Psychiatric Jokes
39 psychiatric jokes and hilarious psychiatric puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about psychiatric that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you looking for some dark humor? Read this article to experience some funny psychiatric jokes made by psychiatric nurses and doctors working at a psychiatric hospital. Explore the humor behind psychiatric disorders and the evaluation process of mental health. Get ready to laugh!
Quick Jump To
Funniest Psychiatric Short Jokes
Short psychiatric jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The psychiatric humour may include short psychological jokes also.
- I brought my girlfriend home to meet my family. They criticized everything she did, mocked her heritage and gave her a psychiatric disorder.
I guess I shouldn't have insisted on the royal treatment. - A midget who claims to see dead people just escaped from a psychiatric ward. There's a small medium at large.
- My mom always said you've got to commit yourself to make it in this life. Now I'm posting from the psychiatric ward. Tell momma I made it!
- At a psychiatric ward: Doctor, what should we do with the new guy in room 6? He believes he's a wolf.
-
Doctor: Whatever you do, don't let his grandmother visit! - I bought a clock that was made by the patients at a psychiatric hospital It's the beautiful cuckoo clock I've ever seen.
- As a guy, it's not that I have anything against psychiatric wards... I'm just afraid of commitment.
- I told a psychiatric ward patient to stand in the middle of two black poles ... and he did it ! The absolute madman!
- Looked in the mirror and realized how ugly I am First thing I did was call every person ive ever slept with to get tested. Not for STDs but they clearly need a psychiatric evaluation.
- At the psychiatric hospital "Do you still hear whispers in your head?"
"Tell him no!"
"No doctor." - 40 injured in local psychiatric hospital fire. Among them 17 men, 6 batmen, 4 dragons, 9 elves, 3 energy beings and 1 pokemon.
Share These Psychiatric Jokes With Friends
Psychiatric One Liners
Which psychiatric one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with psychiatric? I can suggest the ones about psychiatrist and psycho.
- What do a group of psychiatric patients and an anorexic have in common? Mass hysteria
- What do you call music in a psychiatric hospital? Looney Tunes!
- What Christmas carol do they sing at a Psychiatric hospital? Do you hear what I hear?
- A psychiatric patient believed he was running with the bulls. He was mentally in Spain.
- What do they call an affair with a psychiatrist? A psychiatric tryst.
- Did you hear Earth is seeking psychiatric help? It's bipolar...
- Why did the Snickerdoodle go to the psychiatric hospital? Because it was a little cookie.
- What food do they serve at the cannibal psychiatric ward? Vegetables.
- They told me I should work in a psychiatric hospital... I'm not that crazy about it.
- What do you call a psychiatric patient who is afraid of doors? Unhinged
- Why are there air condition at the psychiatric hospital? Too keep the vegetables fresh.
Great Psychiatric Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends
What funny jokes about psychiatric you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean schizophrenic jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make psychiatric pranks.
A patient in a psychiatric hospital is being examined by a shrink. The shrink hands him a piece of paper and asks him, "Look at this inkblot and tell me what do you see."
"Well," the patient says, "I'm not 100% sure, but it looks like Rorschach Series IV, blot #17."
I translated a German joke and hope it's still funny
A man is treated by a psychiatrist because he thinks that he is a mouse. After some weeks of psychiatric counseling he is finally healed and has learned, that he isn't a mouse.
As the man in walks out of the psychiatrists office he sees a cat on the street and runs back to the psychiatrist and screams: "I'm scared! There's a cat on the street!"
The psychiatrist replies "I thought you know now, that you are not a mouse."
The man answers "Yes, I know that, but does the cat know this too?"
A guy walks into a psychiatric ward to visit his old man.
As he sits down in the recreation room with his dad, he spots a schizophrenic kid standing on the table.
The kid starts targeting each person in the room, busting out the freshest, most incredible 'yo mama' jokes he's ever heard; true originality at its best.
"That's incredible," he says to his old man, "That kid's got an insane dis ability!"
A doctor was checking up on his Patient at the psychiatric hospital
Doctor: How are you feeling?
Patient: I keep fantasizing about baboons playing soccer.
Doctor: Ok, I will give you medicine today, you'll stop fantasizing...
Patient: Give me the medicine tomorrow, today it's the finals!
Thank you for calling the Psychiatric Institute of Mental Health
If you have an obsessive-compulsive disorder, please press button 1. Again. And again. And again.
