Pull Jokes

What are some Pull jokes?

Two men are drinking in a bar

They pull out the sandwiches their wives had lovingly prepared and tuck in.

The bartender comes over and says "you can't eat your own food in here"

So they swapped sandwiches.

I got pulled over by a female cop...

When I rolled down my window to ask what was wrong, she said
"NOTHING"

When you pull the pin on a grenade, how do you put it back in?

Quick answers please.

I got pulled over by the police ...

He came to the window and said papers ...

I said - scissors, I win - and drove off

He must be desperate for a rematch as he's been chasing me for ages!

My pizza is burnt, my beer is frozen and my girlfriend is pregnant...

...I can't pull anything out in time!

Two priests are out driving one day..

when they get pulled over by a police officer.

The cop approaches the priests vehicle and says to the driver
"Sorry to pull you over father, but we're looking for a couple of child molesters"

The two priests look at each other for a few moments and have a few quiet words to each other. The driver turns back to the cop and says;

"Alright officer, we'll do it"

Last night my wife started calling me Jeb Bush.

I also pull out way to late.

My driving instructor told me to pull over somewhere safe.

Two minutes later he said, "Why haven't you pulled over yet?"

I said, "Because we're still in Manchester."

Two priests are out driving and get pulled over

The cop approaches the priests vehicle and says to the driver Sorry to pull you over father, but we're looking for a couple of child molesters

The two priests look at each other for a few moments and have a few quiet words to each other. The driver turns back to the cop and says—

Alright officer, we'll do it

When the inventor of the USB dies...

they'll gently lower the coffin, then pull it back up, turn it the other way, then lower it again.

What does a pulley like the best about its position?

It's the center of a tension.

Chuck Norris joke, cause it's been a while

Chuck Norris pull the pin in a grenade, threw it, killed 50 men, and then the grenade exploded.

I saw a cop pull over a U Haul today...

Looks like he was trying to bust a move.

Every N.W.A song

Verse 1: Sellin' crack rocks and shootin' muthafuckas!

Verse 2: Police pull me over just 'cause I'm brown.

At the dentist

The wife says, -I have to get a tooth pulled and I have no time for any anesthesia. Just pull the tooth out as quickly as you can so we can get going!
The dentist was really impressed, -You are indeed a brave woman! Which tooth is to be removed?
She turned to her old man, -Show him your tooth, dear!

I wanted to have sex with my girlfriend, but she was on her period...

so I had to pull some strings.

I pulled the shell off of my snail to make him faster

Turned out it had the opposite effect, now he's a little sluggish.

A cop sees a car driving slowly and wiggly, changing lanes for no reason and so on

He pulls the car over, a man and a woman sit in it.

Cop: "I had to pull you over, you can't drive like that!"

Man: "I'm sorry, I've drank a little bit to much..."

Cop: "That's not an excuse to let your wife drive!"

How are a grenade and a wife similar?

If you pull the ring off it, the house is gone

A lot of my friends tell me I'd look good in a straitjacket

But I don't think I could pull if off

I kept pulling the string from my Christmas hat and now its half the size

Oops, wrong thread

Two guys are walking down a dark alley

when a mugger approaches them and demand their money.

They both grudgingly pull our their wallets and begin taking out their cash.

Just then, one guy turns to the other and hands him a bill. "Hey, here's that twenty dollars I owe you."

What's the best way anyone could pull off a fedora?

Immediately.

A five year old told me this joke.. [NSFW]

Was at a cafe when this little kid walks up to me:

"What's the difference between a woman and a refrigerator?"

"I dunno"

"....... When you pull your meat out of the refrigerator it doesn't make a *pffffffffft* sound."

A woman was breastfeeding in the bus the other day

...And suddenly, this old lady gets up and starts screaming "you can't do that here, have you no shame? in front of everyone???".

Everybody turns around, the old lady keeps screaming, the woman with her baby stands here mortified...

...I had to pull my pants back up and get off the bus...

What do hospitals and refrigerators have in common?

If you pull the plug, the vegetables start to decompose.

Why did the vampire pull out?

He needed permission to come inside.

A 75 year old rich man marries a 20-yo beautiful woman...

And a friend of his comes to ask how did he manage to pull that off.

"I told her I was 90".

My wife and I use the pull-out method for birth control ....

we pull out our phones and ignore each other all night.

How do you tell X chromosomes from Y chromosomes?

You pull down their genes.

What do a woman and a grenade have in common?

Pull off the ring and the house is gone.

This was my grandma's favourite joke

Jenny walks into the doctor's office for a checkup, and the doctor needs to check her heartbeat.

"Pull your sweater up real quick, and I'll use the stethoscope.

There we go, thank you. Big breaths, Jenny."


"Yeth, I know, and I'm only thixthteen!"

A Vampire walks into a bar...

A vampire walks into a bar and takes a seat at the bar. When the bartender asks what he'll have to drink the vampire replies, "a glass of hot water." The bartender a bit confused asks, "I thought you vampires drank blood?" The vampire proceeds to pull out a used tampon and replies, "I'm having tea."

How did the love seat get pregnant?

Because the couch didn't pull out.

There are two words in life that will open a lot of doors for people

Push and pull

I went to the doctor today...

He had me take off my clothes and put on a gown so he could complete a full physical. I was worried I would be receiving a prostate exam. Anyways, he walked back in and had me pull my gown up for the ole turn your head and cough check. When I did he took one look at me and said, "Very interesting....You have got to stop masturbating." I asked why, he said, "Because I'm trying to examine you."

A man joins the mob and becomes the personal assistant to the Godfather

One day he receives a text message from the boss. "I've been having problems with my wife. Please pull the plug and then call someone in to take care of the matter."

The man knows better than to question the Godfather, so he dutifully carries out the command. He shoots the boss's wife, and then calls in the clean up crew.

But a short while later, he receives another message. "Stupid autocorrect. I meant wifi."

If you get pulled over and you have some Coke in your car, you're likely to get arrested.

However, if you get pulled over and you have some Pepsi in your car, you're likely to make a new friend.

Remember to always brush your seatbelts, buckle your teeth, and drink Pepsi.®️

Why did Frosty the snowman pull down his pants?

He heard the snow-blower was coming.

Three members of the KKK walk into a bar...

They sit at the back in full costume.

The first Klansman thinks to himself, "If the black guy at the bar tries to pull off my hood, I'll kill him!"

The second Klansman thinks to himself, "If the gay guy at the bar tries to pull off my hood, I'll kill him!"

The third Klansman thinks to himself, "If someone pulls off my hood, the gay black guy at the bar will recognize me from last night, and these two will kill me!"

A father is teaching his boy how to pee in the toilet.

"OK son", he says. It's as easy as counting to 5.

1. Pull down your pants.
2. Pull back your foreskin.
3. Pee in the toilet.
4. Put your foreskin back.
5. Pull up your pants.

From then on, every time the boy goes to the toilet, he counts from 1 to 5. One day, the father noticed his son was taking quite some time in the toilet. He went to check on him and overheard his son saying "2,4,2,4,2,4,2,4".

what does a frozen beer, burnt pizza, and pregnant girl all have in common?

they all happened because some dumbass didn't pull it out in time.

I went to see a therapist.

I said, "I'm not sure if I'm a man or a woman."

He said, "Right. Just pull your pants down for me."

I said, "No."

He said, "You're a woman."

My ex girlfriend and I had a safe word...

So when things would get a little too rough in the bedroom, she'd yell, "Marry me!" and I would pull out, leave her apartment, and not call her for a few weeks. Super safe.

What is the common ground between an Ak-47 and bubblegum?

When you pull it out in class everybody wants to be your friend.

A question for your doctor

During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?"

"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup.."

"No" he said. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

If I'm ever on life support, I want you to pull up he plug...

Then wait 10 seconds and plug it back in, maybe that'll work.

A man is at his doctor ...

... And the doctor asks the man to pull down his pants and sit on the bench as the doctor examines him.

The doctor says "Don't worry, it's totally normal to get an erection at this moment".

The man says "But I don't have an erection" "No but I do" the doctor replied.

I was trying to pull a girl in a bar, so I asked her 'What part of my body is as long as your thigh, contains over 120 muscles, and is an anagram of "pensi"?'

It was as she pulled my pants down in the bedroom five minutes later that I revealed the answer was my spine.

Why didn't Napoleon get his wish?

Because he couldn't pull the wish Bonaparte.

George stops at red light...

A beautiful blonde stops just beside him.
George pull down his window.
She also pull down her window.
George smiles and asks with a grin on his face " you also farted?"

[OC] You millennials are always complaining that we ran up trillions of dollars of debt for you. Why can't you just pull yourselves up by your bootstraps?

After all, we pulled ourselves up by your bootstraps.

I asked my mate if he could get me a job at the tampon factory where he works.

There's no openings at the moment, he said, but I'll see if I can pull some strings.

A developer tried to pull weeds out of his garden...

...but he didn't have root access.

I always play Jenga on a first date,

That way she knows how strong my pull out game is.

Met a woman at the bar the other night

She was absolutely stunning. At least at 11/10. I asked her where she's from and what she does. She said "I live around here, and I'm a brain surgeon."


Now I don't know if it's sexist of me, but I was really impressed.


Most women can't pull off sarcasm.

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink.

Then he notices there are pieces of meat nailed to the ceiling of the bar so he asks the barman what they are for. The barman replies, "If you can jump up and pull one of them down you get free beer all night. If you fail, you have to pay the bar £100. Do you want to have a go?"
The man thinks about it for a minute before saying, "Nah, the steaks are too high!"

A magician lost a leg during his performance.

The audience was suprised he could pull it off.

Two guys are walking in a rough neighborhood...

Two guys are walking in a rough neighborhood when someone jumps out from behind a car, pulls out a pistol, and demands, "Give me your wallets, NOW!"

The guys, pretty much expecting this, sigh and pull out their wallets. One guy opens his wallet and shows the thief that he had no cash and no credit cards.

The other guy opens his and grabs a bill, handing it to his friend. "Oh, hey, here's the $20 I owe you."

What did O say to Q?

"Pull your pants up will ya?"

me "Please to meet you, I am from East Detroit"

Other person: "Oh my gawd, have you ever seen someone get shot"

Me: "No I close my eyes when I pull the trigger"

The Skunk

One cold night, this couple was driving down the road, and the girl notices this black ball of fur on the side of the road. She makes him pull over, and she sees that it's a skunk that's about to freeze to death. She asks him, "Can we bring him with us in the truck to warm it up?"

He says, "I guess it's okay. Bring him in."

She goes, "Where can I warm him up?"

"Put him between your legs, that'll warm him up."

"Well, what about the smell?"

"You can hold it's nose, can't you?"

Remember these two words. They will open up the doors in your life.

Push and pull

whats the difference between my driveway and 14 year old daughter?

... I pull out of my driveway

did you hear about the Ethiopian who fell into the crocodile pit?

he ate 6 crocs before they could pull him out.

Always remember these 2 words in your life which will open many doors to you.

Push and pull.

What do burnt pizza, frozen beer and a pregnant chick have in common?

Some douchebag forgot to pull it out in time.

I was always afraid of dying alone, so thanks for being with me in my final moments.

Parachute instructor: PULL THE CORD PULL THE CORD!

I got pulled over today for going 112 mph in a 55 mph zone.

The police officer said "I've been waiting for someone like you all day."

I promptly replied "Well I got here as fast as I could!"

What do you call people who use the pull out method?

Parents

Got pulled over while doing calculus in my car last night

Cop said I was deriving over the limit.

My approach to sex is like the government's approach to Brexit

I go in hard and pull out when I realise I have no clue what I'm doing

If I was a cop, I would write the word 'Influence' on a bridge, and pull over anyone that drives under it.

The Horse and the Chicken

One day the horse and the chicken were walking along the road near the farm, merrily chatting away. Suddenly, the horse fell into a muddy hole and couldn't get out.

"Help help Chicken! I've fallen and I can't get out of this hole!", the Horse yelled. "Don't worry," said the chicken. "I'll just get the farmer's BMW and pull you out!"

The chicken did this, and all was well. The following day, without thinking the chicken fell into the same hole.

"Help help Horse! I've fallen into this hole and I can't get out!"

The horse smiled and said, "Don't worry Chicken. Just grab a hold of my weiner!"

"What?!?"

"Well, when you're hung like a horse, you don't need BMWs to pick up chicks."

Four engineers in a car...

Four engineers are driving to a conference when the car sputters and dies as they pull off to the shoulder. After a moment of silent contemplation, the electrical engineer says; "you know, I bet the coil's bad. We need to replace the core." The chemical engineer says; "you're nuts, it's obviously the fuel's gone bad. We need to drain the tank and refill." The mechanical engineer scoffs; "you're both wrong. Sounds to me like a valve lifter is froze. We're gonna need to rip the block apart."

After another moment of silence the three look back at the computer engineer who says; "maybe if we get out of the car and get back in?"

