Prove Jokes
136 prove jokes and hilarious prove puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about prove that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Prove Short Jokes
Short prove jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The prove humour may include short proof jokes also.
- My flat-earther friend decided to walk to the end of the world to prove it's flat! In the end, he came around.
- I debated a flat earther once he stormed off saying he'd walk to the edge of the earth to prove me wrong.
He'll come around, eventually. - I debated a flat earther once. He got so mad he stormed off saying he would walk to the edge of the earth to prove me wrong. He'll come around eventually.
- Schrodinger's cat was meant to prove how dumb quantum states are, yet it's widely used to advocate and explain it. I bet he's rolling in his grave... and not
- Let's all take a moment to Thank Amber Heard's team of Lawyers for their efforts and hard work to prove Johnny Depp's innocence.
- I'm in love with a philosophy major, and she doesn't even know I exist and worse… she can prove it.
- Two Eskimos sitting in a Kayak were getting cold, so they decided to light a fire, unfortunately it sunk the boat. Proving once and for all that you can't have your Kayak and heat it
- How do you prove that your dog loves you more than your wife? Lock them both in the trunk of the car for an hour, then open it up and see which one of them is happier to see you.
- I can prove getting kicked in the nuts hurts worse than childbirth. No guy has ever gotten kicked in the nuts, and then a couple years later says, You know, I'd like another one.
- Some people say I have my mom's eyes... but since they can't find them they've never been able to prove it in a court of law.
Share These Prove Jokes With Friends
Prove One Liners
Which prove one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with prove? I can suggest the ones about probe and ensure.
- A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.
- My wife says I can't solve my own problems How do I prove her wrong?
- I am a professional counterfeiter. I even have the certificates to prove it.
- Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove it wasn't chicken.
- I have the worst dentist in the world. He even got a little plaque to prove it.
- What has 3 words, 8 letters, is easy to say, and hard to prove? I'm a zebra.
- I can prove that primates don't exist... Eight divides evenly by 2 or 4.
- How do you prove human beings are inherently curious?
- I'll prove I'm not a procrastinator...
- Why did Joe Rogan take ivermectin? To prove the neigh sayers wrong.
- Lucy, In the Sky, With Diamonds John Lennon, proving he was a terrible Clue player
- Why did the duck stand in the middle of the road? He wanted to prove he's not a chicken!
- How does the lead singer of Nickelback prove his identity? "Look at this photograph"
- To get a loan You need to prove that you don't need a loan
- What did the farmer do to prove he's tough? Grew a pear.
Prove It Jokes
Here is a list of funny prove it jokes and even better prove it puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- got arrested for smuggling books into kentucky got off on a technicality, no one there could *prove* they were books
- A man diagnosed with cancer was given six months to live, but he worked hard and proved them wrong. He killed himself three hours later.
- A prisoner called Andrea wants to prove her strength... So she starts a weightlifting competition and wins! Turns out the powerhouse of the cell is the might of con 'Drea.
- My dad always thought I wasn't man enough to become a fruit farmer... ... I proved him wrong by growing a pear.
- Trump is about to become the only President to be impeached twice He's desperate to prove that anything a Democrat can do, he can do better and in half the time.
- Did you hear about the guy who tried to prove the Earth was flat by walking to the edge? He finally came around.
- There's been a few posts lately about what does and doesn't qualify for a dad joke. I'll prove to you that dad jokes can come in many forms. Here's why. Y
- A new study proves that beavers cause extensive flooding I've read it. The evidence against them is damning.
- Over 90% of the things you worry about, never happens. Which proves....Worrying really works.
- Johnny repeatedly said he was gonna win the defamation case Which proves that Amber Heard, but didn't listen
Laughable Prove Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles
What funny jokes about prove you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean provide jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make prove pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
s**... kid
A barber was doing his business and a kid walked in his shop.
The barber told his customer:
- See that kid, he's the stupidest kid I've ever know. Here I'll prove it to you.
The barber yells at kid to come to him so his customer can watch.
The barber pulls out a 2 euro coin and a 5 euro bill and asks the kid:
- Hey kid, what do u choose?
The kid takes the 2 euro coin and leaves. The barber:
- See, I told u. He chooses 2 euro coin every time.
The customer walks out and sees the kid around the corner eating ice-cream.
He approaches the kid and asks:
- Do u not know the difference between a 2 euro coin and a 5 euro bill. Which one is more valuable?
The kid replies:
- I know the difference, but the moment I choose the 5 euro bill, the game is over.
Never date a philosophy major
My last girlfriend was one and she spent most of her time trying to prove that I didn't exist
Philosophy final
in a class for philosophy, the teacher looks at his class, grabs his chair, places it on his desk and tells the entire classroom about his final.
"You have only one question: use your knowledge that I have taught you in this class and prove to me that this chair doesn't exist. You have until the end of class."
Now while everyone else in the class worked on long complicated answers to his problem, one student got up from his desk almost as soon as it begun. The student smiles and hands the teacher his paper and was off.
The teacher, almost sad that the student didn't even try, looked at the sheet of paper and gave the student an "A"
His answer: What chair?
My grandpa's favorite joke
A man runs into a psychiatrist's office exclaiming that he has gone crazy. The psychiatrist asks this random fellow why he thinks he is crazy, to which the man retorts, "I've been wearing cellophane underwear for the past week!" The psychiatrist, in slight disbelief, asks the man to prove it. The man swiftly pulls down his trousers to reveal that he was wearing home-made cellophane underwear. After a moment of examination, the psychiatrist exclaims, "I can clearly see you're nuts!"
How does a guy prove he's tough?
He jogs home after his vasectomy.
.
Fairly old, vasectomies may not be so bad any longer.
A drunk staggers out of a bar and runs right into two priests...
A drunk staggers out of a bar and runs right into two priests. He says, "I'm Jesus Christ." The first priest says, "No, son, you're not." So the drunk says it to the second priest. The second priest says, "No, son, you're not." The drunk says, "Look, I can prove it." He walks back into the bar with the two priests. The bartender takes one look at the drunk and exclaims, "Jesus Christ, you're here again?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm a scientist who's researching b**... between humans and dogs…
If you'd like more details, I'll be in my lab…
I got arrested for reading a book in Alabama
I got off on a technicality though. Nobody could prove it was a book.
There was a horse who was a genius at arithmetic...
...which it learned with no difficulty. Algebra was a breeze, and it could even prove theorems in Euclidean geometry. However, when someone tried to teach it analytic geometry, it would rear back on its hind legs, kick ferociously, neigh loudly, and make violent head motions in resistance.
The moral of this story is that you can't put Descartes before the horse.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
From the AnnCoulter AMA...
Dogs are better than people and I can prove it: Put your ex and your dog in the trunk of your car and drive around like crazy for an hour. Open the trunk. Who's happy to see you?
The man's best friend
You know the phrase "the dog is the man's best friend"?
Well, I can prove it's true!
Just lock up your wife and your dog in the trunk of your car and one hour later... guess who is gonna be happy to see you!!
What's the slogan for Orion's Pizza?
OP delivers.
Not a great joke, but my wife claims no one will get it. I am trying to prove her wrong.
I brought a classical musician back from the past to prove that my time-machine works, but I can't find him.
He must be Haydn.
A nerd walked into my Bio class today sipping a full martini glass...
Me: Why did you decide to bring alcohol into class??
Nerd: I needed to prove that I was more of a daredevil than I get credit for.
Me: Well what's in the glass then?
Nerd: Ahh, its a little cocktail I call the "Jellyfish".
Me: Why do you call it that?
Nerd: Because its 98% water...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A drunk walks up to a guy...
A drunk walks up to a guy. says to him, " I am God."
The guy says," Go away, you are drunk."
"I can prove it to you, if you want" said the drunk.
"O really! Then prove it."
The drunk went up to a door and knocked on it thrice, three times. The door opened, and a woman came out,
"Oh God, not you again. Go away!"
A drunk guy walks out of a bar
There's a cop outside who asks him, "What's your name, son?"
The drunk guys answers, "I'm Jesus Christ!"
Cop says, "You are not Jesus Christ. What's your name?"
Drunk guy replies, "I'll prove it. Follow me." The cop follows him back into the bar.
As they enter, the bartender yells, "Jesus Christ! Are you back again?!"
Drunk guys turns to cop and says, "See?"
Why couldn't Marco Rubio register on a web forum?
The website required him to prove that he is not a robot.
Republicans run for office by saying the government doesn't work...
Then they get elected and prove it.
It's finals week and the only question on the test is "what is 2+2?"
A philosophy major writes a long eloquent response but doesn't bother to actually answer the question.
A math major makes a formal proof that 2=2 and that addition is commutative before using the squeeze theorem to prove that 4≤2+2≤4.
An engineering major knows the answer is 4 but writes down 5 just to be safe.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I told my gay friend I could turn fruits into vegetables...
He said "prove it."
So I pushed him off the balcony.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Slip of the Tongue
Joe has a broken leg. Mike comes over and asks, "How you doing', Joe?"
Joe says, "Do me a favor: Run upstairs and get my slippers."
Mike goes upstairs and sees Joe's gorgeous 19-year-old twin daughters. He says, "your dad sent me up here to have s**... with both of you."
One girl replies, "Get out of here. Prove it?"
Mike shouts down stairs -, "Hey, Joe, both of 'em?"
Joe shouts back, "of course, both of 'em!" What's the point of f**...' one?"
The thing with people who are bad at counting calories..
..is that they have the figures to prove it
Four facts about women that prove they can do miracles.
1. They can get wet without taking a shower.
2. Bleed without being hurt.
3. Producing milk without eating grass.
4. Making boneless meat hard.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
After 8 years Americans prove the rumor to be false.
They went black and now they are going back.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A young lad enters a barber shop...
and the barber whispers to his customer, This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, Which do you want, son?
The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
What did I tell you? said the barber. That kid never learns!
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.
Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?
The boy licked his cone and replied,
Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!
There was once a doctor who tried to prove that mainly blood was kept in bones,
But alas it twas in vein.
How are girlfriend like cults?
You have to prove your devotion before you're welcomed into the folds.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I finally convinced mom to watch anime to prove it's not childish and immature at all.
But it's weird to watch h**... with your parents.
My wife says I never listen. I can prove she's wrong.
That's because she never says anything
I'm pretty sure that I am related to Albert Einstein.
However despite all of my research into my family tree, I just can't prove my theory of relativity.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many atheists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
*Two. One screws in the light bulb and the other records the events to prove God didn't do it.*
I told a girl I'm a binary programmer with a multi million salary the other day
And pulled out the stacks of 64 dollars to prove it
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Female hormones in a beer
Yesterday, scientists in the United States revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.
To prove their theory, they fed one hundred men twelve pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife shouted at me...
You're so useless! You never tidy up or help with the housework, you're lazy and s**... and I bet you don't even know how to keep a house tidy!
I decided to prove her wrong so I did the washing up, ha! You should have seen her face when I showed her I knew how to load the dishes into the tumble dryer...
2005: One day computers will be so good that you will have to prove you aren't a robot.
2017: One day computers will be so good that you won't have to prove that you are a robot.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Wanna know how I can prove Jesus was white?
The body of Christ is a c**....
I go to the chiropractor because my wife told me to.
At least I assume that's what she meant when she said, "Prove to me you have a spine."
Why doesn't the Math professor use the lift?
He wants to prove all floors exist and are real.
Why is the letter S likely to prove dangerous in an argument?
because it turns words into swords
Mayday Mayday
I need to prove to a French friend that the French language had zero influence on the English language.
My Dad showed me how to make bread, then he wanted me to do it on my own...
While I was kneeding the dough, he said, "This time, I won't tell you what to do next"
I told him, "I don't need you to"
He said, "Prove it"
The attorney tells his client the accused, "I have some good news and some bad news."
"What's the bad news?" asks the accused.
"The bad news is, your blood is all over the crime scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it."
"What's the good news?"
"Your cholesterol is 130."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A paralyzed man says to his friend, Go upstairs and get my shoes. My feet are cold
The friend goes upstairs and sees the paralyzed man's two s**... 17 year old daughters.
He says, Your father sent me up here to have s**... with you.
One of the girls replies, That couldn't possibly be true!
The man says I'll prove it and then yells towards the stairs, Both of them?
The paralyzed man yells back Of course both of them!
The Pope and Trump are in front of a large crowd
The Pope leaned over to Trump and whispered in his ear, With one wave of my hand everyone in this room will rejoice.
Trump whispered back, Prove it.
So the Pope raised his hand and slapped him.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did I ever tell you the story of when I met the woman with the tightest v**... ever?
She was bragging about it at a bar.
I told her I didn't believe her and to prove it.
She took me to her car and said, "Put a finger in" so I did.
Then she said "Put another finger in" so I did.
Then she said "Put your hand in" so I did.
Then she said "Put your other hand in" so I did that too.
The she said "Now clap" and I said "I CAN'T"
And she said "Tight ain't I ?"
A little boy called Harry hangs out at the local shop.
The shop owner doesnt know why, but the other boys tease him. They say hes slow and to prove it they always give him the choice between a 5$ note and a 1$ note. He always takes the 1$ note because he likes the look more. The owner asks him one day why he always takes the 1$ to which he simply responds: If i took the 5$ one they would stop doing it.
On a flight from Dubai to NYC, I met a cheerful gentleman from Pakistani. He stressed that Pakistan is now a new country, peaceful & totally against terrorism
To prove his point, he decided not to hijack the plane.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My girlfriend said," Girls are better at everything than Men."
I said, "Do you have b**... to prove that?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A group of blonde girls overhear a guy saying that all blondes are dumb
So one of the girls says: "no we're not, we'll prove it!"
The guy: "Ok what's 3 + 2?"
One of the blondes: "7"
After a short silence the rest of the blondes start asking for a second chance.
The guy: "ok you get a second chance, what's 2+4?"
One of the blondes: "6"
After a short silence the rest of the blondes start asking for a second chance.
I've never, in my life, lost a pen and I can prove it.
I've got a box where I keep my lost pens and it's empty.
A drunk man stumbles out of a bar.
He runs into two priests outside.
He says to the first one, I'm Jesus Christ. Want me to prove it? .
The priest replies no you're not, you're just a drunk man. .
So the drunk man turns to the second priest and says I'm Jesus Christ, want me to prove it? .
And the second priest says go on.
The trio walks back into the bar, and the bartender looks up and says Jesus Christ, you're back again?!
A drunk man is in a bar and claims to be Jesus Christ
"Of course you're not Jesus Christ" answers the barman. The drunk man then says "I'll prove it to you". So the drunk man leaves the bar and comes across a priest. Again, he claims to be Jesus Christ. "No you are not Jesus Christ" answers the priest. "Follow me" answers in the drunk man. So both of them walk back into the bar and as they're entering, the bartender says to the drunk man "Jesus Christ, you're here again?".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blonde says "Not all blondes are s**..., and I can prove it!"
"...Give me any state, and I'll tell you it's capital."
A person yells out, "Missouri!"
"M" replies the blonde.
state humor
what did one state say to prove his credentials as a carpenter?
arkanSAW
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It's been proven that vaccinated kids are more likely to have autism
because the ones that aren't vaccinated are dead
A man thinks that his wife is losing her hearing
He is getting very frustrated with her because of it, but she denies it when he confronts her about it. So one day he decides to set up an experiment to prove it to her.
He takes her out to the field behind their house and he places his wife at 100 yards away from him and shouts Dolores! He waits for her response, but nothing comes.
He moves 50 yards closer and shouts Dolores! Still no response from her.
Finally he moves 5 feet away from her and shouts Dolores!
What?! She cries For the third time WHAT?!?
I once debated with a flat earther, he got so mad he vowed to walk to the edge of the to prove it.
He'll come round eventually.
A drunk staggers into a bar demanding a beer.
The bartender informs him that he is not allowed to serve alcohol to drunken patrons. After a few harsh words, the bartender suggested that the drunk prove he isn't drunk by doing twenty push-ups on the floor.
As he was doing the push-ups, another drunk staggers into the bar and sees this guy on the floor doing push-ups.
He looks at him for a minute and then nudges him in the ribs saying, "Hey, Pal, I think your girl friend has gone home."
It is proven that the celebration of birthdays is healthy.
Statistics show that those people who celebrate the most birthdays become the oldest.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Childbirth
All my life, I've heard women say that childbirth is the most painful thing in the world, even worse than a man getting kicked between the legs. How they know that? I'm not sure. But I can prove them wrong: A woman has a baby. A year-and-a-half to two years later, she wants another one. I've never heard a man ask to have another kick in the nuts.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An elementary school teacher was handing out samples of deer jerky to anyone who wanted to try it.
It was part of the lesson about pioneer days and she hadn't yet told them what kind of meat it was.
She was giving clues to help the students. "I'm sure all of you have seen one as there are a lot of them around here". No response.
"The males often clash to prove who is toughest". Still no response.
Finally she says "You have probably heard your mother call your father this."
Suddenly one of the students hacks and then yells "Spit it out! Spit it out! It's an a**...!"
I wasn't close to my mother-in-law when she died.
It's been five years, and the police still can't prove otherwise.
