Pumping Jokes

49 pumping jokes and hilarious pumping puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pumping that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Are you looking to lighten the mood? Look no further! We have a collection of hilarious jokes involving anything and everything related to pumping, from pumping iron to breast pumping. Check out our list of funny jabs and puns to guarantee some heavy laughter!

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Funniest Pumping Short Jokes

Short pumping jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pumping humour may include short pumps jokes also.

  1. Stopped to put air in my tires today. The pump cost $1.50! I remember when those things used to only cost 25 cents. Guess the price has adjusted for inflation.
  2. I saw a woman at the fuel pump spill gasoline on her arm and then light a cigarette. The police arrested her for waving a firearm.
  3. What do you call an accordion player who can play any song by ear? A walking jukebox with a built-in air pump.
  4. This lady was at the gas station pumping gas and smoking a cigarette when her arm caught fire... When the police arrived they shot her for waving a firearm.
  5. It's getting real bad here in California. I just got robbed at the gas station. I called the cops and they asked if I knew who did it. "It was pump #5," I replied.
  6. What does the UK economy and dead pigs have in common? The Tories love using both for their pump and dump schemes
  7. Did you hear about the guy who swapped the labels on the pumps at the gas station? It was an April fuels joke.
  8. Found a new way to make money today. I put gas in my truck and the pump gave me 40.00 for my troubles.
  9. Daylight robbery... I got robbed today at Shell gas station.
    I called the cops, and they asked if I knew who did it.
    I said, "Yeah, pump 6."
  10. It now takes a dollar more to pump up a tyre at the local garage I guess it's due to inflation

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Pumping One Liners

Which pumping one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pumping? I can suggest the ones about gas pump and milking.

  1. The guy next to me on pump 3 put $10 worth of gas in his car. Where's he going, pump 4?
  2. What do people in Alabama like to do for Halloween? Pump-kin
  3. How do you pump up a room full of shy introverts? "LETS GET READY TO MUMBLE!!!"
  4. I just had to pay £1 at the garage to pump up my tires. That's inflation for you.
  5. What do they do in West Virginia for Halloween? Pump Kin
  6. I couldn't believe how expensive the new bike pump was! I hadn't considered inflation
  7. 1848: You Have Died of Dysentery 2018: You Have Died From Having To Pump Your Own Gas
  8. Why does Barbie like Halloween? It's pump-ken time
  9. What do farmers do in Alabama? Pump kin
  10. How do red necks celebrate Halloween? Pump kin
  11. What's the most popular holiday dessert in Alabama? Pump-kin pie.
  12. What do you call a family that runs a gas station? Pump kin.
  13. Feeling sick over increasing gas prices at the pump You could call it the car owner virus
  14. My car loves going to the gas station It really gets him pumped up
  15. My girlfriend told me she feels dead inside I told her i could pump a bit of life in her.

Pumping Gas Jokes

Here is a list of funny pumping gas jokes and even better pumping gas puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I was at a Pakistani owned gas station... There was some sort of problem with my debit card at the pump.
    I know this because a message popped up that said "PLEASE SEE KASHIR."
  • It used to be free. Re-pumping up your car tyres at the gas station used to be free. Now, they've started charging $1 a minute to use the pump.
    Why you ask?
  • I want to die like my uncle. Lighting a cigarette enjoying the cool summer breeze.
    Not like the people around him yelling and screaming that he shouldn't do that while pumping his gas.
  • My wife wanted me to take her out to an expensive place for our anniversary, So I took her to the Gas Station
    Pump #4
  • My girlfriend calls me the gas station... Because I have 6-10 pumps.
  • I saw Ron Jeremy at a gas station I wasn't sure it was him at first. However, as he finished pumping, he pulled the nozzle out and sprayed gasoline all over the trunk.
  • I was pumping gas and, a lady caught her arm on fire, police came and arrested her. For possesion of a fire arm
  • Why don't you see mumble rappers at gas stations? You can't fuel up your car with a Lil' Pump.
  • What did Harry Potter say at the gas pump? Expecto Petroleum
  • My brother and I work together at a gas station, filling cars I now call him pump-kin.

Pumping Iron Jokes

Here is a list of funny pumping iron jokes and even better pumping iron puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I was pumping some iron in the gym yesterday, when the trainer pointed out that the hole in the weights was supposed to be for attaching them to a bar.
  • When Dennis Thatcher had s**... with Margaret Thatcher he called it pumping iron.
Pumping joke, When Dennis Thatcher had s**... with Margaret Thatcher he called it pumping iron.

Breast Pumping Jokes

Here is a list of funny breast pumping jokes and even better breast pumping puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My wife has to pump breast milk multiple times a day and she's always complaining about it. I think she's just milking it.
  • My wife finished breastfeeding our son so I threw out her old breast pump I'll miss that thing. We shared some good mammaries together.
Pumping joke, My wife finished breastfeeding our son so I threw out her old breast pump

Uproarious Pumping Jokes to Share with Friends

What funny jokes about pumping you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean air pump jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pumping pranks.

A woman was pumping her gas on an extremely hot day.

As she pulled the nozzle from her car, some splashed on her arm and a random spark ignited the gas. As her arm was burning, she called for help to have someone try to quell the flame before it grew too high. To her luck, a couple police officers walked out from inside the gas station and immediately walked over to her.
As she pleaded for help, they approached her and immediately arrested her for unlawfully waving a firearm.

A man stormed into the Doctor's office

A man stormed into the doctor's office full of excitement. He grabbed the doctor's hand and pumping it furiously, exclaimed Doc, I just want to thank you and tell you how your treatments have improved my life! The bold way that incorporate new scientific breakthroughs with traditional holistic has made all the difference, Thank you!
The doctor, amazed and confused, stammered Thank you, but you're not one of my patients..
I know, said the man, but my uncle was and I'm his only heir!!

The famous joke from eastern europe. Depicting a stereotypic slooow estonian character.

An Estonian stands by a railway track.
Another Estonian passes by on a handcar, pushing the pump up and down.
The first one asks: Is it a long way to Tallinn?
Not too long.
He gets on the car and joins pushing the pump up and down.
After two hours of silent pumping the first Estonian asks again: Is it a long way still to Tallinn?
Now, it is very long way to Tallinn.

A steed was having s**... with a fox

The steed was pumping and carassing, neighing and kissing yet 45 minutes in the fox was still laying there, not moving an inch.
Fed up with the lack of respobse the horse sneers and says: i do all the work and all you do is lay there. Do something so I know you're enjoying it too.
The fox answers: Well if you'd pull out a bit maybe i could twitch my neck.

I saw a woman at the gas station pumping gas and trying to light a cigarette

I went inside to pay and saw two policemen in the store. I said "Did you guys see that woman out there?" They looked outside and suddenly darted out the door. I turn and see she caught her arm on fire
The policemen threw a blanket around her and wrestled her to the ground and put out the fire. Then they gave her a ticket!
After they came inside I asked why they gave her a ticket. Turns out that firearm wasn't registered

I finally found a girlfriend

I finally found a girlfriend and when I did I got really pumped. Sadly after a year in the storage she needed a lot of pumping as well.

Pumping up his stomach

A little boy walks in on his parents having s**... and the mother throws on a robe and rushes him out of the room. "I was just hopping on daddy's big belly to make it smaller" she says, but the little boy tells her "That's useless because every time you go shopping the neighbor lady comes and gets on her knees and blows it right back up!"

Why did the diabetic win the weight lifting competition?

Because he was so good at pumping.

Anyone who's last name is King has royal blood pumping through their veins including me...

I am Joe King.

An old lady was smoking and pumping gas...

Next thing I know, she's running around the parking lot, screaming, with her arm on fire. The cops showed up and arrested her for waving a firearm in public.

Why did my washing machine stop pumping out water?

Can't work it out. But more importantly, where is my hamster?

What's a fun, stationary pool game that really gets the lungs pumping?

Marco, Polio!

How can you tell when Ron Jeremy is finished pumping gas?

He pulls out the nozzle and sprays it all over the car!

My husband just told me he was jealous of my heart ❤️

Husband: I'm so jealous of your heart right now.
Me: Why?
Husband: It's pumping inside you right now.

How do you know when a pornstar is pumping gas?

After the tank is full, he pulls the nozzle out and sprays gasoline all over the trunk.

Pumping joke, How do you know when a pornstar is pumping gas?