Punch Jokes

163 punch jokes and hilarious punch puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about punch that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Punch Short Jokes

Short punch jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The punch humour may include short fist jokes also.

  1. My wife asked me to prepare our 4 year old ginger son for his first day at school. So I punched him & stole his lunch money.
  2. I was holding a door open for this asian guy and he said "sank you". I punched him square in the jaw, how dare he bring up pearl harbour like that.
  3. I punched a white man in the face and was arrested for assault.. The next day when I got out, I punched a black man in the face and was arrested for impersonating a police officer.
  4. However, he can't, because the punch line is out of order. A man at a party wants to grab some punch, so he walks to the punch line.
  5. What's the difference between a feminist and a computer? You can punch information into a computer.
  6. The other day I punched a white dude and got arrested for assault, Today I punched a black guy and got arrested for impersonating a police officer.
  7. Son: Dad, a guy called me gay at the school today Dad: Punch him in the face.
    Son: But he is so cute.
  8. I saw a lonely little boy sitting all by himself on a swing, so I went over and gave him a push… He still wouldn't get off, so I punched him.
  9. A guy walks into a bar and orders fruit punch The bartender says, "Pal, If you want punch, you'll have to go stand in line."
    The guys looks around, but there is no punch line.
  10. Ray rice got caught punching his girlfriend in an elevator It was wrong on so many levels.

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Punch One Liners

Which punch one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with punch? I can suggest the ones about poked and knock kick.

  1. Do you wanna hear a joke about Jim Jones? Oh, never mind. The punch line is too long.
  2. My career as a street fighter didn't last very long... I broke my hand punching a curb.
  3. Mike Tyson is SO religious That he punches people in the faith.
  4. Davinath the Indian wife beater punches his wife every night at 7 PM. On the dot.
  5. What does chris brown call a group of his ex-girlfriends? The punch line
  6. (OC) What do you call helen keller punching someone? Senseless violence.
  7. I have an addiction to snorting powdered fruit drink mix... Anybody got a punch line?
  8. This joke has no punch line But you might get a kick out of it
  9. I've never been able to tell jokes I always punch up the fuckline
  10. TIFU by delivering a punch line in the wrong place at the wrong time April Fools!
  11. Micky Mouse isn't quick enough to avoid my punches. But Donald ducks.
  12. Where do all the funny people hang out at a party? In the punch line
  13. I punched a mailman yesterday. He said I had a small package.
  14. Why do thirsty people tell jokes? To get to the punch line
  15. If you ever get mad, just punch an orphan What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

Punch Line Jokes

Here is a list of funny punch line jokes and even better punch line puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • When does a joke become a Dad joke? When the punch line becomes *apparent.*
    My kids hate this one and I can't stop laughing at it...
  • Why aren't there many jokes about the Jim Jones massacre? There would have been, but the punch line was too long...
  • Why is Bruce Lee so good at telling jokes? Because if his punch line doesn't work, you still get a kick out of it.
  • Why are there so few Jim Jones jokes? Because the punch line would be too long.
    I apologize in advance.
  • A man walks into a bar and orders a glass of punch The bartender says "If you want punch, you'll have to wait in line like everyone else."
    So the man looks around the bar, but there is no punchline.
  • Two guys stumble out of a bar on night to fight. The first man draws a line in the dirt and says " if you cross this line i'll punch you"
    That was the punch line.
  • Guy walks into a bar and orders a fruit punch. Bartender says "Pal, if you want a punch you'll have to stand in line" Guy looks around, but there is no punch line.
  • Two men walk out of a bar, both are drunk and ready to fight! One draws a line in the dirt and says to the other man, "If you cross this line i will punch you!"
    That was the punchline.
  • A guy walks into a bar and asks for fruit punch. The bartender says Sure. Just get in line. The guy looks over and gets confused because there's no punchline.
  • I think my family is finally catching on to me telling jokes in sign language... They've been standing further away, so I can't hit them with the punch line anymore.

