Proud Jokes

We all love to crack jokes to make each other smile but have you ever heard a “Proud Joke”? Find out what these jokes are, why they reveal so much, and the idea of using them as a weapon of spite for political accomplishments. Laugh and learn, then come to your own conclusion about what it means to be proud to be a democrat.

Giggle-Inducing Proud Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends

Where do little jokes come from?

Well, a dad joke meets yo momma joke and then they knock knock.

A riddle for the day

A riddle for the day

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.

Michael J. Fox has a small one.

Madonna doesn't have one.

The Pope has one but doesn't use it.

Clinton uses his all the time.

Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.

Liberace never used his on women.

Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his.

Cher claims that she took on 3.

We never saw Lucy use Desi's.

What is it? Answer below! (this is pretty good )

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The answer is: "A Last Name."

Sorry Folks...No Dirty Jokes Here!

This Joke Is A Real Lemon

A barman was very proud of the fact that he could squeeze a lemon so that no more juice would come out of it He made a standing offer of $1000 to anyone who could get more juice out of a lemon after he'd squeezed it. Every night big, burly regulars at the bar attempted to get more juice from a lemon he'd squeezed, but no one could produce so much as a drop. But one night, a little bloke walked in and said he'd heard of the standing offer and would like to try. The barman said 'How do you think you could succeed when all these blokes have failed?' And the little guy said: 'Just give me a chance and I'll show you'.

So the barman, thinking his regulars would enjoy the joke, picked up a lemon and squeezed it. After squeezing all the juice he could out of it, he handed the dried ring to the little bloke and said: 'Here you go.' The little bloke took the lemon and squeezed it and managed to get one, two, three for fix, SIX more drops of juice. Amazed, the barman said: 'Well, here's your $1000. But what do you do for a living? Are you a professional bodybuilder or what?' And the little bloke said: 'No, I work for the Tax Department.'

A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair.

A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair.

Her mom calmly said- "that part where hair has grown is called Monkey, be proud that your monkey has grown hair" the girl smiled. At dinner, she told her sister-"my monkey has grown hair"

Her sister smiled and said-"that's nothing, mine is already eating bananas" .

jokes about proud

When I was a kid, my family was very poor. My dad had to get a second job in the sandpaper factory.

Those were rough times.

^(Made that myself. I'm rather proud.)

My little brother is extremely proud of this joke. What do you call a reptile who anyways starts fights?

An Insti-Gator

I made this joke up when I was eight. I'm very proud of it.

What's in the wardrobe?

Narnia business.

Proud joke, I made this joke up when I was eight. I'm very proud of it.

The new father

A proud new father sits down with his dad to have a drink.

"Well son, now that you have a son of your own its time I gave you something."

"Dad you dont mea-"

"Yes I do. You've earned it." Says the father as he passes a copy of '1001 Dad Jokes 5th Edition' to the son.

"Dad I dont know what to say...I'm honored."

"Hi honored," Replies the father. "I'm dad."

(My mother's proudest creation) What do you call it when you lobotomize terrorists?

Simplifying Radicals.

Yes, she's a math teacher.

President Obama visits the Pentagon...

President Obama visits the Pentagon to test out the latest in military technology.

A scientist says to him "We have two projects that we are very proud of. One is a powered exoskeleton and the other is an invisibility cloak. Which would you like to try first?"

Obama replies, "Uh, let me be clear."

An American girl goes on vacation to Berlin

While walking through town one night, she sees a drunk guy openly taking a leak up against a wall.

Disgusted, she loudly proclaims, "Gross!"

The man turns with a proud smile on his face and says, "Danke!"

You can explore proud proud to be a democrat reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean proud heritage dad jokes. There are also proud puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

What do you call it when my girlfriend kills 250 million unborn children

A Swallocaust. I'm not proud of myself.

Mother of Six

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.
He is so proud of himself that he starts calling his wife Mother of Six in spite of her objections.

One night they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home, and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, Shall we go home Mother of Six?

His wife, irritated by her husbands lack of discretion shouts back… Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!

"I'm proud to be a black man"

"I'm proud to be a black man!" said the black man.

"I'm proud to be an Asian man!" said the Asian man.

"I'm proud to be a white man!" said the racist.

What do you call a gay loaf of bread?

A faguette

^^^^I ^^^^just ^^^^made ^^^^this ^^^^up ^^^^and ^^^^I'm ^^^^so ^^^^proud

A teenager got his driver's license...

...and asked his father, who was a minister, if he could use his car.

The father said, "If you bring your grades up, study the Bible, and get a haircut, then you can use the car."

One month later, the teenager asked his father about using the car again. The father said, "Son, I'm proud of you. You have brought your grades up and studied the Bible every day. But you still haven't gotten a haircut!"

His son said, "Dad, in my studying of the Bible, I found that many great people had long hair. Samson had long hair. Moses, Noah, and John the Baptist had long hair. Even Jesus had long hair."

