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Psychology Jokes

95 psychology jokes and hilarious psychology puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about psychology that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Are you looking for a light hearted way to break the ice with your psychology major friends? Check out this collection of psychology jokes that blend science, philosophy, and comedy. Whether you are a student, teacher, or simply curious, these jokes will have you in stitches!

Funniest Psychology Short Jokes

Short psychology jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The psychology humour may include short psychologist jokes also.

  1. I spent four years at college and didn't learn anything... It's really my own fault. I had a double major in psychology and reverse psychology.
  2. I have degrees in Politics, Economics and Psychology. I don't have a job but at least I know why.
  3. My wife and I split up because of psychological reasons... She was Psycho and I was Logical.
  4. I got in trouble for using performance enhancing drugs I took a placebo before my psychology exam
  5. The relationship between a man and a woman is psychological. She's a psycho and he's logical.
  6. My Psychology Professor asked me what Super Power I would like to have... Apparently "Cold War Era Russia" is not an acceptable answer.
  7. I don't know much about psychology or sociology But I reckon I can explain the Dunning-Kruger effect better than anyone else.
  8. I've been doing my psychology phd thesis on the mental health and wellbeing of little people. After 4 long years and multiple studies, I've concluded... 6 out of 7 dwarves aren't Happy.
  9. What do you call a scientific talk about the psychological impact of cannibalism? A Hannibal Lecture.
  10. My psychology professor asked for an example of a "Pavlovian Response". I said that thanks to my Mom's cooking, I salivate when I hear a smoke alarm.

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Psychology One Liners

Which psychology one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with psychology? I can suggest the ones about philosophy and economics.

  1. I've written a book about reverse psychology Please don't buy it.
  2. My doctor tried treating me with ygolohcysp But reverse psychology doesn't work on me
  3. I have just completed writing a book on reverse psychology. Please don't buy it.
  4. All my problems with my wife are psychological. She's psycho and I'm logical.
  5. What did the psychology textbook say to the math textbook? You've got problems!
  6. I just finished a book on reverse psychology Don't read it.
  7. I always cheated on my psychology tests... I don't know what that says about me.
  8. I thought reverse psychology was when.. you made your therapist cry
  9. Psychology Professor: Who here has heard of Pavlov? Me: Rings a bell
  10. Major in Freudian Psychology Minor in the back seat.
  11. Divorce is a psychological process One is psycho, the other is logical
  12. I once knew an axeman who was great at psychology He could really get inside your head
  13. I wrote a book on reverse psychology. Please, don't buy it.
  14. I'm studying the psychology of procrastination. Or I will be tomorrow anyway
  15. I just wrote a book on reverse psychology DON'T READ IT !

Reverse Psychology Jokes

Here is a list of funny reverse psychology jokes and even better reverse psychology puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I didnt learn anything in college... I guess it was kind of my fault though. I double majored in psychology, and reverse psychology.
    (Stolen from BJ Novak)
  • I'm writing a book on reverse psychology. When it becomes available, please refrain from purchasing it.
  • If you really don't want someone to do something, tell them to do it, then scream "YGOLOHCYSP". Classic reverse psychology.
  • I didn't learn a thing in university I elected to get a major in psychology and minor in reverse-psychology.
  • A man walks into a library and says... ..."I hope you don't have a book on reverse psychology."
  • I learned nothing in college... I guess it is really my own fault. I had a double major in psychology and well reverse psychology.
  • I tried reverse psychology on my child I told the baby don't cry
    It worked
  • I got a degree in psychology and a degree in reverse psychology. I didn't learn a thing.
  • So I'm thinking about taking PSY 312 (reverse psychology) next semester... My advisors said I shouldn't, but I think I'm going to now
  • I watched a video on psychology from the end I learned about reverse psychology

Student Of Psychology Jokes

Here is a list of funny student of psychology jokes and even better student of psychology puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I'm a psychology student and I love it I guess it's true that if you do what you love you'll never work a day in your life
  • A Psychology prof is helping his students review material for an exam. "Does Pavlov ring a bell?"
Psychology joke, A Psychology prof is helping his students review material for an exam.

Psychology Major Jokes

Here is a list of funny psychology major jokes and even better psychology major puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I have a double major in Psychology and Geography. I lead the field in research on glacial depressions.
  • A girl tells her parents she's going to major in psychology "Hey mom! Hey dad! I'm gonna study a real science! PSYCH!"
  • Are you a psychology major? "No, I'm a business major."
    "Well, business is psychology..."
  • I wanted to major in reverse psychology. My dream school turned me down.
    So I wrote them back and told them I wasn't even interested in their s**... program. They sent me a diploma.
  • My friend's a psychology major. He's writing his thesis on the psychology of s**... fetishes. It's not ready yet, though- he still has some kinks to work out.
Psychology joke, My friend's a psychology major.

Hilarious Fun Psychology Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter

What funny jokes about psychology you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean geology jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make psychology pranks.

"That's not it."

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, "That's not it" and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said, "That's it."

Little Johnny

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're s**..., stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're s**..., Little Johnny?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

Final exam

My psychology professor wrapped up the class and dicussed the final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up, barring a health trauma or death in the immediate family. My friend Johnny smirked and asked, "What about extreme s**... exhaustion?"
After the chuckling died down, the professor replied, "Nope, you can use your other hand to write."

Did you hear about the p**... with a PhD in Psychology?

She'll blow your mind.

A Day in the Library

A guy is looking for a place to sit in the crowded library.
He asked a girl: "Do you mind if I sit beside you?"
The girl replied in a loud voice: "I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"
All the students in the library started staring at the guy; he was truly embarrassed and moved to another table.
After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table and said with a laugh: "I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right?
The guy then responded in a loud voice:
"$500 FOR ONE NIGHT? ... . . THAT'S ROBBERY!"
All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock.
The guy then whispered in her ear: "I study law: I know how to screw people."

Psychology vs Law

A guy was looking for a place to sit in a crowded university library.
He asked a girl: "Do you mind if I sit beside you?"
The girl replied in a loud voice: "I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"
All the students in the library started staring at the guy,
He was truly embarrassed and moved to another table.
After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table,
and said with a laugh: "I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking.
I guess you felt embarrassed, right?"
The GUY then responded in a loud voice:
"Rs.5000/- FOR ONE NIGHT!! ISN'T THAT TOO MUCH?"
All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock.
The guy whispered to her:
"I study law and I know how to screw people."

A guy asked a girl in a university library: "Do you mind if I sit beside you?

The girl replied with a loud voice: "NO! I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!" All the students in the library started looking at the guy; he was pretty embarrassed. After a while the girl walked quietly over to the guy's table and said: "I study psychology, I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right? The guy then responded with a loud voice: $1000 FOR ONE NIGHT? THAT'S TOO MUCH! All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock. The guy whispered "I guess you felt bad for what you did earlier, right? I study law; I know how to make someone feel guilty.

I lost my job at the s**... hotline.

Apparently reverse psychology isn't very well accepted.

I got fired from a s**... hotline

Apparently they look down upon reverse psychology.

A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "You come here a lot; are you an alcoholic?" The horse ponders this for a moment and says, "I don't think I am."
p**...! The horse disappears.
At this point, a psychology student would begin to snicker because he knows about the Descartes postulate, "I think therefore I am."
I could have told you about that at the beginning of the joke, but that would have been putting Descartes before the horse.

A Mathematician is given a psychological test.

The first question asked "You see a burning house and a hose disconnected from a fire hydrant. What do you do?" After much deliberation, the Mathematician decides he would attach the hose to the hydrant. He is then asked "You see a non-burning house and a hose disconnected from a fire hydrant. What do you do?" to which the Mathematician immediately responds, "I'll set the house of fire to reduce this to a problem I've already solved."

Johnny paid his way through college by waitering in a restaurant.

"What's the usual tip?" asked a customer.
"Well," said Johnny, "this is my first day, but the other guys said that, if I got five dollars out of you, I'd be doing great."
"Is that so?" growled the customer. "In that case, here's twenty dollars."
"Thanks. I'll put it in my college fund," Johnny said.
"By the way, what are you studying?" asked the customer.
"Applied psychology."

I know this guy who teaches people how to access the Dark Web, but if they're incompetent then he physically and psychologically abuses them

He's a Tor mentor.

She yells, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight, you pig!"

Everyone in the bar stops and stares.
Completely embarrassed, the guy slinks back to his table with a red face.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes.
She smiles and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. I'm a graduate student in psychology, and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing public situations."
To which the guy responds as loudly as possible, "What do you mean $200 for a BJ?"

A lot of people think Sigmund Frued is a hack.

And yes, some of his theories were proven wrong but the work he did made the field of psychology so famous he should never be forgotten. They just go hand in hand, you cant have one without the mother,

Please stand up

One day a college professor of Psychology was greeting his new college class. He stood up in front of the class and said, "Would everyone who thinks he or she is s**... please stand up?"
After a minute or so of silence, a young man stood up.
"Well, good morning. So, you actually think you're a m**...?" the professor asked.
The kid replied, "No sir, I just didn't want to see you standing there all by yourself."

I remember learning about Pavlov's law in psychology class and thinking those s**... dogs...

Then the bell rang and we all went to lunch

Why major in philosophy?

Why major in philosophy?
- can be smug after only 2-3 classes
- only major where you finish knowing less than when you started
- generally better beards than psychology
- can't find a job, but then again what even is a job?

