The Best 75 Pulling Jokes

Following is our collection of Pulling jokes which are very funny. There are some pulling pulled muscle jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these pulling slid puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

me: Can I play some music?


**uber driver:** Yeah, sure.

**me *[pulling out my tuba]*:** Do u like veggie tales?

My crush: You know, you remind me alot of my brother.

[Pulling out]

Me: Excuse me, what?

A Jewish girl....

.....flagged down a cab after drunken night out in town. All too late she realised the driver was heading in the wrong direction, & was driving down a dark country lane into the woods.
He stopped the car, then jumped in the back seat, pulling at the girls clothes frantically.
"Stop, stop!" she screamed.
"Don't worry love, I just want a bit of fun, I ain't going to hurt you" he explained.
"No, it's not that, could you turn the meter off first?" she replied.

I was in bed with a blind girl last night...

and she says "wow your really well hung" to which I respond "you're pulling my leg"

A very thirsty man was wandering the desert ...

... when suddenly he spotted a well. With the last of his strength, he neared himself, and started pulling the bucket upwards.
*Water! Water!* he shouted in anticipation

When suddenly, from the bottom of the well, a voice exclaimed

*Where?! Where?!*


Did you hear about the war between the blondes and the brunettes?

The blondes were throwing hand grenades, and the brunettes were pulling the pins and throwing them back.

Guy walking down the street...

...sees a bloke coming towards him pulling a rope. It looks about 20 feet long, there doesn't seem to be anything tied to the end of it. As they pass each other he says, "G'day mate, mind if I ask why you're pulling that rope?"

The other bloke replies, "Come off it! Have you ever tried to push a rope?!"

Why did King Arthur leave no heir?

He was legendary for pulling out.

If you've ever thought women are the weaker sex..

You've never tried pulling the blankets back to your side in the night

So a man who had been stranded on an island 7 years was finally rescued...

as the ship was pulling away from the island one of his rescuers was looking back at the island and noticed three huts on the beach. Curious, he asked the castaway what they were for. "Well" he replied "the first one there was my house and that one over there is my church" "and the other?" asked the sailor. "Oh that...thats the church I used to go to"

Fishing secret

A guy is out ice fishing and he hasn't had a bite in hours, but the fellow next to him is pulling in fish after fish. Exasperated, the man finally approached the successful fisherman to find his secret.
"What's your secret buddy, I mean you've been pulling in fish left and right all day long."
"Ooo gahh takee darmns orm" the guy says.
"What??"
"Ooo gahh takee darmns orm"
"I'm sorry, I just can't understand you."
"Oh...," he says and spits something in his hand.
"You've got to keep the worms warm."

Top Pulling Puns and Funny Jokes

You can explore pulling pullin reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean pulling pulled over dad jokes. There are also pulling puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I lost my college football scholarship in the very first game this weekend, for pulling a groin.

Not mine, someone else's.

The U.S. military is like a drunk frat boy.

If you really believe it's pulling out before something bad happens, joke's on you, buddy.

Obama goes on vacation to South Carolina and goes for an ocean swim...

And begins to drown! A young lifeguard swims out and rescues him, pulling him back to shore.

"Thank you so much for saving me young lady. Please, tell me what I can do to repay you."

"Aw shucks, I don't need nuthin', sir, it's just ma job!" She says.

"Listen, I'm the President of the United States, I can give you anything you want!"

She thinks for a moment and says "Well, I'd mighty like a plot at the Arlington National Cemetery if ya can do that fer me."

"Why does a young woman like you want a burial plot at the cemetery?"

"Because" she said, "When my friends and family find out what I just did they'll kill me!"

Elephant in the vegetable patch

An elephant escapes from a zoo and ends up in a little old ladies vegetable garden and starts munching. Having never seen an elephant in her life, she freaks out and calls the police.

"There's a giant creature in my yard and it's pulling out my vegatables with it's tail!"

"What's it doing with them?"

"If I told you, you'd never believe me!"

How are burnt pizza, frozen beer and a pregnant girlfriend related?

All come from not pulling out on time.

Sledding with dad

"Dad, I will never ever go sledding with you again!"

"Shut up and keep pulling, son."

So a blind girl was giving me a hand job last night...

She said I was the biggest she's ever felt, I said "Nah girl, you're just pulling my leg."

A man is walking down the street dragging 20 ft of rope behind him.

His neighbor is curious & asks, "Hey buddy, why you pulling that rope?"
The man replies, "You ever tried pushing it?"


A blonde was rushed to the hospital

A blonde was rushed to the hospital with a bullet wound in her index finger.

Doctor: how did this happen?

Blonde: I tried to suicide.

Doctor: you shot your finger for suicide?

Blonde: No, I shot in my ear. But just before pulling the trigger, I realized that there would be a loud bang, so I closed my other ear with my finger.

If you skip church on Sundays..

You're pulling a Christian Bale.

