Puns

funny jokes about puns and hilarious stories

BEST PUNS JOKES

Puns jokes are one of the most funny and hilarious. Here is list with the Top puns jokes to have fun with friends and family. Top 10 Puns jokes of all time along with the funniest puns sayings and gags ever told.

What kind of bees make milk? Boobies

animal food

Wife to husband: "I'm pregnant!"
Husband: "You're kidding me!"

communication happiness kids marriage

What do you and your shower have in common? You both get wet when I turn you on.

dirty flirty sex

My girlfriend told me she wanted to be treated like a princess. So I put her in the back of a Mercedes and drove into a wall.

car death love work

Vagina - the box a penis comes in.

dirty sex

What do a dentist and a tennis coach have in common? They both use drills!

doctor sport work

What is a snowman's least favorite yoga position? Downward-facing dog pee.

animal winter

What do you call a dog on the beach in the Summer? A hot dog!

animal summer

What did the Zero say to the Eight? Nice belt!

What do you call an academically successful slice of bread? An honor roll.

food school
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NEW PUNS JOKES

Top 10 Latest Puns jokes

Me: "You said dress for the job you want." Boss: "Give me my clothes back."

How did the reporter kill himself? Noosepaper.

The next tropical cyclone should be named after you. It would be less fatal than your face.

When plumbers sleep do they have pipe dreams?

Hackers brought down my online business but I managed to keep the website address and that's domain thing.

If 2 guys are having sex and the house catches on fire. Who gets out first, the guy on top or the guy on the bottom? The guy on the bottom cause he's already got his shit packed.

Just saw a heavyset man carrying loads of weapons, even had one hanging out of his backside... it was big arse 'n' all.

Went to quite a few stores to find the best prices for herbs... I think it was thyme well spent.

What does "reading comprehension" even mean?

I know I know, smoking's bad for me and all. But, my mama told me never to be a quitter.

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PUNS JOKES THAT ARE...

Puns jokes can be funny or dirty, insulting of disgusting. Most of them are suitable for kids and family.

BEST SARCASTIC JOKES

Best Brilliant sarcastic puns and sarcasm jokes.

I know I know, smoking's bad for me and all. But, my mama told me never to be a quitter.

How did the reporter kill himself? Noosepaper.

My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture. I have a hunch, it might be me.

What's the difference between Bill Clinton and a carpenter? A carpenter can cover up the holes he screws.

What's the difference between a Jew and a bullet? The bullet gets out of the chamber.

I work out almost every day. Friday I almost worked out, Saturday I almost worked out, Sunday I almost worked out...

I took a viagra the other day. It got caught in my throat and all I ended up with was a stiff neck.

If you run in front of a car you'll get tired, but if you run behind the car you'll get exhausted.

Pork and Leek... great flavor for sausages... lousy brand name for condoms.

I always wanted to learn to procrastinate... just never got around to it.

Trump invited Putin to Washington because it's customary to take a tour of your new home before you move in.

Password looks at itself in the mirror:
"Don't listen to Google. You are a strong, confident password."

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed looked.

The kid drowned. All his mates showed up at his funeral with life jackets on. Because it's what he would've wanted.

I remember being in so much debt that I couldn't afford my electricity bills, it was a dark time.

Why do birds fly south in the Fall? Because it's too far to walk.

They are doing a sequel to Finding Dory where she discovers she has cancer and searches for a cure. It's called Finding Chemo.

I once worked as a salesman and was very independent; I took orders from no one.

Doc says to the patient, "You have the body of a twenty-year-old, but you should return it. You're stretching it completely out of shape."

Did you hear about the guy who got killed and cut into pieces and stuffed into a zipper bag? His lips were sealed.

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BEST DIRTY JOKES

Best Dirtiest puns of all time.

What do you and your shower have in common? You both get wet when I turn you on.

Vagina - the box a penis comes in.

668 – The neighbour of the beast.

Hear about the new drug for lesbians? Trycocksagain.

Today a fortune cookie told me that every exit is an entrance. Long story short, my girlfriend said no.

Why was the guitar teacher arrested? For fingering a minor.

I'm no weatherman but I know you're going to get 3 inches tonight.

Why is a blonde like a railway track? She gets laid all over the country.

If I was addicted to masturbation, and then became addicted to sex, would it be safe to say that my addiction got out of hand?

Mom: If a boy touches your boobs say "don't" and if he touches your pussy say "stop"? Girl: But mom, he touched both so I said "don't stop".

What did one boob say to the other boob? You are my breast friend!

I watched a really sad porn film the other day - it was a real tear-jerker.

I used to work at a company called 69, my friend took over my position.

Virginity is like a soapbubble, one prick and it is gone.

My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. I refused. If I'm going to have sex, it's going to be on my own Accord.

Your lips are the whitest I've come across.

The nurse at the sperm bank asked me if I'd like to masturbate in the cup. I said, "Well, I'm pretty good, but I don't think I'm ready to compete just yet."

How do you make a pool table laugh? You reach into its pockets and tickle its balls.

Why do gay men fake orgasms? Because they will be in deep shit if they don't!

I slapped Dwayne Johnson's ass. I guess I've hit Rock Bottom.

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BEST STUPID JOKES

Best Funny puns about stupidity.

Two blondes were driving to Disneyland. The sign said, "Disneyland Left". So they started crying and went home.

Why did the snowman smile? Because the snowblower is coming.

My sister asked me to bring her something hard to write on. I don't know why she became so mad. It's pretty fucking hard to write on the sand.

Has anyone heard the news about a festival in the US where a girl got her head stuck on a truck oversized tailpipe? Apparently she was exhausted...

I asked my friend for a sharpened pencil, but he didn't have one. I always knew he was a little dull...

Sperm is white and pee is yellow so a man can tell if he's coming or going.

I don't engage in mental combat with the unarmed.

Did you hear they banned fans from doing "The Wave" at all sports events? Too many blondes were drowning.

Teacher: "Where was the Constitution of India signed?"
Student: "At the bottom of the page!"

My doctor wants to have me tested for lupus which is ridiculous, as I've never even seen a werewolf.

The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Kyle: "Dude, why is my netflix DVD out in the snow?"
Ben: "Well, I heard the coolest thing on the internet right now is netflix and CHILL!"

Why did the farmer only wear one boot to town? He heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!

Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me, it means a lot.

My IQ test results just came in and I'm really relieved. Thank God it's negative.

People often ask me if my French jokes are immature... wee.

I used to wonder why Frisbees looked bigger the closer it came... Then it hit me!

They say "don't try this at home" so I'm coming over to your house to try it...

I'd stand in a room amongst a group of people and say "hey do you guys want to see a joke?" Then walk out of the room, then walk back in whilst presenting myself in a grand fashion. "Et voila."

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BEST RACIST JOKES

Best Puns that are racist.

What is a baptized Mexican called? Bean dip.

What do you call a 5-gallon drum stuffed full of white people? A cracker barrel.

I threw an Asian man down a flight of stairs. It was Wong on so many levels.

If you wrote essay about chinese food,what would it call? Dogcument.

What is the name of an Asian pilot who died in a plane crash? Sum Ting Wong.

I'm not racist, I have a colored tv.

What's the difference between batman and a black man? Batman can go into a store without robin.

I hate cocaine dealers. Always sticking their business into other people's noses.

What's a cocoon? Same as a n-nigger.

What do you get when a black person and a samoan have kids? Sum mo niggaz.

Who invented the brush they put next to the toilet? That thing hurts!

Q: Why don't blacks fuck Afghans? A: Because they are going to make you blow.

It's amazing how one letter can change the whole meaning of a word, I once introduced myself as a racist, obviously meaning rapist.

What did the Asian parent say during the DNA test? That's Yu!

I recently got a new Korean mechanic but it's hard to understand him - he speaks with a Hyundai Accent!

If the koreans cannot do it, they will tell you that they won do it.

Black magic.... It doesn't work.

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BEST RUDE JOKES

Best Rudest of all puns.

Fat Penguin. Excuse me?! I just wanted to say something that breaks the ice...

What's the difference between a Jew and a bullet? The bullet gets out of the chamber.

To all the Dads out there, Happy Father's Day... you mother fuckers.

"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled, "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted to. I was keeping the umbrella.

I trapped a couple of vegans in my basement. At least I think they're vegan. They keep shouting 'lettuce leaf!'

I threw an Asian man down a flight of stairs. It was Wong on so many levels.

Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar? - Because she heard the drinks were on the house.

Why should you not make fun of a crippled person? Because he can't stand the jokes.

What's most interesting song? My girlfriend 's fart.

How do you embarrass an archeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.

My girlfriend told me she was going to get pregnant and if wouldn't do it, she was going to the sperm bank! Boy, I gave her a mouth full!

I asked my pilot if he'd be okay having sex with me on our flight. He replied, "I don't give a flying fuck."

What did Spartacus do to the cannibal who ate his nagging wife? Nothing, he's gladiator.

I cooked Pancakes this morning. I was thrilled but my kids weren't. Apparently, he was their favorite rabbit.

What do Michelangelo and Kurt Cobain have in common? They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.

Why did the snowman's daughter become a stripper? Because he was so cold to her.

What is the difference between acne and a catholic priest? Acne usually comes on a boys face after he turns 12.

How did they know Princess Diana didn't have dandruff? Because they found her head and shoulders in the glove box.

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

What do you call your sister if she only has one leg? Eileen.

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WHAT ARE PUNS JOKES ABOUT?

Puns is if great topic to laugh at. Some of the funniest jokes ever are about puns.

Are Puns jokes funny? For sure! There is no such thing as boring puns joke here. All jokes are funny in their own way. You can also read puns jokes images on Pinterest or watch videos with puns jokes on YouTube.

TOP ANIMAL JOKES THAT ARE PUNS

TOP Funny puns and jokes about cat, dog, fish, bear, cow and all other animals.

What kind of bees make milk? Boobies

What do you call a dog on the beach in the Summer? A hot dog!

What is a snowman's least favorite yoga position? Downward-facing dog pee.

Where does the Easter Bunny go to eat pancakes? To IHOP, of course!

When do monkeys fall from the sky? During Ape-ril showers!

What dog can't bark? A hot dog.

How did the soggy Easter Bunny dry himself? With a hare dryer!

Where does a fish go to borrow money? The loan shark!

Where do frogs deposit their money? In a river bank.

Which day do chickens hate the most? Friday.

Why did the boy throw the butter out the window? To see a butterfly.

I wear two pairs of pants when I go golfing. People always ask me why I do. I say, "I wear two pants when's I golf just in case I get a hole-in-one.

Why did the bee get married? Because he found his honey.

What do crabs smoke? Seaweed.

What's a horse's favorite sport? Stable Tennis.

Why are fish never good tennis players? They don't like getting close to the net.

A cop just knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bikes. My dogs don't even own bikes...

Why did the lion broke up with his girlfriend? Because she was a cheetah!

A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.

Why was the horse so happy? Because he lived in a stable environment.

What did the pig say at the beach on a hot summer's day? I'm bacon!

What do you get when you mix a cheetah and a hamburger? Fastfood!

Did you hear about the 2 silk worms in a race? It ended in a tie!

What's the difference between a politician and a flying pig? The letter F.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

Where do cows go on their summer vacation? Moo York.

Where do fish work? The offish.

Why don't you do arithmetic in the jungle? Because if you add 4 + 4 you get ate!

Why did the Easter egg hide? Because he was a little chicken!

Why did the chicken cross the Möbius strip? To get to the same side!

What do you call a gay dinosaur? Brontosoarass.

Who doesn't eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey because it is always stuffed.

My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because KFC was on the other side.

Where do you find a birthday present for a cat? In a cat-alogue!

I hate insects puns, they really bug me.

Q: What do you call a cow with a twitch? A: "Beef Jerky!"

Why do dogs make good sailors? They know their knots.

What do you call a owl that does magic tricks? Hoodini.

What do you call a black baby pig? A niglett.

Heard about the drug addict fisherman who accidentally caught a duck? Now he's hooked on the quack.

Why don't oysters share their pearls? Because they're shellfish.

Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they'd be bagels!

Pay no attention to the elephant in the room: it's ir-elephant.

What did the mother lion say to her cubs before dinner? "Shall we prey!"

What did one squirrel say to the other? Come around the tree and I'll show you my nuts.

What do you call a bee that lives in America? A USB.

What did the dog say when he rubbed sandpaper on his tail? Rough, rough!

Why are cats, bad storytellers? Because they only have one tale.

Anyone who wanted to sell fish had to get permission from grandpa. He was known as the cod father.

Why don't animals play poker in Africa? Because they're cheetahs.

I thought I understood the meaning of "When Pigs Fly" but then... the swine flu.

What do you call a frog stuck in mud? Unhoppy.

Why did the turkey play drums in his band? Because he already had drumsticks!

I can't jump over a cow, but you should check out my calves.

Why do birds fly south in the Fall? Because it's too far to walk.

Do German cats have multiple lives? Nein.

What do you call a horse who expresses negative views? A Naysayer.

What kind of fish can't swim? A dead one.

Do skunks celebrate Valentine's Day? Sure, they're very scent-imental!

If you cross an owl and a rooster, do you get a cock that stays up all night?

They are doing a sequel to Finding Dory where she discovers she has cancer and searches for a cure. It's called Finding Chemo.

I cooked Pancakes this morning. I was thrilled but my kids weren't. Apparently, he was their favorite rabbit.

Why are pigs so bad at soccer? They are always hogging the ball!

I once hit a bat with a bat.

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.

I once crashed into a cow pasture. I was in for a beef of trouble.

If a dog was a computer, would its bark be bigger than its byte?

What does a cow say to bull? Are you always that horn-ny!

What do you call a cow during an earthquake? A milkshake.

What's a crocodile's favorite shoe? A Crocs.

What do you call a Muslim who owns 6 goats? A pimp.

Why was tiger looking inside the toilet? He was looking for Pooh!

Why can't pigs tell a joke? Because they're such a bore.

Why did the duck get arrested? Because he was selling quack.

What is the cheapest meat you can buy? Deer balls. There under a buck.

What's the difference between a guitar and a fish? You can't tuna fish!

What cheese would you use to entice a bear out of the woods? Camembert.
What cheese is made backwards? Edam.
Best cheese to use to disguise a horse? Marscaponie.

Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump.

What do you call a bird at a party? A party fowl.

Is Japan looking for you? Cause you're on a whale watch.

What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator!

Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because of the lactose.

What's the difference between a bird and a fly? A: A bird can fly, but a fly can't bird.

Why don't you ever see hippos hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because the octopus was well armed.

Two cows in a field. Which one is on holiday? The one with the week cave.

A donkey fell into a bowl of sugar. Now that's a sweet ass.

My dog Minton ate all my shuttlecocks. Bad Minton.

My doctor wants to have me tested for lupus which is ridiculous, as I've never even seen a werewolf.

What do you call dog meat? Pet food.

Did you hear the story about the giraffe? Forget it its too long.

Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Of course, a house doesn't jump at all.

Hitting birds is illegal and you get a big fine, I learned this when I kicked a pelican... I ended up footing a massive bill.

The early bird gets the worm but the late worm gets to live.

What summer vacation destination makes a pet bird sing for joy? The Canary Islands!

Where do sharks go on summer vacation? Finland!

I went geese hunting the other day but once they started flying I knew the game was up.

What did the boy cat say to the girl cat on Valentine's Day? You're purrr-fect for me!

What do bees do with their honey? They cell it.

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TOP FOOD JOKES THAT ARE PUNS

TOP Funny food puns.

What kind of bees make milk? Boobies

What do you call an academically successful slice of bread? An honor roll.

What dog can't bark? A hot dog.

Today a fortune cookie told me that every exit is an entrance. Long story short, my girlfriend said no.

Why did the boy throw the butter out the window? To see a butterfly.

Did you hear about the vegan transgender? He was a herbefore.

What did the pig say at the beach on a hot summer's day? I'm bacon!

What is a baptized Mexican called? Bean dip.

What do you get when you mix a cheetah and a hamburger? Fastfood!

Today I have met the vegetarian brother of Bruce Lee. Brocco Lee.

What kind of cookies make you rich? Fortune cookies!

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

Why was Cinderella such a bad field hockey player? Her coach was a pumpkin.

Pork and Leek... great flavor for sausages... lousy brand name for condoms.

We shouldn't make fun of fat people because they already have enough on their plate.

If you wrote essay about chinese food,what would it call? Dogcument.

Why don't you do arithmetic in the jungle? Because if you add 4 + 4 you get ate!

Who doesn't eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey because it is always stuffed.

I trapped a couple of vegans in my basement. At least I think they're vegan. They keep shouting 'lettuce leaf!'

Why don't cannibals eat clowns? They taste funny.

Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they'd be bagels!

Just burned 2,000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

What do cannibals do at a wedding? Toast the bride and groom.

I ordered 2000 lbs. of chinese soup. It was Won Ton.

Anyone who wanted to sell fish had to get permission from grandpa. He was known as the cod father.

What do computers eat for a snack? Microchips!

What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? Every morning you will rise and shine!

Why can't blind people eat fish? Because it's sea food.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because KFC was on the other side.

What did Spartacus do to the cannibal who ate his nagging wife? Nothing, he's gladiator.

How does broccoli use a cellphone? He cauliflower.

I was going to share a vegetable joke but it's corny.

Why do the French eat snails? They don't like fast food.

I am on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.

I cooked Pancakes this morning. I was thrilled but my kids weren't. Apparently, he was their favorite rabbit.

What's the best thing to put into a pie? Your teeth!

I've just written a song about tortillas - actually, it's more of a rap.

Q: What did the Dorito say to the other Dorito.
A: I can't tell you it was to cheesy.

What's the difference between an Aussie and a Yoghurt? A Yoghurt's got culture!

A donkey fell into a bowl of sugar. Now that's a sweet ass.

Why did the prawn leave the nightclub? Because he pulled a muscle.

I drink straight out a of the wine bottle while cooking. I think that's what they mean by reducing it.

What cheese would you use to entice a bear out of the woods? Camembert.
What cheese is made backwards? Edam.
Best cheese to use to disguise a horse? Marscaponie.

What cake makes you feel uncomfortable? Stomachache.

I hope you like beef because we will eat that when we meat.

My honey farmer friend has a thing for big butts. I suppose Booty is in the eye of the bee-holder.

Party host: Anyone here allergic to nuts? Because I like to rest mine on the table.

I went to a party and met apple there. I asked him to buy me a vodka, but Damn! He gave me a fruit punch.

What do you call a cow during an earthquake? A milkshake.

What do you call Dinner and Breakfast? Dickfeast!

If anything is used to its full potential, it will break.

Did you hear about the hungry clock? It went back four seconds!

What is the cheapest meat you can buy? Deer balls. There under a buck.

What kind of candy is never on time? ChocoLATE!

What is an alien's favorite candy? A Mars bar!

Are you Vietnamese? Cause I'm falling pho you.

My dog Minton ate all my shuttlecocks. Bad Minton.

Tea is like F5 to me, it's refreshing.

What do you call dog meat? Pet food.

Why do people become butchers? So they can meat people.

There was an outbreak of food poisoning among the world leaders at the recent summit. During the food preparation, they feared what the Russians Putin May Merkel Trump.

Justice is a dish best served cold because if it were served warm, it would be justwater.

Where did the spaghetti and the sauce go dancing? The meatball!

For Halloween we dressed up as almonds. Everyone could tell we were nuts.

What fruit do you eat when you are sad? Blueberries.

Did you hear about the monkey with a steak on his head, thought he was a grills?

The recipe said "Set the oven to 180 degrees" so I did, but now I can't open it because the door faces the wall.

A Roman fighter consumed his wife. He said he was glad 'e ate 'er...

I asked my friend a question while he was eating an orange, but all I got was a pithy response.

How do you get a couple of fat birds into bed? Piece of cake.

I thought it was my birthday cake but it was just the shed on fire.

Saying "super size it" at the drive-thru doesn't work when it's a pharmacy.

If you believe that the quickest way to a man's heart is the stomach, you know that you are aiming a little too high.

