The Best 60 Public Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Public jokes. There are some public privately jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these public public transport puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Public Jokes and Puns
Republicans are the true snowflakes...
they're white, they're cold, and if you put enough of em together they'll shut down public schools
EDIT* Thanks for the gold! You popped my gold cherry!
its a joke folks. just a joke.
Wireless Internet is like Sex
You still want it, even if it's unprotected and in a public place.
How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to assure the public that everything possible is being done while the other screws it into a water faucet.
What do you call a teacher that doesn't fart in public?
A private tutor (tooter)
Heard it from a guy on the street selling newspapers in front of the art institute in chicago.
What do you call someone who never farts in public?
A PRIVATE TUTOR
Bill Gates: "Why don't you tell me why Bing failed"
Bill gates: So why don't you tell me why Bing failed.
Board: We feel there was a public nescience towards Bing.
Bill gates: Nescience? Let me Goog- Oh I see what you mean.
How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just two. One to explain to the public that everything possible is being done to solve the problem, and the other to screw the lightbulb into the water faucet.
On the bus today, I saw an attractive young woman breastfeeding
Suddenly an old woman started shouting, "you shouldn't be doing that in public, that's disgusting!!!".
A part of me wanted to scold the old woman, but another part of me thinks...
"Maybe I shouldn't have been masturbating on a bus..."
David Cameron
Went to his local butcher. He asked the butcher for a steak. The butcher asked "what is your favourite cut?", David replied, "the public sector".
3 men are lined up for the firing squad...
...and they will be shot in public. The first guy, not willing to die, thought of a great way to trick the squad. Just as the guns were raised to shoot him, the guy pointed behind the squad and shouted, "Avalanche!" The firing squad was tricked, and as they looked behind them, the guy ran away. The second guy decided to try the same trick himself. So as the guns were raised again, he pointed behind the squad, shouting, "Flood!" Again, the squad fell for it, and as they looked behind them, the second guy ran away. The third guy was utterly impressed by what the first two guys did to save themselves, so he decided to try out the trick himself. As the guns were raised once more to shoot him, the third guy shouted out, **"Fire!"**
A cat gives birth in a public park...
...and is fined $50 for littering.
You can explore public municipal reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean public overt dad jokes. There are also public puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What do you call a teacher that doesn't fart in public?
a private tooter.
A 13 year old boy has difficulty with mathematics, failing in public school.
His parents were not religious but after a friend's suggestion they felt a private Catholic school may be more effective. His grades began to rise dramatically after this switch. Asked what has helped him so much, he responded
"When I saw the guy nailed to the plus sign I knew they meant business!"
Man sentenced to five years for masturbating with soap in public.
Came clean in court.
I was in the public toilets today and as I sat down, a voice from the next cubicle said "Hi, how are you?".
Embarrassed, I said, "I'm doing fine".
The voice said "So what are you up to?".
I said, "Just doing the same as you - sitting here!
He said "Can I come over?".
Annoyed, I say "I'm rather busy right now".
Then the voice said, "Listen, I'll have to call you back, there's an i.d.i.o.t in the cubicle next to me answering all my questions".
Two clowns are running for public office...
It's funny for me though because I live in Canada.
A guy in a public place, phone out, camera on...
He approaches a young woman. "What are you doing, creep?" she says. He glances up, smiles, and says "Calm down. I'm just trying to get a Pikachu."
This hating of people that breastfeed in public really has to stop.
I can raise my cat any way I want.
Saw an old couple arguing at each other in public yesterday
Apparently one of them is going to be president
Did you hear about the guy with a fetish for public transportation?
He got off at every stop.
An officer was fired for smoking weed and masturbating on the job...
No exact details were given to the public, but he was a high wanking officer
Kid: "Mom, am I ugly?"
Mom: "I told you not to call me mom in public."
Despite all the flak the public gives him, Trump has already solved the immigration problem in just a few days after becoming President-elect
Just ask yourself, who would want to sneak into America now?
Golf is like urinating in a public toilet
- Keep your back straight
- knees bent.
- Feet shoulder width apart.
- Form a loose Grip
- keep your head down
- avoid a quick backswing
- stay out of the water
- try not to hit anybody
- if you taking too long you should let others go ahead of you
- you shouldn't stand directly in front of others
- be quite when others are about to go
- keep strokes to a minimum
A drunk is thrown in jail for public intoxication ...
... The next day he's brought into court and the judge says, "My good man, you've been brought here for drinking." He says, "Alright, judge, let's get started."
What do you call a guy who does not fart in public?
A private tutor.
'Knock knock'
'Who's there'
'Okay Google'
'Okay Google, who?'
'Sorry I didn't catch that'
'OKAY GOOGLE WHO?'
'The World Health Organization is a specialized agency of the United Nations that is concerned with international public health. It was established on 7 April 1948, headquartered in Geneva, Switzerland. '
The fact that president Obama needs four inches of bullet proof glass at every public speaking event, is proof that racism is still alive
Just because he's black doesn't mean he's going to shoot everyone.
