Psalm Jokes
32 psalm jokes and hilarious psalm puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about psalm that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
A unique take on religion and laughter, this article provides psalm jokes and the occasional pun to prove that laughter can be an unexpected and important part of reflecting on your faith and the psalms. Read on to learn more about the spiritual nature of comedy and how to use it to engage with Psalm 23 and other hymns.
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Funniest Psalm Short Jokes
Short psalm jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The psalm humour may include short bible jokes also.
- If you want to read the Gospel according to Shrek, open your Bible to Psalm– –BODY ONCE TOLD ME…
- I heard Shrek opened a new church so I decided to attend. First thing they told us to do was open our bibles to Psalm: body once told me.
- Not many people know this but there's actually a bible verse about Shrek It's called Psalm-BODY ONCE TOLD ME!!!
- A salesman knocked on my door. He asked me if I wanted to buy a Gideon's Bible or I want to listen to him read the book of Psalms.
He was a stammerer. - If you wanna find the band Smash Mouth in the Bible, Just open your Bible to Psalm... BODY ONCE TOLD ME
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Psalm One Liners
Which psalm one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with psalm? I can suggest the ones about hymn and prayer.
- Are Christian's allowed to sing eminem in church? Or do their Psalms get sweaty?
- I went running with my Bible... ...now my Psalms are sweaty.
- My favourite part of the Bible, Psalm: body once told me the world was gonna roll me.
- What do you call a religious tropical tree? A psalm tree.
- Who's your favourite Christian rock band? Mines psalm 41
- How does Smash Mouth read the gospel? He turns it to Psalm : BODY ONCE TOLD ME
- I visited a dyslexic Christian clairvoyant today... She read my Psalm
- Today's Bible verse would be according to Psalm- -BODY once told me
- Psalms.... Seriously, are you taking the P??
- Bible thumpers... Are all the Psalm.
- Did you know God does drugs? Psalms 83:18 says he is the most high over all the earth...
Cheeky Psalm Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle
What funny jokes about psalm you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean gospel jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make psalm pranks.
Three things Christ promises he will never do: Won't leave you broken-hearted (Psalm 147:3), won't reject you (John 6:37), and won't leave you nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5).
So in essence, Jesus is...>!never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you.!<
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Which bible verse does a priest say often to the altar boy?
**Psalm 81:10.**
**....** open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A preacher is buying a parrot
"Are you sure it doesn't scream, yell, or swear?" asked the preacher.
"Oh absolutely. It's a religious parrot," the storekeeper assures him.
"Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lord's prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm."
"Wonderful!" says the preacher, "but what happens if you pull both strings?"
"I fall off my perch, you s**... fool!" screeched the parrot.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man came home from church with two black eyes
His wife had gone to an earlier service while he slept in and she was shocked when he came home.
"What happened to you at church?" she asked.
He explained, "We stood up to sing a psalm and I noticed the lady in front of me had her dress tucked way up her b**.... You know me, always wanting to help others, I pulled it out. She turned around and punched me in the eye!"
The wife asked about the other eye.
He explained, "Well you know me, always wanting to help others, I tucked it back in."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A pastor taught his parrot...
A pastor taught his parrot to recite the Lord's Prayer when he pulled a string on the parrot's right leg, and to recite the 23rd psalm when he pulls a string on his left leg. The pastor was showing this to a man in the church, he pulls the right string and the parrot recites the Lord's Prayer. He pulls the left string and the parrot recites the 23rd psalm. The man is surprised and says "Wow! That's incredible! What happens if you were to pull both strings?"
The bird replies with "I'd fall on my a**... s**...!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Psalm 26:6
"I wash my hands in innocence"
"Would you please stop f**... my daughter?"
In these trying times, we all need to put our differences aside and make a special prayer for President Donald Trump. I suggest Psalm 109:8 ...
... "Let his days be few; and let another take his office."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Just found out that even with all my m**... I will still go to heaven.
Psalm 118 says: Blessed is he who comes in the name of the lord .
A priest is on a plane sitting right next to a woman. She is so beautiful and has such magnificent proportions that the priest is having a hard time keeping is eyes off of her body.
In a moment of weakness, he lays his hands on her legs and as he does, the woman looks at him, and tells him: "psalm 134:2".
Embarrassed, the priest takes his hand off of her legs and doesn't speak to her for the rest of the flight. When he reaches home, he immediately searches for his Bible and looks up the verse that the woman told him. It reads:
"Lift up your hands to the holy place and bless the Lord!"
Psalm 129
A priest offered a nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, Father, remember Psalm 129?
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, Father, remember Psalm 129? The priest apologized Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, Go forth and seek, further up you will find glory.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A priest was driving A nun to church...
But suddenly the priest stops and tells the nun
"Im sorry sister but i have been dreaming of doing this"
he proceeds to stop driving and he put his hands under her robes and s**... her legs.
The nun replies with
"Father, remember Psalm 143:24"
The Priest responds with
"Im sorry sister but the flesh is weak"
The Father sees the cross in their car and is reminded that he should not be doing this
He says
"Im sorry sister, i have given to temptation"
The nun sighs and they continue driving.
When they reach the church, out of curiosity the priest finds a bible and checks Psalm 143:24
it says.
"Go further up and you will find what you seek"
