pulled muscle Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious pulled muscle puns

A Girls First Time

As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you.

He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place.

He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be.

He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-he's done this many times before.

His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an easy entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible.

As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful.

Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on. He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you. After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.

You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.

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A new manager was hired....

The new manager walked all around the factory, inspecting his workers, when he came to a room where he saw someone slacking off, leaning against the wall. The manager hid behind a few pipes and watched the employee for 5 minutes.
The person didn't move a muscle, so the manager aproached him and ordered him to get into the manager's office.

"What is your name?" Asked the manager.
"Steven," he replied.
"And how much do you make in a week?"
"I make about 400 dollars."
the manager pulls out 400 and hands it to him.
"Here's this week's pay, now get out of here and never let me see you again!"
Steven then gets up and goes away.
Realizing he needs a replacement, the manager then walks up to a random worker and asks him: "that guy, Steve, who just left, what does he do around here?"

"Oh Steve?" Replied the worker, "that's the pizza delivery man!"

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Thank god



Mr. Marlow was strolling through the country when he saw a stable with the most beautiful horse he ever laid eyes on. It was seventeen hands high and white, with rippling muscles and a fine, flowing mane. Mr. Marlow struck a deal to buy it from the owner who did, however, pass on one key piece of information.

"We are a religious family, Mr.Marlow, and we've instilled those values in our horse. To get him to gallop you must say 'Thank God' to get him to stop you must say 'Our Father Who Art in Heaven,"

Settling into the saddle, Marlow said " Thank God," and the animal took off. They rode for miles; suddenly they were coming up to a cliff. Unfortunately, Marlow couldn't remember the phrase to make the animal stop and tried every Biblical passage he could think of until, just a few feet from the edge of the cliff, he shouted, " Our Father Who Art in Heaven! The animal stopped instantly. Shaking and perspiring, Marlow reached into his pocket and pulled out a handkerchief. "Thank God," he said as he mopped his brow...

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I pulled a muscle masturbating...

I know, I know; you're not supposed to put the punchline in the title.

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An old man is spending his first day inside a nursing home.

He wakes up with a rock hard erection and immediately a beautiful busty blonde nurse walks in, gives him a sponge bath and sucks him off. When she leaves he calls his son and tells him he loves it, this is the greatest place ever and that he's going to get some breakfast. As he's walking out the door he trips and falls on his face. From behind a big muscled male nurse starts pulling his pants down and trying to have his way with the old man. After a few minutes of struggling the old man slips away and runs to his room with his back against the wall. He calls his son and tells him how much he hates the place and wants to go home now. When his son asks him why such a quick attitude change he says "well here's the deal, very seldom do I wake up with an erection but I fall down all the fucking time!"

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Being a bachelor is dangerous. I pulled a groin muscle while getting out of bed.

Over and over and over....

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I went to a sea-themed disco the other day..

I pulled a muscle.

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Why did the prawn leave the night club early?

Because he pulled a muscle.


Saw this outside my local fishmongers.

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I went to a seafood disco

i pulled a muscle

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What happen when you pull a muscle?

You start tendon to it.

Now, don't go breaking any bones, even though I know you are cracking up at this.

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Did you hear about the oyster who went to the ball?

He pulled a muscle

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When Little Johnny grew out of diapers, his dad had to teach him how to pee like a man...

"Listen here, son, this is how you do it," says Daddy.

1. Unzip your pants

2. Pull out your equipment

3. Pull back your foreskin

4. Relax the muscle that's holding in the pee

5. Push back your foreskin

6. Put your equipment back,

7. Zip back up.

Later that day Johnny's sister, Little Jane, runs up to her dad exasperated. "Daddy, Daddy! Johnny's hogging the bathroom!" "That's fine," responds Daddy, "he's learning how to pee like a man." "No he's not!" yells Jane. "He's just in there shouting, 'Three, five, three, five, three, five..."

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Why did the prawn leave the nightclub? Because he pulled a muscle.

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Did you hear about the clam that went to a disco?

He pulled a muscle

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What did the lobster do at the disco?

Pulled a muscle.

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I pulled a groin muscle getting out of bed this morning...

over and over and over.....

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What are the best Pulled Muscle puns ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Pulled Muscle? Well, here are the best Pulled Muscle dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny pranks and Pulled Muscle pick up lines to share with friends.

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