Pun Of The Day Jokes

I was at a climbing center the other day, but someone had stolen all the grips from the wall;

honestly, you couldn't make it up.

I work out almost every day. Friday I almost worked out, Saturday I almost worked out, Sunday I almost worked out...

A father tells his 10 year old son...

"Sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on your cereal every morning and you will have a very long life".
His son followed his father's advice every morning without missing a day until he died at the age of 186 leaving behind 28 children, 67 grandchildren, 148 great grandchildren and a 7 foot crater where the crematory used to be.
UPDATE: This blew up. (Pun not intended)

It's my coworkers last day...

A coworker is leaving this weekend to become a firefighter. We're throwing him a farewell party and want to have a funny pun written on the wall. Something like "seeing you leave really blows" but instead have it somehow relate to becoming a firefighter.
I know you guys can help us out. Thanks!

My friends usually get upset with how often I make jokes, but I need to stay strong.

You see, seven days without puns makes one weak.

There was a man who loved puns.

There once was a man who loved puns. They were his favorite kind of humor, and he would often spend time trying to come up with new ones. One morning he was feeling particularly inspired and thought up ten brand new puns. And so he went about his day with the intention of using his new puns to get a laugh from his friends, but unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

I sent in a list of my top ten puns to the newspaper hoping at least one would be selected for the joke of the day.

Sadly, no pun in ten did.

The Reporter of Puns!

There was once a reporter known for his unique puns. Every day for his newscast, he would share the news with a nice pun at the end. One day he recieved a story of ten people killed in a shooting. He delivered the story and at the end stated that there was no pun in ten dead.

A friend showed me a funny steak pun the other day.

I must say, steak puns are truly a rare medium well done.

Pun competition

One day, a man was sitting at home with a beer in hand when he read about a pun competition being held downtown. He got up early the next morning and came up with the best puns he had ever seen, and entered his 10 best puns hoping he would win, but unfortunately no pun in 10 did.

I'm fed up with all these pancake day puns...

The next time I hear someone say one, I'll batter them.

Calendar puns are the best

They can go on for days, weeks, months, and sometimes even years.

There was a weekend long pun contest:

I did 5 puns one day, 5 more the next.
None won the contest, no pun in ten did.

Whistle Puns

One day, I went to the store, and I bought a wooden whistle, but it wooden whistle.
So I went to the store again, and I bought a steel whistle, but it steel wooden whistle.
After a lot of frustration, I went to the store again and I bought a lead whistle.
I was really mad at this point. It steel wooden lead me whistle!

Why is there no such thing as a punapple?

Because the best puns come in pears.
(Original joke made up by me and my friend the other day as we were high and ate pineapple... the asparagus guy inspired me to share)

If it's hard to come up with a joke...

Yew can always resort to tree puns; I hear they're pretty poplar these days.

Mom got a s**... change operation

After being unhappy for many years my mother came to me and said she was going to get a s**... change operation. I didn't fully understand but I was very supportive throughout the whole operation, then he came home.
That's when it all started, all the time all day long horrible dad jokes, terrible puns and all around just awful humor. After a few weeks and being fed up, I realized something and I confronted them.
"Did you seriously just have a s**... change operation just for the dad jokes?!" I asked.
He replied, "Oh you could see right through me, I must be so trans-parent."

The ad in the paper said, "You think you're funny? Tell us your best pun, and you'll win a $200 Amazon gift card!"

Well, I just couldn't resist. I sat down and wrote not one, but 10 of my best knee-slappers, rib-ticklers, and witty turns-of-phrase. I sent my list of comedy gold to the paper, and then began daydreaming about what I would do with $200.
The day on which the paper announced the contest winner finally arrived! I scanned, and then carefully read the full-page of submissions, but the truth stared me in the face. Of my submissions that should have won, no pun in ten did.

Wondering how to pass time until your own cake day joke?

Just bake it till you make it!
Okay, I stole that pun, but I really couldn't have done it batter myself.
That batter pun was terrible, I'll beat it now.
Sorry, I know I'm on thin icing here, but this left me in tiers.
Anyway, I've got a lot on my plate today, I'm going to piece out.