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Pump Jokes

125 pump jokes and hilarious pump puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pump that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Are you looking for a laugh? Check out this collection of pump-related jokes and puns. From the gas pump to the sump pump, from the air pump to the heat pump, from the breast pump to the fuel pump, this collection will keep you laughing! Learn about the attendant, the inflation and the gasoline jokes in this article.

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Popular Pump Short Jokes

Short pump jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pump humour may include short fountain jokes also.

  1. Stopped to put air in my tires today. The pump cost $1.50! I remember when those things used to only cost 25 cents. Guess the price has adjusted for inflation.
  2. I saw a woman at the fuel pump spill gasoline on her arm and then light a cigarette. The police arrested her for waving a firearm.
  3. What do you call an accordion player who can play any song by ear? A walking jukebox with a built-in air pump.
  4. This lady was at the gas station pumping gas and smoking a cigarette when her arm caught fire... When the police arrived they shot her for waving a firearm.
  5. It's getting real bad here in California. I just got robbed at the gas station. I called the cops and they asked if I knew who did it. "It was pump #5," I replied.
  6. What does the UK economy and dead pigs have in common? The Tories love using both for their pump and dump schemes
  7. Did you hear about the guy who swapped the labels on the pumps at the gas station? It was an April fuels joke.
  8. Found a new way to make money today. I put gas in my truck and the pump gave me 40.00 for my troubles.
  9. Daylight robbery... I got robbed today at Shell gas station.
    I called the cops, and they asked if I knew who did it.
    I said, "Yeah, pump 6."
  10. It now takes a dollar more to pump up a tyre at the local garage I guess it's due to inflation

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Pump One Liners

Which pump one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pump? I can suggest the ones about elevator and vacuum.

  1. The guy next to me on pump 3 put $10 worth of gas in his car. Where's he going, pump 4?
  2. What do people in Alabama like to do for Halloween? Pump-kin
  3. How do you pump up a room full of shy introverts? "LETS GET READY TO MUMBLE!!!"
  4. I just had to pay £1 at the garage to pump up my tires. That's inflation for you.
  5. What do they do in West Virginia for Halloween? Pump Kin
  6. I couldn't believe how expensive the new bike pump was! I hadn't considered inflation
  7. 1848: You Have Died of Dysentery 2018: You Have Died From Having To Pump Your Own Gas
  8. Why does Barbie like Halloween? It's pump-ken time
  9. What do farmers do in Alabama? Pump kin
  10. How do red necks celebrate Halloween? Pump kin
  11. What's the most popular holiday dessert in Alabama? Pump-kin pie.
  12. What do you call a family that runs a gas station? Pump kin.
  13. Feeling sick over increasing gas prices at the pump You could call it the car owner virus
  14. My car loves going to the gas station It really gets him pumped up
  15. My girlfriend told me she feels dead inside I told her i could pump a bit of life in her.

Gas Pump Jokes

Here is a list of funny gas pump jokes and even better gas pump puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I was at a Pakistani owned gas station... There was some sort of problem with my debit card at the pump.
    I know this because a message popped up that said "PLEASE SEE KASHIR."
  • It used to be free. Re-pumping up your car tyres at the gas station used to be free. Now, they've started charging $1 a minute to use the pump.
    Why you ask?
    Inflation.
  • I want to die like my uncle. Lighting a cigarette enjoying the cool summer breeze.
    Not like the people around him yelling and screaming that he shouldn't do that while pumping his gas.
  • My wife wanted me to take her out to an expensive place for our anniversary, So I took her to the Gas Station
    Pump #4
  • My girlfriend calls me the gas station... Because I have 6-10 pumps.
  • I saw Ron Jeremy at a gas station I wasn't sure it was him at first. However, as he finished pumping, he pulled the nozzle out and sprayed gasoline all over the trunk.
  • I was pumping gas and, a lady caught her arm on fire, police came and arrested her. For possesion of a fire arm
  • Why don't you see mumble rappers at gas stations? You can't fuel up your car with a Lil' Pump.
  • What did Harry Potter say at the gas pump? Expecto Petroleum
  • My brother and I work together at a gas station, filling cars I now call him pump-kin.

Air Pump Jokes

Here is a list of funny air pump jokes and even better air pump puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why is it more expensive to use air pumps nowadays? Inflation
  • Why does it cost more money to buy an air pump? Because of inflation.
  • An air pump (boy) and a tire (girl) went out on a date, but it didn't go too well He just couldn't stop pressuring her
  • Have you seen the price of the air pump machine to put air in car tyres has gone up from 25cents to 50cents! Now that's inflation.
  • Recently, I noticed the price at the air pumps has dramatically increased. Why is this? Inflation
Pump joke, Recently, I noticed the price at the air pumps has dramatically increased. Why is this?

Water Pump Jokes

Here is a list of funny water pump jokes and even better water pump puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My X-gf has a really big heart. I have to give her that. She needs it, to pump all the ice water around.
  • Why did my washing machine stop pumping out water? Can't work it out. But more importantly, where is my hamster?
  • What do you call a kindred spirit of a watering hole? Pump-kin!
    ^(Special thanks to the orange van with custom plates I was behind this morning...)

Fuel Pump Jokes

Here is a list of funny fuel pump jokes and even better fuel pump puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Today I went to a gas station and switched the Regular, Plus, and Premium b**... on all the pumps... April Fuels!

Petrol Pump Jokes

Here is a list of funny petrol pump jokes and even better petrol pump puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • When women are at the petrol station Do they shake the handle/nozzle when they are done pumping, or is that just a guy thing?
  • Urgent girlfriend needed.. Qualification – must be the only
    daughter of a petrol pump owner.:P.!!
Pump joke, Urgent girlfriend needed..

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about pump can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of pump puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Experience Good Cheer with Hilarious Pump Jokes and Friends

What funny jokes about pump you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean plunger jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make pump prank.

What do h**... do on Halloween?

Pump kin.

i said my power steering pump blew a seal and my uncle came back with this

So a penguin is driving in the desert and his car brakes down, so he takes it to the mechanic. while hes waiting for the mechanic he goes and gets ice cream since its hot in the desert it melts so he goes back to the mechanic and the mechanic says well it looks like you blew a seal

Beer

This morning I was in luck and was able to buy two boxes of "Bud Light" cheap.
I placed the boxes on the front seat and headed back home. I stopped at a service station where a drop-dead gorgeous blonde in a short skirt was filling up her car at the next pump.
She glanced at the two boxes of beer, bent over and leaned in my passenger window, and said in a s**... voice, "I'm a big believer in barter, handsome. Would you be interested in trading s**... for beer?"
I thought for a few seconds and asked, "What kind of beer 'ya got?"

The famous joke from eastern europe. Depicting a stereotypic slooow estonian character.

An Estonian stands by a railway track.
Another Estonian passes by on a handcar, pushing the pump up and down.
The first one asks: Is it a long way to Tallinn?
Not too long.
He gets on the car and joins pushing the pump up and down.
After two hours of silent pumping the first Estonian asks again: Is it a long way still to Tallinn?
Now, it is very long way to Tallinn.

Another costume

A guy goes into a costume shop.
He says, "I'm going to a costume party, I want to go as Adam."
The girl brings out a fig leaf. He says, "Not big enough."
She brings out a bigger one. He says, "Still not big enough."
She brings out a huge fig leaf. He says, "Still not big enough."
She says, "Listen, Ace, why don't you just throw it over your shoulder and go as a gasoline pump?"

So a man was going as Adam from Adam and Eve for a Halloween costume.

So he went to a costume shop and asked the lady working there for a leaf to wear, so the lady brought out a leaf and the guy said, "bigger", so the lady brought out another leaf and the man said "bigger" again, this went on a few more times and the lady finally came out and said, "why don't you just throw it over your shoulder and go as a gas pump?"

Pumping up his stomach

A little boy walks in on his parents having s**... and the mother throws on a robe and rushes him out of the room. "I was just hopping on daddy's big belly to make it smaller" she says, but the little boy tells her "That's useless because every time you go shopping the neighbor lady comes and gets on her knees and blows it right back up!"

What did the r**... do for thanksgiving?

Pump kin pie.

A pumpkin spice latte is like pure sodium hydroxide.

They're both extremely basic.

What did the pumpkin pie say to the cheesecake as they were going into the oven?

I think this is a set up!

What's the difference between a Jew and a truck?

The truck doesn't scream when you pump gas into it.

Old Jewish Proverb: It's better to have Russians cut-off the gas than ...

... have Germans pump it.

What do people in Arkansas do for Halloween?

Pump kin.

My wife thinks I don't pull up far enough at the gas station.

She calls me a two pump chump.

My wife finished breastfeeding our son so I threw out her old breast pump

I'll miss that thing. We shared some good mammaries together.

So a hydraulic jack walks into his family reunion. . .

and says look at all these Pump kins!

What do inbreds do on Halloween?

Pump Kin

A woman walks into a sports shop

She asks one of the employees for a pump needle. The employee finds one for her and says, "That will be 1 dollar". The lady responds, "That is odd, the last time I was here they only cost 50 cents". The employee responded, "Sorry ma'am, but that is inflation for ya"

What does Barbie like to do on hallowe'en?

Pump ken

How do you measure a pump that s**... well

By how good its head is

Which pumpkin is the best cook?

Gourdon Ramsay

I was pumping some iron in the gym yesterday,

when the trainer pointed out that the hole in the weights was supposed to be for attaching them to a bar.

Bartering with Beer

Yesterday morning I bought two six packs of beer on sale at the Liquor Store. I placed them on the front seat of the car and headed back home.
I stopped at the service station where a drop-dead gorgeous, almost blonde was filling up her car at the next pump. It was very warm and she was wearing tight shorts and a light top which was wide open. She glanced at the beer, bent over and knocked on my passenger window.

With her bra-less self almost falling out of her skimpy top she said, in a s**... voice, "I'm a big believer in barter, old fellow,
would you be interested in trading s**... for beer?"

I thought for a few seconds and asked,
"Depends on what kind of beer you've got!"

The Targaryens must be looking toward to Halloween...

...because they like to pump kin.

What's the PH of pumpkin spice?

Basic.

How do h**... gourds reproduce?

They pump kin.

You have a pumpkin.

You measure around it. All the way around.
Then you cut the pumpkin in half so the top is separate from the bottom.
Measure across the cut pumpkin.
Divide the circumference by the diameter.
What do you have now?
Pumpkin Pi

What do pumpkins and Donald Trump have in common?

They're both orange and need to be thrown out in early November.

A pumpkin says to a jack-o'-lantern "All we ever do is sit around on the stoop. Don't you want to mix it up, try something different?"

The jack-o'-lantern says "I don't have the guts."

Li'l Pump

Sounds like he picked his rapper name based on how long he would last in bed.

What do Alabama folks and children celebrating Halloween have in common?

They both wanna pump kin

A man went to a gas station

To pump up his car, but as he went to do so, the nozzle set his arm on fire. He then got back into his car and headed for the hospital. As he was on the highway, he was waving his burning arm out of the window, but was seen by a cop. The cop then pulled him over and promptly arrested him for possession of a firearm.

Have you heard Lil Pump & Eminems new song?

"Mom Essgetti"?

I treat my men like I treat my bitcoin

Pump and Dump

I went to the grocery store to grab some milk

But the lady at the cash register said her pump was broken.

[ True Story / Legend ] A group of guys walk by Arnold working out on Venice beach..

One of the guys says "Look at this guy, I would never want to be that big".
To which Arnold replys, "Goode because you neva vill", as he finishes a pump.

My wife has to pump breast milk multiple times a day and she's always complaining about it.

I think she's just milking it.

Lil Pump recorded his first vaporwave song today.

AESSSSSSTHETTTTTIIIIIIIIIIIC

Why doesn't Lil Pump watch anime?

He watches anim ay instead

What do you get when you cross Lil Pump and Marvin Gaye?

Esskeetit on.

Excuse me, are you a booming real estate property?

because I'm about to pump my liquid assets into you

Why gas station clerks do not need to workout?

Because they always have a pump

What did the banker want from the baker?

To pump her nickels

Pumpkins are the most beautiful crop.

They're absolutely gourd-geous.

What did one Pumpkin say to the other?

Happy Hollowing!

What did the pumpkin do when he ripped his pants?

He sewed on a pumpkin patch.

What's a r**...'s favorite fruit?

Pump kin

What do r**... like to do for Halloween?

Pump kin

What is Alabama's favourite vegetable?

Has to be the pump kin.

How much did the German, fistbump-loving, traditional baker charge for his coin collection?

Pump per nickel.

What's it called when a rapper goes to the gym for 20 minutes?

A Lil Pump.

A pumpkin, a zucchini, and a seed walk into a bar.

The barkeep asks the pumpkin what she'd like to drink.
b**... Mary, she says.
The barkeep asks the zucchini for her order.
I'm having a hard cider, the zucchini says.
The barkeep turns to the seed, and both the pumpkin and zucchini say, Oh, don't serve our friend anything.
Why not?
Can't you tell? asks the zucchini, She's already out of her gourd!

What's a pumpkin circumference divided by pumpkin diameter?

Pumpkin pie

Last Minute

A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump. "Reverend," said the young man, "I'm so sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip." The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business."

My wife wasn't too happy when I mentioned that our limited budget meant deciding between improving the kitchen plumbing or replacing the pool pump.

Its either sink or swim.

I found a used football in a second hand store...

I picked it up and took it to the counter.
"How much is this?" I asked
"That'll be $5" said the owner. "Would you like me to pump it up for you?"
"Of course, thanks a lot!" I replied.
So, he got a small pump from under the counter and in a few seconds the ball was as good as new.
"Ok, all done" he said. "That'll be $10 please".
"$10!!!??!!" I replied. "But you said $5 just now".
He looked up and said "Sorry. Inflation".

What do a stomach pump and an exorcist have in common?

They're both used to remove unwanted spirits from a body.

Gas station robbery

First off…I am ok. I was just robbed at the Shell station in Tampa. After my hands stopped shaking, I managed to call the Sheriff, they were quick to respond and calmed me down. My money is gone, the police asked me if I knew who did it. I said yes, it was pump number 5.

Pump joke, Gas station robbery

jokes about pump

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these pump jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.