Puns Jokes
146 puns jokes and hilarious puns puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about puns that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Puns Short Jokes
Short puns jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The puns humour may include short punchline jokes also.
- I've posted 9 puns here in this sub but none of them got upvoted. If this one doesn't either, then... ...no pun in ten did
- My wife says if I don't stop making puns about Russia, she's going to hit me. If that's the way it's going to be, then Soviet.
- The year 2020 is going to be filled with so many puns about perfect vision I can just see it now.
- Awful pun I came up with whilst drunk last night. Who is the australian Frankesntein's favourite singer?
Rihanna, mate. - My friend keeps trying to annoy me by using bird puns But I soon realised that toucan play at that game.
- A pun loving old man forgot to order his tombstone before he passed away This was a grave mistake
- So, I just tried a new drinking game. I put in the bee Movie, and every time they make a bee pun, I take a shot.
Unfortunately, I could only get buzzed. - My girlfriend found one of my puns so funny that she flew into space and told it to an alien. Unfortunately, the alien didn't laugh. Personally, I think she took the joke a bit too far.
- Someone told me that it's impossible to make a pun about vegetables. I said that's not nececelery true.
- The Most Dad Joke of Puns! All the best Puns are written down on paper. That way, they're truly tear-able.
Also it's my cake day!
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Puns One Liners
Which puns one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with puns? I can suggest the ones about poking fun and joking.
- Pun enters a room, kills 10 people Pun in, 10 dead
- Puns make me numb Mathematical puns makes me number
- Orion's Belt is a waist of space. Bad pun, I know. 3 star at best.
- Tried to come up with a carpentry pun that woodwork… Think I nailed it!
- It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs... Because they always take things literally.
- Not all math puns are bad Just sum
- If I had a drop of beer for every time I made a bird pun.. I'd have toucans.
- What I want written on my tombstone: "Not appreciating puns was a grave mistake"
- Got dumped because she said I was obsessed with boat puns Canoe believe that?
- I like my puns like I like my sausage... the wurst ones are the best.
- Well my parents are finally sick of all my electronics puns. Now I'm grounded.
- I once submitted 10 puns to a contest to see which one would win. No pun in 10 did.
- One bird can't make a pun. But toucan.
- My boyfriend never gets my fruit puns Perhaps I should let this mango.
- A great pun... is its own reword.
Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Puns Jokes
What funny jokes about puns you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean humor jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make puns pranks.
What dog can't bark? A hot dog.
When do monkeys fall from the sky? During Ape-ril showers!
Wife to husband: "I'm pregnant!"
Husband: "You're kidding me!"
What do you and your shower have in common? You both get wet when I turn you on.
Abortion - it really brings out the child in you.
Anyone got any similar puns?
Also:
- 9/11 jokes are just plane rude.
Dramatic performance
I once had a dramatic performance on the subject of puns, but then I realized it was just a play on words.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Best amputation jokes?
Friend has bone cancer, may be getting an arm amputated. We have run "I'd give my left arm" and "Single-handedly" puns into the ground, and we need more amputation jokes.
name puns! add to the list
what do you call a man:
-with a shovel?
-Doug
-without a shovel?
-Douglas
-in the bushes?
-Russel
-floating in the ocean?
-Bob
-with a gun?
-sir.
What do you call a woman:
-with one leg?
-Eileen
Bad puns are the best puns
How can you tell that a baker's hands are on fire?
He can't seem to *stop droppin' rolls*.
Hear are sum morre punny science jokes
How often do I tell chemistry jokes? Periodically.
Is Silicon the same in English as in Spanish? Si.
The last time I told a chemistry joke there was no reaction.
Chemistry puns Im in my element.
What do you do with a dead chemist?
Barium
Ion-estly cant think of anymore... All the good ones Argon!
Edit 1 just thought of this.
What does Barium Cobalt and Nitrogen make?
BaCoN
My friend told me to stop making Burger King puns
I said "fine! Have it your way!"
I hope puns are okay.
If you live downwind from a milk processing plant, everything smells like dairy air.
A man sends ten puns to a friend in an effort to make him laugh.
Alas, no pun in ten did.
For the holidays I've decided to stop making puns...
I'm sure yule appreciate it.
There was a man who loved puns.
There once was a man who loved puns. They were his favorite kind of humor, and he would often spend time trying to come up with new ones. One morning he was feeling particularly inspired and thought up ten brand new puns. And so he went about his day with the intention of using his new puns to get a laugh from his friends, but unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
People always asked me why I made puns.
I told them that we live in a world where a comedian either climbs to be a legend or lives long enough to start using puns... and I chose the ladder.
Symphony of puns
i never let my kids listen to jazz or classical music...
Too much sax or violins can only lead to treble!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Misc religion based puns
What do you call a horse who doesn't believe in God?
Hay-thiest
What do you call a pig who believes in the old gods?
A pag-ham.
What do you call a practitioner of Hinduism who solely worships in the morning?
A Hin-dew.
What do you call a caveman unsure it he believes in tools or not?
Ag-no-stick.
What do you call a fellow who is over 21 and makes bad puns?
A groan man.
A man entered 10 puns into a pun contest.
When he called in to ask if any of his puns won the contest, the organizer told him, "No pun in ten did."
Pun contest
There was once a man who wanted to enter his local paper's pun contest. He sent ten puns in hoping at least one would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
Why do adults like Legos so much, when they grow old?
They can't lego of their childhood.
Tell some more Lego puns, here!
Ugh. Sausage puns.
They're the wurst.
Have you ever seen Puns: The Musical?
If not, you really should. It's a great play on words.
I've heard a lot of good puns in my day but....
the one about the kleptomaniac baker really takes the cake.
I seemed to have lost all my vegetable puns
I hope they turnip somewhere
7 days without puns makes one weak.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My Jewish wife was mad at me for making lame puns, so she punished me by lacing my chocolate coins with l**....
It was a real gelt trip.
My wife and I decided to see a therapist because our marriage was falling apart.
Therapist: So, what seems to be the problem?
Wife: I can't take it anymore. I can't live with him making Star Wars puns all the time.
Me: Divorce is strong with this one.
I keep trying to make funny eye puns...
But my friends say they keep getting cornea and cornea.
What do you call a mountain of puns?
Mount Cleverest
And the King of puns said
It's going to be another reigny day
From my nine year old...
He walked up to me tore a piece of paper and walked away, I look at the paper it says "my puns" I ask what that was about, he says " I know... My puns are tear-able"... Thats my boy
If there's a bee in my hand, what's in my eye?
Beauty. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
ITT: People who want to kill me, people who think I am their dad, more puns about bees, puns about beer, "oh I get it", and "this joke is more like a riddle"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Puns are the only form of humor where a groan is high praise and a laugh is a fair attempt.
Well, that and s**....
If bad Russian puns
were worth a Nikolai would be rich.
I don't care if you don't like space puns. I like space puns.
Comet me bro.
Most people don't enjoy puns. Wordplay almost feels like an emotional knife stab to them. But at least they appreciate my humour when I get home
It just goes to show you, the only good pun is a dad pun
My girlfriend left me....
she said she was sick of my tree puns
what a beech
I like telling science puns...
Just to see the reaction...
People really hate my cheesy puns...
but I'm quite fondue of them.
A man asks his friend to stop telling animal puns.
His friend says "Sorry, it's a bad rabbit I have."
Some people don't like vegetable puns...
but I don't carrot all about their opinions.
Wife: He makes puns all the time
Therapist: You should punish him
Husband: But every punishment to be different
My friend asked me, "Where's my book of opera puns?"
I said, "It's overture house."
My wife told me if I kept making puns about my dark yellow glove then she'd leave me.
I told her I could see where she was coming from, even I found it annoying I mustard mitt.
i've got a Liszt of great composer puns that's Haydn in my closet somewhere...
i could look Bach there and read it to you, but i don't think you could Handel it.
Snowman puns to celebrate the snowstorm in my area
What do vampires get when they bite snowmen?
"Frostbite"
What is a snowman's favorite cereal?
"Snowflakes"
Why didn't the snowman answer the question?
"He didn't snow the answer"
What does a snowman like to ride?
"An icicle"
How can you tell a snowman is angry at you?
"You get the cold shoulder... or an icy stare"
Pun competition
One day, a man was sitting at home with a beer in hand when he read about a pun competition being held downtown. He got up early the next morning and came up with the best puns he had ever seen, and entered his 10 best puns hoping he would win, but unfortunately no pun in 10 did.
A cook I work with spent all day making sausage puns
It was the wurst
Military puns are funny
Generally speaking
Half my humor is puns, the other half is memes.
The third half is absurdity.
Who doesn't like cheesy puns...
They're just so grate!
Math Puns
The first sine of madness.
I just don't understand puns about furnitures!
I haven't done it sofa, it's just weird.
There aren't many puns about electricity
I'd be shocked if I thought of one!
I hate car puns.
They drive me crazy.
Bad puns
That's how eye roll.
I honestly cannot deal with puns.
But I can with a deck of cards.
I'm an adult who likes puns...
I guess you could say I'm a groan-up.
I spent all day working on a bunch of puns about limousine drivers.
But I still have nothing to chauffeur it.
I have some bad eye puns.
But my friend's are cornea.
Since Trump nicknamed Kim Jun-Un Rocket Man, when Christmas comes along..
he can call him missile toe.
Joke originally told by my coworker today, who is a master of puns.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A person needs two things for a good life: good tea and good puns...
Without them, you've just got a s**...-tea life.
While most puns make me feel numb,
Math puns always makes me feel number.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What should you do if someone hates on your puns?
Punish them.
I hate when someone explains egg puns to me.
It ruins the yolk.
My friend didn't understand my ocean puns
I guess I should have been more pacific.
I'll sea myself out.
Puns about Norse gods...
are Loki the best.
There was a Broadway performance about puns...
But don't get too excited. It was just a play on words.
Cat puns freak meowt...
...I'm not kitten.
My wife left me because I kept making beer puns.
Alcohol her later.
Why is there no such thing as a punapple?
Because the best puns come in pears.
(Original joke made up by me and my friend the other day as we were high and ate pineapple... the asparagus guy inspired me to share)
My girlfriend said she was getting annoyed with all my fish puns
So I told her if she wanted me to stop making them to let minnow.
This sub is just terrible bank of awful puns
and I'm losing interest
