Pumpkin Jokes

Following is our collection of beets humor and melon one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Pumpkin puns for adults, dirty butternut jokes or clean gourd gags for kids.

There is an abundance of cranberry jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 73 funniest jokes on pumpkin. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any hollow witze you can hear about pumpkin.

The Best jokes about Pumpkin

What do you get if you divide a pumpkins circumference by its diameter?

Pumpkin π

Sorry.

What do Donald Trump and a pumpkin have in common?

They're orange on the outside, hollow on the inside and should be tossed out in early November.

What do rednecks do on Halloween?

Pump-kin.

Pumpkin joke, What do rednecks do on Halloween?

What do you get when you divide 355 jack o'lanterns by 113 jack o'lanterns?

Pumpkin Pi.

What does a redneck do on Halloween?

Pumpkin


How do you fix a broken pumpkin?

With a pumpkin patch

Why is Halloween a hillbilly's favorite holiday?

Because they like to pumpkin.



I'll see myself out...

Pumpkin joke, Why is Halloween a hillbilly's favorite holiday?

An elderly gent was invited to an old friends' home for dinner one evening.

He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms such as: Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love.

While the wife was in the kitchen, the man leaned over and said to his host, "I think it's wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your wife those loving pet names."

The old man hung his head. "I have to tell you the truth," he said, "Her name slipped my mind about 10 years ago and I'm scared to death to ask her what it is!"

Why is Cinderella so bad at football?

A. Because she's got a pumpkin for a coach

B. Because she keeps running away from the ball

What grows when you plant a pumpkin spice latte and water it with vodka?

A sorority.

The grade three teacher asks the class to use the word "contagious" in a sentence and little johnny put's up his hand...

"Yes Johnny?"

"Well miss, my dad actually used that word on the weekend. We were driving out in the countryside when we got stuck behind a pumpkin truck full of pumpkins. When my dad tried to pass him he sped up, so when we got to a roadside diner we stopped for lunch.

"Later on, we found the pumpkin truck further up the road on its side with pumpkins all over the road and my dad said:

"It's gonna take that contagious to pick them all up!"


How do you fix a cracked pumpkin?

With a pumpkin patch.

What do pumpkins and Donald Trump have in common?

They're both orange and need to be thrown out in early November.

The Kindergartener

A girl came skipping home from school one day. Mommy, Mommy, she yelled, we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,7, 8, 9, 10! Very good, said her mother. Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy? Yes, it's because you're blonde, her mother replied. The next day, the girl came skipping home from school. Mommy, Mommy, she yelled, we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G! Very good, said her mother. Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy? Yes, pumpkin, it's because you're blonde. The next day the girl came skipping home from school. Mommy, Mommy, she yelled, we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these! And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs. Very good, said her embarrassed mother. Is it because I'm blonde, mommy? No, it's because you're 25.

What do hillbillies do for Halloween?

Pumpkin

Little Johnny had a bad day.

He stomped home from school to the family farm. Being an annoying little kid, he saw the farm animals and decided to take out a little frustration on them, so he yelled at the pig, chased the chickens around, and kicked in a pumpkin from the pumpkin patch. Finally, he made it to the house. His mom was waiting and furious.

"Johnny, I saw you just did and you're in big trouble! For abusing the poor pig and chickens, you don't get sausage or wings tonight. And no pumpkin pie, either!"

Just then, the two of them saw Johnny's dad came back from a day in the fields. He walked to the porch, where the cat is sleeping peacefully in the sun. He irritably kicked the cat out of the way to make it to the door. Johnny turns to his mom with a big grin and says,

"Shall you tell him, or shall I?"

Pumpkin joke, Little Johnny had a bad day.

The old couple next door.

A young, friendly neighborhood couple were making their first visit to a very old couple next door. They were impressed by the way the old man preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms such as: Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. The couple had been married almost 60 years and clearly, they were still very much in love.

While the wife was in the kitchen, the young husband leaned over and said to the old man, "I think it's wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your wife those loving pet names."

The old man hung his head. "I have to tell you the truth," he said, "Her name slipped my mind about 10 years ago and I'm scared to death to ask her what it is!"

What do you get when you take the circumference of a jack'olantern?

Pumpkin pie!

Tried to spike my pumpkin spice latte with LSD and it exploded

That's what happens when you mix acid and basic


Did you know that Starbucks can make your teeth whiter?

Enough pumpkin spiced latte will make anything whiter

Old Couples in Love

An elderly gent was invited to his old friends' home for dinner one evening. He was impressed by the way his buddy addressed his wife with endearing terms-calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. The couple had been married almost 70 years, and they appeared still very clearly in love. While the wife was off in the kitchen, the man leaned over and said to his buddy, "I think it's wonderful that, after all the years you've been married, you still call your wife those loving pet names." The old man hung his head. "I have to tell you the truth, he said. "I forgot her name about ten years ago."

Cinderella realllyyy wants to go to the ball....

And begs Fairy Godmother to help.

"Alright," Fairy Godmother says, "but only on two conditions. First, that you wear a diaphragm. Secondly, that you're home by midnight. Oh, and if you're not home by midnight, your diaphragm is turning into a pumpkin.'

Cinderella agrees and Fairy Godmother sends her off to the ball.

Fairy Godmother is watching the clock when midnight comes and goes. Around two, three in the morning Cinderella finally stumbles in looking all lovestruck.

"Where have you been?!" Fairy godmother demands. "Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin hours ago!"

"Oh I met a prince and he took care of everything."

"I know of no prince with this power. I demand to know his name!"

"I can't remember exactly... It was Peter, Peter, something or other..."

This is getting ridiculous..

Only two days into October and now even COVID is pumpkin spiced.

5 Jokes About Pi

1. Divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter and what do you get?
Pumpkin Pi

2. I saw a movie and gave it a 3.1415 out of 5.
It was Life of Pi

3. My friend decided to get a tattoo of the symbol pi on his face.
It was an irrational decision

4. Who was the roundest knight at King Arthur's table?
Sir Cumference . but how did he get that way?
eating too much Pi.

5. I hate all these Pi jokes.
They go on forever.

With that last one I'll show myself the door.

A man with a giant pumpkin for a head walks up to his friend...

The friend says, My God! What happened to your head!?

Well, says the man, I found a genie in lamp who granted me three wishes.

What did you wish for? says the friend.

For the first one I wished for a hundred million dollars, and I got it!

And the second?

For the second wish I asked for the most beautiful woman in the world, says the man, and I got her too.

The third wish?

The third wish is where I really messed up... says the man.

What went wrong?! says the friend.

Well, says the man, I wished for a giant pumpkin head!

You have a pumpkin.

You measure around it. All the way around.

Then you cut the pumpkin in half so the top is separate from the bottom.

Measure across the cut pumpkin.

Divide the circumference by the diameter.

What do you have now?

Pumpkin Pi

Why was Cinderella a lousy basketball player?

She had a pumpkin for a coach.

What's Alabama's favorite vegetable?

Pumpkin.

What do Donald Trump and a Halloween Pumpkin have in common?

They're both orange, full of crap and should be thrown out in November.

What do you get when you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?

Pumpkin pi

How is Donald Trump like a pumpkin?

They're both orange on the outside, hollow on the inside, and should have been thrown out in early November.

A pumpkin says to a jack-o'-lantern "All we ever do is sit around on the stoop. Don't you want to mix it up, try something different?"

The jack-o'-lantern says "I don't have the guts."

What do red necks do at Halloween?

They pump-kin

I saw a beautiful pumpkin today...

It was gourdeous.

What do you call death by a massive pumpkin falling on your head?

gourd to death

How do you cure someone with a pumpkin spice addiction?

Apply the pumpkin patch.

What do people from Alabama love to do...

Pumpkin

Overheard at Starbucks:

Man: Would you like to try a pumpkin spice latte?

Woman: No. Since Trump came on the scene I am boycotting everything orange.

Did you hear about the sailor who turned into a pumpkin pie?

He's a squashbuckling pirate

So I'm dating this girl, called magnesium hydroxide, she likes fairy lights, nickelback and pumpkin spiced lattes...

Yeah she is pretty basic.

Yo momma's so fat

If she were a spice girl, she would be pumpkin spice.

Why was Cinderella so bad at tennis?

Because her coach was a pumpkin

I think my mirror is broken

I said pumpkin spice latte 3 times in front of it and no white girl in yoga pants appeared.

Request for a punchline

I'm not sure if this is the sub for it. Went through the rules but couldn't find anything on the matter.

So here goes.

Why did the skeleton carve the pumpkin?

Did you know that most coffee flavorings have a low pH?

Except pumpkin spice because it's so basic

Why do I add baking soda to my pumpkin spice lattes?

To make them even more basic.

What did one Pumpkin say to the other?

Happy Hollowing!

We got our Seasonal bulk in at work today and got Pumpkin Spice Motor Oil.

It's for Autumnmobiles

Cinderella is late for the ball when her period comes.

To her great relief, her fairy godmother is able to fashion a magic tampon out of a pumpkin. But she warns her, you MUST be home before midnight, or it will turn right back!

Midnight comes and goes, and the fairy godmother goes from angry to terribly worried. At 5 am Cinderella shows up, smoking a cigarette and looking rather disheveled, but seemingly unharmed.

Where have you been!? yelled the fairy godmother.

I'm fine, relax! Had a lovely evening. I ended up meeting a man! I don't remember his name exactly, Peter Peter Pumpkin something.

I just came up with Trump's inauguration drink

I call it, "Make America Smashed Again"
It's a White Russian with pumpkin spice.

In honor of both Halloween and the release of documents on JFK's assassination

I decided to carve a pumpkin that looks like JFK's widow. It's my first Jackie O'Lantern.

What do Mountain folk do on Halloween?

Pumpkin.

What did the squash say to the cucumber when he saw the pumpkin patch get blown up?

Oh My Gourd!

Center for Disease Control: overconsumption of beta-carotene linked to dangerous rise in pH of blood

In other words, pumpkin spice lattes make you basic.

A 900 kilogram pumpkin fell on a local man today.

Reports say he was squashed.

Why did cinderella quit the soccer team?

Because her coach was a pumpkin and she couldn't get to the ball

How do people from Arkansas celebrate Halloween?

They pumpkin!

What do you call a good-looking pumpkin?

Gourdgeous

Y'all heard about the state gourd of Alabama?

The pump-kin...

I created a robot that serves me pumpkin spice lattes...

Naturally, I coded in BASIC

What did the white girl say when she found out pumpkin spice lattes were considered basic?

"My whole life is a lye!"

How is Halloween celebrated in Kentucky?

pumpkin

My brother and I work together at a gas station, filling cars

I now call him pump-kin.

What did Cinderella say when her carriage turned into a pumpkin?

Oh my gord!

Pumpkins are the most beautiful crop.

They're absolutely gourd-geous.

Donald Trump is like a Halloween pumpkin...

Orange, full of slime, evil grin, and thrown out in early November.

What's the difference between Donald Trump and a pumpkin?

Both are orange and wrinkled but a pumpkin has thicker skin.

IPAs are just pumpkin spiced lattes for white men

That is all

Did you hear about the sailor that was turned into a pumpkin pie?

He's now a squashbuckling pirate

I heard someone call pumpkin spice lattes basic...

but they are wrong, lattes have a pH below 7

If a redneck was a pie, what flavour would it be?

Pump-kin.

What did the pumpkin pie say to the cheesecake as they were going into the oven?

I think this is a set up!

Which pumpkin is the best cook?

Gourdon Ramsay

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes