Proud Family Jokes
23 proud family jokes and hilarious proud family puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about proud family that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Proud Family Short Jokes
Short proud family jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The proud family humour may include short proud jokes also.
- Ever since the pandemic started, every morning I proudly announce to my family that I'm going for a jog and then I don't... It's my longest running joke of the year so far...
- When I was a kid, my family was very poor. My dad had to get a second job in the sandpaper factory. Those were rough times.
^(Made that myself. I'm rather proud.) - What do you call a family member who doesn't support their arguments with evidence? Just cuz.
(I came up with this just now and I'm so proud of it and I haven't slept in 3 days) - If I had a dollar... For every time I disappointed my family, I would have enough to make them proud.
- I can proudly say that I'm the head of the family and whatever decisions I make are final I even got my wife's permission to say so
- I'm proud to be a Asian descent, with my family name Chao. When we have family gatherings… It's completely Chaos!
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Proud Family Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about proud family you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean american dad jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make proud family pranks.
Please stop including corny details about your family as a blatant ploy to garner additional upvotes and awards by increasing the emotional impact of your post.
This was said to me just now by my 3 year old. So proud! Got a real eye roll from my wife too, so I know it was a good one. Tinged with sadness though, as it reminds me own dad, who went out to get milk and never came back
A man goes for confession ...
The priest says Tell me son why are you here
Well father , during the war , I hid a Jewish family in my attic and saved them from certain death. the man replied.
The priest taken aback replies , Well son this is a rather noble act that the lord would be proud of , why are you here at confession?
Well father , I charged them rent to stay in my attic. the man replied.
This is not right son , we should help others without asking anything in return , this is the true Christian way the priest replied.
The man replied , Well in that case should I tell them that the war is over ?
Jimmy's First Cow
One fine morning on the family farm, Jimmy excitedly ran into the house with a glass of milk. He can't wait to show his father so he runs into the living room.
He shouts "Hey dad! I just milked my first cow!" while proudly holding up the glass of milk and then chugging the entire thing.
His dad stares at him horrified and says "But son... we don't have a cow, we have a bull"
r**... boy meets his dream girl!
A young boy comes home to his father one day after school.
"Dad, I met the most INCREDIBLE girl in the world today. She's smart, she's beautiful, AND she's funny."
Dad pats his son on the back and walks him into the kitchen, "That's great, son. I'm proud of you for finding someone you like so much."
"That's not the best part, Dad. She's a v**...."
At this point the father slams his hand down on the counter, "I forbid this relationship, son. I never want you to see this girl again. And if I find out you do, I'm going to give you the biggest whooping you ever had."
Tears stream down the son's face, "But, Dad, WHY? She's amazing and she likes me!"
"Well, son. If she ain't good enough for her own family, she ain't good enough for ours."
Was driving through downtown Pigeon Forge and dropped this one…
So Pigeon Forge, Tennessee (US), is a HUGE tourist trap. We're talking zip lines, roller coasters, Ripley's Believe it or Not museum, Ferris wheels, life sized King Kong, etc.
Anywhoo, I was driving the family through this insanity when my wife pointed out a building to the kids and said look at that one with all the giraffes on top! I wonder what that is! Without missing a beat I said, Welcome, to Giraffic Park! And hummed the theme song while navigating through a left hand turn. I was proud and laughed out loud at my own joke. My 7 year old loved it.
Funny f**... Jokes (family friendly)...
A boy comes home proudly announces to his parents "Mom, dad, the teacher asked the class a question today and I was the only one who knew the right answer!"
The parents are very happy and ask, "That's amazing Lenny! And what was the question?"
Sticking out his chest, the boys says, "Who f**...?"
A member of the family in a London medical college was appointed an honorary physician to the king.
He proudly wrote a notice on the blackboard in his class-room room : " Professor Jennings informs his students that he has been appointed honorary physician to His Majesty, King George."
When he returned to the class-room in the afternoon he found written below his notice this line :
" God save the King."
Old Lenny
Old Lenny lived far out in the western mountains of Maine. He had spent all of his 80 years living on the family homestead.
One morning, two land surveyors appeared at his doorstep. The first one spoke: "Now Lenny, we know you is a proud Mainer, but it seems you ain't in Maine at all. We jist finished surveyin' this whole township, and your house is actually on the New Hampshire side of the state line."
"Wicked decent," says old Lenny, "I'd had enough of them Maine winters anyhow."
A conversation among my Children's Church a while back.
A little girl announced proudly to our class one day, "My mommy has a baby in her belly!"
The little boy next to her was mortified! "Why did your mommy eat a baby!"
While my brother-in-law was tapping away on his home computer, his ten-year-old daughter sneaked up behind him.
Then she turned and ran into the kitchen, squealing to the rest of the family: "I know Daddy's password! I know Daddy's password!"
"What is it?" her sisters asked eagerly.
Proudly she replied: "Asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk!"
A jew in his death bed and a Rolex
A jew in his death bed is surrounded by his family, ready to say farewell to their patriarch.
In his last moments, the jew takes something out of his pocket, calls his oldest son and says: "Yitzhak, here I have a 1935 Rolex Oyster Perpetual Chronometer."
"I see it daddy", answers the son
And then the old men continues, "This watch as with me during my whole life. It first belonged to my father's father, then to my father, and finally to me".
With tears in his eyes, the elder son replies, "It's a beautiful watch with a beautiful story, Daddy"
Finally, the jew with a proud look and feeling accomplished asks, "Wanna buy?"
A rite of passage. [Dadjoke alert]
Meet James and Sasha, both 23, in a serious relationship and madly in love. James is worried about children, as he knows there is an honourable history of dad jokes in his family, and he is not sure he can live up to these great expectations. One night, whilst doing the deed, the c**... breaks. They are both scared but after a couple weeks and no sign of pregnancy, they go back to their normal lives, and James goes back to worrying about parenthood. After returning home from work one night, James finds a tearful Sasha on the front doorstep. He sits next to her to ask what's wrong. 'Honey...' She replies. 'I'm pregnant.' James wipes a tear from his eye, and smiles proudly. 'Hello pregnant. I'm dad.'
A rite of passage
Meet James and Sasha, both 23, in a serious relationship and madly in love. James is worried about children, as he knows there is an honourable history of dad jokes in his family, and he is not sure he can live up to these great expectations. One night, whilst doing the deed, the c**... breaks. They are both scared but after a couple weeks and no sign of pregnancy, they go back to their normal lives, and James goes back to worrying about parenthood. After returning home from work one night, James finds a tearful Sasha on the front doorstep. He sits next to her to ask what's wrong. 'Honey...' She replies. 'I'm pregnant.' James wipes a tear from his eye, and smiles proudly. 'Hello pregnant. I'm dad.'
The Alligator Trick
A family from (a r**... town of your choice) was traveling to Florida on vacation. They saw a store on the roadside that advertised Alligator Shows. They stopped and waited for the next show. The Alligator trainer started the show by tapping the Alligator on the head with a stick and the Alligator snapped his mouth shut quickly. He then tapped the Alligator on the head two times with the stick and the Gator slowly closed his mouth very softly not making a sound. The trainer unzipped and pulled out his Doogan and put it in the Gator's mouth. He then tapped the Gator on the head two times with the stick and the Gator slowly closed his mouth and didn't put a scratch on the man's Doogan. The trainer then asked "Would anyone in the audience like to try this?". Becky stood up and proudly said "I would, but just don't hit me too hard with that stick :)
Potato Family Circus
Mama Potato and Papa Potato had a precious little baby Sweet Potato. Life was wonderful. The little Sweet Potato grew up and eventually went away to college, making her parents very, very proud.
One day the little Sweet Potato returned home for a surprise visit. "Mom, Dad," she proudly exclaimed, "I have some very exciting news for you! I want you to meet the man I am going to marry!!!" Her parents were brimming with joy. Their little Sweet Potato goes outside to fetch her new mate and comes in and says, "Mom, Dad, I'd like you to meet Walter Cronkite!"
"Walter Cronkite!?" her parents exclaimed in utter disbelief. "You can't marry him, he's a commentator!!"
Who has the most children
There was a contest held to determine which race can produce the most amount of children in their lifetime. The 3 finalists were India, China and The Philippines.
The judges called the first contestant to the stage. Mr. India proudly announced " I have a very big family! I have 100 kids!!!". The judges were amazed and the crowd applauded.
The judges then called the 2nd contestant, Mr. China. He then sneered at Mr. India and loudly said "Only 100? I have 1000 children!!!". The crowd went wild. The judges couldn't believe that it was even possible.
The 3rd contestant was called. "Mr. Philippines, please come up to the stage. He was sweating. Shows on his actions that he was very nervous. On his was up to the stage, as soon as the crowd sees him, they went wild. They crowd cheered. Everyone on was rooting for him. The judges were amazed as they hear the crowd chant "DADDY DADDY DADDY!!!"
One day an elderly Chinese grandfather gets a phone call from his son
"Come quick, I'm about to be a dad!" says the son.
So the grandfather rushes down to the hospital to see his daughter-in-law going into labour.
"It's twins!" says the son excitedly.
After many moments of screaming and pushing, the son is holding a beautiful Chinese boy.
"What a handsome boy!" says the son proudly. The father can't help but agree as he admires his first grandchild. The wife prepares to deliver the second child as the first baby is laid down in a crib.
After more agonising shouts and clenches, the son is holding a beautiful African boy.
"Well, it's not what I expected" says the surprised son, "but he is still a handsome boy."
The grandfather, however, grabs the African baby and runs to the bathroom.
"Dad! What are you doing?!" the son exclaims.
The grandfather opens the lid of the toilet and dumps the baby inside.
"Son," he says, "ancient Chinese proverb been told in family for many generation..."
He pushes the flush button and says "If it yellow, let it mellow..."