pulls Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious pulls puns

A man is in an hospital bed wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth.

'Nurse', he mumbles. 'Are my testicles black?' Nurse raise his gown, hold his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other. She take a close look and says 'there nothing wrong with them sir'. Man pulls off the oxygen mask, smile at her and says very slowly, ' Thanks for that, it was lovely but listen very very carefully, ' are-my-tests-re-sults-back?'

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A cop pulls over a car with two priests.

The cop makes his way up to the window and says, We're looking for two child molesters.

The priests look at each other for a moment and turn back to the cop.

We'll do it.

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Police officer pulls over 2 Catholic priests. Says he's looking for two child molesters.

Catholic priests looking at each other: We'll do it!

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An infinite number of people walk into a bar...

The first orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third orders a quarter beer. The fourth orders an eighth of a beer...


The bartender pulls out two beers and tells them to know their limits.

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I put a black hole in my living room.

It's great. Really pulls the room together.

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You meet a man on the Oregon trail...

You meet a man on the Oregon trail that tells you his name is Terry. You laugh and tell him that Terry is a girls' name. Without hesitation Terry pulls out a gun and shoots you dead. You have died of dissin Terry.

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A cop pulls a guy over for suspected drunk driving.

The cop opens the door and the driver falls out onto the asphalt. The cop says :

"Holy shit, you're so drunk, you can't even walk!"

The drunk says "No shit, that's why I took my car!"

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Bank robber pulls out gun, points it at the teller...

Robber: "Give me all your money or you are GEOGRAPHY!'

Cashier (puzzled) "Did you mean to say "or you're history?"

Robber: "Don't change the subject."

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(from my 8 year old) What do you see when a duck pulls down his underwear?

His butt quack

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A shy cowboy goes into a bar

*this is an old one but I'll give it a try*
...so he sees a nice looking cowgirl sitting on a bar stool. He doesn't know how to approach her so he just takes a seat somewhere else. After a while he gets an idea. He gets up, pulls out his gun, and shoots and kills everyone in the room, but her. He goes to her and says: "Now what is a nice-looking lady like yourself doing here all alone?"

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Cop pulls over bad driver

Cop- sir do you realize how badly you were switching lanes?


Guy- sorry officer, I'm drunk af


Cop-that's not a valid reason to let your girlfriend drive the car

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Paddy rings his new girlfriend's door

Paddy rings his new girlfriend's door bell, with a big bunch of flowers.
She opens the door, sees the flowers, and drags him in.
She lies back on the couch, pulls her skirt up, rips her knickers off and says 'This is for the flowers!'

'Don't be silly,' says Paddy, 'You must have a vase somewhere!'

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A guy ring's his new girlfriend's doorbell

She sees him holding a beautiful bouquet of roses and drags him in.

She lies on the couch, pulls her skirt up, and rips her knickers off and says "This is for the flowers!"

"Don't be silly" says her boyfriend, "you must have a vase somewhere!"

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A man and woman were having sex and the woman was dissatisfied

Woman : You know, this wasn't what I expected when you said you were magical in bed

*Man pulls out ten of hearts

Man : And is this your card?

Woman : Holy shit

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An officer pulls up at the scene of an accident

where a car has driven through a field, killed several livestock and crashed into a barn. He decides to interview Steve who is struggling to keep his balance and is being propped up by Karen.







"Been out for a few have we mate?" asks the officer.







"Shuure ave mate" grins Steve.







"I realise you are very drunk sir," states the officer, "but that is absolutely no excuse to let your wife drive you home!"

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Two midgets are sitting around, bored...

When one of them pulls out some weed and asks:

"Wanna get medium?"

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Rihanna, Usher and Justin Bieber were walking over a bridge..........

Rihanna trips and gets her head stuck between the railings.


Without a sideways glance, Usher pulls aside her G-String and fucks her senseless.


He stands back and tells Justin, "Your turn!"


Justin burst out into tears.


"Whats wrong?", asks Usher.


Justin sobs, "My head won't fit in the railings."

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A guy ring's his new girlfriend's doorbell

She sees him holding a very nice bouquet of flowers and drags him in.

She lies on the couch, pulls her skirt up, and rips her knickers off and says This is for the flowers!

Don't be silly says her boyfriend, you must have a vase somewhere!

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What does a burnt pizza, a frozen beer and a pregnant girlfriend have in common?

One dumbass who never pulls out in time

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A blonde buys a gun.

