The Best 88 Prove Jokes

My flat-earther friend decided to walk to the end of the world to prove it's flat!

In the end, he came around.

I have the worst dentist in the world.

He even got a little plaque to prove it.

My grandpa's favorite joke

A man runs into a psychiatrist's office exclaiming that he has gone crazy. The psychiatrist asks this random fellow why he thinks he is crazy, to which the man retorts, "I've been wearing cellophane underwear for the past week!" The psychiatrist, in slight disbelief, asks the man to prove it. The man swiftly pulls down his trousers to reveal that he was wearing home-made cellophane underwear. After a moment of examination, the psychiatrist exclaims, "I can clearly see you're nuts!"

A drunk staggers out of a bar and runs right into two priests...

A drunk staggers out of a bar and runs right into two priests. He says, "I'm Jesus Christ." The first priest says, "No, son, you're not." So the drunk says it to the second priest. The second priest says, "No, son, you're not." The drunk says, "Look, I can prove it." He walks back into the bar with the two priests. The bartender takes one look at the drunk and exclaims, "Jesus Christ, you're here again?"

A scientist is trying to prove that all blonds are stupid

so he holds an all blond convention and randomly picks someone from the crowd. First he asks her what two plus two is. She answers seven, and the crowd yells, "Give her another chance!". So this time he asks her what ten minus four is. She answers thirteen, and the crowd yells, "Give her another chance!". So this time he asks her what is five times five is. She answers twenty-five, and the crowd yells, "Give her another chance!".

got arrested for smuggling books into kentucky

got off on a technicality, no one there could *prove* they were books

There was a horse who was a genius at arithmetic...

...which it learned with no difficulty. Algebra was a breeze, and it could even prove theorems in Euclidean geometry. However, when someone tried to teach it analytic geometry, it would rear back on its hind legs, kick ferociously, neigh loudly, and make violent head motions in resistance.

The moral of this story is that you can't put Descartes before the horse.

From the AnnCoulter AMA...

Dogs are better than people and I can prove it: Put your ex and your dog in the trunk of your car and drive around like crazy for an hour. Open the trunk. Who's happy to see you?

The man's best friend

You know the phrase "the dog is the man's best friend"?

Well, I can prove it's true!

Just lock up your wife and your dog in the trunk of your car and one hour later... guess who is gonna be happy to see you!!

A priest meets a drunk outside a bar.

The drunk claims to be Jesus, but the priest doesn't believe him. The drunk insists, so the priest demands the drunk prove it. At this, the drunk leads the priest into the bar, upon which the bartender exclaims in disbelief "Jesus Christ, not you again."

"Your generation is too reliant on technology," my grandfather said to me.

"No, YOUR generation is too reliant on technology!" I said as I pulled the plug of his life support in order to further prove my point.

What's the slogan for Orion's Pizza?

OP delivers.

Not a great joke, but my wife claims no one will get it. I am trying to prove her wrong.

I'll prove I'm not a procrastinator...

How do you prove that your dog loves you more than your wife?

Lock them both in the trunk of the car for an hour, then open it up and see which one of them is happier to see you.

How do you prove human beings are inherently curious?

A drunk guy walks out of a bar

There's a cop outside who asks him, "What's your name, son?"
The drunk guys answers, "I'm Jesus Christ!"
Cop says, "You are not Jesus Christ. What's your name?"
Drunk guy replies, "I'll prove it. Follow me." The cop follows him back into the bar.
As they enter, the bartender yells, "Jesus Christ! Are you back again?!"
Drunk guys turns to cop and says, "See?"

A drunken bearded man is stumbling around outside a bar . . .

"I'm Jesus Christ! I am Jesus Christ!" He's yelling. No one bothers with him as he paces around waving his arms. Finally a man walks up, "I'm Jesus Christ" he yells at the man. "Ok" says the man "prove it and I'll give you 10 dollars." So the drunk nods and walks into the bar. "OH JESUS CHRIST!" Says the bartender, "not you again!"

Why couldn't Marco Rubio register on a web forum?

The website required him to prove that he is not a robot.

A drunk walks up to two priests.

He says "I'm Jesus Christ." The priest shakes his head. "No son, you're not." The drunk goes up to the second priest. "I'm Jesus Christ."

The second priest gives the same answer.

The drunk glares at them for a second. "Look I can prove it. Follow me." He leads them to a bar and walks inside. The bartender takes one look at him and says "Jesus Christ, you're here again?!"

I told my gay friend I could turn fruits into vegetables...

He said "prove it."

So I pushed him off the balcony.

Three priests walk into a bar

and see a man whos already had a few drinks. The man walks up to them and says "you know I'm jesus christ". One of the priests replies "I don't think you are son" so the man says right, I'll prove it to you. He walks out of the bar and a few seconds later comes stumbling back in. The barman sees him and shout "jesus christ not you again"

I can prove that primates don't exist...

Eight divides evenly by 2 or 4.

The thing with people who are bad at counting calories..

..is that they have the figures to prove it

Four facts about women that prove they can do miracles.

1. They can get wet without taking a shower.
2. Bleed without being hurt.
3. Producing milk without eating grass.
4. Making boneless meat hard.

After 8 years Americans prove the rumor to be false.

They went black and now they are going back.

Some people say I have my mom's eyes...

but since they can't find them they've never been able to prove it in a court of law.

There was once a doctor who tried to prove that mainly blood was kept in bones,

But alas it twas in vein.

How are girlfriend like cults?

You have to prove your devotion before you're welcomed into the folds.

I am a professional counterfeiter.

I even have the certificates to prove it.

A bank is a place that will lend you money

if you can prove that you don't need it.

I'm pretty sure that I am related to Albert Einstein.

However despite all of my research into my family tree, I just can't prove my theory of relativity.

To get a loan

You need to prove that you don't need a loan

How many atheists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

*Two. One screws in the light bulb and the other records the events to prove God didn't do it.*

If they could prove cell phones give deadly radiation

You could say to people you don't like "cant talk right now, you're giving me cancer"

My physics teacher said I have potential...

He threw me off a building to prove it.

How does the lead singer of Nickelback prove his identity?

"Look at this photograph"

It has been proven that more Americans watch television

than any other appliance.

I told a girl I'm a binary programmer with a multi million salary the other day

And pulled out the stacks of 64 dollars to prove it

Female hormones in a beer

Yesterday, scientists in the United States revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.
To prove their theory, they fed one hundred men twelve pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive.

What has 3 words, 8 letters, is easy to say, and hard to prove?

I'm a zebra.

Wanna know how I can prove Jesus was white?

The body of Christ is a cracker.

I am a master at forgery

I have all the certificates to prove it

Why is the letter S likely to prove dangerous in an argument?

because it turns words into swords

A man wanted to prove to his wife that he loved her more than sex...

so he bought her a lovely bouquet of roses. Despite his good intentions the devoted husband received a suspicious look when he handed her the flowers. I suppose now you expect me to spend the weekend on my back with my legs spread , said the wife. Why? asked the husband, Don't we have a vase?

"The holocaust wasn't that bad"

"The holocaust wasn't *that* bad"
"Of course it was!"
"I'll prove it. I'll kill a million jews and one horse"
"Why the horse?"
"See? Nobody cares about the jews!"

A guy gets thrown out of a bar.

Two priests approach the guy that was thrown out. He looks at the first priest and says, "I'm Jesus Christ." The first priest shakes his head.

The guy looks at the second priest and says, "I'm Jesus Christ." The second priest also shakes his head.

"Okay, let me prove it to you." The guy walks back into the bar.

The bartender says, "Jesus Christ, you're back already?"

A paralyzed man says to his friend, Go upstairs and get my shoes. My feet are cold

The friend goes upstairs and sees the paralyzed man's two sexy 17 year old daughters.

He says, Your father sent me up here to have sex with you.

One of the girls replies, That couldn't possibly be true!

The man says I'll prove it and then yells towards the stairs, Both of them?

The paralyzed man yells back Of course both of them!

A cannibal is on trial for murder and cannibalism...

He's called up to the witness stand and the prosecutor asks him if he pleads guilty or innocent.
"Innocent!" he says.
The prosecutor asks him to prove it.
The cannibal answers, "Well, you are what you eat, right? So I am an innocent man!"

It has been proven that people who talk to themselves are smarter.

At least, that's what I tell myself.

Why did the duck stand in the middle of the road?

He wanted to prove he's not a chicken!

I was having an argument with my flat earthier friend ...

... He said he'd walk to the edge of the world to prove he was right. He came around eventually.

Did you hear about the guy who tried to prove the Earth was flat by walking to the edge?

He finally came around.

The Drunk says to a priest.....

"I'm Jesus Christ" The priest says "no son, your not" The drunk turns and tells another priest "I'm Jesus Christ " The priest says "no son, your not" So the drunk says " here I'll prove it " The drunk walks into the bar and the bartender says " Jesus Christ, your here again?!"

Schrodinger's cat was meant to prove how dumb quantum states are, yet it's widely used to advocate and explain it. I bet he's rolling in his grave...

and not

I can prove getting kicked in the nuts hurts worse than childbirth.

No guy has ever gotten kicked in the nuts, and then a couple years later says, You know, I'd like another one.

A group of blonde girls overhear a guy saying that all blondes are dumb

So one of the girls says: "no we're not, we'll prove it!"

The guy: "Ok what's 3 + 2?"

One of the blondes: "7"

After a short silence the rest of the blondes start asking for a second chance.

The guy: "ok you get a second chance, what's 2+4?"

One of the blondes: "6"

After a short silence the rest of the blondes start asking for a second chance.

I was once debating a flat earther

He got so mad he stormed off and said *ill go to the edge and prove it!*

He'll come around

One time I debated a flat earthier.

He got so mad that he stormed off saying that he would walk to the edge of the earth just to prove me wrong. He'll come around eventually

A prisoner called Andrea wants to prove her strength...

So she starts a weightlifting competition and wins! Turns out the powerhouse of the cell is the might of con 'Drea.

Dad Joke of the year!

# To prove I'm not some boring house dad I went and got a tattoo!

Her: Oh, cool! It's.. uh?

Me: (proudly) It's my thermos! From work!

Her: (reaching towards me) Well, uh, the line work is certainly..

Me: (slaps hand away) Don't touch the thermos tat.

Why did the turkey cross the road twice?

To prove to everyone he wasn't chicken

A blonde says "Not all blondes are stupid, and I can prove it!"

"...Give me any state, and I'll tell you it's capital."

A person yells out, "Missouri!"

"M" replies the blonde.

Trump is about to become the only President to be impeached twice

He's desperate to prove that anything a Democrat can do, he can do better and in half the time.

It's been proven that vaccinated kids are more likely to have autism

because the ones that aren't vaccinated are dead

A man thinks that his wife is losing her hearing

He is getting very frustrated with her because of it, but she denies it when he confronts her about it. So one day he decides to set up an experiment to prove it to her.

He takes her out to the field behind their house and he places his wife at 100 yards away from him and shouts Dolores! He waits for her response, but nothing comes.

He moves 50 yards closer and shouts Dolores! Still no response from her.

Finally he moves 5 feet away from her and shouts Dolores!

What?! She cries For the third time WHAT?!?

I once debated with a flat earther, he got so mad he vowed to walk to the edge of the to prove it.

He'll come round eventually.

A drunk man

A drunk man stumbles out of bar and runs into 2 priest. The drunk man looks at the 1st priest and says,

"Hey, I'm Jesus Christ."

The 1st priest tells the man, "No, my son, you're not."

Then the man turns to the 2nd priest and says the same thing. "Hey, I'm Jesus Christ."

The 2nd priest tells the man, "No, my son, you're not."

The drunk man tells the priests that he can prove it. So he takes the 2 priests into the bar and the bartender says,

"Jesus Christ. You're back again?"

My flat-Earther friend said he would walk to the end of the Earth to prove his point. -

Eventually, he came around.

Childbirth

All my life, I've heard women say that childbirth is the most painful thing in the world, even worse than a man getting kicked between the legs. How they know that? I'm not sure. But I can prove them wrong: A woman has a baby. A year-and-a-half to two years later, she wants another one. I've never heard a man ask to have another kick in the nuts.

I wasn't close to my mother-in-law when she died.

It's been five years, and the police still can't prove otherwise.

I am God.

A drunk says to stranger I am God and I can prove it to you.

Drunk accompanies him to a house in front of the bar and knocks on the door.

Woman opens the door and says, "Oh my god, you again."

Drunk man says to stranger, "see."

Hacker sent me an email that he has hacked into my computer.

I said "prove it" and he sent me the username and password of my email, bank and social media accounts.

I replied "Thank you, that was the easiest Forgot Password process I have ever come across".

Oldie but goodie

During a job interview, the interviewer asked me if I had any impressive qualities? I said, "Yes, I'm very fast with math!" Suspicious he asked me to prove it. He told me to solve 327x49. I said 34,567! He pulled out his calculator and put it in. With a confused look on his face he says, "That's not even close!" I said, "Yeah, but it was fast though!"

No idea where the original came from but this one gets me every time.

Why did Joe Rogan take ivermectin?

To prove the neigh sayers wrong.

Big Feet

A lady goes into a bar and sees a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He has the biggest feet she's ever seen. The woman asks the cowboy if what they say about men with big feet is true. The cowboy replies, "Sure is, why don't you come back to my place and let me prove it?" The woman is curious, so she spends the night with him. When she sees him the next day, she hands the cowboy a $100 bill.

"I'm flattered," he says, blushing. "Nobody has ever paid me for my prowess before." "Well, don't be," the woman replies. "Take this money and go buy yourself some boots that fit!"

New York is a great city. Today I was at the library, & I asked the librarian for a library card. He told me I first had to prove I was from New York.

So I stabbed him.

I debated a flat earther once

he stormed off saying he'd walk to the edge of the earth to prove me wrong.

He'll come around, eventually.

Drink

A drunk is refused a drink in a bar, so he undertakes to prove to the barman that he is sober.
He gestures toward a cat near the doorway and says, "You see that cat coming in the door? It has two eyes. If I were drunk, I'd see four!"

The bartender looks, then pauses a moment. Finally he responds, "You're drunker than I thought!", taking the rest of the alcohol away, "That cat isn't coming in, it's going out!"

I debated a flat earther once. He got so mad he stormed off saying he would walk to the edge of the earth to prove me wrong.

He'll come around eventually.

There's been a few posts lately about what does and doesn't qualify for a dad joke. I'll prove to you that dad jokes can come in many forms. Here's why.

Y

I'm 17 and have the body of a 5 year old

My date: prove it
Me: *opens freezer*

They say I have my mother's eyes...

But they can't prove it.

I had a debate with a flat earther. He said he'll walk to the edge of the earth to prove me wrong.

I'm sure he'll come around.