Pulse Jokes
34 pulse jokes and hilarious pulse puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pulse that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Do you need a laugh to jump start your day? Check out this article for some hilarious Pulse TV jokes. Pulse TV takes the classic heartbeat and emergency dials to a whole new level, so these jokes are sure to have you laughing out loud!
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Funniest Pulse Short Jokes
Short pulse jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pulse humour may include short heartbeat jokes also.
- Why shouldn't you take the Fourier transform of a square pulse while on a boat? Because you don't wanna sinc!
- Did you hear about the man who burnt down a field full of beans? He really razed some pulses.
- They say you can hear the blood pulsing through your veins... You just have to listen vericosely.
- Blonde joke "Nurse, could you please take Mr. Oliver's pulse?" "Why? Doesn't he have one of his own?"
- Docotr: your pulse seems fine. Patient: do you think you could check the pulse on the other hand? This one is a prostethis.
- You know one of the best things about necrophilia? You don't have to settle for just any girl with a pulse.
- The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse.
- did anyone hear what happened to the victims in Orlando? The shooter rid them of their pulse.
- What does a Doctor do when he needs 50 bags full of fruits? He goes to Orlando and checks the Pulse.
- Interesting Interesting they called the nightclub 'Pulse', but nobody seems to have one...
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Pulse One Liners
Which pulse one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pulse? I can suggest the ones about pace and pressure.
- One thing you should always look for in a woman. A pulse.
- How can you tell if a gay guy is dead? Check the Pulse
- Chuck Norris can check his pulse by same hand.
- Chuck Norris' pulse-rate is measured on the Richter Scale.
- I'm starting to get concerned about Florida They've had no Pulse for six months.
- Where do gay skeletons party? At No-Pulse Nightclub.
- How can you tell if a gay guy is nervous? When his heart is "pulse"-ing
- They reopened Pulse nightclub... But they renamed it flatline...
- What song was playing at Pulse last Saturday night? "It's Raining Men"
- How can you tell if a gay person is dead? Check pulse
- What did they change the name of the gay bar in Orlando to? No Pulse
- How can you tell if a Comcast exec is lying? Does he still have a pulse?
- What did the pulse say to the legume as he left? Lentil next time.
- A girl is dating a multiple personality... His names are 'Stream' and 'Pulse'
- How is your perfect girl? She has a pulse
Heartwarming Pulse Jokes that Make You Laugh
What funny jokes about pulse you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean timer jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pulse pranks.
A lawyer was interviewing a doctor about the death of a patient
"When you examined the patient, did you check his pulse?" asked the lawyer.
"I didn't" said the doctor.
"And did you listen for a heartbeat?" said the lawyer.
"No, I did not" the doctor said.
"So in other words" the lawyer said "When you signed the death certificate you had NOT taken adequate steps to confirm he was dead."
"Well, let me put it this way," said the doctor- "At that point, the man's brain was in a jar on my desk. But for all I know I guess he could've been out practicing law somewhere!"
Cross-examination of a coroner
"Did you check the victim's pulse?"
"No, I did not."
"Did you check if the victim's breathing had stopped?"
"No, I did not."
"Did you check for any signs of brainwave activity?"
"No, I did not."
"Then how do you even know the victim is dead?"
"Well, his brain is in a jar on my desk right now, but for all I know he might be out practicing law somewhere."
Brainless Lawyers
In a m**... trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner:
"Before you signed the death certificate, did you take the pulse, listen to the heart or check for breathing?"
"No."
"So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?"
"Well, the man's brain was in a jar on my desk, but I suppose he could have still been practicing law for a living."
During a lady's medical examination...
The doctor says: "Your heart, lungs, pulse and blood pressure are all fine. Now let me see the bit that gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble."
The lady starts taking off her underwear but is interrupted by the doctor.
"No! No! Don't t**... clothes. Just stick out your tongue!"
People say I'll have s**... with anything with a pulse...
I just wonder, what's a pulse got to do with anything?
Defense!
In a m**... trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining a pathologist:
Attorney: Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse? Coroner: No.
Attorney: Did you listen to the heart? Coroner: No.
Attorney: Did you check for breathing? Coroner: No.
Attorney: So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?
Coroner: Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I guess it's possible he could be out there practicing law somewhere!
An Attorney and a Doctor in court...
Attorney: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
Doctor: No.
Attorney: Did you check for blood pressure?
Doctor: No.
Attorney: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
Doctor: No.
Attorney: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
Doctor: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Attorney: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
Doctor: It is possible that he could have been alive and practising law somewhere.
Two guys are out hunting
Two guys are out hunting and one of them falls down a ravine. The other one run down to him, can't find a pulse, and calls calls 911 and says "Help me my friend is dead! I don't know what to do!" The operator says "That's okay just calm down I'm going to help. Now let's start by making sure he's actually dead." There's silence on the line and then a gunshot is heard. The guy comes back on the line and says "Okay now what?"
The entrance exam for medical college had just one question
if a young woman faints ,the first thing you need to do is to feel her PU_S_ .
Those who answered PULSE , passed and the rest are reading this joke
The real troublemaker ...
While examining a female patient, doctor tells her:
Ur heart, lungs, pulse, BP are fine. Now let me see that cute little thing which gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble.
Woman immediately started taking off her top and jeans..
Doc shocked said:
No! No! Plz put on ur clothes.
Just show me your tongue..."
Harold and David are out hunting when David collapses and stops breathing.
Desperately Harold searches for a pulse but can't find one. He whips out his phone and dials 911 and blurts, 'My friend had just dropped dead! What should I do?' A soothing voice on the other end says, 'OK, OK. Just relax. First, let's make sure he really is dead.' After a brief silence the operator hears a shot ring out. Then Harold comes back to the phone. 'OK,' he says nervously, 'what do I do next?'
The doctor told me to stop m**..., if I wanted to be healthy.
It was distracting him from checking my pulse.
