Puppy Jokes
119 puppy jokes and hilarious puppy puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about puppy that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laughter is the best medicine, and if you need it, then we have just the thing: Puppy Jokes! From dead poodles to daddy puppies, these silly jokes promise plenty of laughs. And, who knows - you may even learn something new!
Quick Jump To
- Short Puppy Jokes
- Puppy One Liners
- Puppy Day Jokes
- Hush Puppy Jokes
- Dead Puppy Jokes
- More Puppy Jokes
Funniest Puppy Short Jokes
Short puppy jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The puppy humour may include short doggy jokes also.
- A fortune teller told me that, in 12 years time, I'd suffer terrible heartbreak. So, to cheer myself up, I bought a puppy.
- A fortune teller told me I'd suffer awful heart break in 12 years. To cheer myself up I bought a puppy.
- I got my kid a puppy as a present, but it died before Christmas... FML, now I'm stuck taking care of a puppy.
- My horoscope said I was going to get my heart broken in 12 years time So I bought a puppy to cheer myself up!
- I bought my son a puppy for his birthday, but I accidentally backed over him in the driveway and killed him... Sure is gonna be tough raising this puppy without him.
- Today, a psychic told me I'd witness an unbelievable pain in 12 years. To cheer myself up, I bought a puppy!
- Tomorrow I am going to open the time capsule I buried as a kid. I can't wait to see how big my puppy got
- When christmas was coming up, my kids asked for a puppy. When I got them one, they cried for days... I'll just get a turkey next year like normal.
- Recently, a fortune teller told me that in about 12 years I would suffer terrible heartbreak. So, to cheer myself up, I went and bought a puppy.
- Today, I'm going to open up the time capsule I made when I was a kid... I can't wait to see how big my puppy is now!!!!
Share These Puppy Jokes With Friends
Puppy One Liners
Which puppy one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with puppy? I can suggest the ones about kids dog and small dog.
- I got a puppy for my daughter... Good swap if you ask me.
- I got a purebred Beagle puppy for my wife I thought it was an awesome trade.
- If I had a puppy I'd name it comma. Why? Because of its small pause.
- If I had a dollar for every time I was distracted... I wish I had a puppy
- What does a near-sighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? A wet nose.
- What does a nearsighted gynaecologist have in common with a puppy? A wet nose
- A good book is like a puppy Easy to pick up, hard to put down
- What does a myopic gynaecologist have in common with a puppy? A wet nose.
- If Ice Cube and snoop dogg adopted a child... they could call it Slush Puppy :)
- My autistic 7 year-old battling cancer told me this joke while adopting a shelter puppy
- What do you call a dog in the library? A hush puppy.
- I got a puppy for my girlfriend. It was the best trade ever!
- What do you call a musical puppy? A subwoofer
- What do you get by crossing a baby with a puppy? Jail time.
- I bought a new puppy for my son (3) Now he doesnt have to wait alone in the hot car
Puppy Day Jokes
Here is a list of funny puppy day jokes and even better puppy day puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I just adopted two puppies the other day. I love them so much but they're so distracting whenever I try to watch a movie. They keep pressing paws.
- I was in the attic the other day... ...and I found a Christmas present that I meant to give to my daughter a year ago.
It's a shame I forgot about it, she always wanted a puppy. - Do you know a good veterinarian? Got asked this by a friend the other day.
Hey, do you know a good veterinarian?
'cause these puppies are SICK.
- I'm getting a new puppy in a few days. Gonna name him after the Roman God Stimulus.
- What's sadder than a dying puppy? A black child on father's day
- My dog gave birth to a very rude little puppy. He's been a son of a b**... since the day he was born.
Hush Puppy Jokes
Here is a list of funny hush puppy jokes and even better hush puppy puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What kind of dog is best at keeping secrets? hush puppies
- What's the best type of dog to bring to a library? A hush puppy
- Amazeballs is millennial for "cool", But it's also Native American for "hush puppies".
- How did the potato get the dogs to be quiet? By saying, "hush puppies!"
- My five year old's favorite joke.. What do you call a dog in the library? A hush puppy.
🥁
Dead Puppy Jokes
Here is a list of funny dead puppy jokes and even better dead puppy puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you buy a dead baby for its birthday?
A dead puppy! - What's worse than a dead puppy... Not getting your deposit back.
- Did yiu hear about the new controversial show on animal planet? It shows these fluffy, cute puppies and kittens after they're dead. It's called awww-topsy.
- Worst part about a dead puppy? Walking them is a real drag.
- What do you call 144 dead puppies in a trash can? A g**... litter.
Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Puppy Jokes
What funny jokes about puppy you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean kitten jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make puppy pranks.
It's all in the position.
A father and son were standing in the front yard one day and the son notices two dogs having s**.... He asks "dad what they are doing?" The father replies "they are making puppies." A few nights later the son walks in on his mother and father having s**... and asks " dad what are y'all doing?" The father says "we're making babies." The son quickly replies " well turn her over, I want a puppy!"
What does a farsighted gynecologist have in common with a puppy dog?
They both got a wet nose.
I got a puppy for my daughter and a fur coat for my wife...
...best two trades I ever made.
3 mothers-to-be in antenatal class...
The first one says; "I think I'm having a boy because my husband was on top when we conceived" The woman next to her replies "I think I'm having a daughter because I was on top" The woman at the end starts panicking and says "I think I'm having a puppy"
Little Timmy and his father are walking in the park
Little Timmy and his father are walking in the park. Timmy sees two dogs h**..., and says, "Dad, what are they doing?" His father looks and says, "Oh, they're making a puppy."
Later that night, Timmy walks into his parents' room and sees mom and dad going at it, and says "Dad, what are you doing??" His Dad says, "Oh, we're making you a baby brother." Timmy says, "Well flip her over, I'd rather have a puppy"
I would rather have a puppy!!
A little boy and his dad are walking down the street when they see two dogs having s**.... The little boy asks his father, "Daddy, what are they doing?"
The father says, "Making a puppy. "
So they walk on and go home.
A few days later, the little boy walks in on his parents having s**.... The little boy says, "Daddy, what are you doing?"
The father replies, "Making a baby."
The little boy says, "Well, flip her around! I'd rather have a puppy instead ! "
What's the difference between a singer-songwriter and a puppy?
A puppy eventually grows up and stops whining.
Thanks to PuddinHead742 for this one.
I cringe when teens brag about taking girls to p**...
because adopting a puppy together is a huge responsibility.
A young boy and his father are walking through a park when they see two dogs doing the dirty.
Boy: "Daddy, what are they doing?"
Dad: "Oh...uh...they're just making a puppy."
Later that night daddy and mommy put the boy to sleep and go off to their bedroom. After a couple glasses of wine they get at it. Suddenly the door opens and their son is standing at the foot of the bed.
Boy: "Daddy, what are you and mommy doing?"
Dad: "Oh...We're just making a baby."
Boy: "Well turn mommy over because I want a puppy."
This one time, I cried, when my dad chopped up Onions.
I loved Onions, she was such a nice, sweet, little puppy
s**... ed
One day a little boy was at the park with his grandfather when he saw two dogs having s**.... He asked what they were doing and was told that was how they made puppies. Later that night he had a bad dream and when he went in to his parents' room he saw them having s**.... When he asked what they were doing he was told they were trying to make him a baby brother or sister. Disgusted, he demanded "Well flip her over, I'd rather have a puppy!"
I bought my son a puppy...
I bought my son a puppy for his birthday but I accidentally ran him over as I was backing out my driveway. At least I still have the puppy
People love animals. There's movies where people get blown up and shot. But you kill one puppy...
They ask you to leave the theatre!
I bought my wife a new puppy for Valentine's Day! She's such a beautiful dog! Unfortunately, I forgot my wife is allergic to dogs... so I have to find her a new home. Can anybody help me out?
She's 5'5", 125lbs, and blonde. Free to good home.
My neighbor, an elderly p**..., adopted a puppy
and asked me if I could help train it.
I told her "No sorry, you can't teach an old trick's new dog."
What do a short sighted Gynaecologist and a puppy have in common?
A wet nose..
My sister got upset that I washed our puppy with my own, human shampoo.
I reassured her it had already been tested on dogs.
Finally bought a puppy for the wife and I, but it turns out my wife's allergic to dogs, so we had to get rid of her.
The dog and I live happily together now.
My new puppy is an excellent blacksmith...
...every time I yell he makes a bolt for the door!
My wife slapped me when I told her I'm buying her a puppy for Christmas.
I thought she'd be excited to hear that she's getting a little husky...
My daughter told me she wanted a puppy for Christmas...
I told her "you're eating turkey like everyone else".
People ask how I'm so prepared for Christmas
It's easy I had all presents wrapped and hidden in the attic since August, my girlfriend is going to love her new puppy
On her deathbed my wife said, "Sweety, I will see you in Heaven."
Since then I have kicked a puppy, stole from 4 shops and set fire to an orphanage.!
A blonde, brunette, and redhead are each pregnant and at the doctor's office...
While sitting in the waiting area, they begin chatting.
The brunette says "I was on the bottom so I'm having a girl!"
The redhead says "I was on top so I'm having a boy!"
The blonde starts crying hysterically.
The brunette and redhead ask her what's wrong.
The blonde says "I'm going to have a puppy!"
I just bought a Dalmatian puppy...
And I've found out that if you join all the dots together with a marker pen...
It doesn't wash off...
A small boy walks in on his parents having s**......
...he asks his parents what are they doing:
"We're making your sister "
"Do her d**..., i want a puppy!"