His father said, "Yes, and they walked everywhere they went!"

Proud joke, A teenager got his driver's license...

The son to his dad

* Son - Dad at last i lost my virginity-
* Dad -OH! so good son, i am proud of you, come on, sit here and tell me-
* Son -I don't think i could sit for a while

Yo mama's so fat

Her nose can't even run

Came up with this myself and was quite proud

My girlfriend is kind of like a ninja attack..

They're two things I'll never see coming.

(I've never been so proud of myself for writing a joke)

Did you hear about the unfashionable mechanic?

He needed to change attire.

(I'm probably too proud of myself for making this one; someone's almost definitely done it before.)

I'm so proud of my son

I asked him what the sound of one hand clapping is. He said "dunno" and walked off to his room, but I can hear him trying to figure it out.

I've always wanted my dad to be proud of me... It finally happened today.

I started serving at a steak house and my parents came in to see me at work. When I asked my dad how he wanted his steak, he said "Well done, son".

I'm so proud of my African pen pal.

He told me he hasn't had a drink in days. That's the spirit! Keep it up pal.

What do you call a family member who doesn't support their arguments with evidence?

Just cuz.

(I came up with this just now and I'm so proud of it and I haven't slept in 3 days)

Farts are like children

I'm proud of mine but disgusted by yours

My dad is never proud of anything I do.

Dad: Son, how old are you?

Son: 19.

Dad: When I was your age, I was 20.

Proud joke, My dad is never proud of anything I do.

Why hasn't Peru adopted LED lights yet?

Because they are proud of their incan descent.

Why did the Blonde feel so proud of herself for finishing a jigsaw puzzle in only six months?

It said 2-4 years on the box.

So I am a proud anti-vac parent and my kids turned out great!

The ones that survived, anyway.

What type of fuel do painters prefer?

Whatever makes the van gogh..

-id like to mention, for what its worth, that this is an original joke (as stupid as it is), which i thought of independently. I was and am proud of it. If anyone finds it somewhere else please burst my bubble.

A girl realizes that she has grown hair between her legs

She gets worried and asks her mom about that hair. Her mom calmly says, "That part where the hair has grown is called your monkey. Be proud that your monkey has grown hair." The girl smiled. At dinner, she tells her sister, "My monkey has grown hair." Her sister smiles and says, "That's nothing; mine is already eating bananas."

I'm not proud of it but I used the date rape drug last night...

All it did was make me tired. I wasn't able to get any of my raping done.

What do you call a really long metaphor?

It's like, a metafive

PS I made this up myself and I'm really proud of it

I spent my whole life being proud of my British heritage until I found out that my Great Grandfather was actually from Transylvania

Now I can't even look myself in the mirror.

I am proud to be single by choice

Not my choice, but still...

I'm proud to announce my dream of being a criminal lawyer is halfway complete!

I'm just working on the lawyer part right now.

Dad: [grabs chest] Quick! Call me an ambulance.

Me: [hesitantly] You're... an ambulance.
Dad: I'm- I'm so proud of you, son [dies]

I finally read Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone.

I know it's only 6 words, but I'm proud of myself.

I became a proud father today....

My son's 4 but he's been pretty annoying until now

What's the toughest part about being Batman?

Knowing that you'll never make your parents proud.

My friend is a gay midget, who finally decided it was time to tell his parents

I was so proud of him for coming out of the cabinet!

A man goes for confession ...

The priest says Tell me son why are you here

Well father , during the war , I hid a Jewish family in my attic and saved them from certain death. the man replied.

The priest taken aback replies , Well son this is a rather noble act that the lord would be proud of , why are you here at confession?

Well father , I charged them rent to stay in my attic. the man replied.

This is not right son , we should help others without asking anything in return , this is the true Christian way the priest replied.

The man replied , Well in that case should I tell them that the war is over ?

Cannot wait to become a proud American!

I'm not immigrating or anything, I'm just not proud to be American.

I was really proud of my heritage until I found out that my great grandfather was from Transylvania.

Now I can't even look at myself in the mirror.

What is something with 8 eyes, 8 legs, and 8 hands?

8 pirates

My little brother told me this joke and I am so proud of him.

My friend was really proud of his British heritage until he found out that his grandfather was from Transylvania.

Now he can't even look at himself in the mirror.

I am a proud anti-vaccine Father of 3.

Edit- Two Now

2nd Edit- One Now

3rd Edit- Nevermind

4th Edit- WOW this really blew up. I would like to dedicate all these wonderful awards to my 3 children Byeson, Dieanne, and Ammunity. They would have been so proud. RIP

Greta Thunberg would be proud of this sub

The content is very repeatedly recycled.

Why did the Proud Boy check on his sad friend?

To make sure his friend was feeling... alt-right.

Feel free to downvote me to reddit hell...