Once upon a time a boy asked a girl in a library

Do you mind if I sit next to you the girl shouts I don't want to spend the night with you everyone starts staring at him the boy feeling embarrassed sits at another table. A minute later the walks up to him and says I study psychology you must feel embarrassed the boys shouts $300 dollars is to much for one night everyone starts starring the girl then the boy whispers I am a lawyer I know how to make someone guilty.

A boy asked a girl in a library, "Do you mind if I sit beside you"?

A boy asked a girl in a library, "Do you mind if I sit beside you"?
The girl answered with a loud angry voice; "I don't want to spend the night with you!!"
All the people in the library started staring at the boy and he was embarrassed.
After a few minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table and said to him," I study psychology and I know what man is thinking, I guess you felt embarrassed, right?"
The guy responded with a loud voice,"$300 for one night. That's too much!!"
And all the people in the library looked at the girl in shock and the guy whispered in her ears, "I study law and I know how to make someone guilty."

Coincidentally, my friend asked me if I knew who Pavlov was while I was taking my intro to Psychology class.

I told him: "yeah, that name rings a bell"

A boy asked a girl in a library, Do you mind if I sit next to you?

The girl replied with a loud angry voice; I don't want to spend the night with you! All the people in the library started looking at the boy and felt embarrassed. After a few minutes the girl walked calmly to the boy's table and said: I study psychology and I known what the man is thinking, I guess you felt pretty embarrassed, huh? The boy replied loudly: $300 for one night? That's too much! And all the people in the library looked at the girl in shock and the boy whispered in her ear, I study law I know how to make someone guilty

Pavlov's Dog

After we finished the pop quiz in our psychology class, our teacher allowed us to quietly talk amongst ourselves. A group of us were discussing the idiocy of Pavlov's dog and how pairing a stimulus with a conditioned response seemed illogical in the real world. Then the bell rang, and we all headed out to lunch.

A general noticed that one of his soldiers was behaving oddly since some days.

The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say,
"That's not it" and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army.
The soldier picked it up, smiled and said, "That's it."

Basic Psychology

The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an o**... test. Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"

A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"

s**...

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're s**..., stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're s**..., Johnny?" Little Johnny replied, "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

Wasted

A woman's husband comes home wasted every night and she always yells at him before going to bed alone. One day she decides to try some reverse psychology. When her husband staggers in that night, she's waiting for him in her best l**.... She sits him in an armchair and gives him a backrub. "It's getting late, big boy," she says after a few minutes. "Why don't we go upstairs to bed?" "We might as well," slurs the husband.
"I'm going to be in trouble when I get home, anyway."

What's the difference between a magician and a psychology researcher?

A magician pulls rabbits out of hats, a psychology researcher pulls habits out of rats.

Do you mind if I sit beside you? The girl replied with a loud voice, "NO, I DON 'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!" All the students in the library started staring at the guy; he was truly embarrassed.

After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy 's table and said, "I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right?
The guy then responded with a loud voice, $500 FOR ONE NIGHT? THAT 'S WAY TOO MUCH!
All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock.
The guy stood and whispered in her ear, "I study law, and I know how to screw people."

Hate to see you standing alone

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses.
She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're s**..., stand up!"
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.
The teacher said, "Do you think you're s**..., Little Johnny?"
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

His wife minored in psychology in school.

She was always trying to use her tiresome amateur psychology on him. When he wanted to fire their pool boy, she said, "Well, you're clearly threatened by his youth and attractiveness, and this gives you intimations of your own mortality which you are sublimating into a hostile and inappropriate response."
He said, "Honey...we don't have a pool."

A man sees a pretty girl in a library...

He goes up to her and says "I'd like to spend some time with you". At the top of her voice, she yells "NO I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU" and storms off. Everyone in the library stares at the man, embarrassed for him.
The next day in the library, she comes over to him and whispers to the man: "I'm a Psychology student. I know how to embarrass people". He yells: "£500 FOR s**...? YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. MY FRIEND SAYS YOU CHARGED HIM £20".
The girl turns a deep shade of crimson and the man whispers to her: "I'm a Law student. And I know how to screw people".

My wife minored in psychology. She's always using all her amateur psychology when we argue.

When I fired the pool boy, she said, "Well, you know, you're only firing him because he's so young and good looking, and you feel threatened and insecure, because it reminds you of your own mortality, and you're projecting all these insecurities onto someone else in a very passive/aggressive way, because these feelings are just too traumatic for you to deal with."
I said, "Honey...we don't have a pool."

After 7 years of marriage I figured this out that....

... it's all "psychological".
There is one psycho and there's one logical.

Psychology joke, After 7 years of marriage I figured this out that....

jokes about psychology