Psyc Jokes
98 psyc jokes and hilarious psyc puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about psyc that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Uplifting Psyc Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends
What is a good psyc joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
A psychologist tells the troubled man:
tell me about your childhood.
man: it was a horrible time doc, I used to have a twin and everyone accused me for all the troubles he made.
psychologist: what did you do about it?
man: i had my revenge last week..
psychologist: how?
man: I died and they buried him instead.
Two.
How many psychics does it take to change a light bulb?
my psychiatrist just diagnosed me with schizophrenia..
was really worried until i remembered i dont have a psychiatrist lol
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Psychedelic Playthings...
So I should probably stop covering my child's toys in l**... and leaving them out...
... I've heard they can be a trip hazard.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend's a psychology major.
He's writing his thesis on the psychology of s**... fetishes. It's not ready yet, though- he still has some kinks to work out.
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?
None.
It's their job to help people find their way in dark places!
(MASH s1 ep7)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Psychiatrist is sitting in his office...
When his secretary comes in and says "Sir, there's a man here to see you who thinks he's a flock of crows. If you ask me we should just send him to the loony bin and be done with it."
And the psychiatrist replied "Doris! Are you asking me to commit a m**...!?"
My psychiatrist says I have revenge issues...
I'll show him.
Why did the psych ward escapee never get married?
He had a fear of commitment
Why did the psychic get fired?
Because she didn't see it coming.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do the psychologist and the h**... say to each other after they spend the night together?
"That will be $150 please."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I went to my psychiatrist yesterday about some problems I have been having lately...
After testing me he said, "the diagnosis isn't good. You are crazy." I said,"well I want a second opinion." He said, "Oh yeah? You are ugly too."
Why are the best psychoanalysists Asian?
Because they grew up listening to Pink Freud.
How many Psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one. But the light bulb has to want to change.
Psychology vs Law
A guy was looking for a place to sit in a crowded university library.
He asked a girl: "Do you mind if I sit beside you?"
The girl replied in a loud voice: "I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"
All the students in the library started staring at the guy,
He was truly embarrassed and moved to another table.
After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table,
and said with a laugh: "I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking.
I guess you felt embarrassed, right?"
The GUY then responded in a loud voice:
"Rs.5000/- FOR ONE NIGHT!! ISN'T THAT TOO MUCH?"
All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock.
The guy whispered to her:
"I study law and I know how to screw people."
Two psychics pass each other in the street..
One says to the other: "You're doing fine. How am I?"
I went to a psychic today. Ended up accidentally breaking her crystal ball.
It cost me a fortune.
A psychopath, a racist and a police officer walk into a bar
He orders a beer.
My psychologist says I have trouble identifying my emotions
Not quite sure how I feel about it
A psychologist addresses three mothers, telling them that he brought each of them there to reflect their life addictions.
To the first mother he says, "You have an addiction to sweets, as you named your daughter Candy."
To the second mother he says, "You have an addiction to gambling and money, hence your daughter is named Penny."
And before the psychologist could approach the final mother, she grabs her son by the arm and says "Come on, Richard, we're leaving."
How do two psychiatrists greet each other?
"You are fine, how am I?"
Psychic buys clothing
Employee: How about this one?
Psychic: That shirt is too small
Employee: You didn't even try it on
Psychic: I'm a medium
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