Pup Jokes

Hilarious puns and funny pick up lines

Two men and two women are on a train.

There is a mother and daughter on their way to have a holiday, and there is an old general and his valet, a young sergeant. The train goes through a tunnel, and everything is dark. There is a *mwsshk!* and a *smack!* and the train leaves the tunnel.

The mother thinks, "that young man stole a kiss from my daughter and got slapped for it!"
The daughter thinks, "that young man tried to kiss me, and kissed my mother by mistake!"
The general thinks, "that upstart pup steals a kiss and I get slapped for it."
The sergeant thinks, "not bad! I just kiss my hand and get to slap the general, and here comes another tunnel!"

A man and his dog...

A man is walking his dog on a bridge that was close to the water, when the small pup broke lose of its leash and fell off into the slow-moving river.

The quick-thinking German tourist jumps into the freezing water without hesitation, and saves the little pooch.

"Here is ze dog, keep him varm and dry him off. He vill be fine." The man was stunned with the German's knowledge.

"Are you a vet?"

"Vet...? I'm fucking soaking."

Stay Stay!!!!!

I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the local shopping center and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever pup had fresh air.

She was stretched full-out on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there.

I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically, "Now you stay. Do you hear me?" "Stay! Stay!"

The driver of a nearby car, a pretty blond young lady, gave me a strange look and said, "Why don't you just put it in park?"

A mama shark and a her pup were swimming by a beach

The pup turnes to its mother and said "Mom, I'm hungry".

"Just find some swimmer, swim a couple laps around him, and dig in, child", she replies.

The pup is impatient and says "But swimming laps takes so long! I'm just going to dig in instead".

"Go ahead, but don't come crying to me when it still tastes like shit", she sighs.

My 85 year old Grandfather just burned me so hard...

Me: "Hey Pup, know what I've been thinking?"

Pup: "Is that what I smell burning?"

My new sheepdog pup just swallowed a whole cantaloupe in one!

Since then he's a little melancholy.

A dog comes upon a set of train tracks

As the pup crosses the tracks a train comes by and runs over the dogs tail, causing the tip of his tail to fall off.

Saddened by his loss, the dog turn around to sniff his lost appendage.

As he is sniffing his tail another train comes by and cuts his head off.

The end.

The moral of the story:
Don't lose your head over a little piece of tail!

What's the difference between a hill and three legged dog?

One's a slope up, and the other is a slow pup

What's a bitch's favorite form of advertisement?

A paw pup.

I just realized I've been missing all the front page posts about animal shelters.

It must be this paw pup blocker I've installed

I just realized I've been missing all of the front page posts about animal shelters...

because I have a po pup blocker installed.

What kind of tents do dogs sleep in?

Pup tents!

I once wrote a story about a lesbian couple who adopted a dog. It was shitty, though...

... it was called "Two Girls One Pup".

Let's end with a joke.

Why did the psychiatrist feel his patient was a pup tent and a teepee?
They were too tense.

I bred my Shih Tzu with my bulldog and they gave birth to a pup

i call it a bull-shit

A dome, a pup and a 6 person family walked into a bar...

...they were tents.

pot smoker who loves coffee

Did you hear about the pot smoker who loves coffee and his dog? yeah, he said the best part of waking up is baking with his pup.

I stole a wolf pup from a rundown wildlife refuge.

Turns out it was just a Shih Tzu.

I'm should name my female pup Karma, because she's a bitch.

Where do young dogs sleep when they go camping?

In a pup tent.

Free pup to a good family

He's a friendly pointer-terrier mix who is full of excitement and energy. He loves kids, but he normally gets kibble.

What are the funniest pup jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Pup? Well, here are the best Pup puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Pup pick up lines to share with friends.


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