The Best 64 Puppy Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Puppy jokes. There are some puppy girl jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these puppy dead puppy puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Puppy Jokes and Puns
It's all in the position.
A father and son were standing in the front yard one day and the son notices two dogs having sex. He asks "dad what they are doing?" The father replies "they are making puppies." A few nights later the son walks in on his mother and father having sex and asks " dad what are y'all doing?" The father says "we're making babies." The son quickly replies " well turn her over, I want a puppy!"
I got a puppy for my daughter...
Good swap if you ask me.
I got a puppy for my daughter and a fur coat for my wife...
...best two trades I ever made.
3 mothers-to-be in antenatal class...
The first one says; "I think I'm having a boy because my husband was on top when we conceived" The woman next to her replies "I think I'm having a daughter because I was on top" The woman at the end starts panicking and says "I think I'm having a puppy"
What do you call a dog in the library?
A hush puppy.
Little Timmy and his father are walking in the park
Little Timmy and his father are walking in the park. Timmy sees two dogs humping, and says, "Dad, what are they doing?" His father looks and says, "Oh, they're making a puppy."
Later that night, Timmy walks into his parents' room and sees mom and dad going at it, and says "Dad, what are you doing??" His Dad says, "Oh, we're making you a baby brother." Timmy says, "Well flip her over, I'd rather have a puppy"
I got a purebred Beagle puppy for my wife
I thought it was an awesome trade.
I would rather have a puppy!!
A little boy and his dad are walking down the street when they see two dogs having sex. The little boy asks his father, "Daddy, what are they doing?"
The father says, "Making a puppy. "
So they walk on and go home.
A few days later, the little boy walks in on his parents having sex. The little boy says, "Daddy, what are you doing?"
The father replies, "Making a baby."
The little boy says, "Well, flip her around! I'd rather have a puppy instead ! "
What's the difference between a singer-songwriter and a puppy?
A puppy eventually grows up and stops whining.
Thanks to PuddinHead742 for this one.
A young boy and his father are walking through a park when they see two dogs doing the dirty.
Boy: "Daddy, what are they doing?"
Dad: "Oh...uh...they're just making a puppy."
Later that night daddy and mommy put the boy to sleep and go off to their bedroom. After a couple glasses of wine they get at it. Suddenly the door opens and their son is standing at the foot of the bed.
Boy: "Daddy, what are you and mommy doing?"
Dad: "Oh...We're just making a baby."
Boy: "Well turn mommy over because I want a puppy."
My autistic 7 year-old battling cancer told me this joke while adopting a shelter puppy
You can explore puppy daddy reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean puppy pet dad jokes. There are also puppy puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
This one time, I cried, when my dad chopped up Onions.
I loved Onions, she was such a nice, sweet, little puppy
sex ed
One day a little boy was at the park with his grandfather when he saw two dogs having sex. He asked what they were doing and was told that was how they made puppies. Later that night he had a bad dream and when he went in to his parents' room he saw them having sex. When he asked what they were doing he was told they were trying to make him a baby brother or sister. Disgusted, he demanded "Well flip her over, I'd rather have a puppy!"
Tomorrow I am going to open the time capsule I buried as a kid.
I can't wait to see how big my puppy got
I bought my son a puppy...
I bought my son a puppy for his birthday but I accidentally ran him over as I was backing out my driveway. At least I still have the puppy
People love animals. There's movies where people get blown up and shot. But you kill one puppy...
They ask you to leave the theatre!
I bought my wife a new puppy for Valentine's Day! She's such a beautiful dog! Unfortunately, I forgot my wife is allergic to dogs... so I have to find her a new home. Can anybody help me out?
She's 5'5", 125lbs, and blonde. Free to good home.
My neighbor, an elderly prostitute, adopted a puppy
and asked me if I could help train it.
I told her "No sorry, you can't teach an old trick's new dog."
Today, I'm going to open up the time capsule I made when I was a kid...
I can't wait to see how big my puppy is now!!!!
If Ice Cube and Snoop Dogg adopted a child...
they could call it Slush Puppy :)
I got a puppy for my girlfriend.
It was the best trade ever!
My sister got upset that I washed our puppy with my own, human shampoo.
I reassured her it had already been tested on dogs.
Finally bought a puppy for the wife and I, but it turns out my wife's allergic to dogs, so we had to get rid of her.
The dog and I live happily together now.
My wife slapped me when I told her I'm buying her a puppy for Christmas.
I thought she'd be excited to hear that she's getting a little husky...
I got my kid a puppy as a present, but it died before Christmas...
FML, now I'm stuck taking care of a puppy.
My daughter told me she wanted a puppy for Christmas...
I told her "you're eating turkey like everyone else".
People ask how I'm so prepared for Christmas
It's easy I had all presents wrapped and hidden in the attic since August, my girlfriend is going to love her new puppy
On her deathbed my wife said, "Sweety, I will see you in Heaven."
Since then I have kicked a puppy, stole from 4 shops and set fire to an orphanage.!
If I had a dollar for every time I was distracted...
I wish I had a puppy
I just bought a Dalmatian puppy...
