Pulling Girl Jokes

A couple young, entrepreneurial prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on the top of their car that read: "Two Prostitutes – $50.00."
A police officer, seeing the sign, pulled the ladies over and advised that they will have to remove the sign or go to jail.
Right about that time a minivan passed by with a sign on the side of it that read: "Jesus Saves."
"How come you don’t stop them?" asked one of the girls.
"Well, that’s a little different," the officer replied… "their sign pertains to religion."
The two ladies of the night pouted a bit, but they took their sign down and drove off peacefully.
The following day the same police officer was running radar when he noticed the same two young ladies driving around with another sign on their car.
Figuring he had an easy arrest, he flipped his lights on and began to catch up when he noticed the what the new sign read: "Two Fallen Angels Seeking Peter – $50.00."

So there is a mother and her daughter sitting on the plane.

They haven't taken off yet and are still on the runway. The daughter, who is pretty young, say four or five, looks out the window and gets to thinking....
"Mommy. If big dogs have puppies and big cats have kittens, then shouldn't big airplanes have little baby airplanes?"
And the mom, she's hungover and jet lagged.
"aw, baby, just go ask the stewardess"
So the daughter gets up to ask the flight attendant.
"Hey stewardess lady, if big dogs have puppies and big cats have kittens then shouldn't big airplanes have little baby airplanes?"
And the stewardss says "did your mother tell you to come ask me this?" The girl nods.
"well, you see, sweetheart, this is JetBlue. And we always pull out on time. That's why there's no baby airplanes. Go ask your mom about that."

An amateur golfer playing in his first tournament

was delighted when a beautiful girl came up to him after the round and suggested he come over for a while. The fellow was a bit embarrassed to explain that he really couldn't stay all night but that he'd be glad to come over for a while. Twenty minutes later they were in he bed making love. When it was over, he got out of bed and started getting dressed.
"Hey," called the girl from beneath the covers, "where do you think you're going? Arnold Palmer wouldn't leave so early."
At that he the golfer stripped off his clothes and jumped on top of her. After they'd made love a second time, he got out of bed and put his pants back on.
"What are you up to?" she called. "Jack Nicklaus wouldn't think of leaving now." So the golfer pulled off his pants and s**... her a third time, and afterward he started to get dressed.
"C'mon, you can't leave yet," protested the girl. "Tiger Woods wouldn't call it a day."
"Lady, would you tell me one thing?" asked the golfer, looking at her very seriously. "What's par for this hole?"

As many as I want

A boy and a little girl are playing. He pulls down his shorts and says, "I have one of these and you don't."
The little girl starts crying and crying and runs home to her mother.
The next day the boy and the girl are playing together again. Once again he points to his private parts and says, "I have one of these and you don't."
But this time the little girl just keeps on playing.
"How come you're not crying today," asks the boy.
"My mother told me," says the little girl, pulling up her dress, "that with one of these, I can get as many of those as I want."

three daughters

There was this dad that was an owner of a morgue that had three daughters. The dad went and picked up this guy from a heart attack. The dad told the three girls that they needed to fix and prep him for tomorrow. Well the first girl got a look at him and said he was a really charming looking guy. She pulled back his sheet and noticed he had a hard on. She thought to herself the only way to get this down was to "ride" him. So without hesitation she jumped on and rode him for thirty or so minutes. Tired and worn out and the guy still being hard the second sister jumps up and starts riding him really hard. For about thirty minutes she gets worn out. They both look at the third girl and ask her to ride him now. She looked at them and told them she couldn't because she was on her period. They both said it didn't matter because he was dead. So she hopped on rode him for another thirty minutes. Finally his hard on went down and all three girls started cheering. The guy Sat up and looked at all three girls. They asked him how he was alive. He replied well after two jump starts and blood fusion I'm alive.

The Skunk

One cold night, this couple was driving down the road, and the girl notices this black ball of fur on the side of the road. She makes him pull over, and she sees that it's a skunk that's about to freeze to death. She asks him, "Can we bring him with us in the truck to warm it up?"
He says, "I guess it's okay. Bring him in."
She goes, "Where can I warm him up?"
"Put him between your legs, that'll warm him up."
"Well, what about the smell?"
"You can hold it's nose, can't you?"

3 men are riding in an airplane over their city

3 guys were in a Cessna Airplane flying over the city they lived in. The first man said "I love my city so much, I'm gonna drop this 50 cent coin out the window for someone to find. That will make their day!" So he threw it out.
The second man pulled out a roll of coins and said "I love my city so much that I'll throw this whole roll of coins out the window! And he threw it out.
The third man hated his city, so he pulled out an incendiary grenade and said "I hate my city so much I'm dropping this out the window!" So he pulled the pin and pitched it.
Later that day, the third man was walking through the streets when he saw a little girl crying, so he asked her what was wrong. She said "both my dad and grandpa were hit by coins that fell out of the sky! Now my dads in the hospital with a coma and my grandpa got startled and had a heart attack!"
After the man consoled the little girl, he kept walking until he saw a boy rolling around laughing on the sidewalk in front of a pile of charred wood. When the man asked him what was so funny, the kid said
"I f**... and my house burst into flames!"

So this young girl gets pulled over....

And the police officer asks the girl for her license, she says she doesn't have one, he asks why and she says because she has a bunch of DUI charges. Then he says can I see your ownership. She says I don't have one, he asks why not? She says because it's not her car, he says who's is it? She says the guy that's all cut up in the trunk. He stands back and calls for back up. A few minutes later another police officer comes up and says what seems to be the problem. She says nothing officer why? He says can I see your license and she says sure of course officer. He says can I see your ownership and she says of course, he says can I see in your trunk, so she pops the trunk and it's empty. So he says why did you tell the other officer you had no license, she says I never said that I bet he told you I was speeding too

Molly the Camel

A new Army Captain was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in the Afghan Desert. During his first inspection of the outfit, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent. He asked the Sergeant why the camel was kept there. The nervous sergeant said, 'Sir, as you know, there are 250 men here on the post and no women. Sometimes the men have urges. That's why we have Molly The Camel.
The Captain said, 'I can't say that I condone this, but I can understand about the 'urges', so the camel can stay.'
About a month later, the Captain starts having his own 'urges'. Crazed with passion, he asked the Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent. Putting a ladder behind the camel, the Captain stands on the ladder, pulls his pants down and has wild and insane s**... with the camel.
When he's done, he asked the Sergeant, 'Is that how the men do it?'
'No sir. They usually just ride the camel into town. That's where the girls are.'

Cats and ladders

A fire-fighter was working on the engine outside the station, when he noticed a little girl in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.
The girl was wearing a fire-fighter's helmet.
The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.
The fire-fighter walked over to take a closer look.
"That sure is a nice fire truck," he said with admiration.
"Thanks," the girl replied. The fire-fighter looked a little closer. The girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's t**....
"Little partner," the fire-fighter said, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."
The little girl replied thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."

Two kids are walking down a dirt path...

a boy and a girl. Suddenly the boy stops and proclaims, "look at what I have!"
He pulls down his pants and allows the girl to observe.
"Do you have one?" he asks.
The girl is confused and upset that she does seem to be lacking what the boy has. Distraught she runs home to her mother who see her daughter crying.
"What's wrong?" asks the mother. The daughter tells her mother about the situation and when she is done her mother only smiles.
The next day the boy and girl are walking along the same path. The boy notices the girl is smiling even more than he is and demands to know why. The girl, turns to him, pulls up her skirt and says "my mom says as long as I have one of these, I can get as many of those as I want!"

A Mexican, an Arab, and a r**... girl......

A Mexican, an Arab, and a r**... girl are in the same bar.
When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his p**..., and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In Mexico , our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink with the same one twice.'
The Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In the Arab World, we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink with the same one twice either.'
The r**... girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer, downs it in one gulp, throws the glass into the air, whips out her 45, and shoots the Mexican and the Arab. Catching her glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, she says:
'In America we have so many i**... aliens that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice.'

A man and his wife are on their honeymoon...

The two are in a splendid hotel, in their beds, snuggling down to make love when the newly made wife complains, "Honey, I feel like we're being watched." Because they're both former CIA, he decides to humor his wife and check around the room. Beneath the bed, behind it, even around the corners of the room.
"There's nothing here," he assures her and tries to start up the mood again. But she won't have it, so he goes looking around the room a second time. Since she's so upset, he keeps looking until he pulls back the rug to find a funny looking device. He unscrews the device, telling her, "Look, I've gotten rid of the bug. Now we can make love!"
The next morning, they're served breakfast in bed. The girl who brings their food asks if they had a nice night, to which they reply it was wonderful. But why does she ask? "I just wanted to make sure you were safe," she says. "Some time last night, the couple below you had a chandelier fall on them."

A little boy and a little girl were walking home from school...

The little boy says to the little girl, "This weekend, my dad's gonna take me to ride a horse!"
The little girl says, "Oh, I have my own pony."
They walk a little further.
The little boy again pipes up, "Next weekend, my dad's taking me to a baseball game!"
The little girl replies, "My uncle plays major league baseball."
The boy scowls as they continue to walking.
Finally in frustration, the little boy pulls down his pants and yells
"Well, I've got one of these and you don't!"
The little girl calmly lifts her dress and replies "I have one of these, and with one of these, I can get all of those I want."

A misunderstanding

A girl is driving down the highway listening to the radio when a song comes on that she really, really likes. The DJ says the name of that song was "Hot lips and tender kisses." The girl says to herself I've got to buy that record. She pulls over and looks up the phone number for the nearest record store. She dials the number but makes a mistake while dialing and instead of calling a record store she has called an auto mechanic. The phone rings and the mechanic picks up the phone. The girl says, excitedly, "Do you have hot lips and tender kisses?" The mechanic is a little confused, but responds, "No, but I've got hot pants and seven inches." The girl responds, "Is that a record?" The mechanic says, "No, but it's better than average."

A taxi/cab driver picks up a drunken girl

A taxi/cab driver is driving down the street in the early hours and spots a drunken girl alone struggling to walk,
He pulls over and says "do you need a taxi love to get you home"
She says "yes" and gets into the rear seats.
The driver makes eye contact with her in the rear view mirror and asks where she's going and sets off
She says "thanks for helping me, the address is blah blah blah but I have no money to pay you"
Then she hitches up her short skirt exposing her lady parts and says "but I do have this"
The driver sighs and says
"Have you not got anything smaller".

How come no baby train?

Back then, my father took a ride on the Union Pacific, and he overheard this conversation between a mother and her little girl:
— Mommy, mommy, how come the big cow in the field has a baby cow with her, the big horse in the field has a baby horse, but the big train doesn't have a baby train?
— I dunno, sweetheart. I guess you should ask the conductor. Well, here he comes!
The conductor comes around, and as he goes by the little girl's seat, she asks him:
— Mister conductor, how come the big cow in the field has a baby cow with her, the big horse in the field has a baby horse, but the big train doesn't have a baby train?
— My little girl, that's because Union Pacific always pulls out on time!

I bought a new car recently.

I got it for a great deal. Oscar Mayer w**... was going under so they sold me one of their w**... vans. I was really excited so I drove it around town to show off. I pulled up to a Starbucks because I was thirsty and as I was parking I saw the most beautiful girl in the world. She watched me park and smiled as I walked over to her.
I introduced my self and we just started talking. She looked amazing, I complimented her on her dress. This led to a nice conversation about fashion. I began talking about this vest I recently bought at an estate sale. She seemed really interested and said, "We should set up a date, and maybe I can see you in the vest." I excitedly replied, "That would be amazing!"
Things were looking great until she said, "On one condition. You don't pick me up in the hot dog car." Well this upset me greatly and I wasn't sure how to respond. I thought about it for a moment and then I said, "If you can't handle me in my wurst you don't deserve me in my vest."

A man tries to introduce his friend to a woman.

A man and his friend walk into a bar, order a drink and walk out onto the patio out front. While they conversate a woman walks up the stairs and into the bar, she is absolutly stunning.the friend can only stare in complete awe. The man tells the friend
"Hey i know that girl i saw her at the poetry club the other day. You should go over there and tell her a limrick maby she will think your intellectual."
So the friend walks in only to return 30 seconds late with a red handprint on his face.
" what happend?!" Said the man
" well i walked in and did exactly what you told me to. I Pulled up her skirt and gave her a little rim lick"

An old hillibilly with three daughters

An old had three pretty teenage daughters of whom he was very protective. He used to sit on the front porch, shotgun in hand, and run his eye over any potential suitors. If he didn't like the look of them, he'd send them on their way.
One night, all three girls were due to go out on dates. The first's boyfriend drove up and announced: "Hi, my name is Joe, I'm here to get Flo, we're going to the show, is she ready to go?" The old man decided that the boy sounded OK and he gave his blessing for the date.
Ten minutes later, amother car pulled up. The driver called out: "Hi, my name is Freddy, I'm here to get Betty, we're going for spaghetti, is she ready?" The old man thought the boy was decent enough, so he gave him permission for the date.
Ten minutes later, a third car arrived. The driver called out: "Hi, my name is Chuck..." And the old man shot him.

Little Johnny...one more time.

Little Johnny and a little girl are playing. Little Johnny pulls down his shorts and says, "I have one of these and you don't." The little girl starts crying and crying and runs home to her mother. The next day Little Johnny and the girl are playing together again. Once again Little Johnny points to his private parts and says, "I have one of these and you don't." But this time the little girl just keeps on playing. "How come you're not crying today," asks Little Johnny. "My mother told me," says the little girl, pulling up her dress, "that with one of these, I can get as many of those as I want."

Ten years ago I was in elementary school.

I was uncircumcised and a kid noticed while in the bathroom. Later that day, a group of children wanted to see it for themselves, so I pulled it out and showed them. One of them said my pee pee was different and wanted to touch it. Thought "why not?" and they began pulling back my f**... and touching the head. It felt so nice, I was in bliss. My pee pee began to get bigger and one of the girls started screaming. The Dean came in and quickly took everyone away and began to yell at me. Eventually parents were informed about the case.
That was the end of my teaching career.

A blonde girl gets pulled over by a blonde police officer for speeding...

The Police officer asks for a drivers license & the blonde starts going through her bag looking for it.
She's getting increasingly frustrated as she looks for the drivers license & asks the police officer for assistance.
The blonde asks: "I'm having trouble finding it... Can you please tell me what it is suppose to look like?"
The officer responds: "Sure, it's just a square that has your picture on it."
After a bit more rustling through her bag, she pulls out a square mirror and hands it to the police officer.
The police officer looks at the mirror and says: "Oh, I'm so sorry... I didn't realise you were a police officer! You can go"

Timmy was coming of age

And so his father decided to help him with his "situation".
He gave him some money and said: Okay son! You're going to go at the edge of town and find one of those girls hanging out there, pay her and she will make a man out of you.
Hearing all this through the hallway, Timmy's neighbor pulled him inside her apartment the second he walked out.
She took his money, undressed him and said :
"Okay Timmy, now just put it in and pull it out...
Put it in aaaannnd pull it out..."
After a while Timmy got mad and said:
"You know what?! I want my money back! Can't you make up your mind?!"

A prostitution ring gets busted one afternoon.

As all of the girls were lined up outside the police station to get booked, one of the girls noticed her grandma walking by, who came up to her and said, Why Hello?! What are you waiting in line for dear?
The p**..., embarrassed, lies and says she's waiting in line for an orange stand, to which the Grandma replied, Oh, I would love some oranges!
As the p**... and her grandma came to the front of the line, the policeman asked the Grandma, How do you still do it at this age?
The Grandma replied, I just pull out my dentures, pull back the skin, and s**... it dry!

A young girl is walking home from school one day when a car pulls up along side her.

The window goes down and the driver says to her
"Hey sweetie, I'll gove you a dollar if you get in the car with me..."
The girl doesn't say anything, she just walks a little faster.
The driver says
"Alright, I'll give you ten dollars if you get in the car with me..."
Again, the girl says nothing, she just walkes a bit quicker still.
The driver then says
"I'll give you one hundred dollars if you get in the car with me..."
At this the girl stops, turns to the driver and shouts
"YOU BOUGHT THE FORD DAD, YOU RIDE IN IT!!!"