A boy walks in on his parents
A Boy walked in on his parents having s**.... They said; "We're making you a baby brother or sister." He said; "Nono, Do it d**...-style. I'd rather have a puppy."
My girlfriend said she wanted a puppy for her birthday so I got her one.
The next day she saw me loading it into the back of my car and said, "Hey. Where are you going?"
I said, "I'm sending him back."
"Sending him back!" she yelled. "Why?"
I said, "It's not your birthday any more."
At Christmas we all deserve to be happy, so I got a puppy for my wife...
... it was a good trade
I got my kid a puppy for Christmas but it died.
Now all I have is this puppy.
My mum and dad just named their new puppy Spliff
They said it was a joint decision.
Blonde Joke
Three pregnant women were having brunch together, discussing pregnancy matter, and the subject of the baby's gender came up.
Brunette: My baby's going to be a boy because when my husband and I conceived, I was on top.
Redhead: My baby is going to be a girl because I was on the bottom.
Blonde (bursting into tears): "My baby's going to be a puppy."
Two boys are staying at grandmas doing nightly prayers
Two boys are staying at grandmas doing nightly prayers. The first boy quietly asks God for a puppy, the second boy shouts "PLEASE LORD LET ME HAVE A NEW BIKE". The first boy says to the other boy "you don't need to yell I'm sure God can hear you", the second boy says "I know he can but grandma needs to".
My new puppy just bit the neighbors kid so we had to have it killed
He was going to tell his parents
A little boy walks in on his parents having s**....
The dad later explained to the boy that they were making a baby. The boy thought for a moment and said, Can you do d**...? I want a puppy instead.
I get to open the time capsule I buried as a child tomorrow!
I can't wait to see how big my puppy has gotten!
What do a puppy and a near sighted gynecologist have in common?
They Both have a wet nose.
What's the difference between a Karen and a puppy?
Eventually, the puppy will grow up and not whine as much.
Don't adopt a puppy to see if you're ready for kids
Adopt a homeless guy with diarrhea & a bunch of stories that don't go anywhere.
What do you call it when you say hi to a puppy in German?
"Guten-Dog!"
My kids want a puppy for Christmas
I mean, I normally do a ham, but they seem pretty adamant so we will see how it goes!
I really hate autocorrect
My girlfriend is mad at me because she thinks I want to kick her puppy
I lost track of our Dalmation Puppy
Luckily, she was spotted
Psychiatrist: So how long have you believed in reincarnation?
Ever since I was a puppy.
Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a dog!
Unless it's a repressed memory, I made this puppy up myself...
A woman walked into Dr Smith's office and introduced herself.
Hi, I'm Dr Yvette Tan, I've just become an accredited psychiatrist and would love to work as part of your medical practice .
Despite some misgivings, Dr Tan assured him she'd be needed eventually, and once he'd checked all her papers, he set her up in an empty office down the hall.
The next morning a man came in to see him and yelled out Doctor! I feel like I'm a dog!
Ah yes, the doctor replies, I think you'll need to see Yvette
A fortune teller told me I'd suffer a tragic heartbreaking loss in 12 years
So to cheer myself up I got a puppy
One Jamaican strolls up to another Jamaican in the park.
'Aright man, nice puppy ya gat there,' said the first Jamaican. 'What's it breed?'
The second Jamaican replied, 'Dis ting breed air like all da other puppies, man.'
What is the difference between a critic and a puppy?
With time, training and patience, it is possible to make a puppy stop whining.
Good book is like a good puppy
A good book is like a good puppy, easy to pick up but hard to put down
What's the difference between the people who complain about the jokes here and a puppy?
Eventually, the puppy will grow up and not whine as much.
"Daddy, what are you doing?"
A little boy and his father are walking down the street, and they see two dogs having s**.... The little boy asks his father, Daddy, what are they doing? The father says, Making a puppy. So they walk on and go home.
A few days later, the little boy walks in on his parents having s**.... The little boy says, Daddy, what are you doing?
The father replies, Making a baby. The little boy says, Can you turn mommy over? I'd rather have a puppy.
A fortune-teller told me that in 10-15 years, I would suffer the most terrible heartbreak any man has ever faced. I was so upset over learning this.
I decided to cheer myself up -- I adopted a puppy, and I've never been happier!
I bought my son a puppy for his birthday, but I accidentally killed him as I backed my car out of the drive.
I guess, I'll have to look after the puppy myself now.
I find it creepy when my wife gives me those sad puppy dog eyes
It makes me wonder what she did the rest of the dog.
I saw a fortune teller today
She told me that is 12 years my best friend will die. It made me really depressed so I went and bought a puppy to cheer myself up.
I was getting the Xmas decorations down from the attic when i found a present i forgot to give last year.....
Shame, as the kids would have loved that puppy.
