Pulled By Police Jokes
98 pulled by police jokes and hilarious pulled by police puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pulled by police that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Pulled By Police Short Jokes
Short pulled by police jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pulled by police humour may include short police raided jokes also.
- The police just pulled me over, he came up to my window and said, papers? I said, Scissors, I win and drove off.
I think he wants a re-match he's been chasing me for 45 minutes. - Police officer pulls over 2 Catholic priests. Says he's looking for two child molesters. Catholic priests looking at each other: We'll do it!
- Every N.W.A song Verse 1: Sellin' crack rocks and shootin' muthafuckas!
Verse 2: Police pull me over just 'cause I'm brown. - A police officer pulled me over and said "Sir, please identify yourself" So I took out a mirror and replied "yeah, it's me"
- The driver & Police Police officer: "Can you identify yourself, sir?"
Driver pulls out his mirror and says: "Yes, it's me." - I got pulled over by the Grammar Police. The cop was pretty passive about the sentence he handed me.
- Last night I was driving home when I was pulled over by a cop. He asked me if I had a police record. Apparently 'Roxanne' wasn't the answer he wanted to hear. My court date is in a couple of weeks.
- Police officer: Sir, do you know why I pulled you over? Me: I'm just as
confused as you are. - I got pulled over by the police last night They asked me where I was between 6 and 11. I told them I was in grade school.
- I got pulled over by a lady police.. When I rolled down my window to ask what was wrong, then she replied "NOTHING"
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Pulled By Police One Liners
Which pulled by police one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pulled by police? I can suggest the ones about police car and police man.
- Police pulled McConnell over when they heard he was a minority leader.
- When a cop tries to arrest you U pull out a uno reverse card
Then you arrest the police - What did the police officer say when he pulled over an elephant? What's in the trunk?
- Police officer pulls me over for running a red light. Srry officer, I dont see color.
- What did the police do to the sweater? They pulled it over.
- Why did the sheep get pulled over by the police? They didn't o-baa the speed limit
- I was pulled over by the police on my mule. I got a speeding ticket for hauling a**....
- What do you call a police officer who has just finished m**...? Pulled pork!
Pulled By Police Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about pulled by police you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean police dog jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pulled by police pranks.
So the pope is SUPER EARLY for his flight
He asks his driver on his way to the airport if he could drive around for a while because they have time to kill and he hasn't driven a car since becoming the pope.
Naturally, he's a bit rusty, so he's driving poorly, when suddenly he sees police lights behind him. He pulls over and when the officer comes up to the window his eyes go wide. He says to the pope "Hold on for a minute," and goes back to his car to radio the chief.
Cop: "Chief we have a situation. I've pulled over an important figure."
Chief: "How important? A governor or something?"
Cop: "No sir. He's bigger."
Chief: "So, what? a celebrity or something?"
Cop: "More important, sir."
Chief: "A major politician?"
Cop: "No sir, he's much more important."
Chief: "WELL WHO IS IT!?"
Cop: "Well actually I'm not sure. But the pope's his driver."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Didn't help myself today when the police pulled me over...
They suspected I was driving with no insurance."f**... filthy pigs" I raged, "have you got nothing else better to do, like arresting murderers and rapists?""Any more language like that, and you'll be arrested" he snapped."I'm sorry, I said, "It's just the beer talking."
Stop Sign
A man gets pulled over by a police officer for running a stop sign. The officer says "you didn't stop at that stop sign." The man replies "oh come on, I slowed down to almost a stop." The officer looks at the man and says "please step out of the vehicle sir." The man obliges, and at this point the police officer starts to beat him with a baton and says "now do you want me to stop, or do you want me to slow down?"
A Man Gets Pulled Over
So a man is driving down the street when he approaches a large box of push tac's in the middle of the road and swerves to avoid it. He keeps driving but soon hears a siren and see's a police officer in his rear view mirror hailing him to pull over.
"Do you know why I pulled you over, Sir?"
"No Officer, why?"
"Tac's Evasion"
The police vs the senior citizen
A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mp...h, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife
ran off with a State trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper
A black guy was pulled over in his mercedes by the police. It was found that it was his, it was taxed and insured...
He had no drugs on him and no weapons were found in the car. The car was NOT linked to any drive by shootings or any drive off petrol thefts.
In the end they arrested him for "wasting police time".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Car broke down.
While driving to work one day, a man's car breaks down. He eases it over to the shoulder and gets out. He pops open the trunk and two n**... men in trench coats hop out, walk a few feet behind the car and start opening and closing their coats.
Naturally, this causes a pileup, which brings out a number of police officers. The driver is flustered as officers question him. "My car broke down, so I pulled off to the side and put out my emergency flashers..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man visits his doctor...
and asks him how to improve his s**... performance because he has a date with his girlfriend the next day. The doctor suggests m**... a couple of hours before a s**... encounter.
After leaving the doctor's office, he decides he needs to find a window of time to do the deed. He can't risk doing it at work for fear of being fired, and he can't do it at home because he is meeting his girlfriend at a nice restaurant and won't have time to stop. After a little more thinking, he devises a brilliant plan: he will pretend he is fixing the underside of his car and do it there so no one can see him.
The next day, the man leaves work and heads to the restaurant. He pulls over to the side of the busy highway, discreetly slides under his car, closes his eyes and begins furiously slapping the salami. Some time goes by when another car pulls up behind him. A police officer steps out and says, "Excuse me sir, can I ask what you're doing there?"
"Oh, I'm just fixing my axles." The man replies.
The officer responds, "Well you might want to fix your brakes too, because your car rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago."
A police officer pulls a guy over.....
and the driver rolls down his window and asks why he is being pulled over. The cop explains that he didn't completely stop at the stop sign. The driver says: I slowed down and took a look. The cop grabs him through the window, pulls his head out, and starts slapping him in the face with his summons book repeatedly. After about twenty slaps, the cop asks him:
Do you want me to stop or slow down?
Old man driving alone
An old man is driving along the road humming to himself.
Suddenly he hears a police siren and a motorcycle cop pulls him over.
He can't imagine what could be wrong.
"Sir, do you realize that you left your wife behind in the gas station?"
"I did? I am so relieved."
"You're relieved you drove off without your wife?"
The gent nods.
"But didn't you sense something was wrong?"
"Yes, I thought I'd gone deaf."
Australians
An australian tourist flies to america. He is unpacking his bags in a hotel, rents a motorcycle and start driving. He goes 70MPH in a 40MPH speed limit roas, whan a cup is telling him to pull over. The police officer yells at him: "What is wrong with you, man?!?! Did you came here to die?!"
"No," the tourist said, "I came here yesterday"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A police officer pulled over an Amish couple in a buggy
"Sir, I'm going to need you to remove the strap from around that horse's t**.... That's just inhumane."
"WHAT'S HE SAYIN'?", the old man asked his wife.
"I think there might be something wrong with the emergency brake."
A blonde is pulled over by a police officer...
"May I see your License Ma'am?"
"You know you cops really need to get your act together... One day your buddy takes my license away, and the next you ask for it"
So the pope coes to New York...
and flags a taxi. The taxi is extremely suprised to see the pope, and quickly ushers him into his cab. After a few minutes of silence, the pope says to the taxi driver "You know, being the pope, I've always have people drive me places, and I rarely get the chance to drive myself. Would you mind if I got behind the wheel for a little while?" Not wanting to say no to the pope, the taxi driver lets him drive. They get pulled over by the police soon after, since the pope was driving way over the speed limit. The officee walks up to the cab, is about to give them ticket, until he sees the pope. Not sure of what to do in this sitution, he calls his superior. "Sir, I just pulled over this guy for speeding, and he's *really* important. What do I do?" "Well who is the guy, the mayor?" "Nah, bigger than that" " Is he a movie star?" " No, way bigger than that" "Is he the president?" "No, he's bigger than that" "Well then who is he!?" "I dunno, but he's got the pope driving for him!"
An elderly man was driving along the highway and was pulled over by a police officer.
The policeman told him that several miles back, the passenger door had opened and the man's wife had fallen out of the car. The man looks over to the passenger seat and says, "Well thank God -- I thought I'd gone deaf!"
Pull over
An old woman was driving and knitting on the motorway. She was serving across the lanes when a police car overtook her flashing all the lights.
As it drew level a policeman wound down his window and shouted to her "Pull over!".
"No" she shouted back. "Pair of socks!"
A man rolls thru a STOP sign and a cop pulls him over
"I pulled you over because you failed to stop at that stop sign. You only slowed down."
"Slow down... stop... what's the difference?"
The cop pulls the man out of his car and begins beating him with his nightstick.
"Now you tell me whether you want me to stop... or slow down."
*This joke was told to me by a police officer, which made it kinda scary.
A Jewish man and his wife...
A Jewish man was driving down Alligator Alley in Ft. Lauderdale when a police officer pulled him over.
"Sir," said the officer, "you wife fell out of the car 2 miles back!"
"Oh, thank god!," he replied. "I thought I was going deaf."
An electron is speeding down the highway when a police officer pulls him over.
The officer walks up to the car and asks, "do you know how fast you were going."
The electron replies, "Yeah, but now I'm lost."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
a**... of police powers.
A cowboy walks into a saloon wearing paper bag boots, paper bag pants, a paper bag shirt and a paper hat.
The local sheriff pulls out his gun and says " I'm arresting you."
And the cowboy says "What for?"
The sheriff replies "RUSTLING!"
Two men are driving down the road....
A police officer pulls them over and approaches the car. He knocks on the window and they roll it down.
The officer says "excuse me gentlemen we are looking for two child molesters in the area."
The driver rolls the window up for a moment and converses with his passenger. After a moment he rolls the window back down.
"OK officer, we'll do it."
An officer pulls over a car full of nuns...
A police officer saw a car full of nuns going much too slow for the highway they were on. He pulled them over and went up to the driver. "Why are you going so slow?" The nun that was driving then replied "That sign right there says 20." The police officer looked at the sign. "That's the highway number that you are on." "Oh, sorry officer." The police officer looked in the back seat to see three nuns that looked like they were terrified. "What's wrong with them?" the officer asked. The nun that was driving looked back at them. "We just got off of highway 190."
A blonde woman was speeding
down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she finally asked. The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop..."
A police officer pulls over a driver...
A police officer pulls over a driver and informs him that he has just won $5,000 in a safety competition, all because he is wearing his seat belt.
"What are you going to do with the prize money?" the officer asks.
The man responds, "I guess I'll go to driving school and get my license."
His wife says, "Officer, don't listen to him. He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."
The guy in the back seat pops up out from under the blanket and says, "I knew we wouldn't get far in this stolen car."
Just then a knock comes from the trunk and a voice calls out, "Are we over the border yet?"
A buddhist goes to a hot dog stand and says...
"Make me one with everything."
When the guy hands him his hot dog, the monk pays and asks for his change.
The vendor replies, "Change comes from within."
Then the monk gets angry and pulls out his gun.
The vendor clamors "Whoa, whoa! What about inner peace?"
And the monk replies "this IS my inner piece."
Suddenly a bystander calls out. "I've called the cops! They'll be here any minute!"
The vendor, expecting the monk to flee the scene, is quite surprised to see that the monk makes no motion to leave, even as the sounds of police sirens fill the street.
"Aren't you going to run away?" he asks.
The monk shakes his head and replies, "Namaste."
A German got pulled over by the police in France
*Police officer:* "Name?"
*German:* "Heinrich Klimt"
*Police officer:* "Age?"
*German:* "31"
*Police officer:* "occupation?"
*German:* "No, no. Just visiting"
Police Shooting
A lady was filling up the gas tank in her car and lit a cigarette to pass the time. After which a piece of ash fell onto her arm and started a fire. As she's flailing about trying to put the fire out, a police cruiser pulls into the station. Instinctively, she starts running towards the officer in an effort to get help. The police officer sees the lady running at him and shoots her, killing her
I guess you shouldn't run towards police officers if you have a firearm
A cop was attempting to pull me over...
I continued to drive, faster and faster until finally deciding to stop. Cop came up to the car and asked "why did you keep driving?" I said "sir, my ex-wife left me for a police officer and I thought you were bringing her back."
A man gets pulled over for speeding
and evading the police. The officer asks him why he didn't stop. "Well," says the man, "my wife ran off with a cop last week and I was afraid you were trying to bring her back!"
A blonde cop stops a blonde motorist...
A blonde cop stops blonde motorist and asks for her driving license.
The Motorist scuffles around in her purse and can't find it. She says to the cop, "I must have left it at home officer."
The cop says, "Well, do you have any kind of identification?" The motorist scuffles around in her purse again, and finds a pocket mirror.
She looks at it and says to the cop, "All I have is this picture of myself." The cop says, "Let me see it, then." So the blonde motorist gives the mirror to the blonde cop, who looks at it, and replies, "Well, if I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn't have even pulled you over. You can go now."
It really saddens me that police officers are so underpaid they have to take second jobs...