I became a proud dad today

My son is actually 4 years but he was really boring for the first 3 years

I'm proud to announce I have stuck to my New Years Resolution and did not bite my nails the entire month of January.

My feet have never looked better.

Why don't envelopes reproduce?

Because they're all mail!

I thought of this myself. Proud of it.

What do you call a Dent that looks better from a different angle?

Harvey





\*My first 100% original dad joke. I am proud of me\*

What do you call a pig that is cold and growling?

A Ham-Brrr-Grrr.


I made this joke when I was 11. I remember being super proud lol.

In a confession booth...

ME: I committed all seven deadly sins in 30 minutes.

PRIEST: Wow I gotta hear this.

ME: I was angry and envious at my neighbor so I lazily seduced his wife and ate all his groceries and I didn't share.

PRIEST: You forgot pride.

ME: No, Im pretty proud of this.

What did the bird say to the price tag?

Cheep!

(As told to me this morning by my 7 year old son. He was quite proud of the joke.)

I proudly showed my son, "Check this out! Bought a new shrub trimmer today!" He shrugged and replied, "That's great, dad." I continued...

"It's cutting hedge technology!"

American conservatives are pretty homophobic

for people so proud of their four fathers

How long does it take for a depressed person to change a light bulb?

5 days. & I'm pretty proud of myself.

I hope Greta Thunberg is proud of this subreddit

We reuse and recycle jokes all the time.

A proud father has six children.

He always calls his wife "Mother of Six," to her displeasure.
One night at a party, he yells across the room, "Mother of six, we're leaving now."

She replies, "Be right with you, father of four."

My granddaughter just hit me with this one: what is the biggest kind of ant ?

A gi-ant!

I am so proud right now!

My 7 year old daughter just told me this one. I'm so proud. What did the duck say when he bought chapstick?

Put it on my bill

Proud Dad momemt

My 10 year old daughter just asked me "Dad, what do you do when you break your arm in several places?" I was in the middle of going over some work and said " I'm not sure" her reply was " You stop going to those places."

***Happy tear follows***

A lot of people are up in arms about the Olympians caught taking drugs to compete.

Honestly I'm proud of them, and what they can do. Last time I did drugs I could barely tie my shoe.

My son came up with this joke, I'm pretty proud of him

What do you call a murderer who rides a pedal bike?

A cycle path!

Please stop including corny details about your family as a blatant ploy to garner additional upvotes and awards by increasing the emotional impact of your post.

This was said to me just now by my 3 year old. So proud! Got a real eye roll from my wife too, so I know it was a good one. Tinged with sadness though, as it reminds me own dad, who went out to get milk and never came back

Made up by my elementary-aged kid: How do old people line up?

In an elderly fashion. (So proud)

I'm so proud of my 18 year old son

I gave him a puzzle that said "2-3 years" on it and he completed it in 2 minutes.

What do you call a muscular cow?

Beefy

(My 8yo claims she made this one up. I'm so proud)

Children are like farts.

You're proud of your own, but other people's are kinda gross.

"Proud Boys" should change their name, to avoid being tied to PRIDE events...

... to something like "Reigning Men."

call me anything you want, i kicked a pregnant lady right at her stomach, and I'm proud of it

i kicked her from the inside though

Today I'm turning 40 but I feel so proud of my 20yr old slim body ...

And if you don't believe me go check my freezer.

How long do you cook your pasta in Hell?

Until it's Al Dante!


I'm not proud of it. But I still like it.

A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs.

A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair.

Her mom calmly said, "That part where the hair has grown is called your monkey. Be proud that your monkey has grown hair." The girl smiled.

At dinner, she told her sister, "My monkey has grown hair."

Her sister smiled and said, "That's nothing; mine is already eating bananas."

Snoring is just someone bragging about being asleep.

I can't take credit for this joke, but I am proud to say I'm married to one of the all time greatest braggers.

I always felt proud when my mum told people that of all her kids, I was her easiest pregnancy and birth.

Then I turned 21 and found out that I was adopted.

A bunch of functions are drinking in bar...

When someone yells "A differential is coming!" All the functions panic and try to hide, except e^x . One of the functions asked "e^x , why aren't you hiding from the differential?" To which it responded "I'm e^x , a differential can't do anything to me!" At that point, the differential walked in and overheard e^x 's arrogant claims to which the differential said "Ah but you see, I differentiate with respect to **y**"

I'm not proud. Learned this from a TA in Diff Eq in college.

The average horse weighs 1000lbs and has a 20 inch D. That's a ratio of 50lbs to 1 inch.

So an average man weighing 200lbs only needs a 4 inch D to be hung like a horse.

Be proud fellas

Gone fishin'

I remember my brother teaching me to fish. I was so proud when he complimented me on my ability to securely put the worm on the hook. I didn't realize I was being had until I announced at the supper table that I was a " master baiter", and my Mom nearly choked.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the proud resurrection puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working proud proud family piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes