Pulled Muscle Jokes

Following is our collection of funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include Pulled Muscle puns, dirty or clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best jokes about Pulled Muscle

I was trying to pull a girl in a bar, so I asked her 'What part of my body is as long as your thigh, contains over 120 muscles, and is an anagram of "pensi"?'

It was as she pulled my pants down in the bedroom five minutes later that I revealed the answer was my spine.

A Girls First Time

As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you.

He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place.

He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be.

He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-he's done this many times before.

His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an easy entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible.

As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful.

Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on. He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you. After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.

You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.

"What are you doing?" a man asked his osteopath

A man goes to visit his osteopath to ask about a pain he's feeling in his knee. He gets on the table and the osteopath sets to work massaging and stretching his muscles.

"That feels nice," the man says. "What are you doing?"

"Well," the osteopath says, "I'm working through all the tensions and problems in your life. This knot here is your marriage, this bump is your career and this tendon is your family."

"Really?" the man says. "You can solve all those problems just by doing this?"

"Nah," the osteopath says. "I'm just pulling your leg."

A new manager was hired....

The new manager walked all around the factory, inspecting his workers, when he came to a room where he saw someone slacking off, leaning against the wall. The manager hid behind a few pipes and watched the employee for 5 minutes.
The person didn't move a muscle, so the manager aproached him and ordered him to get into the manager's office.

"What is your name?" Asked the manager.
"Steven," he replied.
"And how much do you make in a week?"
"I make about 400 dollars."
the manager pulls out 400 and hands it to him.
"Here's this week's pay, now get out of here and never let me see you again!"
Steven then gets up and goes away.
Realizing he needs a replacement, the manager then walks up to a random worker and asks him: "that guy, Steve, who just left, what does he do around here?"

"Oh Steve?" Replied the worker, "that's the pizza delivery man!"

Thank god



Mr. Marlow was strolling through the country when he saw a stable with the most beautiful horse he ever laid eyes on. It was seventeen hands high and white, with rippling muscles and a fine, flowing mane. Mr. Marlow struck a deal to buy it from the owner who did, however, pass on one key piece of information.

"We are a religious family, Mr.Marlow, and we've instilled those values in our horse. To get him to gallop you must say 'Thank God' to get him to stop you must say 'Our Father Who Art in Heaven,"

Settling into the saddle, Marlow said " Thank God," and the animal took off. They rode for miles; suddenly they were coming up to a cliff. Unfortunately, Marlow couldn't remember the phrase to make the animal stop and tried every Biblical passage he could think of until, just a few feet from the edge of the cliff, he shouted, " Our Father Who Art in Heaven! The animal stopped instantly. Shaking and perspiring, Marlow reached into his pocket and pulled out a handkerchief. "Thank God," he said as he mopped his brow...

I pulled a muscle masturbating...

I know, I know; you're not supposed to put the punchline in the title.

Being a bachelor is dangerous. I pulled a groin muscle while getting out of bed.

Over and over and over....

I went to a sea-themed disco the other day..

I pulled a muscle.

Why did the prawn leave the night club early?

Because he pulled a muscle.


Saw this outside my local fishmongers.

What happen when you pull a muscle?

You start tendon to it.

Now, don't go breaking any bones, even though I know you are cracking up at this.

When Little Johnny grew out of diapers, his dad had to teach him how to pee like a man...

"Listen here, son, this is how you do it," says Daddy.

1. Unzip your pants

2. Pull out your equipment

3. Pull back your foreskin

4. Relax the muscle that's holding in the pee

5. Push back your foreskin

6. Put your equipment back,

7. Zip back up.

Later that day Johnny's sister, Little Jane, runs up to her dad exasperated. "Daddy, Daddy! Johnny's hogging the bathroom!" "That's fine," responds Daddy, "he's learning how to pee like a man." "No he's not!" yells Jane. "He's just in there shouting, 'Three, five, three, five, three, five..."

I went to a seafood disco

i pulled a muscle

Did you hear about the oyster who went to the ball?

He pulled a muscle

Why did the prawn leave the nightclub? Because he pulled a muscle.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes