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Published Jokes

54 published jokes and hilarious published puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about published that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Published Short Jokes

Short published jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The published humour may include short posted jokes also.

  1. I spent a year writing a romance novel where two blood cells meet and fall in love. It never got published. It was all in vein.
  2. Stephen Hawkings' last paper on space is finally going to published posthumously... It's about time too.
  3. I feel bad for Anne Frank She had her diary published for all the world to read, which is every girl's worst nightmare!
    And she didn't get paid for it, which is every Jew's worst nightmare.
  4. Dickens " A tale of two cities " was originally published in two local newspapers. It was the Bicester times, it was the Worcester times...
  5. TIL that Charles Dickens first published A Tale of Two Cities in two English local newspapers: .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    It was the Bicester Times. It was the Worcester Times.
  6. I feel sorry for Anne Frank... First she gets her diary published, which is every girl's worst nightmare, but on top of that she doesn't get any money from it, which is every Jew's worst nightmare.
  7. I just published my first book about poltergeists... ...and the store told me they're flying off the shelves.
  8. After many years, my father finally got his book, "Important Moments in Hydroelectric Power" published And it's about dam time.
  9. Why didn't the Soviet Union publish any Where's Waldo books? It would be too easy to find Waldo, everyone would be waiting in a lineup.
  10. I just published my first book on Poltergeists.... Copies were flying off the shelves.....

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Published One Liners

Which published one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with published? I can suggest the ones about issued and written.

  1. Did you hear they finally published that book about clocks? It's about time.
  2. I want to publish a do-it-yourself book, all the pages will be blank.
  3. What do you call a Greek philosopher who publishes his findings? Articles
  4. Why couldn't the physicist get his paper published? It was a work of friction.
  5. My self-published novel Isn't going to publish itself.
  6. I've just published a book on poltergeists. It's flying off the shelves.
  7. What does a polar bear need to go through to publish a book ? The seal of approbation.
  8. Stephen Hawking finally published his new book. It's about time.
  9. My publisher really likes minimalism. So I wrote an autobiography for him.
  10. Why does the Queen not publish any books? Because she already has enough royalties.
  11. Bon Jovi published a diet book It's called "Living on a Pear"
  12. A Native American just published a novel Critics consider it a Seminole work.
  13. Chuck Norris can comment on Facebook posts, before you publish them.
  14. The Ancient One from Dr Strange has published an autobiography TL;DR Swinton
  15. I've published a book on p**.... You won't find a better one for the price.

Published Journal Jokes

Here is a list of funny published journal jokes and even better published journal puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Last week I submitted a ten page in depth technical description of my groundbreaking invention to a prestigious journal... but it didn't get published. They said I should just call a s**... a s**....
  • I Have Decided To Publish My s**... Journal in two volumes.
    Volume A: Thinking About It
    Volume B: Talking About It
Published joke, I Have Decided To Publish My s**... Journal

Published joke, I Have Decided To Publish My s**... Journal

Comical Published Jokes and Gems that Will Get You in Laughter Land

What funny jokes about published you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean journal jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make published pranks.

In the bad old days on the Soviet Union,

a dissident published a pamphlet in which he openly said Stalin was a fool. Sure enough, the man was arrested days later for this crime. So, the dissident went to court and said "I'm innocent and want to defend myself! What I said was truthful - I did not commit libel!" The judge said to him "you don't understand - you're not being charged for libel, you're being charged with revealing a state secret."
-heard on an Intelligence Squared debate.

So an old Jewish man dies

So an old Jewish man dies and as per his last wish, his son goes to the newspaper publisher and asks, "How much for an obituary in your newspaper?"
Publisher says, "$5 per word".
The son says, "Publish 'Jacob Goldberg Dead' ".
The publisher says, "We require minimum 6 words".
So the son says, "In that case make it 'Jacob Goldberg Dead, Wheelchair For Sale' ".

Me and My wife wrote the best articles on how to create a successful marriage

I would have published it but she took half of it in the divorce settlement.

A team of particle physicists ran an experiment for the entire year,

and the detector reported exactly fifty two events which they were looking for. They published a research paper called "Weekly interacting particles".

Why God never got a PhD

1. He had only one major publication.
2. It was written in Aramaic, not in English.
3. It has no references.
4. It wasn't even published in a refereed journal.
5. There are serious doubts he wrote it himself.
6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since
then?
7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
8. The Scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results.
9. He unlawfully performed not only Animal, but *Human* testing.
10. When one experiment went awry, he tried to cover it by drowning his
subjects.
11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from
the sample.
12. He rarely came to class, just told his students to read the book.
13. Some say he had his son to teach the class.
14. He expelled his first two students for learning.
15. Although there were only 10 requirements, most of his students
failed his tests.
16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountain top.

What did the e**... novel author get from his editor?

Sticky notes.
What did he get from his publisher?
A hard copy.

Penguin books seem to only publish extremist literature...

For them, everything is just black and white.

Isn't it funny how many building engineers won't include a thirteenth floor

Yet book publishers don't seem afraid to have a chapter eleven...

A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed as it left a New York publishing house last Thursday.

According to the Associated Press,
witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied,
confused, punchy, shocked, rattled, paralyzed, dazed, bewildered,
mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, flabbergasted,
astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, boggled, 
overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, and perplexed.

We all can do better to help save the planet

With this in mind, i've just published a book on preserving the rainforest, and what we can do as a human race to help protect it.
Its over 2000 pages long.

Why didn't the Soviets publish any Where's Waldo books?

Because in Soviet Russia Waldo find you.

What did Matthew McConaughey say to his publisher about his long awaited upcoming book?

I'll write, I'll write, I'll write!

I'm trying to build interest for my new children's book

It's about a v**... whose tail hurts, and each page after the introduction is a new animal trying to help her heal or deal with the pain. Sadly, every publisher I've contacted has rejected the manuscript outright.
I'm not giving up, though. "For Fox' ache" will find it's audience someday.

Good news! I am about to publish a Reddit Jokes Book with all the different jokes ever posted on this page!

I'm just waiting for the first publisher to agree on publishing a book with only 4 pages.

Did you hear about the dog that writes books?

Probably not, he's never been published.
He only does ruff drafts.

The UN recently published the results of a poll. The topic was: "Please truthfully give your opinion on food shortage in the rest of the world."

Results:
Europeans requested explanation of the term "shortage".
Africans asked what "food" is.
Chinese inquired about the term "opinion".
Americans wondered what "rest of the world" might possibly mean.
And in Italy they are still discussing the meaning of the term "truthfully".

There was once an Austrian physicist who discovered that the sound of an object changes pitch as it passes by an observer...

...But before he could publish his findings someone stole his work and took all the credit for it.
Turns out the physicist had a Dopplerganger.

My uncle wants to publish a cookbook that teaches people how to prepare nutritious and tasty meals using the kinds of meagre rations that are available in the aftermath of a hurricane/earthquake/flood/etc.

I told him it sounds like a recipe for disaster.

Did you hear about the new magazine for married men published by p**...?

It has the same pictures month after month after month after month after month....

The President of France has published a recipe for a new dessert with coconut and pasta

It's Macron's macaroon macaroni macaron.

A Taxing Situation

According to unofficial sources, a new simplified income-tax form contains only four lines:
1. What was your income for the year?
2. What were your expenses?
3. How much have you left?
4. Send it in.
*As published in "Reader's Digest" 78 years ago.*

Published joke, A Taxing Situation

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