This lovely young officer pulled me over for drunk driving and is just going back to his car to get the stuff needed for a 'Cavity search'. Police officer and a dentist. What a hard working man.
I took an AP Physics test today and finished early, so I wrote this joke in the test booklet out of boredom
Heisenberg and Schrodinger are driving along when they get pulled over.
The police officer asks them if they know how fast they were going.
Heisenberg says, "I'm uncertain."
The officer then asks for them to open the trunk, and they oblige.
"Did you know there is a dead cat in your trunk?" the officer asks incredulously.
"I do now!" Schrodinger replies.
A Driver gets Pulled Over
A man driving home from the bar gets pulled over by a police officer.
Officer: "Do you know why I pulled you over?"
Driver: "I'm guessing you think I was drunk driving."
Officer: "Tell you what, my shift is ending so if you can spell the alphabet backwards, I'll let you go."
Driver: (very quickly) "ZYXWVUTSRQPONMLKJIHGFEDCBA."
Officer: "Wow, I couldn't do that sober."
Driver: "Me neither."
An Irish priest is driving along a country road when a police man pulls him over.
He immediately smells alcohol on the priest's breath and notices an empty wine bottle in the car.
He says: "Have you been drinking?"
"Just water," says the priest.
The cop replies: "Then why do I smell wine?"
The priest looks at the bottle and says: "Good Lord! He's done it again!"
A college professor is driving home drunk one Saturday night....
When he gets pulled over. The cop comes up to his window and asks him:
"Excuse me sir, you were speeding, you ran a red light and you appear to be drunk, where are you going?"
The professor replies: "I am currently on my way to a lecture concerning the dangers of drinking, smoking and staying up late."
The police officer says: "Who could possibly be giving that kind of lecture at this time?"
The professor responds: "My wife."
A police officer arrests a drunk man
After minutes of hassle getting the man in the police car, they're finally ready to go.
The officers turns around and says "Please fasten your seatbelt".
The man smirks and says "It's ok. Nobody will pull us over"
A blonde girl gets pulled over by a blonde police officer for speeding...
The Police officer asks for a drivers license & the blonde starts going through her bag looking for it.
She's getting increasingly frustrated as she looks for the drivers license & asks the police officer for assistance.
The blonde asks: "I'm having trouble finding it... Can you please tell me what it is suppose to look like?"
The officer responds: "Sure, it's just a square that has your picture on it."
After a bit more rustling through her bag, she pulls out a square mirror and hands it to the police officer.
The police officer looks at the mirror and says: "Oh, I'm so sorry... I didn't realise you were a police officer! You can go"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A wife went to the beach and didn't return. A husband called the police.
The police came in a week.
- We have 3 news for you: good, bad and great.
- Let's start with the bad one.
- Your wife drowned - we pulled her out of the water.
- And what is the good news?
- We have picked up a bucket of large c**... from her body.
- And what is the great news?
- We'll pull it out again tomorrow. Let's go for a beer!
Nobody, Nothing, and Crazy go on a boat.
Nobody, Nothing, and Crazy go on a boat. Nobody falls in the water. Nothing tells Crazy to call the police. Crazy quickly pulls out his phone and dials 911 and says: "Hi, I'm Crazy. I call for Nothing, Nobody fell in the water".
A Calculus student is stuck in traffic...
After waiting 20 minutes with little movement, he decides to catch up on his homework. 5 Minutes in, he feels thirsty and realizes he has an unopened bottle of Coke in his backpack. He takes it out and opens it. However, as soon as he takes his first sip, a nearby police car start flashing it's lights and orders him to pull over to the side. When the cop reaches his car, the student asks:
"What am I being stopped for?"
The cop answers:
"Drinking and deriving."
A Young Driver Gets Pulled Over
The police officer comes to his window.
"I pulled you over because you didn't have a seatbelt on"
The driver replies:
"Excuse me officer, I did."
He motions to his seatbelt, fastened. The officer looks unconvinced.
"You did not have that on when I passed you"
The young driver pulls out his phone.
"I did officer, I just took a Snapchat of it."
A warning to be careful about drunk driving..
Last night I was out for a few drinks. One thing led to another and I had a few too many pints before progressing on to Tequila. Not a good idea.
Knowing I was over the limit, I decided to leave my car at the car park and took a taxi home.
On the way home, I passed a police checkpoint on the freeway. The cops were pulling over cars and performing breath tests. Because I was in a taxi, they just waved it past.
I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise as....
I've never driven a taxi before and I am not even sure where I got it from..
Many years ago, an Irish cop was walking his beat in Boston
He sees a rabbi pull to a complete stop at a stop sign, only to get rear-ended moments later. The officer goes up to the rabbi's car and says "Don't worry, I saw everything." He walks over to the car that rear-ended the rabbi only to find a Catholic priest as the driver. The police officer looks at him and says "Ok Father, how fast was the car going when he backed into you?"
A blonde gets pulled over for speeding
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a female police officer, who was also a blonde.
The officer asked to see the lady's driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
"What does it look like?" she finally asked.
The officer replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."
The driver finally found a mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the officer. "Here it is," she said.
The officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."
This summer was driving down the highway when it saw police lights flashing in its rear view window...
It, being the good summer it is, pulls over and the cop approaches its car window. The officer leans in and says, Summer, do you know fast you were going?
Summer, without hesitation, lights a cigarette and puffs, I don't know, Sir. Too fast?
A Polish police officer pulls over a German tourist.
Officer: Good day, license and registration, please.
The tourist gives his license and registration to the police officer.
Officer: What is your age?
Tourist: 31 years old.
Officer: Occupation?
Tourist: No, just visiting.
Joke translated to English from German
A blonde is driving home when she gets pulled over by a police officer.
"Mam, may i see you driving license?!"
"What's a driving license? "
"You know this thing in your purse with your face on..."
She starts digging through her purse, finds her cosmetic mirror, and hands it over to the policeman.
The policeman takes a look at the mirror and responds-
"Should have told me right away your a police officer too "
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Belarusian joke
A guy is walking down the street in Minsk, the capital of Belarus very close to the protests when suddenly a police car full of cops pulls up. The cops jump out of the car and start beating up the guy.
The poor guy then yells: "No, please, stop! I voted for Lukashenko!"
One of the cops then responds: "Shut up, liar! No one voted for Lukashenko!"
After contemplating the idea for a while, I decided to turn myself into the police.
It was fun while it lasted pulling people over and taking their drugs and stuff, until I got busted for impersonation.
A Blonde woman was speeding down the road and was pulled over by a female police officer, who was also a blonde.
The blonde Cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.
The Blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop…
Bill Gates is pulled over by a police officer one night after his car is seen swerving on the highway
The police officer asks, "Have you had anything to drink tonight, sir?"
Bill says, "Absolutely not, officer."
The cop says, "Can you please count backwards from 10 for me?"
•
Bill replies, "10, 8, 7, Vista, XP, ME, 2000, NT, 98, 95, 3, 2, 1."
Found this one in my 2014 meme stash
A police officer pulled over a car on a deserted highway and told the driver, "Congratulations! You're the first person here today who was wearing a seat belt and now you're entitled to a prize of 1000$. What are you gonna do with your money?"
"Well", replied the man, "I think I'm gonna get a driver's license."
"Oh, Ignore him.", his wife said, "He always speaks nonsense when he's drunk."
"I KNEW IT!", his father bellowed from the backseat, "I KNEW WE WON'T GET FAR IN A STOLEN CAR."
Then came the voice from the trunk, "Are we over the border yet?"
Reckless Driving
A man was driving on the highway when all of a sudden he had to swerve to avoid a box falling off the truck that was in front of him.
Seconds later, a police office pulled him over for reckless driving.
As the officer was writing the ticket, the driver noticed the box he'd avoided had been full of nails and tacks.
"I had to swerve otherwise I'd have run over those and blown my tires!" he protested.
"OK," replied the officer, as he ripped up the ticket, "but I'm still bringing you in."
"What for?!"
"Tacks evasion."
My friend told this to me the other day, so I apologize if this is a repost or anything like that.
A man is pulled over for speeding.
Police Officer: Sir, were you aware you were going 68 MPH on a 45?
Man: No sir.
Officer: Well, you were, and that's far too high. You'll have to be in court.
Man: Well, can you at least raise the number a bit so we can get the judge to say it?
Officer: I guess I can.
\*In the courtroom
Judge: How were you going 420 on a 45?!?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A police officer pulls a man over
"Licence and registration!" - the police officer says.
"Certainly, officer!", replies the civilian.
"Do you know why I pulled you over?", asks the officer.
The civilian replies: "I assume you are collecting donations for the policemans' ball."
"Sir, the police doesn't have b**....", the officer says.
There is a moment of silence, and then the officer just hands the civilian his documentation, goes back to his car and drives away.
A man is sitting at home when he gets a knock on the door from a police officer…
The officer asks the man if he is married, and the man replies yes, I am.
He then asks the man if he has a recent photograph of his wife. The man tells the officer to hold on one moment while he pulls out his phone to show him a picture of her.
The officer takes one look at the photo and tells the man I'm sorry, but it looks like your wife has been hit by a train...
The man says yes, I'm aware of that, But she has a great personality, makes me laugh, and it is a really excellent cook!
I was pulled over by the police for a suspected DUI.
They ask me to get out of my car.
Officer: We are going to give you a sobriety test.Me: OK
Officer: Say the alphabet starting at L, backward.
Me: L at starting alphabet the.He let me go.
A young woman is speeding down a country road going 90MPH and she gets pulled over by a police officer.
"Young lady, I've been waiting for you all day" he says.
She replies, "I know I came as fast as I could officer! "
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man is pulled over for recklessly speeding at 3am
The police officer demands to know: where are you rushing to at 3am?
The man answers: to hear a lecture.
The police officer asks: a lecture??? Who the h**... is giving a lecture at this hour of the night?!?!
The man responds: **my wife!!!**
A woman was pumping her gas on an extremely hot day.
As she pulled the nozzle from her car, some splashed on her arm and a random spark ignited the gas. As her arm was burning, she called for help to have someone try to quell the flame before it grew too high. To her luck, a couple police officers walked out from inside the gas station and immediately walked over to her.
As she pleaded for help, they approached her and immediately arrested her for unlawfully waving a firearm.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
English Football joke.
A policeman stops a suspected drunk driver and asks him to take a
breath test, the driver pulls out a medical card which says 'this man
is asthmatic please do not take his breath.'
So the policeman asks him to take a blood test, the man then
pulls out another card which read 'this man is anemic, please
do not take his blood'. Finally the police, getting p**... off asks
him to take a u**... test, finally the man pulled out his
Manchester United season ticket which read 'this man is a
Manchester United fan, please do not take the p**....
(Edit works with other teams as well.)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man gets pulled over by the police…
And while the officer is questioning the man, the man notices that the officer is being bothered by a fly.
Man: it looks like you got yourself a circle fly.
Officer: Circle fly? I've never heard of a circle fly before.
M: they're the flys that circle around a horse's a**....
O: Are you calling me a horse's a**...?
M: No sir, but try tellin' the fly that.
A police officer pulled me over.
"Hello, there!" I said.
He said, "Sir, I'm almost certain I can smell alcohol on your breath. About 95%"
I said, "Correction, whiskey is about 40%"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My tinder date invited me back to her house tonight, and while she was in the bathroom, I had a cheeky look in her wardrobe. Inside, there was a nurse outfit, a police woman's uniform and a full d**... bodysuit, so I quickly pulled on my pants and snuck out of there.
I don't want a girlfriend who can't hold down a job.
Pulled Over
A cop saw a car weaving all over the road and pulled it over. He walked up to the car and saw a nice-looking blonde woman behind the wheel. There was a strong smell of liquor on her breath. He said, "I'm going to give you a breathalyzer test to determine if you are under the influence of alcohol."
She blew the breathalyzer and he walked it back to the police car. After a couple of minutes, he returned to her car and said, "It looks like you've had a couple of stiff ones."
She turned red, and replied, "You mean it shows that, too?"
A man is pulled over by the police
The officer says to him "Sir, I simply cannot let you continue driving. You were speeding, and not only that, you were driving down the middle of the road!"
The man says, "It's okay, officer, I have a permit from the DMV that says it's fine if I do that."
The police officer is incredulous and demands to see this permit. The man pulls out a printed piece of paper from the DMV and says "See? It says right here: tear down the dotted line."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Uvalde citizen gets pulled over
A very cute blonde was pulled over for speeding by an Uvalde motorcycle officer. When he walked up to her window and opened his ticket book, she said, "I bet you're going to sell me a ticket to the policeman's Ball."
The cop replied, "No, ma'am. You're thinking of the Border Patrol , the Uvalde Police don't have b**...."
A man gets pulled over by the police. When a policeman asks him to show his driving license, he responds "You need to cooperate."
The policeman asks him "What do you mean by "cooperate"?"
The driver replies "Well, last week one of you took my license away, and now you want me to show it!"