the steak man orders pure alcohol. The fish man tells the other man not to drink it. The steak man c**... the alcohol. A few hours later, the steak man is at the hospital. The fish man visits. The fish man tells him that he once pulled a charger out of the wall. The steak man dies.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What hurts the worst?
A very pregnant woman walks into a bar with her girlfriends and orders a diet coke. "Did you know that childbirth isn't nearly as painful as it is for a man to get kicked in the b**...?" the bartender asks the woman. "What?" The woman exclaims. "How can you say that? You have no idea how much pain a woman endures during birth." "Pure logic," the bartender replies. "You never see a man deciding two years later to go out and get kicked in the b**... again ..."
