The Best 66 Psychic Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Psychic jokes. There are some psychic telepathic jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these psychic telepath puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Psychic Jokes and Puns

Wanted: Personal psychic for wealthy client.

Salary: $10,000 per week plus bonuses.
Free accommodation.
10 weeks paid leave per year.
Company car.
Generous pension scheme.

You know where to apply.

What do you call a midget psychic running from the law?

A small medium at large.

Did you hear about the psychic midget who escaped police custody?

Be on the lookout for a small medium at large.

Psychic joke, Did you hear about the psychic midget who escaped police custody?

What do you call it when a Korean plays kickball?

A Psychic


How many psychics does it take to change a light bulb?

A 3 foot tall psychic escapes prison, then he gets a look at the newspaper

"Small medium at large"

Did you hear about the psychic midget who is wanted by the FBI?

She's a small medium at large.

Psychic joke, Did you hear about the psychic midget who is wanted by the FBI?

Did you hear about that psychic who performed self-immolation in public today?

It's rare to see a medium well done.

What do you call a fat psychic?

A four chin teller.

Why did the psychic get fired?

Because she didn't see it coming.

I went to go see a psychic the other day..

I asked her if I'd ever be going to jail some time in the future. She said no, so I robbed her.

You can explore psychic cleo reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean psychic predictions dad jokes. There are also psychic puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A frog goes to a fortune teller and asks if he is going meet a young girl.
The psychic tells him, "Yes, you are."
The frog replies, "Where? In a bar or at a party?"
The psychic says, "In biology class."

Nothing embarrasses a psychic more than a surprise party.

What's the Best Way To Embarrass A Psychic On Their Birthday?

Throw Them A Surprise Party.

A psychic dwarf escaped from prison

There's a small medium at large.

Two psychics pass each other in the street..

One says to the other: "You're doing fine. How am I?"

Psychic joke, Two psychics pass each other in the street..

I knew the Psychic was a phony as soon as she accepted my check.

A psychic goes into a clothing store

A psychic walks into a clothing store looking for a new shirt.

Employee: "How about this shirt?"

Psychic: "That shirt is too small."

Employee: "You didn't even try it on"

Psychic: "Because I am a medium"

What do you call an overweight psychic?

A four-chin teller.

I went to a psychic today. Ended up accidentally breaking her crystal ball.

It cost me a fortune.

I put out a Want ad for a psychic...

It said, "You know when and where to show up. Don't be late."

What do you call a psychic midget wanted by the police?

A small medium at large.

Psychic buys clothing

Employee: How about this one?

Psychic: That shirt is too small

Employee: You didn't even try it on

Psychic: I'm a medium

I knew the psychic was a fraud

the second she accepted my check

Psychic wanted:

You know where to apply.

What do you call a midget psychic that broke out of jail?

A small medium at large

My wife saw a psychic and found out I was cheating

That's the last time I banged a psychic

Hilary Clinton goes to a psychic. The soothsayer tells her, "Your husband will die a horrible violent death."

Hilary asks, "Will I be acquitted?"

Why did the chicken talk with a psychic?

To speak to the other side.

Why couldn't the psychic fit in the small shirt?

Because he was a medium

What's the best part about fingering...

What's the best part of fingering a psychic while she's on her period?

You still get your palm red

A midget psychic broke out of prison.

Now there's a small medium at large.

A man walks into a psychic barber shop

Barber: say no more

Best thing about fingering a psychic on her period?

You still get your palm read.

What do you call an anonymous psychic?

A 4chan teller

...I'll see myself out

A psychic midget has escaped from prison..

Police are looking for a small medium at large.

So Hitler decides to go see a psychic...

...and the psychic tells him that he will die on the day of a Jewish holiday. Hitler, obviously distraught, demands the psychic tell him more, and tries to coerce him into giving more details in hopes that he can somehow prevent it.

After much back and forth, the psychic finally snaps in impatience and says, "Well, whatever the day you die is going to be a Jewish holiday anyway,".

Guys, I think my girlfriend might be a psychic.

Last night my phone died while I was out, so I used my brother's phone to call her.
And she answered, "What's up, sexy?" Before I even said a word!

A psychic dwarf escaped from jail

The call went out that there was a small medium at large.

The first rule of psychic club.

Don't think about psychic club.

A man visits a psychic

He doesn't believe in that stuff, but decided to have some fun. The psychic looks into her crystal ball and says, "I can see that you're a father of two..."

"Ha, that's what you think!" he replies. "I'm a father of three!"

"Ha! That's what you think!"

Hitler goes to a psychic and asks...

On what day will I die?

The psychic says, On a Jewish holiday.

Skeptical, Hitler asks, How can you be so sure?

Any day, on which you die, explains the psychic, will be a Jewish holiday.

A frog

A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline. His personal psychic advisor tells him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you." The frog is thrilled, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party?" "No," says his advisor, "In her biology class."

Why did the Psychic Academy only order large and small T-shirts?

Because they already had plenty of mediums.

I was looking for a new psychic when I noticed they were either obese or anorexic.

Is it that hard to find a healthy medium?

What do you call a psychic cow?

Medium Rare.

Why did the psychic medium hang himself?

To get to the other side.

Librarian: Can I help you?

Dave: Yeah, I'm looking for a book about-

Librarian: Being psychic?

Dave: No...

Librarian: One day that will work.

A psychic dwarf has been on the run from the police for months...

He is a small medium at large.

I never knew my mechanic was a psychic

until he loudly announced that I had blown a tranny in my car.

Not to brag, but I have a psychic ability of guessing what is inside a wrapped present.

You can say....It's a gift.

Karen goes to the psychic...

"Two men, Bob and Carl, both want to marry me. Who will be the lucky one?"

"You will marry Bob. Carl will be the lucky one."

Did you hear about the psychic dwarf that escaped prison?

News headlines say "Small medium at large".

I went to a psychic and knocked on her door...

She asked who is it
So I left.

What do you call a psychic who is bad at predicting the future?


Not to brag, but I have sychic powers.

For example, you are thinking, It's psychic, idiot!

Not to brag but, I have sycik powers.

For example, right now you are thinking " Its **psychic** ,you idiot."

A midget who went to prison for scamming people with his so-called psychic readings escaped.

Small medium at large.

What did the fake psychic say when she got the ability to see the future?

I could prophet off of this.

Has anyone caught the dwarf psychic that escaped from prison?

Come on guys, there's a small medium at large!

Did you hear about the petite psychic who escaped jail?

There is a small medium at large

Today, a psychic told me I'd witness an unbelievable pain in 12 years.

To cheer myself up, I bought a puppy!

A high school senior visits a psychic...

"I've applied to 10 different colleges," the student said. "Which ones will accept me? Which one will I attend?"

"That is hard to say," said the psychic. "But you will spend an absurd sum of money."

"How do you know this?" the student asked.

The psychic replied,

"It's mostly intuition."

Al Gore is in the wrong line of work

Some people's names match their careers surprisingly well. Imagine a psychic named Krystal Ball or a stylist named Barbera Cutter.

But Al Gore is a failure in this regard. He had the perfect opportunity to start a math rock band in the 80s or 90s and just chose to not. It should have been fate.

I personally will never let it go that I'll never hear an album from the math rock legends the Al Gore Rhythms.

Patient: Doc: I think I'm psychic.

Psychiatrist: When did this happen?

Patient: Next Thursday.

Psychic: I'm sorry to say that you are going to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on your education.

Man: How do you know this?

Psychic: Mostly in tuition.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the psychic renown jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working psychic mystic piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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