Pukes Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

A man sits down in a diner and asks for a bowl of hot chili...

The waitress says, "Sorry, but the guy next to you got the last bowl".

He looks over and sees that the guy's finished his meal, but the bowl of chili is still full. He asks, "Are you going to eat that chili?"

The other guy says, "No. Help yourself".

He slides the bowl of chili over and starts to eat. When he gets about half way down, his spoon hits something. He looks down sees a dead mouse and immediately pukes all the chili back into the bowl.

The other guy says, "Yeah, that's about as far as I got, too".

A guy sits down at a diner and asks for a hot bowl of chili...

The waitress says, "Sorry, but the guy next to you got the last bowl".

He looks over and sees that the guy's finished his meal, but the bowl of chili is still full. He asks, "Are you going to eat that chili?"

The other guy says, "No. Help yourself".

He slides the bowl of chili over and starts to eat. When he gets about half way down, his spoon hits something. He looks down sees a dead mouse and immediately pukes all the chili back into the bowl.

The other guy says, "Yeah, that's about as far as I got, too".

A guy walks into a bar and asks for a mug of cold beer...

The waitress says, "Sorry, but the guy next to you got the last mug".

He looks over and sees that the guy's finished his drink, but the mug of beer is still full. He asks, "Are you going to chug that beer?"

The other guy says, "No. Help yourself".

He slides the mug of beer over and starts to drink. When he gets about half way down, he feels something shaking. He looks down into the mug, sees a dead mouse and immediately pukes all the beer back into the mug.

The other guy says, "Yeah, that's about as far as I got, too".

A guy sits down in a diner and asks for a bowl of hot chili...

The waitress says, "Sorry, but the guy next to you got the last bowl".

He looks over and sees that the guy's finished his meal, but the bowl of chili is still full. He asks, "Are you going to eat that chili?"

The other guy says, "No. Help yourself".

He slides the bowl of chili over and starts to eat. When he gets about half way down, his spoon hits something. He looks down sees a dead mouse and immediately pukes all the chili back into the bowl.

The other guy says, "Yeah, that's about as far as I got, too".

Drinking too much

Every night a guy would come home blitzed out of his mind and puke in the kitchen sink.

His wife grew tired of this and always berated him, "Johnny! One of these nights you are going to come home and puke your guts out!!"

He doesn't listen so she decides to put a chicken's worth of chicken guts in the sink to teach him a lesson.

That night Johnny comes home and again pukes in the sink.....

The next morning his wife says, "You see it finally happened...."
Johnny says, "You were right dear but through the grace of God and your long handled spoon.....I got them all back in again"

A guy sits down in a diner and asks for a bowl of hot chili..

A guy sits down in a diner and asks for a bowl of hot chili... Long The waitress says, "Sorry, but the guy next to you got the last bowl".

He looks over and sees that the guy's finished his meal, but the bowl of chili is still full. He asks, "Are you going to eat that chili?"

The other guy says, "No. Help yourself". He slides the bowl of chili over and starts to eat. When he gets about half way down, his spoon hits something. He looks down sees a dead mouse and immediately pukes all the chili back into the bowl.

The other guy says, "Yeah, that's about as far as l got, too"

What do you call when a Programmer pukes at IHop?

A Stack Overflow

A guy sits down in a Café and asks for the hot chili.

A guy sits down in a Café and asks for the hot chili.
The waitress says, "The guy next to you got the last bowl."
He looks over and sees that the guy's finished his meal, but the chili bowl is still full.
He says, "Are you going to eat that?"
The other guy says, "No. Help yourself."
He takes it and starts to eat it. When he gets about half way down, his fork hits something. He looks down sees a dead mouse in it, and he pukes! the chili back into the bowl.
The other guy says, "That's about as far as I got, too."

Dry cleaning

A drunk in a bar pukes all over his new shirt.
He says "I puked on my shirt again. If the wife finds out, she is gonna kill me."
"Not to worry",says the bartender as he sticks a $20 bill in the drunk's pocket. "Just tell her someone puked on you and gave you some cash to cover the cleaning bill." So the drunk goes home and tells his wife about the guy who puked on him and gave him $20. She reaches into his pocket and finds two twenties. "Why are there two twenties?" she asks. The drunk replies, "Oh, yeah, he crapped in my pants, too."

a man orders a shot at a bar...

the bartender is feeling nice and offers to give him one for free. the man declines saying,

"sorry i'll blow chunks if i take that"

"oh come on, live a little" says the bartender, "everyone pukes once in a while"

"no, you don't understand" says the man, "chunks is my dog"

A man walks into a diner that claims to have the best chili in the world

He sits down at the counter and asks for a bowl of chili. The waitress responds "Sorry but the man next to you got our last bowl."

He looks over at the man and he's just sitting there not eating. He asks the man "Are you going to eat that or what?"

The man slides the bowl over to him and says "All yours"

The man starts chowing down until his spoon hits something in the chili, he looks down and sees a dead mouse and immediately pukes all of the chili back into the bowl.

The other man says "Yeah thats about as far as I got too."

A bowl of Chili.

A guy sits down in a restaurant and orders a bowl of chili.

The waitress says, "Sorry, but the guy next to you got the last bowl".

He looks over and sees that the guy's finished his meal, but the bowl of chili is still full. He asks, "Are you going to eat that chili?"

The other guy says, "No. Help yourself".

He slides the bowl of chili over and starts to eat. When he gets about half way down, his spoon hits something. He looks down sees a dead mouse and immediately pukes all the chili back into the bowl.

The other guy says, "Yeah, that's about as far as I got, too".

What do you get when a camel pukes in the desert?

A hot mess.

What are the funniest pukes jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Pukes? Well, here are the best Pukes puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Pukes pick up lines to share with friends.

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