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Psych Jokes

136 psych jokes and hilarious psych puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about psych that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Think you know all the jokes about psychology? Check out this collection of hilarious one-liners about psychiatric care, school psychology, the mentalist and more. Get ready for a side-splitting tour of the mental health profession!

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Popular Psych Short Jokes

Short psych jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The psych humour may include short mental jokes also.

  1. IQ result Psych admin: "Sir, your IQ results are in, you scored 91."
    Me: "Wow, my first A+"
  2. I wanted to take a grad level Psych class on Freud, in my sophomore year. But the professor wouldn't let me. She said I was too Jung
  3. A homicidal and a suicidal patent are put in the same room in a psych ward. The suicidal person says "well that makes 2 people that want me dead."
  4. Somebody says video games don't have any impact on your psyche. I can't agree with that. My Ex-girlfriend played Tetris a lot in her childhood.

    She's still waiting for a long stick.
  5. A Suicidal person and a Homicidal person are roomed together in a psyche ward The homicidal person says "we share a common interest"
  6. i once met a guy in a psyche ward who told people he was a jar of peanut butter. I was told he was pretty nutty
  7. A girl tells her parents she's going to major in psychology "Hey mom! Hey dad! I'm gonna study a real science! PSYCH!"
  8. There was once a psych researcher with a rare genetic defect that gave her four buttocks. She was fired for being bi-assed.
  9. Why was the Christmas tree sent to the psych ward? Because it was suffering from ornamental health issues.
  10. Vladimir Putin is banning Brazzers saying it's bad for the psyche. "Psyche". Now I know how to say 'wrist' in Russian!

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Psych One Liners

Which psych one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with psych? I can suggest the ones about phys and mind.

  1. Us psych majors get a bad rep People think we think we know what they're thinking
  2. Why did the psych ward escapee never get married? He had a fear of commitment
  3. Where do they have the best fruits and vegetables? A 1950's psych ward
  4. What's the difference between crazy and genius? A psych degree.
  5. Today I change my major from law to liberal arts. Psych.
  6. My psych recommended me some pills to deal with my schizophrenia I haven't seen him since
  7. What is the deadliest kind of teen? A hungry one.
    PSYCHE!
    A guillotine.
  8. Why did Ginger go to the psych ward? Ginger snaps
  9. Psych eval My dad sent me to a psychiatrist for wearing his bra again.
  10. I have good friends Psyche
  11. When people think psychology deals with psychics *psychs*
  12. I broke up with my ex girl; here's her number... Psyche!! That's the wrong number!
  13. Christmas makes me realized that I actually do love my Husbands family ...Psych
  14. Hear about psych on netflix? Thats messed up
  15. A Cheese fanatic became a psych. He's in Emmental institution.
    ^Sorry, ^I ^like ^cheese.

Psych Ward Jokes

Here is a list of funny psych ward jokes and even better psych ward puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • There was a woman in psych ward who escaped and stole all of Wal-Marts shopping carts. It's clear, she's a basket case.
  • I work at a psych ward and let me tell ya things are so PC these days its getting ridiculous We have to call the psychopaths "empathetically challenged"
  • What do Canadian banks and psych wards have in common? They both contain locked up loonies!
  • What do you call a philanthropist in a psyche ward? A good sanitarium!
  • Guy breaks out of the psych ward, goes straight to a w**... and pays for the oldest, worn-out, flabbiest woman. They say he had a loose screw.

Psych Majors Jokes

Here is a list of funny psych majors jokes and even better psych majors puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do you call someone who can't find a job? A Psych major.
    (Pls list your own response - if you're awake and in America at this time, you should have a pretty good one). Thanks.
  • If a physics major asks "how?" and a psych major asks "why?" what does an arts major ask? "Would you like fries with that?"
Psych joke, If a physics major asks "how?" and a psych major asks "why?" what does an arts major ask?

Psych Visit Jokes

Here is a list of funny psych visit jokes and even better psych visit puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Psych visit A guys shows up at a psychiatrist's office n**..., wrapped in celophane. The doctor says, "I can clearly see you're nuts".

Ap Psych Jokes

Here is a list of funny ap psych jokes and even better ap psych puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I took an AP test today Psych.
Psych joke, I took an AP test today

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about psych can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of psych puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Entertaining Psych Jokes to Laugh Out Loud Fun with Everyone

What funny jokes about psych you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean biology jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make psych prank.

A psychologist tells the troubled man:

tell me about your childhood.
man: it was a horrible time doc, I used to have a twin and everyone accused me for all the troubles he made.
psychologist: what did you do about it?
man: i had my revenge last week..
psychologist: how?
man: I died and they buried him instead.

Two.

How many psychics does it take to change a light bulb?

my psychiatrist just diagnosed me with schizophrenia..

was really worried until i remembered i dont have a psychiatrist lol

A psychiatrist diagnosed me with kleptomania.

Now I'm taking things for it.

My psychiatrist said I'm crazy.

I told him, "I demand a second opinion!"
He said, "Ok, you're ugly, too."

My friend's a psychology major.

He's writing his thesis on the psychology of s**... fetishes. It's not ready yet, though- he still has some kinks to work out.

How many psychiatrists dose it take to change a light bulb?

How many psychiatrists dose it take to change a light bulb?
One, but the light bulb has to want to change.

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?

None.
It's their job to help people find their way in dark places!

(MASH s1 ep7)

A Psychiatrist is sitting in his office...

When his secretary comes in and says "Sir, there's a man here to see you who thinks he's a flock of crows. If you ask me we should just send him to the loony bin and be done with it."
And the psychiatrist replied "Doris! Are you asking me to commit a m**...!?"

What did the psychiatrist say to the man wearing nothing but Saran wrap?

Well, I can clearly see your nuts.

My psychiatrist says I have revenge issues...

I'll show him.

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only one, but first the lightbulb must decide to change itself.

Why did the psychic get fired?

Because she didn't see it coming.

I went to my psychiatrist yesterday about some problems I have been having lately...

After testing me he said, "the diagnosis isn't good. You are crazy." I said,"well I want a second opinion." He said, "Oh yeah? You are ugly too."

How many psychiatrists does it...

...take to change a light bulb?
0, the light bulb has to want to change itself.

I went to go see a psychic the other day..

I asked her if I'd ever be going to jail some time in the future. She said no, so I robbed her.

A psychic dwarf escaped from prison

There's a small medium at large.

How many Psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one. But the light bulb has to want to change.

Psychology vs Law

A guy was looking for a place to sit in a crowded university library.
He asked a girl: "Do you mind if I sit beside you?"
The girl replied in a loud voice: "I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"
All the students in the library started staring at the guy,
He was truly embarrassed and moved to another table.
After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table,
and said with a laugh: "I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking.
I guess you felt embarrassed, right?"
The GUY then responded in a loud voice:
"Rs.5000/- FOR ONE NIGHT!! ISN'T THAT TOO MUCH?"
All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock.
The guy whispered to her:
"I study law and I know how to screw people."

Two psychics pass each other in the street..

One says to the other: "You're doing fine. How am I?"

I went to the psychiatrist today

I told him that I have started hearing voices.
He told me that I don't have a psychiatrist.

A psychic goes into a clothing store

A psychic walks into a clothing store looking for a new shirt.
Employee: "How about this shirt?"
Psychic: "That shirt is too small."
Employee: "You didn't even try it on"
Psychic: "Because I am a medium"

I went to a psychic today. Ended up accidentally breaking her crystal ball.

It cost me a fortune.

A psychopath, a racist and a police officer walk into a bar

He orders a beer.

How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the light bulb should be willing to change.

My psychologist says I have trouble identifying my emotions

Not quite sure how I feel about it

A psychologist addresses three mothers, telling them that he brought each of them there to reflect their life addictions.

To the first mother he says, "You have an addiction to sweets, as you named your daughter Candy."
To the second mother he says, "You have an addiction to gambling and money, hence your daughter is named Penny."
And before the psychologist could approach the final mother, she grabs her son by the arm and says "Come on, Richard, we're leaving."

How do two psychiatrists greet each other?

"You are fine, how am I?"

Psychic buys clothing

Employee: How about this one?
Psychic: That shirt is too small
Employee: You didn't even try it on
Psychic: I'm a medium

Psychic wanted:

You know where to apply.

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

None, the light bulb will change when it's ready

My psychiatrist said I have a narcissistic personality

I don't know what that means, but must be pretty good if I've got it.

I went to the psychiatrist wearing only cling film.

He said "well, I can clearly see your nuts"

Why couldn't the psychic fit in the small shirt?

Because he was a medium

Psychic convention cancelled ...

... due to unforeseen circumstances

My psychologist told me:

"Write letters to the people you hate and later on you burn them."
I have done so, but now I don't know what to do with the letters...

My Psychology Professor asked me what Super Power I would like to have...

Apparently "Cold War Era Russia" is not an acceptable answer.

A psychiatrist and their patient were talking.

Psychiatrist: Do you hear any voices in your head?
*tell him no.*
Patient: No.

A psychic midget has escaped from prison..

Police are looking for a small medium at large.

A man was in a psych ward for thinking he was a piece of corn.

He was finally cured and set free, but immediatelly came back to the mental hospital trembling in fear. When asked why, he said, "there's a chicken outside."
Doctor: "but sir, you do know you're human right? Not a piece of corn."
Patient: "of course I know that! But does the chicken know?!"

My Psychologist told me my narcissism could cause me to misread social situations

but i'm pretty sure she was just hitting on me.

How can you tell if a psychopath is a magician?

They make everyone disappear.

A psychiatrist finds a man lying by the road who has been robbed and beaten senseless.

The psychiatrist says, "My god, whoever did this needs help!"

I went to the psychiatrist, and he says "You're crazy".