If you have a multiple personality disorder press in rapid sequence keys 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you suffer from paranoia, we have to inform you that we already know who you are, what you do in life, and what you want from us. Please stay on the phone while we trace your call.
If you suffer from hallucinations, press the 7 on the big pink telephone that you, and only you, see at your immediate right.
If you are suffer from chizophrenia, please kindly ask your imaginary friend to press the 8 key for you.
If you suffer from depression, it doesn't matter which key you press, as there is nothing to do: yours is a basket case, and there is no cure.
If you suffer from amnesia, press keys in rapid sequence 2, 7, 5, 3, 9 5, 7, 5, 1, 6, 4, 9 and repeat out loud, in the following order, your name, surname, home address, mobile number, e-mail, social security number, bank account number, ATM pin code, date of birth, marital status, place of birth and your grandmother's maiden name.
If you suffer from indecision, leave your message before, after, or during the beep.
If you suffer from short-term memory loss press 0.
If you suffer from short-term memory loss press 0.
If you suffer from short-term memory loss press 0.
If you suffer from obsessive avarice we have to inform you that this call costs 500 euros per minute.
If you suffer from low self-esteem, keep waiting: all our operators are busy responding to people who are much more important than you.
If you are one of the Italians that voted for Berlusconi, please hang up. We cure the crazy, not the jerks.
A guy goes to a mental hospital for a psychiatric exam. The doctor shows the guy an inkblot image.
Doctor: "Look at this card and tell me what you think it is."
The guy studies it for a minute and says, "Well, not sure, but to me it looks like Rorschach Series 6, card number 9."
Nicola Sturgeon is being shown around an Edinburgh hospital when one of the patients sits up in bed and exclaims:
"Fair fa' your honest sonsie face, great chieftain o' the pudden race!"
Before Nicola can respond, another patient responds: "Wee, sleekit, cowerin', timorous beastie! O what a panic's in thy breastie!"
while a third one chimes in with "Some hae meat and cannae eat, and some w**... eat that want it!"
She turns a puzzled face upon her doctor e**... and says "Is this the psychiatric ward, then?"
And he replies, "Och, no...
"It's the Burns Unit!"
Norm Macdonald: "You want to know the worst part about doing an office congo line?"
"First, you turn around to realize there's no one behind you. Second, you realize you're not in an office, you're in a psychiatric hospital"
So a son comes home to find his father watching television...
- Son: ''Hey dad, some chick just told me I looked hot!''
- Dad: ''Oh yeah? And what psychiatric institution was she from?''
- Son: ''Same one as mom, I guess!''
huehuehuehue
I walked into a hospital ward today looking for a mate....
No staff around so I asked a patient in bed where the staff were, he said ' Some hae meat and canna eat, and some w**... eat that want it'
So I asked the next guy, he said ' But we hae meat, and we can eat sae let the Lord be thankit'
I asked the next guy and he started singing Auld Lang Syne.
I finally found a nurse and asked if I was on the psychiatric ward....
She said no, its the Burns unit.
A soldier was having a psychiatric test prior to discharge.
The psychiatrist asked, "Tell me, Private, what would happen if I cut off one of your ears?"
"It would be hard to hear", replied the soldier.
"Good", said the psychiatrist. "What would happen If I cut off your other ear?"
"I wouldn't be able to see."
"That's interesting , why do you say that?"
"Because my cap would fall over my eyes."
In a psychiatric
guard walks in on patient throwing thing out of the window:
Guard - What are you doing?
Patient - Sending airplanes.
Guard - Where is your doctor?
Patient - He flew on the first flight.
A man is talking to a psychiatrist
Man: "So what are the conditions to get admitted to your psychiatric ward?"
Psychiatrist: "We fill up a bath tub with water and put a spoon, a cup and a bucket next to it. Then we tell the person to empty it."
Man: "Ah, and a normal person would take the bucket, right?"
Psychiatrist: "A normal person would pull out the stopper. Do you want your room with or without balcony?"
You have just fallen down from the Moon.
You dust yourself and start hugging everyone, in tears.
The journey has made you thirsty and you take a bottle of Coca-Cola.
The ambulance arrives and they bring you to the psychiatric clinic.
Were you really on the Moon?
A man walks into a psychiatric clinic wearing nothing but saran wrap
He goes to the psychiatrist and cries, "doc, doc, I don't know whats wrong with me!"
The doctor promptly replies, "Well I can clearly see your nuts"
