The Best 81 Punishment Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Punishment jokes. There are some punishment punish jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these punishment sinners puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Punishment Jokes and Puns

I dont believe in hitting my children as punishment

So i send them to school wearing crocs and anime shirts and let other kids beat them instead

TIL about a method of capital punishment called the Roman Candle. Victims were tied to a stake and covered in a flammable resin. The burning bodies would sometimes be used to provide lighting for evening parties.

Great idea; terrible execution.

I would never resort to plotting revenge on an ex.

Just her having to acknowledge that she slept with me is punishment enough.

Punishment joke, I would never resort to plotting revenge on an ex.

What is the punishment for bigamy?

Two wives.


A couple days ago a couple kids in high school were busted behind their school. One was eating firecrackers and the other was drinking battery acid.

They were taken to court by the police. The judge thought long and hard what their punishment should be, but just ended up charging the one, and he let the other one off.


Three women die in an accident and go to Heaven. There Saint Peter says, 'We only have one rule - don't step on the ducks!' They enter Heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks everywhere. In fact, it's almost impossible not to step on a duck, and the first woman accidently steps on one straight away. Saint Peter comes along with the ugliest man the woman has ever seen and chains them together saying, 'Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!' The next day, the second woman steps on a duck and she too is chained to an incredibly ugly man. The third woman is very, very careful with the ducks and manages to avoid stepping on any of them. One day Saint Peter comes along and chains her to an incredibly handsome man. The woman is delighted but wonders why she's been blessed. She gets on her knees and prays aloud, 'Oh Lord, what have I done to deserve this bounty?' The man says, 'I don't know about you, lady, but I trod on a duck.'

What do you call a guy that overeats for the sole purpose of getting stomachaches?

A glutton for punishment.

Punishment joke, What do you call a guy that overeats for the sole purpose of getting stomachaches?

Urugay still complaining about Suarez punishment:

"DonΒ΄t forget that 4 human months are 2 dog years."


Not talking to your husband to punish him is like trying to kill a fish by drowning!

So I heard Charles Manson is getting married..

Yeah, I didn't think life in prison was a strong enough punishment either.

When I was 18 I got Coal from Santa

Yup, raising Cole as a single mom was a punishment for being bad, I guess.

You can explore punishment penal reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean punishment commit dad jokes. There are also punishment puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

I have no problem with Capital Punishment in theory....

I just have problems with its execution.

An identity thief and a rapist get convicted in a poor town...

The judge decides that the best punishment is to tie them up in a courtyard and for $5 you can punch the identity thief so he can never use his charm to con again, or for $10 you can kick the rapist in the nuts. The police officer in charge of this spots a girl kick the identity thief in the nuts and says, "Hey! You can't do that!" The girl asks, "Why not?" And the cop says, "Because this is the punchline."

What happens when doughnuts join a sorority?

They have to go through the glazing.

I'm sorry I'm a baker it just came to me... Pun-ishment is in order.

What is Vladimir Putin's favourite novel?

Crimean Punishment.


I had a detention for only using uppercase letters today

Stupid capital punishment

Punishment joke, I had a detention for only using uppercase letters today

What do you call a bad pun?


Someone with Celiac disease but still eats wheat...

Is a gluten for punishment.

What is the only word that a redneck will capitalise?


what is the punishment for polygamy?

multiple mother in laws

A student gets pushed off a cliff as a punishment

He had a bad altitude.

There are no gay people in Russia...

There are homosexuals but they are not allowed to be gay about it. The punishment is seven years locked in prison with other men and there is a three-year waiting list for that.


The judge told me I might get capital punishment for my crimes, and asked me if I knew what it meant..

I didn't, so I told him to use it in a sentence.

I heard that wordplay was illegal.

Apparently there is serious PUNishment.

My wife hasn't said a word to me in 6 days.

What's even better is, she thinks it's punishment.

When I was a kid I was diagnosed as gluten intolerant.

When I misbehaved my mom would make me eat a bunch of white bread. A gluten for punishment kind of thing.

Wife: He makes puns all the time

Therapist: You should punish him

Husband: But every punishment to be different



Suicide is illegal

The punishment is death

Why did the man with celiac disease eat a loaf of bread?...

He was a gluten for punishment

What do Caps Lock and prison have in common?

A minor touch and you get capital punishment.

Last weekend my dad caught me smoking a cigarette and for punishment made me smoke until I puked.

This weekend I made sure he caught me in bed with my girlfriend.

What was the ancient punishment for smoking fatal levels of weed?

You would be stoned to death.

The pun-ishment of notes

When notes get in treble, bass-ically they get put behind bars. The alto-nate punishment is to push them off a clef and hope they land flat on sharp objects.

Do you know the punishment for bigamy?

Two mothers-in-law.

Why was the English teacher arrested?

She practiced capital punishment in her classroom.

I was pulled over in Massachusetts for reckless driving.

When brought before the judge, I was asked if I knew what the punishment for drunk driving in that state was. I said, "I don't know... reelection to the Senate?"

Why should polygamy be legal?

Any guy willing to take multiple wives is punishment enough!

A sacrificial lamb is really nothing more than

a mutton for punishment.

Everyone remember: forward slashes are for websites, back slashes...

are for punishment.

Why did Barley keep dating abusive women?

Because he was a gluten for punishment.

A Jewish man's mother-in-law is in court for stealing a bag of oranges...

The judge says, Well, since you stole 6 oranges, your punishment is 6 nights in jail, one for each orange. Immediately the Jewish Man jumps up out of his seat and yells, WAIT! The whole room is shocked. What is it? Do you not feel that this is a fair punishment? Asks the judge. Oh No. I think it's very fair. I just wanted to add that she stole a bag of peas as well...

There is a type of capital punishment where the executioner yells mispronounced words at the inmates until they die.

It's called lethal inflection.

I don't know about you, but I support capital punishment

Everyone in the capital should be punished

What does the man with celiac's disease say when he talks about his continued love of bread products?

I'm a gluten for punishment.

Once in school, I spelled redundant wrong

The teacher made me write it 500 times as a punishment.

My joke about capital punishment got downvoted.

I guess it was great concept, poor execution.

Curiosity might have killed the cat

But is it really a fair punishment to send it to live out the rest of its days alone on mars?

I got banned from a super secret special awesome cooking society...

Well, I guess that's the punishment for spilling the beans.

Homosexuality in Russia is a crime, and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with hundreds of other men.

There is a three year waiting list.

What do you call someone who has watched all the "Shades of Grey" movies?

A glutton for punishment...

My wife was surprised to hear that I actually enjoyed her punishment of making me sleeping on the sofa. I said that it made me feel manly, like I was camping...

...with a really angry bear somewhere close by...

I once knew a soldier who was into BDSM.

Corporal Punishment.

The Stanley Cup Finals left me so angry last night..

I demand capital punishment.

The Professor asks his Student his final exam question

Professor: what is the punishment for polygamy?

The clueless Student thinks about it, then answers: two stepmothers?

God's punishment

God gave women labor pains and monthly bleeding as the punishment for the original sin. Men's punishment is to be with his wife and listen to her problems. That's why god hates homosexuals. They found a loophole in this system.

Donald Trump is convicted of treason

His punishment is hanging. On the day of his execution, the rope is tied around his neck as thousands watch. The floor drops, but Trump is unharmed. The noose was fake.

Some people think the romans were too harsh in their punishment of jesus

but I think they really nailed it.

I can't stop making puns

Some say it's a gift. Some say it's a punishment

Where are owls that commit crimes sent as punishment?


Despite the fact that whenever I eat any products with wheat in I get stomach cramps, I still regularly enjoy consuming it.

You could say that I'm a gluten for pun-ishment.

As a punishment I was once made to answer a difficult question while riding up and down the elevator.

It was wrong on so many levels.

Have you heard a joke about capital punishment?

Apparently, they're very hard to execute.

A long time ago, in the middle east

There was a town where everyone worshipped many gods. But one day, a young boy arrived from afar, claiming to be a prophet sent by Allah. He told them to convert to Islam, or else they would receive divine punishment.

Naturally, the townspeople rejected his words, and they executed him in public. Mere days later, a mysterious disease swept through the town and killed every last one of them.

They should have obeyed the Quran teen.

Israel Health minister who previously claimed that CORONA Virus is divine punishment against homosexuality.

Has tested positive for the virus!!!

I forgot to do the dishes again, and as punishment my wife read me the collected works of Kafka

I never did hear the end of it

My teacher randomly capitalizes letters on an assignment when someone misbehaves

It's their capital punishment

I wrote a 200,000 word novel about a French actor who is persecuted for his art.

It's called, "Mime and Punishment".

I was misbehaving in class...

I was misbehaving in class one day, and was sent out of the classroom to the head's office.

He said to me This is the 4th time this week! We're going to have to take this further. I'm going to call your father and ask him to come down so we can discuss your punishment.

I can't wait to meet him!

A man was sent to hell after his death..

As he was being led into the pits for an eternity of torment, he saw a lawyer passionately kissing a beautiful woman.

What a joke! he said. I have to roast in flames for all eternity and that lawyer gets to spend it with that beautiful woman. Satan jabbed the man with his pitchfork and snarled, Who are you to question that woman's punishment?

Breaking News: Putin orders full investigation and promises severe punishment for whoever poisoned opposition politician Navalny...


There's a reason why Dads tell more dad jokes to kids who act up.


God has a meeting with the board of Archangels. He turns to Archangel Joe.

G : "So where are you at with the punishment list for the 2020s??"

J : "All done"

G : "What?"

J : "Yeah, all the punishments for 2020 have been passed"

G : *facepalms* "That was supposed to be for the whole decade not one year you idiot."

So I learned some interesting things today

I get a kick out of words and word histories, so reading up I learned the word "CENTURION" came from the old Latin word for one hundred, because they were an officer in charge of one hundred soldiers. I also learned that the term "DECIMATE" comes from a collective punishment centurions would mete out, where one out of every ten men would be executed. It seemed like there was definitely some kind of joke or word play I could make out of that, but I couldn't find any.

There was no pun in ten dead.

What is the consequence for a cringey pun?

A Punishment

What do you call getting shot for attempted sedition?

Capitol Punishment

A guy murders his parents.

He is presented in front of a judge and he begs the judge to show mercy while delivering his punishment.

The judge says to him, "You killed your own parents. Why would I show mercy to you?"

The guy looks at the judge and says, "Well, because I am an orphan."

A soul is sent to hell.

"Get me the manager! I demand to know why I am in Hell!" the soul shouted.
The fallen angel sighed. "We rebelled against God."
"That's no reason to punish me!"
"You do not understand. You were not sent here to be punished by us. You were sent here as punishment to us."

Has anyone noticed that (i) looks like (I) that's been beheaded?

Capital punishment?

What do you call a celiac who ignores their dietary advice?

A gluten for punishment

If we had a civilization on the moon and someone committed murder, would the punishment still be the same?

I mean, I would think the gravity of the situation would be way less, ya know?

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the punishment hideous jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working punishment sympathy piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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