Punch Jokes
160 punch jokes and hilarious punch puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about punch that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Punch Short Jokes
Short punch jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The punch humour may include short fist jokes also.
- However, he can't, because the punch line is out of order. A man at a party wants to grab some punch, so he walks to the punch line.
- What's the difference between a feminist and a computer? You can punch information into a computer.
- A guy walks into a bar and orders fruit punch The bartender says, "Pal, If you want punch, you'll have to go stand in line."
The guys looks around, but there is no punch line. - Ray rice got caught punching his girlfriend in an elevator It was wrong on so many levels.
- I just got punched by my friend for trying to kiss his new baby on the forehead. Apparently, I have to wait for the baby to be born first.
- How do you tell the difference between good Comedians and bad ones? The Bad ones Punch up the screwline.
- Why is bruce lee so good at telling jokes? Because if his punch line doesn't work, you still get a kick out of it.
- A man emptied a punching bag of its content and filled it with Guinness books. He then proceded to beat all records.
- Did you know that atoms never touch each other. And since we're made of atoms, we've never touched anything in our entire lives. So to answer your question officer, no I did not punch that kid.
- Why don't dolphins make mistakes? They do everything on porpoise.
I thought of this myself, but I'm probably late to the punch.
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Punch One Liners
Which punch one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with punch? I can suggest the ones about stick and poke and pinch.
- Do you wanna hear a joke about Jim Jones? Oh, never mind. The punch line is too long.
- My career as a street fighter didn't last very long... I broke my hand punching a curb.
- Mike Tyson is SO religious That he punches people in the faith.
- What does chris brown call a group of his ex-girlfriends? The punch line
- (OC) What do you call helen keller punching someone? Senseless violence.
- I have an addiction to snorting powdered fruit drink mix... Anybody got a punch line?
- This joke has no punch line But you might get a kick out of it
- I've never been able to tell jokes I always punch up the fuckline
- TIFU by delivering a punch line in the wrong place at the wrong time April Fools!
- Micky Mouse isn't quick enough to avoid my punches. But Donald ducks.
- Where do all the funny people hang out at a party? In the punch line
- I punched a mailman yesterday. He said I had a small package.
- Why do thirsty people tell jokes? To get to the punch line
- Why doesn't Chuck Norris tell jokes? His punch lines are deadly.
- What's Chris Brown's favourite drink? Punch
Punch Line Jokes
Here is a list of funny punch line jokes and even better punch line puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A guy walks into a bar and asks for fruit punch. The bartender says Sure. Just get in line. The guy looks over and gets confused because there's no punchline.
- I think my family is finally catching on to me telling jokes in sign language... They've been standing further away, so I can't hit them with the punch line anymore.
- What do you call a procrastinating comedian? Uhh I don't know, I'll come up with the punch line later
- Why don't people ever make jokes about the Reverend Jim Jones? The punch line is too long.
- A 10 year old girl opens a lemonade stand and sells at such low prices her competition can't keep up, and is forced to close down. Maybe it would have helped if there were a punch line..
- This guy was making fun of my friend Line for his funny name... So he socks him right in the face and I say,
"Good punch Line. " - Punch lines are extremely one-dimensional Punch areas and punch volumes have more depth.
- An unfunny joke. What do you get when you switch the setup and punch line?
- A man walks into a bar and there's a long line of people punching each other. That's the punchline.
- You walk into a bar to see a line of people waiting to punch you… That's the punch-line
Punch Card Jokes
Here is a list of funny punch card jokes and even better punch card puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How does a computer learn karate? With a punch card
- I was about to be given a yellow card for punching another player in the face, but then the ref noticed I was an amputee. No arm, no foul.
- My collegue just threw my punch card at me, I ducked just in time!!! But I almost got clocked out!
Delightful Fun Punch Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about punch you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean brawl jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make punch pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Poor ol' Billy Smith
Last night, the barman asked, "How come every time you come in here with your wife, Billy Smith quickly finishes his pint and leaves?"
I replied, "Billy was actually the first person to introduce us."
"So?"
"So, I usually punch him when I see him."
Please settle an argument regarding this joke: why is it funny?
>What is the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
>30 pounds.
This joke has been the source of debate among my peers. I know I'm right, but I need evidence/validation. Why is this joke funny? What is the punch line implying?
----
Nickelback walks into a bar...
Nickelback walks into a bar...there's no punch line because ruining music isn't funny.
The punchline comes first.
How can you be sure that a comedian has traveled back in time?
With the punchline first.
How did the time traveler tell his jokes?
(I'm sorry, it was just so easy!)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you break a p**... finger?
Punch him in the nose.
A man walks into a party...
He sees a group of people lined up at a table. He approaches a man at the end of the line, and asks, "excuse me sir, what's this line all about?"
The man replies, "Well, this is the punch line."
My punchlines are like lost baggage...
you should get them in a couple of days.
- George Watsky
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Socrates on jokes...
Socrates: Define, for me, a punch line.
Hippias: A punch line is at the end of a joke.
Socrates: Is it a punch line simply by virtue of being at the end of said joke?
Hippias: No, it must be an unexpected statement.
Socrates: Ah, but if you know that the punch line is about to arrive, how can it be unexpected?
Hippias: True. Therefore, there can be no punch line to any joke, for such a punch line is always to be expected.
Socrates: Exactly. Last night the exact same logical conclusion was told to me by your mother, while we had i**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I have the punchline, can't remember the joke.
My father used to tell a joke, that involved the guy talking to a priest or therapist, and he is worried about a reoccurring dream that involves him having s**... with a chicken (can't remember who was doing what with who). It ends with the teller blowing a ripped up napkin all over the table.
Any help?
Witty Answer from a Four Year Old
Mom just informed me that I said this when I was little. The original punch line is "Make a sound like a carrot".
MOM: "How do you catch a rabbit?"
ME: "Have someone throw one at you."
Punchline Challenge: "And by the way, you've got a lovely home!"
What's the setup ?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two men walk out of a bar, both are drunk and ready to fight!
One draws a line in the dirt and says to the other man, "If you cross this line i will punch you!"
That was the punchline.
What punch line is sure to get upvotes no matter how many times it gets posted?
"I don't know I just fly the drone"
At my high school graduation I saw a bowl of fruit punch...
So I told a bunch of my friends "I want to make a joke which requires some audience participation."
Then, I proceeded to instruct them to stand, single file, in front of the bowl. Once they had, I told them "Here's the punch line."
This is a completely true story, so I do not regret it.
Every joke needs one
A priest and a rabbi walk into a wedding party looking for something to drink. The priest approaches some folks standing with empty glasses and asks a man "Pardon me, is this line for the punch?" To which the man replied "yep, this is the punch line."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Who invented the s**... punch?
Mike Dyson
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An identity thief and a r**... get convicted in a poor town...
The judge decides that the best punishment is to tie them up in a courtyard and for $5 you can punch the identity thief so he can never use his charm to con again, or for $10 you can kick the r**... in the nuts. The police officer in charge of this spots a girl kick the identity thief in the nuts and says, "Hey! You can't do that!" The girl asks, "Why not?" And the cop says, "Because this is the punchline."
A man is standing in the street holding a sign saying "punch me"...
A man is standing in the street holding a sign saying "punch me". There's a que of people all waiting to get a hit. A man walks up to the que of people and asks "What's going on here?". They all turn to him and reply "This is the punch line"
Why do happy people like to sleep in late?
Because they aren't mourning people.
I just made this up!! Could you all help me with the wording? It feels like it could be a little better I just don't know how to word it differently while using the same "mourning" pun as the punch line.
Who was the best boxer of all time?
Jim Jones, I heard he took out 909 people with one punch.
A man and his wife go to a class reunion.....
A man and his wife go to a class reunion after a grueling 4 hour drive. When they arrive they're given name tags and head to the gymnasium.
They start talking to some friends when the wife is starting to get thirsty. So she asks the husband to go get in line to give her some punch.
He returns after 10 minutes with one empty cup, and when the wife asks about her drink the husband replies,
"Sorry honey, the punchline was too long and it wasn't that good"
I got punched in the face by a hipster today...
I yelled "Bro, that's not cool!"
He replied, "not yet".
Did you hear the one about the guy who couldn't think of a punch line?
My friend told me this joke about a party host who made his guests line up for juice...
I can't seem to remember the entire joke, but all I know is that there was a long punch line.
When I cast my vote for Bernie Sanders...
When I cast my vote for Bernie Sanders, do I punch the ballot with my sickle or my hammer?
Ali was great but he was not the greatest...
The best boxer that ever lived was reverend Jim Jones. He killed over 900 people with one punch!
I like my pillow like.....
I like my pillow, like I like my women.
Lumpy, covered in drool, and can take a punch.
A man was stabbed in the stomach in an alley...
he was gonna punch him back, but he didn't have the guts.
A few years back I used to write jokes. I spent ages trying to make a boxing joke.
I just couldn't come up with a punch line
I have been working on some jokes about Parkinson's disease.
But the punch lines are all a bit shakey at best.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a punch that can kill 20 kids and 6 adults?
A Sandy Hook.
What's the difference between a reliable employee and an angry boxer?
One is punctual, the other will punch you all.
A boy asks a girl to prom..,
..and she says yes. Overexcited, he is told he must show up with a limo and a tuxedo. So he goes to the limo rental and waits in the limo line, and he gets the limo. Then, he goes to the tuxedo rental and waits in the tuxedo line. Finally, the big day comes, and he brings his date to prom. She asks him to get some punch. He goes over to get some punch, and realizes there is no punch line.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Not sure why the left wants to punch n**...
You'd think they'd love a failed liberal arts student who blames all his problems on other races.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I punched a clairvoyant who was laughing at me once.
I like to strike a happy medium
How is a punchline like a starving African child?
If you spend too much time explaining why it's funny, it dies.
I was going to make a joke about the united airlines...
But someone already beat me to the punch.
At the Bee Prom...
A young bee nervously flies around hoping to grab a dance with the queen bee. Finally he musters up the courage and talks to her. She looks at him and says "I'll dance with you if you get me some fruit punch"
Excited, the bee zooms to get the punch. He sees the line for nachos, the ice cream machine, the honey line, but after hours of searching he realizes...
There is no punch line
I can't write jokes, but a friend of mine gave me a foolproof formula. He said "Start with a natural set-up, lead the audience in one direction, then hit them with a punch line they weren't expecting."
So here goes:
Walk forwards.
Turn left.
Pasteurization.
Did you hear Muhammad Ali burnt his hand in a few fights?
That's what happens when you punch George Foreman in the grill.
When I was a teenager, I used to punch my memory foam pillow when my anger was getting beyond control.
Now it's memorized all my moves, and I live in constant fear.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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f**... homes are a great place to hit on women.
No matter how many times you punch them, they will never complain about it.
Or: They might give you the cold shoulder at first, but if you keep at it, they'll eventually warm up to you.
Or: Because of recent trauma in their lives, they are very receptive to having s**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Joe approached the gates of Heaven and God asked him what he had done in life that made him worthy...
Joe: "I once saw a gang of bikers harassing a woman, so I went up to the biggest and baddest one, gave him a punch across the face, and said 'If you want to mess with her again, you'll have to go through me first.'"
God: "Really? When was that?"
Joe: "About 5 minutes ago."
I forgot to bring the drinks to my senior prom. But hey, look at the bright side.
No punch line.
When it comes first
When does a punchline not work?
A passer by sees a man holding a sign saying punch me for free
Much to the passers surprise he went up and asked the man if there was any takers and the man replied take a look there is no punch line .
His punchlines are before his questions.
How do you spot a time traveler?
The next person
The next person that asks me for a pineapple juice, cranberry juice, lemonade and a slice of orange in the same cup is gonna get a punch.
So what do you call a street where sheep and horses are fighting over turf?
A baaad neigh-borhood.
...
I'm glad none of you are close enough to punch me.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two guys stumble out of a bar on night to fight.
The first man draws a line in the dirt and says " if you cross this line i'll punch you"
That was the punch line.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Wife told me to take my mother-in-law out.
One punch did it.
There was a comedy club called "The Joke"...
...that had amazing popularity. It wasn't because of the humor the comedians on stage offered, but due to an extremely delicious fruit punch that the establishment sold. It was so popular that people would gather into a queue around the block just to try the stuff. After a while, however, people stopped coming because of the crowding, and the club went out of business. If only the Joke's punch line wasn't so long...
I once saw a dart hit a man and instantly paralyze him.
Those little Dodge's sure can pack a punch.
What do you do if a stickman starts a fight with you?
Punch line.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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I Punch Women Like I Punch Walls
I don't. Because it's a really bad idea... I always end up injured.
So there's this guy at a party...
So there's this guy at a party and he wants to get a drink. So he goes over to where the tea is and there's a huge line. He then goes over to the water and again there's a huge line. He then goes over to the punch and there's no punchline.
A tomato walks up to a bunch of fruits in a line
He says "Hey guys I'm a fruit, can I hang out with you?"
One turns to him and says
"No, this is the punch line"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I punched a white guy at the gas station last week and got arrested for grievous b**... harm...
Punched a black guy in the shopping center today and got arrested for impersonating a police officer...
The punchline comes first.
Why are Jeopardy jokes terrible?
Tell the Punchline first.
How do you ruin a joke?
There are 10 types of people.
Those who want to punch me in the face now and those who are very confused.
What's the one office supply you never want to ask Chuck Norris to give you?
The Three-Hole Punch...
A guy threatened me to punch me in the face.
Apparently, I shouldn't have replied "You wouldn't do that to the father of your half-brother, would you?"
I got punched twice for making a dadjoke.
Once in India, another in Pakistan.
It was Pun Jab.