What do you call couples that practice pulling out as a method of contraception?

Parents.

What did the sign convention management do to the woman who kept pulling down their long signs?

Banner.

comeback is real!

A professor and a fool

A professor was walking along a very narrow hall when he came face to face with a rival.
The passage way was too narrow for two to pass.
The rival, pulling himself up to his full height, said with a sneer,
I never make way for fools!

Smiling, the Gracious Professor stepped aside and with a bow replied, I Always Do.

Why can't the professional jenga player have kids?

Because he is the best at pulling out.

Little Johnny...one more time.

Little Johnny and a little girl are playing. Little Johnny pulls down his shorts and says, "I have one of these and you don't." The little girl starts crying and crying and runs home to her mother. The next day Little Johnny and the girl are playing together again. Once again Little Johnny points to his private parts and says, "I have one of these and you don't." But this time the little girl just keeps on playing. "How come you're not crying today," asks Little Johnny. "My mother told me," says the little girl, pulling up her dress, "that with one of these, I can get as many of those as I want."

Toughen Up

I'm sick of people telling me I'm a weakling so last night I went to the gym.

After a light warm up, I steadied myself, put both hands on the metal bar and heaved with all my might. I strained and I strained but still, no matter how hard I tried, I could not get it to budge.
Eventually one of the burly staff members came over and said... "Stop pulling on the door mate, we're closed."

I saved 15% on car insurance by switching....

The gear to reverse and pulling away from the accident

I was with a blind prostitute today

and she said I was the biggest she had ever had. She was just pulling my leg.

My friend got jailed 6 months for pulling 4 people out of a burning building.

Turns out they were firefighters.

My friend got sent to prison for pulling out 3 people from a burning building

Unfortunately, it turned out they were firefighters

People in wheelchairs just don't get humor.

They never know when you're pulling their leg.

Now I understand why the British population was on a steady decline these past few years...

Brits are really good at pulling out.

Blind Girl

If a blind girl tells you your manhood is massive…

…she's probably pulling your leg.

A bloke walks into a pub with a meat and potato pie balanced on his head

He walks up to barman and says:

'Can I have a pint of bitter, please.'

'Certainly,' says the barman and starts pulling a pint. But he can't resist asking. 'You do realise, sir, you have a meat and potato pie on your head?'

The bloke replies: 'Yes, I always have a meat and potato pie on my head on a Wednesday.'

'Ah!' Says the barman. 'But today is Tuesday!'

'Oh no,' says the bloke. 'I must look like a right twat.'

Pulling Together

A guy drives into a ditch, but luckily, a farmer is there to help. He hitches his horse, Buddy, up to the car and yells, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy doesn't move.

"Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy doesn't budge.

"Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing.

Then the farmer says, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse drags the car out of the ditch.

Curious, the motorist asks the farmer why he kept calling his horse by the wrong name. "Buddy's blind," said the farmer. "And if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try."

I was sitting on the edge of the bed, pulling my boxers off when...

...my wife said, "You spoil those dogs."

Trooper tries to pull over a man who speeds away.....

After getting the man to pull over, he tells him that since it's the end of his shift that he'll let him go if he has a good explanation for why he kept speeding up instead of pulling over.

The driver says: "Don't you recognize me? My wife ran away with you 2 years ago and I thought you were trying to give her back"

I kept pulling the string from my Christmas hat and now its half the size

Oops, wrong thread

The rope joke

A man is walking down the street one day when he notices another man coming towards him, dragging a length of rope. It's about 20 feet long and not tied to anything, so as they pass the first man says, "Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice your rope. May I ask why you're pulling it along?"

The second guy laughs and says, "You really need to ask? Have you ever tried to push a rope!?"

Whenever you feel sad, just remember that somewhere in this world

There is an idiot pulling a door that says "Push"

Trump wants to cut funding for birth control, renegotiate trade deals, and stop the wars in the Middle East.

It seems pulling out is his solution for everything.

Did you hear about the oyster who was breakdancing at the seafood disco?

He ended up pulling a mussel

What is the worst response to "I love you"?

"I'm still pulling the plug Grandma"

Dating tip:

Pull out her chair at dinner and whisper, "That's not the only thing I'll be pulling out tonight." Then pull out her napkin like a true gentleman.
(doesn't work at Mc Donalds)

A guy finally buys his dream car

... And on his first day of owning it, he gets caught speeding down the highway.

Pulling over, the officer walks up to the window and says "Son, I've been a cop for over 30 years, I've heard every excuse there is. If you come up with a new one I'll let you off with a warning."

The driver says "Well, to be honest sir, my wife recently left me for a state trooper, and when I saw your car, I was scared you were bringing her back."

What's the difference between pulling and pushing a car?

When you pull a car, you get tired. When you push one you get exhausted.

Remember when radical extremists were just kids pulling sick stunts off on their skateboards?

Gnarly.

A man walks into a small bank

There is no queue and a single teller who he approaches, a big smile on their face visible after a quick glance around:

"Hey, you know something? I like my banks how I like my ladies."

The teller rolls her eyes before asking "How?"

While pulling out a handgun, the man answered:

"Insecure."

My girlfriend told me she had never heard of condoms...

I thought she must be pulling my leg so I played along. Oh yeah? I said, They're for covering your cigarettes in the rain.

Well one day we were in a pharmacy and she asked the clerk for a package of condoms. He asked what kind, and she said oh, to fit a camel.

I hooked up with a blind woman the other day

She said I was the biggest she's ever been with, I said "ah you're just pulling my leg"

A mother takes her crying baby to the hospital.....

The doctor gets out his little exam light and ends up pulling a Lima bean out of the kids left ear, a baby carrot out of one nostril, a Skittle and two peas out of the other nostril and a hunk of pear out of the kids' right ear.

The mom cringes as she watches all of this, then asks the doctor what's wrong with the kid.

The doctor shrugs a bit and says, "I'm not sure yet, but for one thing, he certainly isn't eating right."

I walked in last night to find a paramedic crouching over my wife. Get your lips off my wife,

I snapped pulling him off her. But sir, I'm not kissing her! He pleaded. She's stopped breathing.

Do I need to repeat myself?

I just got a license plate that says "TRUMP" installed on my car...

For some reason, the FBI keeps pulling me over.

I went to a blind prostitute the other day

She told me I was the biggest she'd ever laid her hands on.

I said "nah, you're pulling my leg"

TIL Canada was named by pulling letters from a hat.

>"C," eh? "N," eh? "D," eh?

When Canada was first unified, they realized they needed a name for this new country, so they decided to draw letters oot of a basket to name it.

The first prime minister went up on stage and started pulling letters and announcing them to the crowd. "C, eh?"..."N, eh?"..."D, eh?"

My buddy said he made a voodoo doll of me.

I think he's pulling my leg.

What do you call people whose birth control method is pulling out?

Parents

When I have a headache, I take an Advil and follow the instructions on the bottle:



"KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"



(based on Kauffman, G. and Blakeley M. eds. 1980. Pulling Our Own Strings. Page 51)

So my best friend tells me he wants to become a woman, but he doesn't want to pay for surgery

He asked for my help in pulling it off.

A housewife comes running from the kitchen and grabs her husband

"We have to make loveΒ right this moment," she declares, pulling his clothes off.

Not one to waste an opportunity, the man stands at attention and gets to work.

After the deed is done, the man says, "That was pretty good. But why all of a sudden?."

"Oh," the wife replies, "my egg timer is broken."

If you're towing a speedboat...

...are you pulling a fast one?

My wife saw me standing on the scale pulling in my stomach

"Pulling in your stomach wont make you any lighter" she said

"I know", I said, "but if I don't, I cant see what it says on the dial"

Two women were dressing in the locker room after their aerobics class when one noticed that the other was pulling on a pair of men's briefs. "So when did you start wearing men's underwear?" the first asked.

"Ever since my husband found a strange
pair under the bed."

I tried to translate a joke from Canadian

Did you hear about the war between Nova Scotia and Newfoundland?. ? The newfies were throwing grenades the Nova Scotians were pulling the pins and throwing them back

NSFW a young man is in his room

Discovering himself, pulling his pud, jacking off, choking his chook or whatever. His dad busts in unannounced and mortified yells SON DON'T DO THAT YOU'LL GO BLIND! To which the son replies .....um dad, I'm over here.

What do you call Bruce Lee pulling a Radio Flyer?

Enter the wagon.

A shipwrecked mariner had spent several years on a deserted island, completely alone.

Then one morning he was thrilled to see a ship offshore and a smaller vessel pulling out towards him.

When the boat grounded on the beach, the officer in charge handed the marooned sailor a bundle of newspapers and told him: The captain said to read through these and let us know if you still want to be rescued.

A man is walking down the street with a length of string trailing behind him ...

Why are you pulling that string along ? asked a nosey cop. The mans answer? You try pushing it !

After contemplating the idea for a while, I decided to turn myself into the police.

It was fun while it lasted pulling people over and taking their drugs and stuff, until I got busted for impersonation.

Have to charge you 25 dollars

Dentist: I'm sorry, madam, but I'll have to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your son's tooth.

Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction.

Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients out of the office.

I sat on the edge of the bed last night, pulling off my boxers, the wife leans in and says:

You spoil those dogs ....

A blonde man is convinced his wife is having an affair...

He buys a gun, comes home early from work, and sure enough there is his wife and another man, naked in bed. Without a word the blonde man pulls out the gun and blows the guy away. Looking his wife in the eyes he puts the gun to his head and starts pulling the trigger. No! No! Honey don't! The wife screams. The blonde man says Shut up! You're next!

People say that stress can make you lose your hair...

and pulling your hair can be a root problem.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the pulling mower jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working pulling tug piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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