Do you know how to lose weight... fast.

Heard about the pilot who decided to cook whilst flying? It was a recipe for disaster.

Why did the M&M go to school? Because he really wanted to be a Smartie!

What did the vegan say? I made a big missed steak.

Two cheese trucks ran into each other. De brie was everywhere.

Did you hear about the guy who choked on a pretzel? He was very salty.

Chinese takeaway - £27.50. Petrol to get there - £3.25. Getting home then realizing they didn't give you one of the containers - riceless...

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta!

What do you call cheese that is not yours? Nacho cheese!

Ice-T was diagnosed with Parkinsons. Now he's using the stage name Chocolate Shake.

I've got a new anorexic girlfriend. It's not going too well though. I'm just seeing less and less of her...

Did you hear about the pessimist who hates German sausage? He always fears the Wurst.

I need to stop drinking so much milk. It's an udder disgrace.

What do you call someone who is afraid of picnics? A basket case!

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TOP KIDS JOKES THAT ARE PUNS

TOP Puns for kids which are clean and appropriate.

Wife to husband: "I'm pregnant!"
Husband: "You're kidding me!"

Why did the boy throw the butter out the window? To see a butterfly.

I'd call someone pregnant "totally fucked".

Should I have another baby after 35? No, 35 children are enough.

Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.

My girlfriend told me she was going to get pregnant and if wouldn't do it, she was going to the sperm bank! Boy, I gave her a mouth full!

I cropped my kids out of my online dating profile photos. They can find their own dates.

Swallowing your babies is fatal.

I cooked Pancakes this morning. I was thrilled but my kids weren't. Apparently, he was their favorite rabbit.

I figure I might need a new kidney in 30 years, so I've decided to have a kid.

If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?

I called the Child Abuse Hotline. A kid answered, called me a fat cunt, and told me to fuck off.

Why can't ghost have babies? Because they have Halloweenies.

I got caught in police speed trap yesterday. The officer walked up to my car and said "I've been waiting all day for you " Well I said. I got here as fast as I could.

A teacher asks a student, "Are you ignorant or just apathetic?" The kid answers, "I don't know and I don't care."

I turned on the light to wake up my kids. My 2-year-old turned it off and went back to bed. She used to be the family alarm clock. Now she's the snooze button.

I'm sure my neighbor Nicholas is trying to poison me... You're such an Arse, Nick.

People often ask me if my French jokes are immature... wee.

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TOP LOVE JOKES THAT ARE PUNS

TOP Love puns to say I love you with a joke.

My girlfriend told me she wanted to be treated like a princess. So I put her in the back of a Mercedes and drove into a wall.

Today a fortune cookie told me that every exit is an entrance. Long story short, my girlfriend said no.

Why did the lion broke up with his girlfriend? Because she was a cheetah!

My friends laughed at me when I told them I had a hot date and they said she was imaginary. Well the jokes on them – they're imaginary too.

My ex used to hit me with stringed instruments. If only I had known about her history of violins.

I just got this sick job at the Calendar factory. Unfortunately, I still can't get a date.

When I first started dating my wife she asked me what some of my dreams were. I told her one was about a T-Rex who didn't get a job because he couldn't tie a tie. She meant goals

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed looked.

Did you hear about the cannibal who dumped his girlfriend?

Just had a date with a woman who welds for a living and oh my, were the sparks flying.

I once dated a mime. I hope I left her with a good impression.

What's most interesting song? My girlfriend 's fart.

I always wanted to marry an Archeologist. The older I would get, the more interested she would become!

Q: Why do manly ghosts have so much trouble dating?
A: Women can see right through them!

I cropped my kids out of my online dating profile photos. They can find their own dates.

Love is like a machine... sometimes you need a good screw to fix it.

Relationship between men and women is psychological. She is psycho and he is logical.

I'm trying to date a philosophy professor, but she doesn't even know if I exist or not.

What's the hardest thing about dating a blind woman? Getting her husband's voice just right.

My girlfriend asked me to pass her the Chapstick and I accidentally passed her the Glue Stick! She still hasn't talked to me!

How can you tell if a novel is about a homosexual? The hero always gets his man in the end.

There is 1 thing 2 do 3 words 4 you I LOVE YOU.

Why do Republicans spend so much money on bathroom fixtures? They really love the Grand Old Potty!

I've got a new anorexic girlfriend. It's not going too well though. I'm just seeing less and less of her...

My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair. I knew she'd come crawling back to me.

If you believe that the quickest way to a man's heart is the stomach, you know that you are aiming a little too high.

I thought about my ex-girlfriend today, then I wiped my ads and flushed the toilet.

Frank: "Emilia how many boyfriends do you have?"
Emilia: "You are the only one."
Frank: "I love you."
Emilia: "I love you too."
Frank: "Two? Why then do you say am the only one."

I made a graph of my past relationships. It has an ex axis and a why axis.

My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, "No, wait! I can change."

I'm in a long distance relationship, her restraining order ends tomorrow.

What are the 2 reasons the girl broke up with her boyfriend? Because he was a cheetah and because he was lion too much to her.

My girlfriend just dumped me for talking too much about video games. What a ridiculous thing to fallout 4.

I once dated a woman who uses a nightlight. What a turn off.

What did the boy cat say to the girl cat on Valentine's Day? You're purrr-fect for me!

If you are having a blind date on a glacier. Don't break the ice.

My girlfriend said, "You act like a detective too much. I want to split up." "Good idea," I replied. "We can cover more ground that way."

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TOP BIRTHDAY JOKES THAT ARE PUNS

TOP Funny birthday puns to say Happy Birthday.

Where do you find a birthday present for a cat? In a cat-alogue!

When I was young, I always felt like a male trapped in a females body. Then I was born

This is my backstory of how I discovered anal sex.

I used to be a boy trapped in a woman's body. But after 9 long months, I was finally born!

Happy birthday, Bono. I wanted to get you the perfect present, but I still haven't found what I'm looking for.

What will it take to reunite Nirvana? Two more bullets.

I've never enjoyed my surprise birthday parties because all I can think about is how good my friends are at lying to my face.

I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.

I thought it was my birthday cake but it was just the shed on fire.

Was invited to a birthday party last evening but didn't have a Blast. Hardly any Bombs!

I finally realized my parents favored my twin brother. It hit me when they asked me to blow up balloons for his surprise birthday party.

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TOP CHRISTMAS JOKES THAT ARE PUNS

TOP Funny Christmas puns.

STRESSED is just DESSERTS spelled backward.

Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.

Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack? He only comes once a year.

What do elves learn in school? The Elf-abet!

What is the best Christmas present ever? A broken drum - you can't beat it!

What would you get if you crossed Christmas with St. Patrick's Day? St. O'Claus!

I bought my son a fridge for Christmas. – I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.

Why did Michael's grades drop after the holidays? Because everything was marked down!

Which of Santa's reindeers needs to mind his manners the most? "Rude"olph

I am the ghost of Christmas Future Perfect Subjunctive: I will show you what would have happened were you not to have changed your ways!

What nationality is Santa Claus? North Polish

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic

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TOP HALLOWEEN JOKES THAT ARE PUNS

TOP Funny Halloween puns.

What do ghosts serve for dessert? I Scream.

What do sea monsters eat for lunch? Fish and ships.

Q: Why do manly ghosts have so much trouble dating?
A: Women can see right through them!

Q: Why didn't the skeleton dance at the Halloween party?
A: It had no body to dance with!

I have won first place in this Halloween costume contest 16 years in a row. This year I am dressed as a hotdog. I'm on a roll.

Why can't ghost have babies? Because they have Halloweenies.

For Halloween we dressed up as almonds. Everyone could tell we were nuts.

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CONCLUSION

Best of 921 Funny Puns. Best puns and one liners jokes which are absolutely hillarious and punny. Puns for kids, animals, food, love and birthday along with big pun for Christmas and Halloween.

You've read some of the best puns jokes of all time. We hope you had fun with this collection of jokes about puns. Most of the jokes are suitable for kids, children or teens boys and girls. You must supervise your chidlren not to read jokes for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty puns jokes to your kids.

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