Prove Jokes
139 prove jokes and hilarious prove puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about prove that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Prove Short Jokes
Short prove jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The prove humour may include short proof jokes also.
- My flat-earther friend decided to walk to the end of the world to prove it's flat! In the end, he came around.
- I debated a flat earther once he stormed off saying he'd walk to the edge of the earth to prove me wrong.
He'll come around, eventually. - Bruce Jenner winning woman of the year just proves that men are better than women at everything, including being a woman
- Trump's wives were immigrants, proving the adage true... Immigrants do the jobs Americans don't want to do.
- I told my gay friend I could turn fruits into vegetables... He said "prove it."
So I pushed him off the balcony. - I debated a flat earther once. He got so mad he stormed off saying he would walk to the edge of the earth to prove me wrong. He'll come around eventually.
- I had a debate with a flat earther. He said he'll walk to the edge of the earth to prove me wrong. I'm sure he'll come around.
- Schrodinger's cat was meant to prove how dumb quantum states are, yet it's widely used to advocate and explain it. I bet he's rolling in his grave... and not
- Let's all take a moment to Thank Amber Heard's team of Lawyers for their efforts and hard work to prove Johnny Depp's innocence.
- I'm in love with a philosophy major, and she doesn't even know I exist and worse… she can prove it.
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Prove One Liners
Which prove one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with prove? I can suggest the ones about probe and ensure.
- A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.
- My wife says I can't solve my own problems How do I prove her wrong?
- Turkey cross the road Why did the turkey cross the road?
To prove he wasn't chicken. - I am a professional counterfeiter. I even have the certificates to prove it.
- Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove it wasn't chicken.
- Why did the turkey cross the road twice? To prove to everyone he wasn't chicken
- I have the worst dentist in the world. He even got a little plaque to prove it.
- I am a master at forgery I have all the certificates to prove it
- What has 3 words, 8 letters, is easy to say, and hard to prove? I'm a zebra.
- My physics teacher said I have potential... He threw me off a building to prove it.
- I can prove that primates don't exist... Eight divides evenly by 2 or 4.
- People with bad teeth are the real winners They even have the plaque to prove it
- How do you prove human beings are inherently curious?
- I'll prove I'm not a procrastinator...
- Why did Joe Rogan take ivermectin? To prove the neigh sayers wrong.
Prove It Jokes
Here is a list of funny prove it jokes and even better prove it puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Donald Trump is really a proved racist and sexist, because... He beat a woman badly in his run for the presidency and threw a black family out of a white house...
- Flat Earthers It's funny making a flat earth beliver angry, but if you push them over the edge then you're only proving them right.
- Two Eskimos sitting in a Kayak were getting cold, so they decided to light a fire, unfortunately it sunk the boat. Proving once and for all that you can't have your Kayak and heat it
- How do you prove that your dog loves you more than your wife? Lock them both in the trunk of the car for an hour, then open it up and see which one of them is happier to see you.
- I can prove getting kicked in the nuts hurts worse than childbirth. No guy has ever gotten kicked in the nuts, and then a couple years later says, You know, I'd like another one.
- Some people say I have my mom's eyes... but since they can't find them they've never been able to prove it in a court of law.
- got arrested for smuggling books into kentucky got off on a technicality, no one there could *prove* they were books
- A man diagnosed with cancer was given six months to live, but he worked hard and proved them wrong. He killed himself three hours later.
- A prisoner called Andrea wants to prove her strength... So she starts a weightlifting competition and wins! Turns out the powerhouse of the cell is the might of con 'Drea.
- Caitlyn Jenner won Woman of the Year on 2015 Proving that even when men are women they're better at it than women are.
Prove Innocence Jokes
Here is a list of funny prove innocence jokes and even better prove innocence puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I'm creating a tv show where a man who lives with dead people is proved innocent of a crime Its called Morgue and Freeman
Laughable Prove Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles
What funny jokes about prove you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean provide jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make prove pranks.
s**... kid
A barber was doing his business and a kid walked in his shop.
The barber told his customer:
- See that kid, he's the stupidest kid I've ever know. Here I'll prove it to you.
The barber yells at kid to come to him so his customer can watch.
The barber pulls out a 2 euro coin and a 5 euro bill and asks the kid:
- Hey kid, what do u choose?
The kid takes the 2 euro coin and leaves. The barber:
- See, I told u. He chooses 2 euro coin every time.
The customer walks out and sees the kid around the corner eating ice-cream.
He approaches the kid and asks:
- Do u not know the difference between a 2 euro coin and a 5 euro bill. Which one is more valuable?