Punch Card Jokes

Here is a list of funny punch card jokes and even better punch card puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • How does a computer learn karate? With a punch card
  • I was about to be given a yellow card for punching another player in the face, but then the ref noticed I was an amputee. No arm, no foul.
  • My collegue just threw my punch card at me, I ducked just in time!!! But I almost got clocked out!
  • My uncle once punched his 8-year-old daughter for cheating while playing cards. My uncle once punched his 8-year-old daughter for cheating while playing cards.
    *He takes s**... poker very seriously.*
Punch joke, My uncle once punched his 8-year-old daughter for cheating while playing cards.

Punch joke, My uncle once punched his 8-year-old daughter for cheating while playing cards.

Delightful Fun Punch Jokes for a Roaring Good Time

What funny jokes about punch you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean smack jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make punch pranks.

A man calls home to his wife after an accident at the factory.

He says, "I had a bad accident with a punch press, and it cut off my finger."
She asks, "The whole finger?"
He replies, "No, the one next to it."

Poor ol' Billy Smith

Last night, the barman asked, "How come every time you come in here with your wife, Billy Smith quickly finishes his pint and leaves?"
I replied, "Billy was actually the first person to introduce us."
"So, I usually punch him when I see him."

The punchline comes first.

How can you be sure that a comedian has traveled back in time?

A 1-2-3 punch of cow jokes

**What do you call a cow with 2 legs?**
*Lean beef.*
**What do you call a cow with no legs?**
*Ground beef.*
**What do you call a m**... cow?**
*Beef strokinoff.*

With the punchline first.

How did the time traveler tell his jokes?
(I'm sorry, it was just so easy!)

How do you break a p**... finger?

Punch him in the nose.

A man walks into a party...

He sees a group of people lined up at a table. He approaches a man at the end of the line, and asks, "excuse me sir, what's this line all about?"
The man replies, "Well, this is the punch line."

So a man walks into a bar...

And he goes to the counter and sits on a seat, patiently waiting for the bartender to ask him what drink he might want, which the bartender does. So the man asks for punch, in reply, the bartender tells him to get in the line, leaving the man confused. After a moment of searching throughout the bar, the man realised there was no punchline.

My punchlines are like lost baggage...

you should get them in a couple of days.
- George Watsky

Socrates on jokes...

Socrates: Define, for me, a punch line.
Hippias: A punch line is at the end of a joke.
Socrates: Is it a punch line simply by virtue of being at the end of said joke?
Hippias: No, it must be an unexpected statement.
Socrates: Ah, but if you know that the punch line is about to arrive, how can it be unexpected?
Hippias: True. Therefore, there can be no punch line to any joke, for such a punch line is always to be expected.
Socrates: Exactly. Last night the exact same logical conclusion was told to me by your mother, while we had i**....

I have the punchline, can't remember the joke.

My father used to tell a joke, that involved the guy talking to a priest or therapist, and he is worried about a reoccurring dream that involves him having s**... with a chicken (can't remember who was doing what with who). It ends with the teller blowing a ripped up napkin all over the table.
Any help?

Witty Answer from a Four Year Old

Mom just informed me that I said this when I was little. The original punch line is "Make a sound like a carrot".
MOM: "How do you catch a rabbit?"
ME: "Have someone throw one at you."

At my high school graduation I saw a bowl of fruit punch...

So I told a bunch of my friends "I want to make a joke which requires some audience participation."
Then, I proceeded to instruct them to stand, single file, in front of the bowl. Once they had, I told them "Here's the punch line."
This is a completely true story, so I do not regret it.

Every joke needs one

A priest and a rabbi walk into a wedding party looking for something to drink. The priest approaches some folks standing with empty glasses and asks a man "Pardon me, is this line for the punch?" To which the man replied "yep, this is the punch line."

Did you hear about the lady that had breast implants made of oak?

It would be nice if this joke had a punch line, woodentit?

An identity thief and a r**... get convicted in a poor town...

The judge decides that the best punishment is to tie them up in a courtyard and for $5 you can punch the identity thief so he can never use his charm to con again, or for $10 you can kick the r**... in the nuts. The police officer in charge of this spots a girl kick the identity thief in the nuts and says, "Hey! You can't do that!" The girl asks, "Why not?" And the cop says, "Because this is the punchline."

A man is standing in the street holding a sign saying "punch me"...

A man is standing in the street holding a sign saying "punch me". There's a que of people all waiting to get a hit. A man walks up to the que of people and asks "What's going on here?". They all turn to him and reply "This is the punch line"

A guy is taking his girlfriend to the prom

He waits in the ticket line for a really long time but he eventually gets them. He goes to rent a limo. The rental line is really long but he eventually does it. He goes to buy her flowers. The line at the florist is really long but he eventually gets the flowers. At prom, she asks him to get some punch. He goes to the refreshment table and there's no punchline.

Why do happy people like to sleep in late?

Because they aren't mourning people.
I just made this up!! Could you all help me with the wording? It feels like it could be a little better I just don't know how to word it differently while using the same "mourning" pun as the punch line.

Who was the best boxer of all time?

Jim Jones, I heard he took out 909 people with one punch.

A man and his wife go to a class reunion.....

A man and his wife go to a class reunion after a grueling 4 hour drive. When they arrive they're given name tags and head to the gymnasium.
They start talking to some friends when the wife is starting to get thirsty. So she asks the husband to go get in line to give her some punch.

He returns after 10 minutes with one empty cup, and when the wife asks about her drink the husband replies,
"Sorry honey, the punchline was too long and it wasn't that good"

I got punched in the face by a hipster today...

I yelled "Bro, that's not cool!"
He replied, "not yet".

Did you hear the one about the guy who couldn't think of a punch line?

My friend told me this joke about a party host who made his guests line up for juice...

I can't seem to remember the entire joke, but all I know is that there was a long punch line.

When I cast my vote for Bernie Sanders...

When I cast my vote for Bernie Sanders, do I punch the ballot with my sickle or my hammer?

I just got punched by my friend for trying to kiss his new baby on the forehead.

Apparently, I have to wait for the baby to be born first.

I like my pillow like.....

I like my pillow, like I like my women.
Lumpy, covered in drool, and can take a punch.

What's Chris Brown's favourite drink?


A man was stabbed in the stomach in an alley...

he was gonna punch him back, but he didn't have the guts.

A middle school boy comes home crying...

His dad asks, "What's wrong, son?" "A boy at school called me gay!" the son replied. The dad then says, "Well, if he does it again, you can punch him in the face." The boy then stated, "But he's cute!"

I'm at a party right now and your mom is the only one waiting by the punchbowl.

Your mom is the punch line.

A guy asks a girl to prom...

A guy asks a girl out to prom and she says yes. Excited, the guy goes to dress shop to get a tuxedo but there is a very long line. After buying the suit he goes to buy flowers for his partner. So he gets in another very long line in the flower shop. Finally after hours of waiting he goes to prom. After dancing for a while his partner asks him to get punch for her. When he gets there, their is no punch line.

Today, a midget insulted me, so I had no choice but to punch him in the face...

I never thought I'd stoop so low

A few years back I used to write jokes. I spent ages trying to make a boxing joke.

I just couldn't come up with a punch line

What do you call a punch that can kill 20 kids and 6 adults?

A Sandy Hook.

You know the punchline before you're ever told the joke.

What's the worst part about time traveling jokes?

A boy asks a girl to prom..,

..and she says yes. Overexcited, he is told he must show up with a limo and a tuxedo. So he goes to the limo rental and waits in the limo line, and he gets the limo. Then, he goes to the tuxedo rental and waits in the tuxedo line. Finally, the big day comes, and he brings his date to prom. She asks him to get some punch. He goes over to get some punch, and realizes there is no punch line.

How is a punchline like a starving African child?

If you spend too much time explaining why it's funny, it dies.

Why don't people ever make jokes about the Reverend Jim Jones?

The punch line is too long.

At the Bee Prom...

A young bee nervously flies around hoping to grab a dance with the queen bee. Finally he musters up the courage and talks to her. She looks at him and says "I'll dance with you if you get me some fruit punch"
Excited, the bee zooms to get the punch. He sees the line for nachos, the ice cream machine, the honey line, but after hours of searching he realizes...
There is no punch line

I can't write jokes, but a friend of mine gave me a foolproof formula. He said "Start with a natural set-up, lead the audience in one direction, then hit them with a punch line they weren't expecting."

So here goes:
Walk forwards.
Turn left.

Punch lines are extremely one-dimensional

Punch areas and punch volumes have more depth.

A guy walks into a bar...

A guy walks into a bar.
the bartender asks, "what can I get you?"
The patron responds, "just a fruit punch for me, I'm driving"
The bartender says, "great, but you have to get in line."
The patron stops and looks around only to reply, "I don't see a punchline..."

Why don't dolphins make mistakes?

They do everything on porpoise.
I thought of this myself, but I'm probably late to the punch.

This kid walked up to me and called me gay..

I couldn't believe it. I wanted to punch this kid directly in the mouth. With my lips. Softly.

Did you hear Muhammad Ali burnt his hand in a few fights?

That's what happens when you punch George Foreman in the grill.

When I was a teenager, I used to punch my memory foam pillow when my anger was getting beyond control.

Now it's memorized all my moves, and I live in constant fear.

When is it ever ok to punch a midget?

When he tells you your girl's hair smells nice

f**... homes are a great place to hit on women.

No matter how many times you punch them, they will never complain about it.
Or: They might give you the cold shoulder at first, but if you keep at it, they'll eventually warm up to you.
Or: Because of recent trauma in their lives, they are very receptive to having s**....

Joe approached the gates of Heaven and God asked him what he had done in life that made him worthy...

Joe: "I once saw a gang of bikers harassing a woman, so I went up to the biggest and baddest one, gave him a punch across the face, and said 'If you want to mess with her again, you'll have to go through me first.'"
God: "Really? When was that?"
Joe: "About 5 minutes ago."

I forgot to bring the drinks to my senior prom. But hey, look at the bright side.

No punch line.

When it comes first

When does a punchline not work?

A passer by sees a man holding a sign saying punch me for free

Much to the passers surprise he went up and asked the man if there was any takers and the man replied take a look there is no punch line .

His punchlines are before his questions.

How do you spot a time traveler?

The next person

The next person that asks me for a pineapple juice, cranberry juice, lemonade and a slice of orange in the same cup is gonna get a punch.

This guy was making fun of my friend Line for his funny name...

So he socks him right in the face and I say,
"Good punch Line. "

So what do you call a street where sheep and horses are fighting over turf?

A baaad neigh-borhood.
I'm glad none of you are close enough to punch me.

If you see someone drinking a Sierra Mist, punch them straight in the face...

...that's the first rule of Sprite Club.

A Chinese man walks into a bar

A Chinese man walks into a bar and starts drinking a beer. The man next to him asks, "Do you know Kung Fu? Or Karate? Taekwondo? Any martial arts maybe?"
The Chinese man replies in disgust, "You think that just because I'm Chinese I know martial arts? That's racist!"
"Good, because you're drinking my beer," was all the Chinese man heard, before he got knocked out with a punch.

There was this guy who took his girlfriend to prom...

He waited in a really long line to get some tickets.
After he finally got them, he goes to rent a limo, there is also a really long line, but he finally rents the limo.
Then at the prom he goes to get some punch. There is no punchline

There was a comedy club called "The Joke"...

...that had amazing popularity. It wasn't because of the humor the comedians on stage offered, but due to an extremely delicious fruit punch that the establishment sold. It was so popular that people would gather into a queue around the block just to try the stuff. After a while, however, people stopped coming because of the crowding, and the club went out of business. If only the Joke's punch line wasn't so long...

How do you tell the difference between good Comedians and bad ones?

The Bad ones Punch up the screwline.

I remember when I was a little boy, an old man suddenly stepped out of a time machine and punched me for no reason.

So I've spent all my life working on a time machine, and now that I've built it, I'm going back in time to when he was a little boy, and I'm going to punch him and see how he likes it!

say the punchline first

how to ruin a joke

The punchline comes first.

Why are Jeopardy jokes terrible?

Tell the Punchline first.

How do you ruin a joke?

What's the one office supply you never want to ask Chuck Norris to give you?

The Three-Hole Punch...

Did you know that atoms never touch each other. And since we're made of atoms, we've never touched anything in our entire lives.

So to answer your question officer, no I did not punch that kid.

Punch joke, Did you know that atoms never touch each other. And since we're made of atoms, we've never touched a

jokes about punch