A young blonde is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home early to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She pulls the gun from her purse and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ''Shut up...you're next!''

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Bill Gates Goes Fishing

Bill Gates goes fishing. Suddenly his fishing pole starts to jiggle, he quickly pulls it and see a gold fish hanging on it's edge.

"WAIT! PLEASE DON'T EAT ME!" the fish screams.

Bill answers: "oh wow, a talking fish! That's amazing! There you go little guy, I was going to release you anyway" and sets him free.

The fish turns around and say: "Thank you, now how about a wish?"

Bill answers: "Oh alright... what do you want?"

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A panda walks into a bar...

And eats some beer nuts, he then pulls out a gun fires it in the air heads for the door. "Hey!" shouts the bartender and the panda yells back "I'm a panda google me" and sure enough 'panda: a tree climbing mammal with distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.'

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A guy rings his new girlfriend's doorbell

She sees him holding a beautiful bouquet of roses and drags him in. Shes lies on the couch, pulls her skirt up, and rips her knickers off and says "This is for the flowers!"

"Don't be silly" says the boyfriend "you must have a vase somewhere!"

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Cop pulls over a couple

Cop: Your back tail light is out

Husband: I didn't know. I'll get it fixed tomorrow.

Wife:I told you two days ago to get it fixed.

Cop: Sir, your license is also expired.

Husband: I didn't realize that.

Wife: I told you last week that the state sent you a letter about that.

Husband: Honey, can you keep your damn mouth shut ?

Cop: Does your husband always talk to you like that ?

Wife: No. Only when he's drunk.

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A Proctologist is giving an exam...

A Proctologist is giving an exam, and as he is nearing the end of the patient's visit, he goes to write a prescription. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out, to his surprise, a rectal thermometer.
He looks at it and, exclaims, "Damn it! Some asshole has my pen!"

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Blondes At The Bus Stop.

Two blondes are waiting at a bus stop.

A bus pulls up and opens the door. One of the blondes leans inside, asking the driver - "will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?"

The bus driver shakes his head, "no, I'm sorry, it won't" he says.

The other blonde leans inside and asks, "how about me?"

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As blond woman, I've heard them all. But this is my favorite blond joke.

A blonde is driving down the highway when she looks out the window to see another blonde in a rowboat, in the middle of a field, rowing as hard as she can.

She pulls over, gets out of her car, runs to the edge of the field and yells as loud as she can, 'It's bitches like you that give blondes a bad name and if I could swim, I'd come out there and beat your ass!'

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A nurse walks into a bank...

A nurse walks into a bank totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift. She grabs a deposit slip, pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse, and tries to write with it. When she realizes her mistake, she looks at the flabbergasted teller and, without missing a beat, says, "well, that's great...some asshole's got my pen."

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Man goes to the doctor (NSFW)

A man goes to the doctor for a prostate check.

The doctor is examining him when he discovers bank notes in the man's rectum.

He pulls them out and counts them, he says to the patient; "You're not going to believe this, but I've just found £1950 up your arse."

"Ah, that makes sense," the patient says; "I thought I wasn't feeling too grand."

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An Irish priest is driving along a country road when a police man pulls him over.

He immediately smells alcohol on the priest's breath and notices an empty wine bottle in the car.

He says: "Have you been drinking?"

"Just water," says the priest.

The cop replies: "Then why do I smell wine?"

The priest looks at the bottle and says: "Good Lord! He's done it again!"

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Bill Clinton says "Hey Monica, you want to see the clock in the Oval Office?.......

She says "sure"... and goes in there. Bill Clinton unzips his pants and pulls out his little Billy.

Monica says "That's not a clock".

To which Bill replies "It is if you put two hands and a face on it".

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A police man pulls over a car in the middle of the night

"Sir, do you realise how badly your car was swerving between lanes?"

"I've had 8 drinks, officer."

"That's no excuse to let your wife drive..."

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*cop pulls over a driver*

Cop: Who's car is this? Where are you headed? What do you do?
Miner: Mine.

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Drunk driving or...?

A cop pulls over a car in the middle of the night:

-Sir, do you realize how badly your car was swerving between lanes?

-I've had 8 drinks, officer.

-That's no excuse to let your wife drive...

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A cop pulls over a miner and asks

"Sir, whose car is this? Where are you headed? What do you do as a profession?"

And the miner replies "Mine."

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What are the most funny Pulls jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Pulls? Well, here are the best Pulls dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Pulls pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes