Psychology Jokes

Are you looking for a light hearted way to break the ice with your psychology major friends? Check out this collection of psychology jokes that blend science, philosophy, and comedy. Whether you are a student, teacher, or simply curious, these jokes will have you in stitches!

Hilarious Fun Psychology Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter

My friend's a psychology major.

He's writing his thesis on the psychology of sexual fetishes. It's not ready yet, though- he still has some kinks to work out.

Little Johnny

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

I've written a book about reverse psychology

Please don't buy it.

I wanted to major in reverse psychology.

My dream school turned me down.

So I wrote them back and told them I wasn't even interested in their stupid program. They sent me a diploma.

jokes about psychology

I have a double major in Psychology and Geography.

I lead the field in research on glacial depressions.

Final exam

My psychology professor wrapped up the class and dicussed the final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up, barring a health trauma or death in the immediate family. My friend Johnny smirked and asked, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?"

After the chuckling died down, the professor replied, "Nope, you can use your other hand to write."

Did you hear about the prostitute with a PhD in Psychology?

She'll blow your mind.

Psychology joke, Did you hear about the prostitute with a PhD in Psychology?

I have degrees in Politics, Economics and Psychology.

I don't have a job but at least I know why.

Major in Freudian Psychology

Minor in the back seat.

Psychology vs Law

A guy was looking for a place to sit in a crowded university library.
He asked a girl: "Do you mind if I sit beside you?"
The girl replied in a loud voice: "I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"

All the students in the library started staring at the guy,
He was truly embarrassed and moved to another table.

After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table,
and said with a laugh: "I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking.
I guess you felt embarrassed, right?"

The GUY then responded in a loud voice:
"Rs.5000/- FOR ONE NIGHT!! ISN'T THAT TOO MUCH?"

All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock.
The guy whispered to her:
"I study law and I know how to screw people."

A guy asked a girl in a university library: "Do you mind if I sit beside you?

The girl replied with a loud voice: "NO! I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!" All the students in the library started looking at the guy; he was pretty embarrassed. After a while the girl walked quietly over to the guy's table and said: "I study psychology, I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right? The guy then responded with a loud voice: $1000 FOR ONE NIGHT? THAT'S TOO MUCH! All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock. The guy whispered "I guess you felt bad for what you did earlier, right? I study law; I know how to make someone feel guilty.

You can explore psychology major reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean psychology doctorate dad jokes. There are also psychology puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

I lost my job at the suicide hotline.

Apparently reverse psychology isn't very well accepted.

I got fired from a suicide hotline

Apparently they look down upon reverse psychology.

A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "You come here a lot; are you an alcoholic?" The horse ponders this for a moment and says, "I don't think I am."
POOF! The horse disappears.

At this point, a psychology student would begin to snicker because he knows about the Descartes postulate, "I think therefore I am."

I could have told you about that at the beginning of the joke, but that would have been putting Descartes before the horse.

I thought reverse psychology was when..

you made your therapist cry

Johnny paid his way through college by waitering in a restaurant.

"What's the usual tip?" asked a customer.

"Well," said Johnny, "this is my first day, but the other guys said that, if I got five dollars out of you, I'd be doing great."

"Is that so?" growled the customer. "In that case, here's twenty dollars."

"Thanks. I'll put it in my college fund," Johnny said.

"By the way, what are you studying?" asked the customer.

"Applied psychology."

Psychology joke, Johnny paid his way through college by waitering in a restaurant.

My Psychology Professor asked me what Super Power I would like to have...

Apparently "Cold War Era Russia" is not an acceptable answer.

My doctor tried treating me with ygolohcysp

But reverse psychology doesn't work on me

I spent four years at college and didn't learn anything...

It's really my own fault. I had a double major in psychology and reverse psychology.

She yells, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight, you pig!"

Everyone in the bar stops and stares.
Completely embarrassed, the guy slinks back to his table with a red face.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes.
She smiles and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. I'm a graduate student in psychology, and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing public situations."
To which the guy responds as loudly as possible, "What do you mean $200 for a BJ?"

I once knew an axeman who was great at psychology

He could really get inside your head

I'm a psychology student and I love it

I guess it's true that if you do what you love you'll never work a day in your life

A lot of people think Sigmund Frued is a hack.

And yes, some of his theories were proven wrong but the work he did made the field of psychology so famous he should never be forgotten. They just go hand in hand, you cant have one without the mother,

I got in trouble for using performance enhancing drugs

I took a placebo before my psychology exam

Please stand up

One day a college professor of Psychology was greeting his new college class. He stood up in front of the class and said, "Would everyone who thinks he or she is stupid please stand up?"

After a minute or so of silence, a young man stood up.

"Well, good morning. So, you actually think you're a moron?" the professor asked.

The kid replied, "No sir, I just didn't want to see you standing there all by yourself."

I'm writing a book on reverse psychology.

When it becomes available, please refrain from purchasing it.

Psychology joke, I'm writing a book on reverse psychology.

I remember learning about Pavlov's law in psychology class and thinking those stupid dogs...

Then the bell rang and we all went to lunch

I didnt learn anything in college...

I guess it was kind of my fault though. I double majored in psychology, and reverse psychology.

(Stolen from BJ Novak)

Psychology Professor: Who here has heard of Pavlov?

Me: Rings a bell

I always cheated on my psychology tests...

I don't know what that says about me.

Once upon a time a boy asked a girl in a library

Do you mind if I sit next to you the girl shouts I don't want to spend the night with you everyone starts staring at him the boy feeling embarrassed sits at another table. A minute later the walks up to him and says I study psychology you must feel embarrassed the boys shouts $300 dollars is to much for one night everyone starts starring the girl then the boy whispers I am a lawyer I know how to make someone guilty.

A boy asked a girl in a library, "Do you mind if I sit beside you"?

A boy asked a girl in a library, "Do you mind if I sit beside you"?

The girl answered with a loud angry voice; "I don't want to spend the night with you!!"

All the people in the library started staring at the boy and he was embarrassed.

After a few minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table and said to him," I study psychology and I know what man is thinking, I guess you felt embarrassed, right?"

The guy responded with a loud voice,"$300 for one night. That's too much!!"

And all the people in the library looked at the girl in shock and the guy whispered in her ears, "I study law and I know how to make someone guilty."

Coincidentally, my friend asked me if I knew who Pavlov was while I was taking my intro to Psychology class.

I told him: "yeah, that name rings a bell"

If you really don't want someone to do something, tell them to do it, then scream "YGOLOHCYSP".

Classic reverse psychology.

I have just completed writing a book on reverse psychology.

Please don't buy it.

A boy asked a girl in a library, Do you mind if I sit next to you?

The girl replied with a loud angry voice; I don't want to spend the night with you! All the people in the library started looking at the boy and felt embarrassed. After a few minutes the girl walked calmly to the boy's table and said: I study psychology and I known what the man is thinking, I guess you felt pretty embarrassed, huh? The boy replied loudly: $300 for one night? That's too much! And all the people in the library looked at the girl in shock and the boy whispered in her ear, I study law I know how to make someone guilty

My psychology professor asked for an example of a "Pavlovian Response".

I said that thanks to my Mom's cooking, I salivate when I hear a smoke alarm.

Pavlov's Dog

After we finished the pop quiz in our psychology class, our teacher allowed us to quietly talk amongst ourselves. A group of us were discussing the idiocy of Pavlov's dog and how pairing a stimulus with a conditioned response seemed illogical in the real world. Then the bell rang, and we all headed out to lunch.

I've been doing my psychology PhD thesis on the mental health and wellbeing of little people. After 4 long years and multiple studies, I've concluded...

6 out of 7 dwarves aren't Happy.

I just finished a book on reverse psychology

Don't read it.

Basic Psychology

The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test. Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"

A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"

Stupid

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Johnny?" Little Johnny replied, "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

Wasted

A woman's husband comes home wasted every night and she always yells at him before going to bed alone. One day she decides to try some reverse psychology. When her husband staggers in that night, she's waiting for him in her best lingerie. She sits him in an armchair and gives him a backrub. "It's getting late, big boy," she says after a few minutes. "Why don't we go upstairs to bed?" "We might as well," slurs the husband.

"I'm going to be in trouble when I get home, anyway."

Accordion to a scientific study released by the Department of Psychology at the University of British Columbia,

most people will not immediately notice if one of the words in a sentence has been replaced with a musical instrument until they've read more than three quarters of the way through it.

What's the difference between a magician and a psychology researcher?

A magician pulls rabbits out of hats, a psychology researcher pulls habits out of rats.

Do you mind if I sit beside you? The girl replied with a loud voice, "NO, I DON 'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!" All the students in the library started staring at the guy; he was truly embarrassed.

After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy 's table and said, "I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right?

The guy then responded with a loud voice, $500 FOR ONE NIGHT? THAT 'S WAY TOO MUCH!

All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock.

The guy stood and whispered in her ear, "I study law, and I know how to screw people."

What did the psychology textbook say to the math textbook?

You've got problems!

Hate to see you standing alone

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses.

She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!"

After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.

The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"

"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

I wrote a book on reverse psychology.

Please, don't buy it.

His wife minored in psychology in school.

She was always trying to use her tiresome amateur psychology on him. When he wanted to fire their pool boy, she said, "Well, you're clearly threatened by his youth and attractiveness, and this gives you intimations of your own mortality which you are sublimating into a hostile and inappropriate response."

He said, "Honey...we don't have a pool."

A man sees a pretty girl in a library...

He goes up to her and says "I'd like to spend some time with you". At the top of her voice, she yells "NO I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU" and storms off. Everyone in the library stares at the man, embarrassed for him.

The next day in the library, she comes over to him and whispers to the man: "I'm a Psychology student. I know how to embarrass people". He yells: "£500 FOR SEX? YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. MY FRIEND SAYS YOU CHARGED HIM £20".

The girl turns a deep shade of crimson and the man whispers to her: "I'm a Law student. And I know how to screw people".

My wife minored in psychology. She's always using all her amateur psychology when we argue.

When I fired the pool boy, she said, "Well, you know, you're only firing him because he's so young and good looking, and you feel threatened and insecure, because it reminds you of your own mortality, and you're projecting all these insecurities onto someone else in a very passive/aggressive way, because these feelings are just too traumatic for you to deal with."

I said, "Honey...we don't have a pool."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the psychology student of psychology puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working psychology psychology major piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes