Pulp Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

What is the highest religious authority among oranges called?

The Pulp.

What do you get when rubbing two oranges together

Pulp friction

What kind of books do fruit read?

Pulp Fiction

A women goes to the doctor all black and blue...

Doctor: "What happened?"
Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk on Bud Light he beats me to a pulp."

Doctor: "I have a remedy for that. When your husband comes home drunk on Bud Light, just take a glass of sweet tea and start swishing it in your mouth but don't swallow. Just keep swishing and swishing until he goes to bed in his Bud Light stupor."

Two weeks later the women comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

Woman: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk on Bud Light, I swished with sweet tea. I swished and swished and he didn't touch me!"

Doctor: "You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps?"

**

What do you call a made-up orange?

Pulp Fiction!

Three spies were detained in Russia

A British spy, a French spy, and an Italian spy. They were split up into three separate rooms to be interrogated.

After the interrogations, they were thrown into a cell together. The British spy said he was threatened with torture and confessed his secrets. The French spy told a similar story of fear of torture. The Italian spy had been beaten to a bloody pulp.

The other two spies asked the Italian spy, "Why didn't you answer their questions and avoid the torture?"

The Italian spy replied, "I wanted to, but my hands were tied behind my back!"

[OC] What do you get when you rub two orange juice boxes together?

Pulp friction.

What's an oranges' favorite movie?

Pulp Fiction.

What's the difference between jelly and jam?

Jelly is made by filtering out the fruit pulp after the initial heating, whereas jam contains the small pieces of chopped up fruit.

I'm tired of seeing "I can't jelly my dick up your butt", so I wanted to give the correct answer.

What do you call a movie about artificial orange juice?

Pulp Fiction

What are stories about oranges?

Pulp Fiction

What's the difference between the Emoji Movie and Pulp Fiction?

Nazi's didn't start running around a month after Pulp Fiction.

Watching Pulp Fiction for the first time, thought this was the best.

Three tomatoes are walking down the street. A papa tomato, a mama tomato, and a baby tomato. Now the baby tomato starts lagging behind, the papa tomato gets pissed and squishes him saying "Ketchup"

What do you call it when the Annoying Orange tells lies?

Pulp Fiction

What is created when you rub two oranges together?

Pulp Friction

One time there was an Irishman who got so drunk

He kissed his wife and beat the Pope's foot to a pulp with a coal shovel

Y'know when the carton says "pulp free" but then it has some pulp anyway?

Pulp Fiction

How does Samuel L Jackson create fire with an orange?

He uses Pulp Friction

What do you call it when orange juice lies about the amount of pulp it has?

Pulp fiction

Why do they call OJ Simpson OJ ?

Because he beats women to a pulp.

Remember the guy who played in the deer hunter, and pulp fiction. Christopher something or other.

Anyway, I heard he's opening a new hospital. I think they're going to call it the Walken clinic.

What do you call fake orange juice?

Pulp Fiction

A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and blue

Doctor: "What happened?"

Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp."

Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of sweet tea and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow until he goes to bed and is asleep."

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

Woman: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I swished with sweet tea. I swished and swished, and he didn't touch me!"

Doctor: "You see how much keeping your fucking mouth shut helps?"

What did Lorde say to her sister when, seven minutes and fifty-five seconds into watching Pulp Fiction, they were kidnapped by an evil warlock who said that he would turn them into the last food they heard someone else talk about, and she asked Lorde for reassurance that everything would be okay?

"We will never be Royales."

I was watching Pulp Fiction again and...

...my flatmate pops in and says, " Why are you watching this again?, you have seen it a thousand times already."

"Just for the gags"

An orange juice factory decides to host a movie night..

They will be screening Pulp Fiction

Have you seen the movie about Samuel L. Jackson eating an orange?

It's called Pulp Fiction.

Short Irish Joke

There once was an Irishman who got so drunk while he was in Rome that he kissed his wife and beat the Pope's foot to a pulp with a coal shovel.

What are the funniest pulp jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Pulp? Well, here are the best Pulp puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Pulp pick up lines to share with friends.

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