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Pulled Knife Jokes

16 pulled knife jokes and hilarious pulled knife puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pulled knife that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Pulled Knife Short Jokes

Short pulled knife jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pulled knife humour may include short fork and knife jokes also.

  1. *mugger pulls a knife* Mugger: gimme your money
    Me: well this night took a SHARP turn
    *later*
    Doctor: it's a record for amount of stabs
  2. Magician mugging I got mugged by a magician the other day. He pulled a knife on me, but what was weird is that it was behind my ear the whole time.
  3. If you ever get into an argument with a girl and she pulls a knife, Pull out ham, bread, and mayo. Instincts will kick in and she will make you a sandwich.
  4. As I was walking along a city street, a man pulled a knife and tried to jump me. "I'll have you know, I've beaten off two men at once," I warned him. "I take on all comers!" Anyway, we're dating now.
  5. A mugger pulls a knife and shouts "Your money or your life!" The victim just shurgs, keeps walking and calls over his shoulder "I'm a postdoc, I don't have either."
  6. If a woman ever pulls a knife out on you during an argument.... ....pull out some bread, deli meat and cheese. Her instincts will kick in and she'll make you a sandwich.
  7. An interview- part 2 Interviewer: what's your greatest weakness?
    Candidate: I'm short tempered.
    Interviewer: Explain.
    Candidate: *pulls out a knife*
  8. What's the only occasion you'll see two marines pulling a knife at each other? A ka-bar fight.

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Pulled Knife One Liners

Which pulled knife one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pulled knife? I can suggest the ones about knives out and pulled.

  1. [really s**...] A p**... pulled a knife on me... ET TU FLOOZAY!?!?!

Rib-Tickling Pulled Knife Jokes that Bring Friends Together

What funny jokes about pulled knife you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pocket knife jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pulled knife pranks.

A man came home early from work one day and found his next-door neighbor in bed with his wife.

Quickly pulling a gun, he marched the n**... fellow into the garage where he tightly secured the neighbor's private parts in the vise on the workbench.
Still holding the gun to the man's head, he bent the handle of the vise with a crowbar. Putting the gun in his pocket, he then took out a very large hunting knife.
"Hey," yelled the neighbor in panic, "you're not gonna cut it off, are ya?"
"No," said the husband as he placed the knife on the workbench, "you are. I'm torching the garage."

A cat was sat next to me on the airplane

I was on an airplane and noticed a cat sat two seats over from me with a balaclava on, all of a sudden he gets up, walks to the cockpit, pulls a knife and puts it to the pilot's t**....
pilot says "what the h**...'s going on?"
cat replies "take me to the canaries"

A guy pulls out a stick and starts carving it with his knife. His friend yells: "Hey! You dropped a big piece of wood on my floor!" The first guy responds:

"You're overreacting..........it's just a whittle bit."

Two corn cobs are fighting in the street

One corn cob stops the fight and says to the other:
"Hey c'mon, friend, why are we even fighting? Let's **taco** 'bout it!"
The other cob pulls a knife and stabs him. As he slowly twists the knife he leans and utters:
"I'm nacho friend."

A monk was walking home one night...

A monk was walking home one night, and to get home, he has to walk down a dark alleyway. He walks down the alleyway, and out of the shadows comes a hooded man, the man draws a knife on the monk. He says "Empty your pockets, give me everything". The monk looks at the man, and the proceeds to pull a gun from underneath his robes and then point the gun at his attacker. The attacker says "What?!? Why do you have a gun?!? I thought monks were about inner peace". The monk replies "Yes, this is my inner piece".

The circle

A blonde has just gotten a new sports car. She cuts out in front of a semi, and almost causes it to drive over a cliff. The driver furiously motions for her to pull over, and she does. The driver gets out and draws a circle and tells her to stand in it. Then he gets out his knife and cuts up her leather seats. He turns around and sees she's smiling. So he goes to his truck, takes out a baseball bat, and starts busting her windows and beating her car. He looks back to see that she's laughing. He's really mad now, so he takes his knife and slices her tires. He turns around and she's laughing so hard, she's about to fall down. He demands, "What's so funny?" She says, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle!"