Punish Jokes
78 punish jokes and hilarious punish puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about punish that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Punish Short Jokes
Short punish jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The punish humour may include short spank jokes also.
- I dont believe in hitting my children as punishment So i send them to school wearing crocs and anime shirts and let other kids beat them instead
- My wife hasn't said a word to me in 6 days. What's even better is, she thinks it's punishment.
- My joke about capital punishment got downvoted. I guess it was great concept, poor execution.
- Punish me daddy,I've been a naughty girl "For the last time ,Brenda, it's 'Forgive me Father,I've sinned' "
- The student and the teacher. JACK: "Would you punish me for something I didn't do?"
TEACHER:" Of course not. "
JACK: "Good, because I haven't done my homework ...." - Homosexuality in Russia is a crime, and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with hundreds of other men. There is a three year waiting list.
- I've been a bad girl, she said, I need to be punished. So I signed her up for a Comcast account.
- I have no problem with Capital Punishment in theory.... I just have problems with its execution.
- What's the difference between Harambe and Michael Jackson? Harambe got punished for touching little kids.
- I know its slightly distasteful but, what's the best way to punish a blind kid? rearrange the furniture
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Punish One Liners
Which punish one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with punish? I can suggest the ones about avenge and penalty.
- How are blind kids punished by their parents? The parents move the furniture.
- How do parents punish their blind child? They rearranged the furniture.
- Why didn't they punish the student who hung himself? He was already suspended.
- My wife isn't talking to me Funny thing is, she thinks she's punishing me.
- What should you do if someone hates on your puns? Punish them.
- What is the worst punishment for someone with ADHD? A concentration camp
- Why is it difficult to punish vampires? They can't reflect on what they've done.
- How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? They rearranged the furniture.
- What is the punishment for polygamy in the United States? Multiple mothers-in-law.
- Has anyone noticed that (i) looks like (I) that's been beheaded? Capital punishment?
- What is the punishment for bigamy? Two wives.
- What do you call a bad pun? Punishment.
- What do you call getting shot for attempted sedition? Capitol Punishment
- How do parents punish their blind kid? The rearrange the furniture in the house
- I can't stop making puns Some say it's a gift. Some say it's a punishment
Hilarious Punish Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about punish you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean forgive jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make punish pranks.
How do Helen Keller's parents punish her for misbehavior?
They re-arrange the furniture around the house.
A priest and a farmer are playing a round of golf.
On the first hole, the priest clasps his hands, says a prayer and shoots a hole-in-one.
When it's the farmers turn, he shoots and the ball ends up in the woods.
The farmer is furious and screams: "g**... I missed".
The priest tells him "If you curse one more time, god will punish you".
On the second hole, the priest clasps his hands, says a prayer and shoots another hole-in-one.
When it's the farmers turn, he shoots and this ball also ends up in the woods.
He screams "g**... I missed"
A loud rumble is heard and lightning strikes the *priest*.
Shortly after, a voice is heard from above the clouds saying "g**... I missed"
Golfing on the sabbath
One day, a man named David decides to skip church to play golf. Up in heaven, Saint Peter sees this and reports David's sin to God. God says, "I will punish him accordingly." David plays a perfect game and goes home really pleased. Saint Peter sees this and goes to God and says, "What gives? You said you would punish him, yet he gets a perfect score." God smiles and says, "Who can he tell?"
Punishment
Not talking to your husband to punish him is like trying to kill a fish by drowning!
Why did King Trident punish Ariel?
He found her stash of sea w**....
Helen Keller
How did Helen Kellers parents punish her??
Rearrange the house..
Why was Helen Kellers hand broke?
Trying to read the speed limit signs going down the road.
A few Helen Keller jokes. Feel free to add your own!
1. "Did you know Helen Keller had a really fancy doll house?"
"Neither did she.
2. "Why did Helen Keller's dog run away?"
"You would too if your name was BALLRUGEKLHEBSKLH!"
3. "How do you punish Helen Keller?"
"Rearrange the furniture and keep a plunger in the toilet."
Funny comeback from a student
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's
cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his
father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
How do Helen Keller's parents punish her?
Glue doorknobs to the walls.
How did the judge punish the criminal that couldn't get his thoughts in order and kept coming up with excuses that didn't make any sense and it was annoying and the jury became angry and it was so annoying for everyone?
It was a run-on sentence.
How did Helen Kellers parents punish her?
They gave her a basketball and told her to read.
what is the punishment for polygamy?
multiple mother in laws
A Father comes home from work
To find the tv broken and his wife looking furious with their child.
"What happened?" The father asked.
"Our son broke the tv playing the Wii" she replied.
"Did he have the s**...?"