The kid replies:
- I know the difference, but the moment I choose the 5 euro bill, the game is over.
Philosophy final
in a class for philosophy, the teacher looks at his class, grabs his chair, places it on his desk and tells the entire classroom about his final.
"You have only one question: use your knowledge that I have taught you in this class and prove to me that this chair doesn't exist. You have until the end of class."
Now while everyone else in the class worked on long complicated answers to his problem, one student got up from his desk almost as soon as it begun. The student smiles and hands the teacher his paper and was off.
The teacher, almost sad that the student didn't even try, looked at the sheet of paper and gave the student an "A"
His answer: What chair?
My grandpa's favorite joke
A man runs into a psychiatrist's office exclaiming that he has gone crazy. The psychiatrist asks this random fellow why he thinks he is crazy, to which the man retorts, "I've been wearing cellophane underwear for the past week!" The psychiatrist, in slight disbelief, asks the man to prove it. The man swiftly pulls down his trousers to reveal that he was wearing home-made cellophane underwear. After a moment of examination, the psychiatrist exclaims, "I can clearly see you're nuts!"
A drunk staggers out of a bar and runs right into two priests...
A drunk staggers out of a bar and runs right into two priests. He says, "I'm Jesus Christ." The first priest says, "No, son, you're not." So the drunk says it to the second priest. The second priest says, "No, son, you're not." The drunk says, "Look, I can prove it." He walks back into the bar with the two priests. The bartender takes one look at the drunk and exclaims, "Jesus Christ, you're here again?"
I'm a scientist who's researching b**... between humans and dogs…
If you'd like more details, I'll be in my lab…
There was a horse who was a genius at arithmetic...
...which it learned with no difficulty. Algebra was a breeze, and it could even prove theorems in Euclidean geometry. However, when someone tried to teach it analytic geometry, it would rear back on its hind legs, kick ferociously, neigh loudly, and make violent head motions in resistance.
The moral of this story is that you can't put Descartes before the horse.
From the AnnCoulter AMA...
Dogs are better than people and I can prove it: Put your ex and your dog in the trunk of your car and drive around like crazy for an hour. Open the trunk. Who's happy to see you?
The man's best friend
You know the phrase "the dog is the man's best friend"?
Well, I can prove it's true!
Just lock up your wife and your dog in the trunk of your car and one hour later... guess who is gonna be happy to see you!!
A priest meets a drunk outside a bar.
The drunk claims to be Jesus, but the priest doesn't believe him. The drunk insists, so the priest demands the drunk prove it. At this, the drunk leads the priest into the bar, upon which the bartender exclaims in disbelief "Jesus Christ, not you again."
"Your generation is too reliant on technology," my grandfather said to me.
"No, YOUR generation is too reliant on technology!" I said as I pulled the plug of his life support in order to further prove my point.
What's the slogan for Orion's Pizza?
OP delivers.
Not a great joke, but my wife claims no one will get it. I am trying to prove her wrong.
Two Inuits are out fishing on a kayak...
Two Inuits are out fishing on a kayak. They've been out all day, and the sun's setting. As the temperature drops, they decide to light a campfire on the watercraft, which, unsurprisingly sinks. This just goes to prove that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
A drunk walks up to a guy...
A drunk walks up to a guy. says to him, " I am God."
The guy says," Go away, you are drunk."
"I can prove it to you, if you want" said the drunk.
"O really! Then prove it."
The drunk went up to a door and knocked on it thrice, three times. The door opened, and a woman came out,
"Oh God, not you again. Go away!"
A drunk guy walks out of a bar
There's a cop outside who asks him, "What's your name, son?"
The drunk guys answers, "I'm Jesus Christ!"
Cop says, "You are not Jesus Christ. What's your name?"
Drunk guy replies, "I'll prove it. Follow me." The cop follows him back into the bar.
As they enter, the bartender yells, "Jesus Christ! Are you back again?!"
Drunk guys turns to cop and says, "See?"
A drunken bearded man is stumbling around outside a bar . . .
"I'm Jesus Christ! I am Jesus Christ!" He's yelling. No one bothers with him as he paces around waving his arms. Finally a man walks up, "I'm Jesus Christ" he yells at the man. "Ok" says the man "prove it and I'll give you 10 dollars." So the drunk nods and walks into the bar. "OH JESUS CHRIST!" Says the bartender, "not you again!"
Why couldn't Marco Rubio register on a web forum?
The website required him to prove that he is not a robot.
A drunk walks up to two priests.
He says "I'm Jesus Christ." The priest shakes his head. "No son, you're not." The drunk goes up to the second priest. "I'm Jesus Christ."
The second priest gives the same answer.
The drunk glares at them for a second. "Look I can prove it. Follow me." He leads them to a bar and walks inside. The bartender takes one look at him and says "Jesus Christ, you're here again?!"
Slip of the Tongue
Joe has a broken leg. Mike comes over and asks, "How you doing', Joe?"
Joe says, "Do me a favor: Run upstairs and get my slippers."
Mike goes upstairs and sees Joe's gorgeous 19-year-old twin daughters. He says, "your dad sent me up here to have s**... with both of you."
One girl replies, "Get out of here. Prove it?"
Mike shouts down stairs -, "Hey, Joe, both of 'em?"
Joe shouts back, "of course, both of 'em!" What's the point of f**...' one?"
Three priests walk into a bar
and see a man whos already had a few drinks. The man walks up to them and says "you know I'm jesus christ". One of the priests replies "I don't think you are son" so the man says right, I'll prove it to you. He walks out of the bar and a few seconds later comes stumbling back in. The barman sees him and shout "jesus christ not you again"
The thing with people who are bad at counting calories..
..is that they have the figures to prove it
Four facts about women that prove they can do miracles.
1. They can get wet without taking a shower.
2. Bleed without being hurt.
3. Producing milk without eating grass.
4. Making boneless meat hard.
After 8 years Americans prove the rumor to be false.
They went black and now they are going back.
A young lad enters a barber shop...
and the barber whispers to his customer, This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, Which do you want, son?
The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
What did I tell you? said the barber. That kid never learns!
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.
Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?
The boy licked his cone and replied,
Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!
There was once a doctor who tried to prove that mainly blood was kept in bones,
But alas it twas in vein.
How are girlfriend like cults?
You have to prove your devotion before you're welcomed into the folds.
I finally convinced mom to watch anime to prove it's not childish and immature at all.
But it's weird to watch h**... with your parents.
My wife says I never listen. I can prove she's wrong.
That's because she never says anything
I'm pretty sure that I am related to Albert Einstein.
However despite all of my research into my family tree, I just can't prove my theory of relativity.
To get a loan
You need to prove that you don't need a loan
How many atheists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
*Two. One screws in the light bulb and the other records the events to prove God didn't do it.*
If they could prove cell phones give deadly radiation
You could say to people you don't like "cant talk right now, you're giving me cancer"
How does the lead singer of Nickelback prove his identity?
"Look at this photograph"
It has been proven that more Americans watch television
than any other appliance.
I told a girl I'm a binary programmer with a multi million salary the other day
And pulled out the stacks of 64 dollars to prove it
Female hormones in a beer
Yesterday, scientists in the United States revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.
To prove their theory, they fed one hundred men twelve pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive.
What did the farmer do to prove he's tough?
Grew a pear.
Wanna know how I can prove Jesus was white?
The body of Christ is a c**....
Why is the letter S likely to prove dangerous in an argument?
because it turns words into swords
A man wanted to prove to his wife that he loved her more than s**......
so he bought her a lovely bouquet of roses. Despite his good intentions the devoted husband received a suspicious look when he handed her the flowers. I suppose now you expect me to spend the weekend on my back with my legs spread , said the wife. Why? asked the husband, Don't we have a vase?
Mayday Mayday
I need to prove to a French friend that the French language had zero influence on the English language.
"The holocaust wasn't that bad"
"The holocaust wasn't *that* bad"
"Of course it was!"
"I'll prove it. I'll kill a million jews and one horse"
"Why the horse?"
"See? Nobody cares about the jews!"
A guy gets thrown out of a bar.
Two priests approach the guy that was thrown out. He looks at the first priest and says, "I'm Jesus Christ." The first priest shakes his head.
The guy looks at the second priest and says, "I'm Jesus Christ." The second priest also shakes his head.
"Okay, let me prove it to you." The guy walks back into the bar.
The bartender says, "Jesus Christ, you're back already?"
A paralyzed man says to his friend, Go upstairs and get my shoes. My feet are cold
The friend goes upstairs and sees the paralyzed man's two s**... 17 year old daughters.
He says, Your father sent me up here to have s**... with you.
One of the girls replies, That couldn't possibly be true!
The man says I'll prove it and then yells towards the stairs, Both of them?
The paralyzed man yells back Of course both of them!
A cannibal is on trial for m**... and cannibalism...
He's called up to the witness stand and the prosecutor asks him if he pleads guilty or innocent.
"Innocent!" he says.
The prosecutor asks him to prove it.
The cannibal answers, "Well, you are what you eat, right? So I am an innocent man!"
It has been proven that people who talk to themselves are smarter.
At least, that's what I tell myself.
Why did the duck stand in the middle of the road?
He wanted to prove he's not a chicken!
I was having an argument with my flat earthier friend ...
... He said he'd walk to the edge of the world to prove he was right. He came around eventually.
Did you hear about the guy who tried to prove the Earth was flat by walking to the edge?
He finally came around.
The Drunk says to a priest.....
"I'm Jesus Christ" The priest says "no son, your not" The drunk turns and tells another priest "I'm Jesus Christ " The priest says "no son, your not" So the drunk says " here I'll prove it " The drunk walks into the bar and the bartender says " Jesus Christ, your here again?!"
A group of blonde girls overhear a guy saying that all blondes are dumb
So one of the girls says: "no we're not, we'll prove it!"
The guy: "Ok what's 3 + 2?"
One of the blondes: "7"
After a short silence the rest of the blondes start asking for a second chance.
The guy: "ok you get a second chance, what's 2+4?"
One of the blondes: "6"
After a short silence the rest of the blondes start asking for a second chance.
I was once debating a flat earther
He got so mad he stormed off and said *ill go to the edge and prove it!*
He'll come around
One time I debated a flat earthier.
He got so mad that he stormed off saying that he would walk to the edge of the earth just to prove me wrong. He'll come around eventually
How can you prove that 'I' before 'E' except after 'C' rule doesn't apply ?
Through Science.
Dad Joke of the year!
# To prove I'm not some boring house dad I went and got a tattoo!
Her: Oh, cool! It's.. uh?
Me: (proudly) It's my thermos! From work!
Her: (reaching towards me) Well, uh, the line work is certainly..
Me: (slaps hand away) Don't touch the thermos tat.
A drunk man is in a bar and claims to be Jesus Christ
"Of course you're not Jesus Christ" answers the barman. The drunk man then says "I'll prove it to you". So the drunk man leaves the bar and comes across a priest. Again, he claims to be Jesus Christ. "No you are not Jesus Christ" answers the priest. "Follow me" answers in the drunk man. So both of them walk back into the bar and as they're entering, the bartender says to the drunk man "Jesus Christ, you're here again?".
A blonde says "Not all blondes are s**..., and I can prove it!"
"...Give me any state, and I'll tell you it's capital."
A person yells out, "Missouri!"
"M" replies the blonde.
Trump is about to become the only President to be impeached twice
He's desperate to prove that anything a Democrat can do, he can do better and in half the time.
It's been proven that vaccinated kids are more likely to have autism
because the ones that aren't vaccinated are dead
A man thinks that his wife is losing her hearing
He is getting very frustrated with her because of it, but she denies it when he confronts her about it. So one day he decides to set up an experiment to prove it to her.
He takes her out to the field behind their house and he places his wife at 100 yards away from him and shouts Dolores! He waits for her response, but nothing comes.
He moves 50 yards closer and shouts Dolores! Still no response from her.
Finally he moves 5 feet away from her and shouts Dolores!
What?! She cries For the third time WHAT?!?
I once debated with a flat earther, he got so mad he vowed to walk to the edge of the to prove it.
He'll come round eventually.
A drunk man
A drunk man stumbles out of bar and runs into 2 priest. The drunk man looks at the 1st priest and says,
"Hey, I'm Jesus Christ."
The 1st priest tells the man, "No, my son, you're not."
Then the man turns to the 2nd priest and says the same thing. "Hey, I'm Jesus Christ."
The 2nd priest tells the man, "No, my son, you're not."
The drunk man tells the priests that he can prove it. So he takes the 2 priests into the bar and the bartender says,
"Jesus Christ. You're back again?"
A drunk staggers into a bar demanding a beer.
The bartender informs him that he is not allowed to serve alcohol to drunken patrons. After a few harsh words, the bartender suggested that the drunk prove he isn't drunk by doing twenty push-ups on the floor.
As he was doing the push-ups, another drunk staggers into the bar and sees this guy on the floor doing push-ups.
He looks at him for a minute and then nudges him in the ribs saying, "Hey, Pal, I think your girl friend has gone home."
It is proven that the celebration of birthdays is healthy.
Statistics show that those people who celebrate the most birthdays become the oldest.
My flat-Earther friend said he would walk to the end of the Earth to prove his point. -
Eventually, he came around.