Breastfeeding in public is natural.
And it strengthens the bond between me and my dog.
LPT: If you know somebody with dyslexia that uses public transport, offer to help them read their timetable to prevent any mixups.
Whoops, wrong bus.
How does a robot avoid getting caught for public masturbation?
He nuts and bolts.
i'm not german, but this is a little jokie joke
Overheard at the White House:
Trump to Vice-President Mike Pence: "the less immigrants we let in the better."
Pence to trump: "The FEWER.."
Trump interrupts Pence and says: "don't call me that in public".
Two toothpicks are hanging out in a forest,
... when all of a sudden they see a hedgehog passing by. So, one of them shrugs and goes like, "Hm, I didn't even know they had public transportation here."
[my gf's fav joke, literal translation from German]
What does a prostitute call their genitals?
Their public parts
Do you work on weekends?
My boss just asked, "Do you think you can come in on Saturday this week? I know you enjoy your weekends, but I need you here."
I replied, "Yeah, no problem. I'll probably be late though as the public transport is bad on weekends."
He said, "Okay, when do you think you'll get here then?"
I said, "Monday."
I tried to sneak a quick pee in the public pool today but I think the lifeguard saw me.
He blew his whistle so loud I almost fell in.
I went with my kids for a swim in the public kids pool and apparently adults peeing in a pool is not entirely unnoticeable
The lifeguard yelled so loud at me I almost fell in the water.
Yes, you've got to be careful when you tell jokes in public.
I was in the pub with a few mates a while back and one of them was telling this joke, I'm sure you know it:
Q. What do you do if an epileptic has a fit in the bath?
A. You throw in your washing.
Then a guy came over fuming and said, "I'm sorry but I don't find that funny. My brother died in the bath as a kid while having an epileptic fit.
My friend said, "Oh, I'm really sorry. Did he drown?"
"No, said the man, "He choked to death on a sock."
I played "My Heart Will Go On" on a public piano and people yelled at me.
Can't wait till this cruise is over.
Trump and Pense at a press briefing.
Trump: if we tested less, we'd have less cases .
Pense: fewer
Trump: I told you not to call me that in public .
(German Joke) Two American girl tourists are in Germany walking through a public park.
Both of the girls notice a Man peeing and scream Gross!
The German man responds, Groß? Danke!
Translation - Big? Thanks!
Mouths are the new boobs.
Only okay to expose them in public for the purpose of feeding.
I always thought waking up to a BJ would be nice
I was wrong and I'm gonna try sleeping with my mouth closed while using public transport from now on.
President Trump's doctor is telling the public to prepare for the worst....
A full recovery
My boss just asked,
"Do you think you can come in on Saturday this week? I know you enjoy your weekends, but I need you here."
I replied, "Yeah, no problem. I'll probably be late though as the public transport is bad on weekends."
He said, "Okay, when do you think you'll get here then?"
I said, "Monday."
Boss: Can you work this weekend?
Me: Yeah no worries but I'll probably be a bit late as public transport is slow on weekends.
Boss: What time will you get here?
Me: Monday.
After failing maths, Jared's parents decide to move him from the local public school to a nearby Catholic school
Within a few months, he is passing with flying colours. His parents ask him the reason behind his sudden improvement. "Was it the strict nuns, the rigour of class, the example of other students? Jared shook his head. "Well what was it then"? Jared replied "Truth is, when I first arrived and saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they meant business".
Students at M.I.T. recently developed a new contender for the blackest material known to man...
Scientists attempted to demonstrate it in public, but it was immediately shot by the police.
What do you call a thief who keeps the things he stole on public display?
British
Antiwork did an interview on Fox News to try to create a good public image of their sub
It didn't work.
Some friends wanted to get married at the public library, but they couldn't...
Because it was booked.
\-My Pops
What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public?
A private tutor!
Did you hear about the couple who was caught giving head to each other in public?
They were let off with an oral warning.
Know what the difference is between the NYC subway and our public bathrooms is?
We don't let the homeless piss in our public bathrooms.
Terrorist
At New York's Kennedy Airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square and a calculator. Authorities believe he is a member of the notorious al-Gebra movement. He is being charged with carrying weapons of math instruction.
My local public swimming pool had a big sign on the wall.
It said: Welcome To Our OOL. Notice there no 'P' in it? Let's keep it that way.
I always thought it was a pity that they never had a sign that said Welcome To Our L …
There are only two types of hair: public hair and pubic hair.
But that's one L of a difference.
I can't go in public without people staring at my body
Now I just leave her at home
Why was the director's wife constantly anxious in public?
Because her husband was always making a scene.
If you're using public transport never give up your seat to an old lady...
That's how I lost my job as a bus driver
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the public public school jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working public public speaking piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.