"No, I thought Id let you punish him"
Wife: He makes puns all the time
Therapist: You should punish him
Husband: But every punishment to be different
The pun-ishment of notes
When notes get in treble, bass-ically they get put behind bars. The alto-nate punishment is to push them off a clef and hope they land flat on sharp objects.
Why do you never see a black person with Down Syndrome?
God doesn't punish anyone twice.
Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
Two mothers-in-law.
How do you punish a pet rock
You hit rock bottom
How did Hellen Keller's parents punish her?
They gave her a cheese grater and told her it was a book
Little Johnny asks his teacher
Little Johnny asks his teacher, "Would you punish me for something I didn't do?"
"Of course not, Johnny," she responds.
"Great, because I didn't do my homework."
Little Johnny accidentally enters his parents room and is shocked by what he saw
"Mom you are doing this and you punish me for s**... my finger" he shouted
Little Johnny's teacher asks,
Little Johnny's teacher asks, "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.
Do any of you know why his father didn't punish him?"
Little Johnny replies, "Because George was the one holding the axe?
How do parents punish their blind children for bad behaviour?
They rearange the furniture.
What did the baker do to punish his electrician son?
Beat him with a breadboard
How does the russian mother punish her kid who got bad grades at school?
Nietflix.
How did the linguistics professor punish the late student?
He gave him a harsh sentence.
How do you punish Hellen Keller?
Give her sand paper and tell her to read it
Little Johnny raises his hand in class one day...
and asks "Teacher, will you punish me for something I didn't do?"
"Of course not" says the teacher.
"Good," says Little Johnny, "cause I didn't do my homework."
A serial r**... was caught and put on trial
and the prosecutor asked the r**... "What inspired you to do what you did?"
He replied, "Your honor, I couldn't have r**... those women because I am gay!"
A look of relief spread across the judge's face and he leaned back contently in his chair... "Finally, some biblical justification to punish you!"
They usually don't punish a doctor for losing a patient
But they immediately fired me, being a gynecologist is difficult.
How do you punish Helen Keller?
Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in a corner.
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her as a child?
They told her to sit in the corner of a circular room.
God's punishment
God gave women labor pains and monthly bleeding as the punishment for the original sin. Men's punishment is to be with his wife and listen to her problems. That's why god hates homosexuals. They found a loophole in this system.
How do you punish your coffee beans?
You ground it.
How do you punish Helen Keller?
Put her in a circular room and tell her there's a penny in the corner.
How do you punish a misbehaving AI?
Chop its bits off.
How did Hellen Keller's mother punish her?
She left the plunger in the toilet.
As a punishment I was once made to answer a difficult question while riding up and down the elevator.
....
It was wrong on so many levels.
....
Why is Punisher the funniest Marvel character?
Because he has the best punchlines.
Little Johnny's teacher asks, "George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Do any of you know why his father didn't punish him?"
Little Johnny replies, "Because George was the one holding the axe?
I figured out how to control the weather.
Whenever the wind does something I want it to do, I reward it.
Whenever it does something I don't want it to do I punish it.
Eventually the wind learns to do what I want it to do.
I call it "air conditioning".
Mondays
God gave us Mondays to punish us for the things we did over the weekend.
A soul is sent to h**....
"Get me the manager! I demand to know why I am in h**...!" the soul shouted.
The fallen angel sighed. "We rebelled against God."
"That's no reason to punish me!"
"You do not understand. You were not sent here to be punished by us. You were sent here as punishment to us."
A woman goes to confession...
The priest says to her "For the last time Becky it's forgive me father for I have sinned." "Not punish me daddy I've been a bad girl."
George Washington admits he chopped down the cherry tree.
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Johnny, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
Little Johnny: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....
A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense:
"My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb."
"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses."
The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.
What punishment was given to the electrician?
He got grounded.
What was the punishment for the Amish boy who went streaking at school?
He got suspendered.
What's the punishment for bigamy?
More than one mother-in-law
What's the punishment for bigamy?
Two wives.
(Joke courtesy of my Wife!)
Russian man dies
Russian man die, but for him suffer not over. Man very wicked, and go to h**.... There devil make punish: he burn in lake of fire. Is warm. Russian man finally happy.
So devil make lake hotter. But Russian man now is warmer. Now is happier.
Devil get very frustrate. So devil make fire lake into ice lake--lake cold as million Russian winter. But Russia man now happiest of all!
"Devil!" he say, "h**... is freeze! Russia is finally happy country!"
But is not true. Is only story.
Also, man not in h**..., only Russia.
A boy asks a teacher a question.
Boy: "Would you punish me for something I didn't do?"
Teacher: "No, of course not."
Boy: "I didn't do my homework."
