JokoJokes

Public Jokes

168 public jokes and hilarious public puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about public that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Are you looking to make your public speaking engagements more entertaining? This article will help you learn how to use public jokes to connect with your audience. We'll discuss how to craft the perfect joke for public speaking, how to practice for success, and some of the key benefits to using humor when speaking to a large crowd. We'll also explore some of the caveats to watch out for when using jokes in public settings.

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Funniest Public Short Jokes

Short public jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The public humour may include short private jokes also.

  1. Antiwork did an interview on fox News to try to create a good public image of their sub It didn't work.
  2. Cardi B's sister used to spy for the Russian government, but refuses to talk about it publicly They call her 'Cagey B'
  3. Some friends wanted to get married at the public library, but they couldn't... Because it was booked.


    \-My pop
  4. President Trump's doctor is telling the public to prepare for the worst.... A full recovery
  5. This hating of people that breastfeed in public really has to stop. I can raise my cat any way I want.
  6. Two clowns are running for public office... It's funny for me though because I live in Canada.
  7. I played "My Heart Will Go On" on a public piano and people yelled at me. Can't wait till this cruise is over.
  8. Students at M.I.T. recently developed a new contender for the blackest material known to man... Scientists attempted to demonstrate it in public, but it was immediately shot by the police.
  9. A guy in a public place, phone out, camera on... He approaches a young woman. "What are you doing, creep?" she says. He glances up, smiles, and says "Calm down. I'm just trying to get a Pikachu."
  10. I went with my kids for a swim in the public kids pool and apparently adults peeing in a pool is not entirely unnoticeable The lifeguard yelled so loud at me I almost fell in the water.

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Public One Liners

Which public one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with public? I can suggest the ones about official and published.

  1. What do you call a thief who keeps the things he stole on public display? British
  2. Kid: "Mom, am I ugly?" Mom: "I told you not to call me mom in public."
  3. A cat gives birth in a public park... ...and is fined $50 for littering.
  4. I used to be a lifeguard at a public pool.... Until this blue kid got me fired.
  5. Breastfeeding in public is natural. And it strengthens the bond between me and my dog.
  6. What do you call someone who never farts in public? A PRIVATE TUTOR
  7. I can't go in public without people staring at my body Now I just leave her at home
  8. I once saw a skit about public hanging It had brilliant execution.
  9. Have you ever seen a blind person reading braille in public? Neither have they
  10. Why was the public masturbator released? he got off in court
  11. Why don't ghosts go out in public? Because they look like sheet
  12. I've been accused of objectifying women public class Woman extends Person {
  13. If i create a Java class public Class Woman{} Am I objectifying women?
  14. How do you call a public speaker in Russia? Dead
  15. Which superhero loves to whip out his junk in public? The Flash

Public School Jokes

Here is a list of funny public school jokes and even better public school puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • social distancing is great, public school shootings are down 100% Unfortunately home school shootings are up 100%
  • Prayer has no place in the public schools just like facts have no place in organized religion
  • How many public school teachers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Whatever it says in the book.
  • Why won't you ever find Harry, Hermione or Ron crying in front of the rest of the school? Cuz, they belong to the bravest house.
    They don't cry publicly; they Grief-indoor.
  • What can you say at Mr. Olympia and a public school? Welcome to the gun show
  • I played the USSR anthem at my private school And now its a public school.
  • The American public school system Personally, I wish I didn't get it.
  • I was taught that socialism was bad. At a public school.
  • American Public Schools.
  • What's that place called where delinquents are forced to go for several years that has walls and guards with guns? Oh ya! Public school.

Public Transportation Jokes

Here is a list of funny public transportation jokes and even better public transportation puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • LPT: If you know somebody with dyslexia that uses public transport, offer to help them read their timetable to prevent any mixups. Whoops, wrong bus.
  • Who do Egyptians pray to when the public transportation breaks down? Anubis
    (If you don't get it, say it slower.)
  • A dyslexic tries to use public transportation Whoops, wrong sub.
  • So my dyslexia makes it hard for me to take public transportation and... ...oops. Sorry. Wrong bus.
  • Did you know that every car going to and from the church on Sunday is a type of public transportation? They're all Mass transit.
  • I love public transport, even though I get excessively sweaty. Also, I think I take my Train Simulation game too seriously.
  • Why did they plant trees in Harlem? Public transportation.
  • How to be Insulting on Public Transportation: Pretend to be foreign when the conductor asks for your fare and try to give him the wrong denomination of money.
  • Public transport isn't as depressing as it seems. I was on a bus yesterday at six in the morning... And this really nice guy offered me a sip from his can of cider.
  • As a dyslexic, I often misread numbers on public transport and get home late Whoops, wrong bus

Public Speaking Jokes

Here is a list of funny public speaking jokes and even better public speaking puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I was trying to get over my fear of public speaking at a nudist colony. I just imagined everyone with their clothes on.
  • Did you know there are public speaking potatoes? Nothing special really, they're just commentaters.
  • I was going to give a public address but I lost my speaking notes I was speechless!
  • Today I conquered my fear of public speaking and gave a rousing, powerful speech about how nobody likes a quitter. ...aaaand they kicked me out of the 12-step program.
  • I took a public speaking class in college. I did a presentation about Free Speech. It was mostly just about the website where I downloaded my speech.
  • The most important element of public speaking? Podium
  • Have you heard about the judge who left his job to become a public speaking instructor? He progressed from reading sentences to entire paragraphs.
  • The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.
  • The reason only mostly out of work Hollywood celebrities can speak publicly for Trump is because if any working celebrities did they would quickly become a mostly out of work Hollywood celebrity.
  • If you have trouble speaking in public, imagine your audience in their underwear Doesn't work too well when you're a kindergarten teacher, though

Public Urination Jokes

Here is a list of funny public urination jokes and even better public urination puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • How do you get in the 'Public Urination Club'? Walk up to the nearest police officer and you're in.
  • A man goes to court for public urination. The judge asks him, "How do you plea?"
    The man replies, "standing up, your honor."
  • How do you know the guy leaving the public urinals is a blonde? He's eating pink marshmallows.

Public Health Jokes

Here is a list of funny public health jokes and even better public health puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Smoking seriously harms you and others around you So smoke casually for the sake of public health
  • It's good that it's called 'public health England' (PHE) Because 'public health Uk' wouldn't work so well
  • Donald trump said he cares more about the health and safety of the American public than he does about money. Well *I* laughed when he said it.
  • I saw a poster today for a free concert for those working in public health. It said 'Frontline Only'. Weird. I would've thought they'd fill the whole venue.
  • What good did the Trump administration do for the American public? Public health.
    With all the marches Trump triggers, the average American person has never been more fit
Public joke, What good did the Trump administration do for the American public?

Cheerful Fun Public Jokes for Lovely Laughter

What funny jokes about public you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean personal jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make public pranks.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Wireless Internet is like s**...

You still want it, even if it's unprotected and in a public place.

Regal Proceedings

If I was royalty, I would have a kid and call him Artist as a publicity stunt, before conceding to the pressure of public outcry, and renaming him something more regal.
So he may forever become known as The Prince Formerly Known As Artist.

How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the public that everything possible is being done while the other screws it into a water faucet.

The Magic Mirror

In this public toilet, there's this magic mirror. Whenever you say something untruthful you disappear.
A red head walks into the toilets and says "I think I have the best legs in the world" and puff...she's gone.
Next a brunette walks into the toilets and says "I think I have the most sexist eyes" and puff...she's gone
Finally a blonde walks into the toilets and says "I think..." and puff she's gone!

Facebook

So I was in a public library and saw a homeless man I had seen around town on facebook.
It got pretty depressing because the page wouldn't load every time he tried to click 'home'...

Always on duty

A doctor has some trouble with the sink, on a public holiday. He calls the local plumber, only to be told it's his day off.
"But I get called out on my days off, too!" says the doctor, somewhat exasperated, and the plumber relents.
The plumber arrives, and glances over the sink, looking preoccupied. He mumbles something about golf, then hands the doctor a couple of aspirin and walks out, saying,
"Put these in. If it doesn't clear up in 24 hours, come and see me tomorrow."

Three guys go to Heaven.

At the pearly gates, St Peter asks the first one:
"What did you do on Earth, son?"
I was a lawyer for public interest, i helped people keep their jobs"
"Come in, son!"
"And you?" to the second guy.
"I was a doctor, i helped people be healthy"
"Please come in, son"
Third guy answers: "I was a musician"
St Peter: "Oh, there's a door in the back"

Peeing !

A drunken man was casually peeing into a drinking fountain in the park.
A police officer comes up to him and yells frantically.
"What do you think you're doing. There's a public toilet fifty meters from here!"
The man, amazed, yells back.
"What do you think I have, a hose?

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

In Florida, a couple has been accused of making m**... in a public library.

Isn't that crazy? Florida has a library.
-Conan Monologue June 12, 2014

Did you hear about that psychic who performed self-immolation in public today?

It's rare to see a medium well done.

Noses and Boyfriends

Boyfriends are like noses...
People get disgusted when you blow them in public.
Especially if you're caught without a tissue

What's the difference between a public park and a public toilet?

I need to know before my court date on Monday.

The BBC are setting up a theme park and asked the public what BBC show concept they would most like to ride. The number one survey response was simply...

"Benedict Cumberbatch."

Bill Gates: "Why don't you tell me why Bing failed"

Bill gates: So why don't you tell me why Bing failed.
Board: We feel there was a public nescience towards Bing.
Bill gates: Nescience? Let me Goog- Oh I see what you mean.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Why isn't North Korea democratic?

Because Kim Jung Un doesn't want a public e**...

My dad dropped this joke on a dinner with my girlfriend and I couldn't help but to bust out laughing

Girls are like public bathrooms. All the clean ones are always taken and the only ones left are so messed up and dirty you don't want to go inside.

If you ever trip in public...

...get up, laugh a little, and say, "Whoops, it's been awhile since I inhabited a body."

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

On the bus today, I saw an attractive young woman breastfeeding

Suddenly an old woman started shouting, "you shouldn't be doing that in public, that's disgusting!!!".
A part of me wanted to scold the old woman, but another part of me thinks...
"Maybe I shouldn't have been m**... on a bus..."

David Cameron

Went to his local butcher. He asked the butcher for a steak. The butcher asked "what is your favourite cut?", David replied, "the public sector".

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

3 men are lined up for the firing squad...

...and they will be shot in public. The first guy, not willing to die, thought of a great way to trick the squad. Just as the guns were raised to shoot him, the guy pointed behind the squad and shouted, "Avalanche!" The firing squad was tricked, and as they looked behind them, the guy ran away. The second guy decided to try the same trick himself. So as the guns were raised again, he pointed behind the squad, shouting, "Flood!" Again, the squad fell for it, and as they looked behind them, the second guy ran away. The third guy was utterly impressed by what the first two guys did to save themselves, so he decided to try out the trick himself. As the guns were raised once more to shoot him, the third guy shouted out, **"Fire!"**

A 13 year old boy has difficulty with mathematics, failing in public school.

His parents were not religious but after a friend's suggestion they felt a private Catholic school may be more effective. His grades began to rise dramatically after this switch. Asked what has helped him so much, he responded
"When I saw the guy nailed to the plus sign I knew they meant business!"

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Man sentenced to five years for m**... with soap in public.

Came clean in court.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

I was in the public toilets today and as I sat down, a voice from the next cubicle said "Hi, how are you?".

Embarrassed, I said, "I'm doing fine".
The voice said "So what are you up to?".
I said, "Just doing the same as you - sitting here!
He said "Can I come over?".
Annoyed, I say "I'm rather busy right now".
Then the voice said, "Listen, I'll have to call you back, there's an i.d.i.o.t in the cubicle next to me answering all my questions".

When playing the guitar in public...

keep in mind not to finger A minor, you could get arrested.

I hate people who finds it disgusting when i breastfeed in public ..

It's completely normal and strenghtens the bond between me and my dog.

Tom Hiddleston and Taylor Swift's relationship is over after just three months because he wanted it to be more public...

I guess she wanted it to be more Loki.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

I got arrested today for m**... in public

My lawyer then told me that we'd beat this together.

Saw an old couple arguing at each other in public yesterday

Apparently one of them is going to be president

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Did you hear about the guy with a f**... for public transportation?

He got off at every stop.

It's ridiculous that the pope has to go around surrounded by armed guards these days

I know he's a priest but he's not going to do anything out in public

the hardest part about hitting a child in public...

is avoiding getting caught by their parent's.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Despite all the flak the public gives him, Trump has already solved the immigration problem in just a few days after becoming President-elect

Just ask yourself, who would want to sneak into America now?

Golf is like urinating in a public toilet

- Keep your back straight
- knees bent.
- Feet shoulder width apart.
- Form a loose Grip
- keep your head down
- avoid a quick backswing
- stay out of the water
- try not to hit anybody
- if you taking too long you should let others go ahead of you
- you shouldn't stand directly in front of others
- be quite when others are about to go
- keep strokes to a minimum

A drunk is thrown in jail for public intoxication ...

... The next day he's brought into court and the judge says, "My good man, you've been brought here for drinking." He says, "Alright, judge, let's get started."

A kid is flunking a public school, so his parents move him to a private school

All the sudden inthe private school his grades skyrocket up to A's. Then one night at the dinner table his parents ask,
"Why were you doing so bad in a
public school, and when we switched you to a
private school you did good?" The kid says,
"because I knew they were serious about school.
The first day I walked in they had a guy nailed
to a plus sign."

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Wow, Donald Trump is President. I haven't seen Democrats this mad since....

...slavery was outlawed and the desegregation of public schools!

'Knock knock'

'Who's there'
'Okay Google'
'Okay Google, who?'
'Sorry I didn't catch that'
'OKAY GOOGLE WHO?'
'The World Health Organization is a specialized agency of the United Nations that is concerned with international public health. It was established on 7 April 1948, headquartered in Geneva, Switzerland. '

A cop pulled me over and I flashed him my 9mm.

You could imagine he didn't take me very seriously after that and brought me up on public exposure charges. Guess he wasn't DTF.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

How does a robot avoid getting caught for public m**...?

He nuts and bolts.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

i'm not german, but this is a little jokie joke

Overheard at the White House:
Trump to Vice-President Mike Pence: "the less immigrants we let in the better."
Pence to trump: "The FEWER.."
Trump interrupts Pence and says: "don't call me that in public".

John: Doctor I heard you can get AIDS in the public toilets. Is this true?

Doctor: I mean... yeah, but it's uncomfortable.

Two toothpicks are hanging out in a forest,

... when all of a sudden they see a hedgehog passing by. So, one of them shrugs and goes like, "Hm, I didn't even know they had public transportation here."
[my gf's fav joke, literal translation from German]

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

What does a p**... call their g**...?

Their public parts

Do you work on weekends?

My boss just asked, "Do you think you can come in on Saturday this week? I know you enjoy your weekends, but I need you here."
I replied, "Yeah, no problem. I'll probably be late though as the public transport is bad on weekends."
He said, "Okay, when do you think you'll get here then?"
I said, "Monday."

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

What did the pervert say when he was kicked out of the public pool?

"I was only practicing my breast s**..."

I just got arrested for buying bug spray at a store

Apparently you're not allowed to get Off in public

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Trump talking to his advisor...

**Trump** The lesser the immigrants we have, the better
**Advisor** You mean fewer…
**Trump** Ssshhh! Don't call me that in public yet!

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Why do aliens avoid having s**... in public?

They prefer to come in peace

My girlfriend told me, I get really self conscious when I'm out in public.

I joked, Come on, you aren't that ugly.
She said, No, but you are.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

s**... in a car in public is like eating from a noisy bag of chips in Church...

Everyone will look at you in disgust, but deep down inside they want some too.

Yes, you've got to be careful when you tell jokes in public.

I was in the pub with a few mates a while back and one of them was telling this joke, I'm sure you know it:
Q. What do you do if an epileptic has a fit in the bath?
A. You throw in your washing.
Then a guy came over fuming and said, "I'm sorry but I don't find that funny. My brother died in the bath as a kid while having an epileptic fit.
My friend said, "Oh, I'm really sorry. Did he drown?"
"No, said the man, "He choked to death on a sock."

A shy horse wants to go to the bar and have a drink.

But he does not want to be seen in public. So he puts on a a donkey mask. Wearing the donkey mask, the horse walks into the bar.
The Chinese bartender says, "Hey, why the wrong face?"

A man gets kicked out of the public swimming pool...

As he's being removed he remonstrates 'but why'? The pool attendant says 'sir, you've been caught urinating in the pool.' The guy says 'sure, doesn't everyone?' To which the attendant replies' not from the side.'

Trump and Pense at a press briefing.

Trump: if we tested less, we'd have less cases .
Pense: fewer
Trump: I told you not to call me that in public .

Did you hear about the undercover cop who uncovered a glory hole in a public toilet?

Turns out he received an anonymous tip.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

I got arrested for m**... in public and declined a public defender.

I don't think I'll have a problem getting myself off.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

(German Joke) Two American girl tourists are in Germany walking through a public park.

Both of the girls notice a Man peeing and scream g**...!
The German man responds, Groß? Danke!
Translation - Big? Thanks!

The first 5G cell phone mast in town is put up

Suddenly, all sorts of people develop medical conditions. A citizens' initiative against the mast is formed. A public hearing is organized with the mayor and representatives of the telecom company. The people bring forward all the ailments they suffer from since the mast was erected.
The telecom technician replies: "For God's sake, what will be going on when we then put the mast into operation?"

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

A mother says to her young son, "It's high time you learned the difference between a man and a woman."

"Take off my shirt," she says. So he takes off her shirt.
"Take off my pants," she says. So he takes off her pants.
"Take off my bra," she says. So he takes off her bra.
"Take off my p**...," she says. So he takes off her p**....
Then the mother says to her son, "I don't want you ever to wear my clothes in public again!"

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Mouths are the new b**....

Only okay to expose them in public for the purpose of feeding.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

I always thought waking up to a BJ would be nice

I was wrong and I'm gonna try sleeping with my mouth closed while using public transport from now on.

A young boy is doing poorly in math at public school. His mother decides to send him to private school to rectify the situation. Lo and behold, after a semester in the new private Catholic school, the boy's grades were straight A's, even in math!

Surprised, his mother asked him how he liked his new school. "Oh, it's all right, I guess," he replies. "They must be teaching you some new tricks!" "Not really." "Then what do you think is making the difference in your grades?" "Well", he says, "as soon as I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they meant business!

It's that time of the year when many Americans go around in public pretending to be something they're not, with many choosing to appear as monsters and ghouls. But enough about the elections, it's also Halloween.

But enough about the elections, it's also Halloween.

Public joke, It's that time of the year when many Americans go around in public pretending to be something they'r

jokes about public