I tell him I want a second opinion. He says, 'Okay, you're ugly too!"

What do Psychologists say to each other when they meet?

You're fine, how am I?

A psychic dwarf escaped from jail

The call went out that there was a small medium at large.

A psychologist asked his client what was troubling him.

"Well, doc, I think I can see into the future."
"Into the future?" the doctor said, intrigued. "When did this start?"
"Next Monday."

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I told him I wanted another opinion..

He said fine, you're ugly too
-Rodney Dangerfield
-

My psychiatrist told me I have kleptomania.

He said if I give him back his pen, he'll write me a prescription.

My psychiatrist told me I'm narcissistic.

I told him to shut up, when I'm talking...
Edit ty RobloxMaster6969

I'm a psychology student and I love it

I guess it's true that if you do what you love you'll never work a day in your life

My psychiatrist diagnosed me with multiple personality disorder...

And now she's on the news, apparently she was murdered by one of her patients, wonder if I ever saw him

I said to my psychiatrist I keep thinking I'm a dog

He said, "get on the couch please."
I said, "I'm not allowed on the couch."

How can you tell if someone's a psychiatrist?

Check their feet. If they are wearing dinosaur socks, they are a psychiatrist.
It's a simple roar sock test.

Why did the Psychic Academy only order large and small T-shirts?

Because they already had plenty of mediums.

My psychologist says I have an obsession with vengeance

We'll see about that

My psychiatrist made me do a Rorschach test today...

...but I don't get it, she just kept on showing me pictures of my parents fighting.

My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him, if you don't mind I'd like to have a second opinion.

He said Alright. You're ugly too!

FOBs will understand.

3 new men - an Irish man, an English man and a Samoan - arrive at the army camp. The next day, the colonel, salt of the earth, rough as guts type fellow, decides to go psych the newbies up.
He calls them to line up and approaches the Irish man...
"DID YOU COME HERE TO DIE!?!?"
"SIR YES SIR!! I CAME HERE TO DIE!"
"Good."
He walks over to the English man...
"DID YOU COME HERE TO DIE!?!?"
"SIR YES SIR!! I CAME HERE TO DIE!"
"Good man."
Then he approaches the Samoan...
"DID YOU COME HERE TO DIE!?!?"
"SIR NO SIR!!"
"What??"
"I CAME HERE YESTER-DIE!"

I was looking for a new psychic when I noticed they were either obese or anorexic.

Is it that hard to find a healthy medium?

Why did the psychic medium hang himself?

To get to the other side.

A psychic dwarf has been on the run from the police for months...

He is a small medium at large.

Psychiatrist: "How long have you had short-term memory loss?"

Patient: "As long as I can remember."

What did the psychiatrist say to the man wearing Saran-wrap pants?

I can clearly see you're nuts.

My psychiatrist and I had a major breakthrough.

Now he can hear the voices too.

How many psychotherapists does it take to change a lightbulb?

One. But the lightbulb has to want to change.

I went to a psychic and knocked on her door...

She asked who is it
So I left.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy

I wanted a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

What did the psychiatrist say to the n**... man?

I used to think you were crazy, but now I see your nuts.

A psychiatrist was testing a patient's personality. He drew a circle on a paper.

And asked the patient, What does this remind you of?
The patient answered, s**....
The shrink drew a square and asked again, What does this remind you of?
s**..., the patient replied.
Then the doctor drew a triangle.
It reminds me of s**..., the patient stated.
You seem to be obsessed with s**..., the shrink told the patient.
*I'm* obsessed with s**...? *You're* the one who's drawing the dirty pictures!

My psychology professor asked for an example of a "Pavlovian Response".

I said that thanks to my Mom's cooking, I salivate when I hear a smoke alarm.

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But that light bulb has really got to want to change.

I've been doing my psychology phd thesis on the mental health and wellbeing of little people. After 4 long years and multiple studies, I've concluded...

6 out of 7 dwarves aren't Happy.

My psychiatrist said that I have too much self esteem.

I think he's very wrong.

I went to my psychiatrist recently.

I told him I had been feeling down, and depressed lately, and I sometimes don't know how I will ever become happy and content anymore.
He looked at me and said, with a concerned look on his face "have you considered s**...?"
To which I said "I didn't know that was an option

The Psychiatrist

A guy goes to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist draws a circle and shows it to him.
"What's this?" asks the psychiatrist.
"A t**...," says the guy.
The psychiatrist then draws a square.
"What's this?
"It's a t**...," says the guy.
The psychiatrist then draws a triangle and shows it to the guy.
"So, what do you think this is?"
"It's a t**...!" yells the guy.
"Sir, I'm afraid you have serious s**... issues," says the psychiatrist.
"I have issues? What about you? You keep drawing t**...!"

My psychiatrist asked me if anyone else suffered from mental illness in my family.

I answered " No they all seem to enjoy it"

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one but it takes a long time and the light bulb has to really want to change.

Psych joke, How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

jokes about psych

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these psych jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.