Proud Jokes
128 proud jokes and hilarious proud puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about proud that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
We all love to crack jokes to make each other smile but have you ever heard a “Proud Joke”? Find out what these jokes are, why they reveal so much, and the idea of using them as a weapon of spite for political accomplishments. Laugh and learn, then come to your own conclusion about what it means to be proud to be a democrat.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Proud Short Jokes
Short proud jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The proud humour may include short ashamed jokes also.
- Where do little jokes come from? Well, a dad joke meets yo momma joke and then they knock knock.
- What is something with 8 eyes, 8 leg, and 8 hands? 8 pirates
My little brother told me this joke and I am so proud of him. - Why don't envelopes reproduce? Because they're all mail!
I thought of this myself. Proud of it. - My 7 year old daughter just told me this one. I'm so proud. What did the duck say when he bought chapstick? Put it on my bill
- My granddaughter just hit me with this one: what is the biggest kind of ant ? A gi-ant!
I am so proud right now! - Made up by my elementary-aged kid: How do old people line up? In an elderly fashion. (So proud)
- I made this joke up when I was eight. I'm very proud of it. What's in the wardrobe?
Narnia business. - Cannot wait to become a proud American! I'm not immigrating or anything, I'm just not proud to be American.
- "I'm proud to be a black man" "I'm proud to be a black man!" said the black man.
"I'm proud to be an Asian man!" said the Asian man.
"I'm proud to be a white man!" said the racist. - What do you call a really long metaphor? It's like, a metafive
PS I made this up myself and I'm really proud of it
Share These Proud Jokes With Friends
Proud One Liners
Which proud one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with proud? I can suggest the ones about pride and boasted.
- Farts are like children I'm proud of mine but disgusted by yours
- I became a proud father today.... My son's 4 but he's been pretty annoying until now
- American conservatives are pretty homophobic for people so proud of their four fathers
- Yo mama's so fat Her nose can't even run
Came up with this myself and was quite proud - I am proud to be single by choice Not my choice, but still...
- Greta Thunberg would be proud of this sub The content is very repeatedly recycled.
- Why hasn't peru adopted LED lights yet? Because they are proud of their incan descent.
- I hope Greta Thunberg is proud of this subreddit We reuse and recycle jokes all the time.
- I launched a book aimed for 9-12 year olds And I'm proud to say I hit one of them
- My son said that he's proud of me overcoming alcoholism. I'll drink to that.
- I'm a proud anti-vax mother of 4 beautiful children
- A joke from my very proud wife: what do you call a tiny axolotl? "An axolitl!!"
- What did the proud pirate dad say after seeing his son torch an enemy ship? Arr, son.
- I'm quite a humble person but I'm not proud of that. That's what I'm proud of.
- Proudly say that I am single by choice. Her choice...
Proud Family Jokes
Here is a list of funny proud family jokes and even better proud family puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Ever since the pandemic started, every morning I proudly announce to my family that I'm going for a jog and then I don't... It's my longest running joke of the year so far...
- When I was a kid, my family was very poor. My dad had to get a second job in the sandpaper factory. Those were rough times.
^(Made that myself. I'm rather proud.) - What do you call a family member who doesn't support their arguments with evidence? Just cuz.
(I came up with this just now and I'm so proud of it and I haven't slept in 3 days) - If I had a dollar... For every time I disappointed my family, I would have enough to make them proud.
- I can proudly say that I'm the head of the family and whatever decisions I make are final I even got my wife's permission to say so
- I'm proud to be a Asian descent, with my family name Chao. When we have family gatherings… It's completely Chaos!
Giggle-Inducing Proud Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends
What funny jokes about proud you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean impressive jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make proud pranks.
A husband, so proud...
....of the fact that his wife had given birth to 6 children, begins to call her "mother of 6" rather than by her first name. The wife was amused at first.
A few years down the road, the wife has grown tired of her husband's description. "Mother of 6, get me a beer!" This type of situation rose to a boiling point.
Finally, while at a party with her husband, he jokingly said, "Hey mother of 6, it's time to go!"
The wife shouted, "I'll be right with you - father of 4!"
[found this scrolling through YouTube Comments]
What were you thinking?
Schwarzenegger has a big one,
Michael J. Fox has a small one,
Madonna doesn't have one,
The POPE has one but doesn't use it,
Clinton uses his all the time,
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one,
George Burns' was hot,
Liberace NEVER used his on women,
j**... Seinfeld is very very proud of his,
We never saw Lucy use Desi's
what is it?
A riddle for the day
A riddle for the day
Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.
Michael J. Fox has a small one.
Madonna doesn't have one.
The Pope has one but doesn't use it.
Clinton uses his all the time.
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.
Liberace never used his on women.
j**... Seinfeld is very, very proud of his.
Cher claims that she took on 3.
We never saw Lucy use Desi's.
What is it? Answer below! (this is pretty good )
----------------------------------------------------------
The answer is: "A Last Name."
Sorry Folks...No Dirty Jokes Here!
This Joke Is A Real Lemon
A barman was very proud of the fact that he could squeeze a lemon so that no more juice would come out of it He made a standing offer of $1000 to anyone who could get more juice out of a lemon after he'd squeezed it. Every night big, burly regulars at the bar attempted to get more juice from a lemon he'd squeezed, but no one could produce so much as a drop. But one night, a little bloke walked in and said he'd heard of the standing offer and would like to try. The barman said 'How do you think you could succeed when all these blokes have failed?' And the little guy said: 'Just give me a chance and I'll show you'.
So the barman, thinking his regulars would enjoy the joke, picked up a lemon and squeezed it. After squeezing all the juice he could out of it, he handed the dried ring to the little bloke and said: 'Here you go.' The little bloke took the lemon and squeezed it and managed to get one, two, three for fix, SIX more drops of juice. Amazed, the barman said: 'Well, here's your $1000. But what do you do for a living? Are you a professional bodybuilder or what?' And the little bloke said: 'No, I work for the Tax Department.'
A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair.
A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair.
Her mom calmly said- "that part where hair has grown is called Monkey, be proud that your monkey has grown hair" the girl smiled. At dinner, she told her sister-"my monkey has grown hair"
Her sister smiled and said-"that's nothing, mine is already eating bananas" .
There's a new pizza place coming to town...
Two epileptic midgets (err, little people) are opening up a pizza place across town next week.
They're calling it 'Little Seizures'.
My dad came up with this joke, and I don't think he's ever been so proud of anything in his life.
My little brother is extremely proud of this joke. What do you call a reptile who anyways starts fights?
An Insti-Gator
I blow, but I don't s**.... I whip, but don't do chains. Some watch me and feel proud, while others feel ashamed. What am I?
I am a flag.
Anne Frank showed a cunning and resolve that any Jew would have been proud of.
Two years rent free.
Just finished a puzzle in only two weeks!
I'm pretty proud of myself, because the box said 3-5 years.
The new father
A proud new father sits down with his dad to have a drink.
"Well son, now that you have a son of your own its time I gave you something."
"Dad you dont mea-"
"Yes I do. You've earned it." Says the father as he passes a copy of '1001 Dad Jokes 5th Edition' to the son.
"Dad I dont know what to say...I'm honored."
"Hi honored," Replies the father. "I'm dad."
(My mother's proudest creation) What do you call it when you lobotomize terrorists?
Simplifying Radicals.
Yes, she's a math teacher.
How do you move a sleeping cow?
*Use a bulldozer.*
Yes I came up with this joke and yes I'm proud. Don't judge!
President Obama visits the Pentagon...
President Obama visits the Pentagon to test out the latest in military technology.
A scientist says to him "We have two projects that we are very proud of. One is a powered exoskeleton and the other is an invisibility cloak. Which would you like to try first?"
Obama replies, "Uh, let me be clear."
49ers Fan
On the first day of school, a first grade teacher explains to her class that she's a Seahawks fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Seahawks fans. Wanting to impress their teacher, everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise, 'Janie, why didn't you raise your hand? 'Because I'm not a Seahawks fan' she replied. The teacher, still shocked, asked, 'Well, if you aren't a Seahawks fan, then who are you a fan of?' 'I'm a 49ers fan, and proud of it,' Janie replied. The teacher could not believe her ears. 'Janie please tell us why you're a 49ers fan?' "Because my mom's a 49ers fan, and my dad's a 49ers fan, so I'm a 49ers fan too!" "Well" said the teacher in a obviously annoyed tone, 'that's no reason for you to be a 49ers fan. You don't have to be like your parents all of the time. What if your mom was an idiot and your dad was a m**..., what would you be?' Janie smiled and said 'I'd be a Seahawks fan.'
Iv'e never been so proud of myself..
Just completed a jigsaw puzzle in 8 days..
It said 3-4 years on the box!!
An American girl goes on vacation to Berlin
While walking through town one night, she sees a drunk guy openly taking a leak up against a wall.
Disgusted, she loudly proclaims, "g**...!"
The man turns with a proud smile on his face and says, "Danke!"
Genius
A proud and confident genius makes a bet with an idiot. The genius says, "Hey idiot, every question I ask you that you don't know the answer, you have to give me $5. And if you ask me a question and I can't answer yours I will give you $5,000." The idiot says, "Okay." The genius then asks, "How many continents are there in the world?" The idiot doesn't know and hands over the $5. The idiot says, "Now me ask: what animal stands with two legs but sleeps with three?" The genius tries and searches very hard for the answer but gives up and hands over the $5000. The genius says, "Dang it, I lost. By the way, what was the answer to your question?" The idiot hands over $5.
What do you call it when my girlfriend kills 250 million unborn children
A Swallocaust. I'm not proud of myself.
r**... boy meets his dream girl!
A young boy comes home to his father one day after school.
"Dad, I met the most INCREDIBLE girl in the world today. She's smart, she's beautiful, AND she's funny."
Dad pats his son on the back and walks him into the kitchen, "That's great, son. I'm proud of you for finding someone you like so much."
"That's not the best part, Dad. She's a v**...."
At this point the father slams his hand down on the counter, "I forbid this relationship, son. I never want you to see this girl again. And if I find out you do, I'm going to give you the biggest whooping you ever had."
Tears stream down the son's face, "But, Dad, WHY? She's amazing and she likes me!"
"Well, son. If she ain't good enough for her own family, she ain't good enough for ours."
Mother of Six
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.
He is so proud of himself that he starts calling his wife Mother of Six in spite of her objections.
One night they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home, and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, Shall we go home Mother of Six?
His wife, irritated by her husbands lack of discretion shouts back… Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!
What do you call a gay loaf of bread?
A faguette
^^^^I ^^^^just ^^^^made ^^^^this ^^^^up ^^^^and ^^^^I'm ^^^^so ^^^^proud
A teenager got his driver's license...
...and asked his father, who was a minister, if he could use his car.
The father said, "If you bring your grades up, study the Bible, and get a haircut, then you can use the car."
One month later, the teenager asked his father about using the car again. The father said, "Son, I'm proud of you. You have brought your grades up and studied the Bible every day. But you still haven't gotten a haircut!"
His son said, "Dad, in my studying of the Bible, I found that many great people had long hair. Samson had long hair. Moses, Noah, and John the Baptist had long hair. Even Jesus had long hair."
His father said, "Yes, and they walked everywhere they went!"
The son to his dad
* Son - Dad at last i lost my virginity-
* Dad -OH! so good son, i am proud of you, come on, sit here and tell me-
* Son -I don't think i could sit for a while
After years in the Military
After years in the Military, the soldier survived mustard gas and pepper spray and was proud to finally be able to call himself a seasoned veteran.
My girlfriend is kind of like a ninja attack..
They're two things I'll never see coming.
(I've never been so proud of myself for writing a joke)
Did you hear about the unfashionable mechanic?
He needed to change attire.
(I'm probably too proud of myself for making this one; someone's almost definitely done it before.)
I'm so proud of my son
I asked him what the sound of one hand clapping is. He said "dunno" and walked off to his room, but I can hear him trying to figure it out.
I've always wanted my dad to be proud of me... It finally happened today.
I started serving at a steak house and my parents came in to see me at work. When I asked my dad how he wanted his steak, he said "Well done, son".
I'm so proud of my African pen pal.
He told me he hasn't had a drink in days. That's the spirit! Keep it up pal.
My dad is never proud of anything I do.
Dad: Son, how old are you?
Son: 19.
Dad: When I was your age, I was 20.
Why did the Blonde feel so proud of herself for finishing a jigsaw puzzle in only six months?
It said 2-4 years on the box.
So I am a proud anti-vac parent and my kids turned out great!
The ones that survived, anyway.
What type of fuel do painters prefer?
Whatever makes the van gogh..
-id like to mention, for what its worth, that this is an original joke (as s**... as it is), which i thought of independently. I was and am proud of it. If anyone finds it somewhere else please burst my bubble.
A girl realizes that she has grown hair between her legs
She gets worried and asks her mom about that hair. Her mom calmly says, "That part where the hair has grown is called your monkey. Be proud that your monkey has grown hair." The girl smiled. At dinner, she tells her sister, "My monkey has grown hair." Her sister smiles and says, "That's nothing; mine is already eating bananas."
I'm not proud of it but I used the date r**... drug last night...
All it did was make me tired. I wasn't able to get any of my r**... done.
I spent my whole life being proud of my British heritage until I found out that my Great Grandfather was actually from Transylvania
Now I can't even look myself in the mirror.
What did the boy say to the -1 when it became a 1?
Nice abs!!!
As an engineer, avid exerciser, and new father I am very proud of myself.
I'm proud to announce my dream of being a criminal lawyer is halfway complete!
I'm just working on the lawyer part right now.
Dad: [grabs chest] Quick! Call me an ambulance.
Me: [hesitantly] You're... an ambulance.
Dad: I'm- I'm so proud of you, son [dies]
I'm a proud father since 10 minutes
My son is already 20 years old but he has been a disappointment till now
I finally read Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone.
I know it's only 6 words, but I'm proud of myself.
What's the toughest part about being Batman?
Knowing that you'll never make your parents proud.
My friend is a gay midget, who finally decided it was time to tell his parents
I was so proud of him for coming out of the cabinet!
A man goes for confession ...
The priest says Tell me son why are you here
Well father , during the war , I hid a Jewish family in my attic and saved them from certain death. the man replied.
The priest taken aback replies , Well son this is a rather noble act that the lord would be proud of , why are you here at confession?
Well father , I charged them rent to stay in my attic. the man replied.
This is not right son , we should help others without asking anything in return , this is the true Christian way the priest replied.
The man replied , Well in that case should I tell them that the war is over ?
chicken b**... joke
Knock knock
Who's there?
Interrupting cow
Interrupting cow who?
...chicken b**...!
My bank just complimented me
They called and told me my check was outstanding! I felt so proud
I was really proud of my heritage until I found out that my great grandfather was from Transylvania.
Now I can't even look at myself in the mirror.
My friend was really proud of his British heritage until he found out that his grandfather was from Transylvania.
Now he can't even look at himself in the mirror.
I am a proud anti-vaccine Father of 3.
Edit- Two Now
2nd Edit- One Now
3rd Edit- Nevermind
4th Edit- WOW this really blew up. I would like to dedicate all these wonderful awards to my 3 children Byeson, Dieanne, and Ammunity. They would have been so proud. RIP
Why did the Proud Boy check on his sad friend?
To make sure his friend was feeling... alt-right.
Feel free to downvote me to reddit h**......
I became a proud dad today
My son is actually 4 years but he was really boring for the first 3 years
I'm proud to announce I have stuck to my New Years Resolution and did not bite my nails the entire month of January.
My feet have never looked better.
What do you call a spike that's not spiky?
Pointless.
(This wit is from my 7 year old daughter. She told me this out of the blue. I'm so proud!!)
What do you call a Dent that looks better from a different angle?
Harvey
\*My first 100% original dad joke. I am proud of me\*
What do you call a pig that is cold and growling?
A Ham-Brrr-Grrr.
I made this joke when I was 11. I remember being super proud lol.
In a confession booth...
ME: I committed all seven deadly sins in 30 minutes.
PRIEST: Wow I gotta hear this.
ME: I was angry and envious at my neighbor so I lazily seduced his wife and ate all his groceries and I didn't share.
PRIEST: You forgot pride.
ME: No, Im pretty proud of this.
What did the bird say to the price tag?
Cheep!
(As told to me this morning by my 7 year old son. He was quite proud of the joke.)
I proudly showed my son, "Check this out! Bought a new shrub trimmer today!" He shrugged and replied, "That's great, dad." I continued...
"It's cutting hedge technology!"
The USA is proud because their Founding Fathers had strong convictions
Big deal the founders of Australia had convictions too.
How long does it take for a depressed person to change a light bulb?
5 days. & I'm pretty proud of myself.
A proud father has six children.
He always calls his wife "Mother of Six," to her displeasure.
One night at a party, he yells across the room, "Mother of six, we're leaving now."
She replies, "Be right with you, father of four."
