Prov Jokes

See? To prove I'm not some boring house dad I went and got a tattoo!

Her: Oh, cool! It's.. uh?
Me: (proudly) It's my thermos! From work!
Her: (reaching towards me) Well, uh, the line work is certainly..
Me: (slaps hand away) Don't touch the thermos tat.

How do you prove that your dog loves you more than your wife?

Lock them both in the trunk of the car for an hour, then open it up and see which one of them is happier to see you.

What happens when you provoke an angry redhead?

Ginger snaps.

I can prove getting kicked in the nuts hurts worse than childbirth.

No guy has ever gotten kicked in the nuts, and then a couple years later says, You know, I'd like another one.

It has been proven that people who talk to themselves are smarter.

At least, that's what I tell myself.

I can prove that primates don't exist...

Eight divides evenly by 2 or 4.

If they could prove cell phones give deadly radiation

You could say to people you don't like "cant talk right now, you're giving me cancer"

What do Pro-Vaxxers and Anti-Vaxxers have in common?

They'll never be fully vaccinated.

How do you prove human beings are inherently curious?

I'll prove I'm not a procrastinator...

It's been proven that vaccinated kids are more likely to have autism

because the ones that aren't vaccinated are dead

It has been proven that more Americans watch television

than any other appliance.

It is proven that the celebration of birthdays is healthy.

Statistics show that those people who celebrate the most birthdays become the oldest.

How can you prove that 'I' before 'E' except after 'C' rule doesn't apply ?

Through Science.

I proved my wife wrong!

So, my wife said yesterday that I have started snoring, and its loud! I didn't believe it. So, today, I am up all night to see if I actually snore. But nothing so far..
Proved her wrong!

I can prove 11 = 10 = 9

XI = X = IX
for any matrix X

How can you prove that the " 'i' before an 'e', except after 'c' " rule doesn't always apply?

Through science.

How do you prove triangles congruent with attitude?

Do it with SAS.

"It's been proven that 9 out of 10 single women who .....

"It's been proven that 9 out of 10 single women who sit at home and have conversations with their cats are mentally disturbed."
My dog's full of useful information like that.

As the old baker's proverb goes...

You doughn't know what you've got til it's scone...

It is a proven Scientific fact, that things expand when under immense heat...

I'm not fat, I'm really hot

They say if you have to prove you're straight, you're probably gay

And that is undeniable proof that I'm straight!