Two men with Alzheimer's are sat in a park...

... when they hear an ice-cream van pull up nearby. Bob turns to Bill and asks 'do you want an ice-cream Bill?'
Bob says 'yes please, but don't forget the chocolate sauce.'

Bob says 'I won't forget, don't worry. Anything else?'

Bill says 'in that case, I'll have some chopped nuts on it too. Don't forget now.'

Bob says 'I won't, don't worry. Chocolate sauce and chopped nuts, coming right up' and

Bob wanders off in the direction of the ice-cream van.

After 40 minutes, Bob finally turns up with two hot-dogs. Bill says 'you fool Bob! I knew you'd forget! I wanted mustard on mine!'

Indian On The Road

I'm driving from Santa Fe to Albuquerque when I see an American Indian lying on the road with his ear to the ground. Curious, I pull over, walk up to him and ask, "Excuse me, what are you doing?" He says, "Silver 1991 Chevy station wagon, one man, one woman, two children". I say, "Wow, you can tell all that just by listening to the road?" He says, "Heck no, they just ran me over".

A mother taught her son to go to the bathroom by the numbers.

1. Open your fly.

2. Take out your equipment.

3. Pull back the skin.

4. Do your business.

5. Let the skin forward.

6. Stow your equipment.

7. Close your fly."

She checked on him often to make sure he had learned his lesson, and each time heard him through the bathroom door saying, "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. 7."

She was pleased with his progress until that day when she passed the bathroom door and heard, "3-5, 3-5, 3-5, 3-5, 3-5, 3-5."

Why are prosthetic limbs so in fashion?

Anyone can pull them off

How many magicians does it take to pull a rabbit out of a hat?

One. It's a trick question.

This has been my stand-by joke since I was about 12

Two brothers want to go deer hunting but the only land nearby is owned by a grumpy farmer.


The decide to ask him if they can hunt on his property but when they pull up in the driveway neither brother wants to go knock on the door.


They play rock-paper-scissors and the older brother loses. He walks to the door and asks the farmer if they can go hunting.


The old farmer points to a nearby corral and says "See that horse? She's been mine for 20 years. She's blind and dying and I don't have the heart to put her down. If you do that for me, you boys can hunt on my land".


The older brother agrees and while walking back to the truck he thinks of a prank to play on his younger brother.


"I'll teach that lousy no-good farmer to say no!" he exclaims. "See that horse over there? Watch this!" He levels his rifle and shoots it! He hears gunshots next to him and looks at his brother.


"I got two of his cows" yells the younger brother, "lets get out of here!"

The priest, laywer, and engineer

By chance, a priest, a laywer, and an engineer find themselves in line to be guillotined. They demand that the priest steps up, and he reluctantly does so. They put his head in the guillotine and pull the rope, but to everyone's surprise, nothing happens. The priest declares that he was saved by divine intervention, and they let him go.

They then make the lawyer step up to the guillotine. They pull the rope and again, nothing happens. The lawyer reminds them that he cannot be executed twice for the same crime, and so they reluctantly let him go.

Then they make the engineer step up, and they put his head in the guillotine. The engineer says, "Oh wait, *here's* your problem.."

Two blondes are having a coffee at the local cafe.

They see a flower delivery truck pull up in front of the apartment building across the street and the delivery guy goes inside. The first blonde remarks "You know, whenever my boyfriend gets me flowers, he expects me to keep my legs spread for a week."
The second blonde replies "Don't you have a vase?"

A plane flies straight toward a mountain as pilot and co-pilot pull down on the control wheel with all their might

The pilot yells "We'll never make it over that mountain" the co-pilot looks at him and says "Not with that altitude."

During a visit to the mental hospital....

..a visitor asks the Director what criterion defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger."

"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

A husband and wife...

Were sitting at home when the husband suddenly said, "Honey, just so you know, I never want to be kept alive in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."

So the wife got up, pulled the plug on the T.V. and threw out all of his beer.

Pulling Together

A guy drives into a ditch, but luckily, a farmer is there to help. He hitches his horse, Buddy, up to the car and yells, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy doesn't move.

"Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy doesn't budge.

"Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing.

Then the farmer says, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse drags the car out of the ditch.

Curious, the motorist asks the farmer why he kept calling his horse by the wrong name. "Buddy's blind," said the farmer. "And if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try."

How to make Pull jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Pull to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Pull? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Pull pick up lines to share with friends.

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