And I've found out that if you join all the dots together with a marker pen...
It doesn't wash off...
What does a myopic gynaecologist have in common with a puppy?
A wet nose.
I bought my son a puppy for his birthday, but I accidentally backed over him in the driveway and killed him...
Sure is gonna be tough raising this puppy without him.
A small boy walks in on his parents having sex...
...he asks his parents what are they doing:
"We're making your sister "
"Do her doggy style, i want a puppy!"
When Christmas was coming up, my kids asked for a puppy. When I got them one, they cried for days...
I'll just get a turkey next year like normal.
A good book is like a puppy
Easy to pick up, hard to put down
If I had a puppy I'd name it comma.
Why? Because of its small pause.
My girlfriend said she wanted a puppy for her birthday so I got her one.
The next day she saw me loading it into the back of my car and said, "Hey. Where are you going?"
I said, "I'm sending him back."
"Sending him back!" she yelled. "Why?"
I said, "It's not your birthday any more."
At Christmas we all deserve to be happy, so I got a puppy for my wife...
... it was a good trade
What do you call a musical puppy?
A subwoofer
Blonde Joke
Three pregnant women were having brunch together, discussing pregnancy matter, and the subject of the baby's gender came up.
Brunette: My baby's going to be a boy because when my husband and I conceived, I was on top.
Redhead: My baby is going to be a girl because I was on the bottom.
Blonde (bursting into tears): "My baby's going to be a puppy."
Two boys are staying at grandmas doing nightly prayers
Two boys are staying at grandmas doing nightly prayers. The first boy quietly asks God for a puppy, the second boy shouts "PLEASE LORD LET ME HAVE A NEW BIKE". The first boy says to the other boy "you don't need to yell I'm sure God can hear you", the second boy says "I know he can but grandma needs to".
My new puppy just bit the neighbors kid so we had to have it killed
He was going to tell his parents
(NSFW)A little boy spotted two dogs having sex.
"Dad, dad! What are they doing!?"
"Well son, they are making a puppy."
Later that night the boy walked in on his parents having sex.
"Dad, dad! What are you doing?"
"We're making a baby!"
"Turn her over dad, I want a puppy!"
I get to open the time capsule I buried as a child tomorrow!
I can't wait to see how big my puppy has gotten!
A fortune teller told me I'd suffer awful heart break in 12 years.
To cheer myself up I bought a puppy.
What do a puppy and a near sighted gynecologist have in common?
They Both have a wet nose.
My horoscope said I was going to get my heart broken in 12 years time
So I bought a puppy to cheer myself up!
Don't adopt a puppy to see if you're ready for kids
Adopt a homeless guy with diarrhea & a bunch of stories that don't go anywhere.
What does a near-sighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common?
A wet nose.
What does a nearsighted gynaecologist have in common with a puppy?
A wet nose
A fortune teller told me that, in 12 years time, I'd suffer terrible heartbreak.
So, to cheer myself up, I bought a puppy.
My kids want a puppy for Christmas
I mean, I normally do a ham, but they seem pretty adamant so we will see how it goes!
I really hate autocorrect
My girlfriend is mad at me because she thinks I want to kick her puppy
Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a dog!
Unless it's a repressed memory, I made this puppy up myself...
A woman walked into Dr Smith's office and introduced herself.
Hi, I'm Dr Yvette Tan, I've just become an accredited psychiatrist and would love to work as part of your medical practice .
Despite some misgivings, Dr Tan assured him she'd be needed eventually, and once he'd checked all her papers, he set her up in an empty office down the hall.
The next morning a man came in to see him and yelled out Doctor! I feel like I'm a dog!
Ah yes, the doctor replies, I think you'll need to see Yvette
Today, a psychic told me I'd witness an unbelievable pain in 12 years.
To cheer myself up, I bought a puppy!
A fortune teller told me I'd suffer a tragic heartbreaking loss in 12 years
So to cheer myself up I got a puppy
One Jamaican strolls up to another Jamaican in the park.
'Aright man, nice puppy ya gat there,' said the first Jamaican. 'What's it breed?'
The second Jamaican replied, 'Dis ting breed air like all da other puppies, man.'
My dog gave birth to a very rude little puppy.
He's been a son of a bitch since the day he was born.
What is the difference between a critic and a puppy?
With time, training and patience, it is possible to make a puppy stop whining.
Recently, a fortune teller told me that in about 12 years I would suffer terrible heartbreak.
So, to cheer myself up, I went and bought a puppy.
Good book is like a good puppy
A good book is like a good puppy, easy to pick up but hard to put down
What do you call a chubby puppy?
Husky
Mans best friend
I was having troubles with my girlfriend.
We were always arguing, usually about my behaviour or my friends circle; mostly about nothing in my eyes.
One day she said why don't we get a dog. Great idea! We got a puppy and we went for a long drive into the country side.
When we got there, I opened the trunk to let them both out. Can you guess which one was pleased to see me?
What's the difference between the people who complain about the jokes here and a puppy?
Eventually, the puppy will grow up and not whine as much.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the puppy pup jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working puppy doggie piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.