Protective Jokes

63 protective jokes and hilarious protective puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about protective that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Protective Short Jokes

Short protective jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The protective humour may include short protection jokes also.

  1. Daughter: mom I'm going to a sleepover at jack's Mom: use protection
    daughter: mom I'm 15
    Mom: and I'm 30
  2. Why do koi fish travel in groups of four? To protect the group from predators. When attacked, kois A, B, and C will go in one direction. The fourth one is the D koi.
  3. Chuck Norris Chuck Norris doesn't wear shoe to protect his feet from the ground...

    He wears them to protect the ground from his feet
  4. I recently bought my pet duck a mask, to protect it from corona virus... It's nothing flashy, but it fits the bill
  5. How do you stop Jehovah Witnesses from coming to your door? Going into jehovah witness Protection.
  6. TIL Steve Irwin had a failed "Crocodile Hunter" sunscreen brand. Apparently it didn't protect you from harmful rays
  7. TIL if Steve Irwin had worn sunscreen that fateful day, he would have survived. Apparently it protects against harmful rays.
  8. A father and his son are visited by the Child Protective Services. The agent asks the son, "Do you know why we are visiting you today?" The son thought a bit and replied: "Beats Me"
  9. Steve Irwin would still be alive today if he put on sunscreen It protects you from harmful rays
  10. Why don't you buy sunscreen from Steve Irwin? Because it doesn't protect you from harmful rays

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Protective One Liners

Which protective one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with protective? I can suggest the ones about supportive and use protection.

  1. Why did Steve Irwin's sunscreen get recalled? It didn't protect him from harmful rays
  2. Why are Americans so bad at League of Legends? because they can't protect their tower
  3. In a way, good friends are like condoms... ...they protect you when things get hard.
  4. Bad luck Steve Irwin. Puts on sunblock.
    Doesn't protect against harmful rays.
  5. Why does Steve Irwin hate sunblock? It doesn't protect from harmful rays
  6. Tampax has been protecting women for 80 years. That's quite a long period.
  7. If only Steve Irwin wore sunglasses They might have protected him from harmful rays
  8. If only Steve Irwin wore sun screen. He could have been protected from harmful rays.
  9. What does a drunk police officer do? Protect and swerve.
  10. You know, not all Italians are in the mafia. Some are in the Witness Protection Program.
  11. Steve Irwin put on sunscreen. Too bad it didn't protect him from harmful rays.
  12. How do you protect your valuables from an accordionist? Hide them in an old folk song.
  13. How do you protect your accordion from being stolen? Put it in a guitar case.
  14. What do police and my laundry detergent not have in common? One protects all colors.
  15. Why did the bee wear a helmet on the first day of spring? To protect its buzz-y head!

Wear Protective Jokes

Here is a list of funny wear protective jokes and even better wear protective puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Sean Connery: A Man Who Conquers All *obviously, this is read in the man's grizzled voice*
    What's the difference between your mother and a motorcycle?
    When I ride a motorcycle... I wear protection.
  • Steve Irwin died because he wasn't wearing sunscreen. If he had, it would've protected him from harmful rays.
  • Why do the FBI always wear sunglasses? To protect their FB-eyes
  • LPT: Always wear hearing protection when you go to concerts This is sound advice.
  • If Steve Irwin the crocodile hunter was wearing sunscreen that day he would still be alive Sunscreen protects against harmful rays
  • What do French barbarians wear to protect their eyes? Gaul-gles.
    (Courtesy of my eight year old.)
  • Did you know that the U.S. Constitution protects the right to wear a short-sleeved shirt? It says "the right to bare arms shall not be infringed."
    (credit to my dad for this one)
  • I figured out why President Trump thinks he doesn't have to wear a mask to protect himself from viruses. Somebody told him he had diplomatic immunity.
  • TIL there more slugs in the world than snails because slugs... ...don't wear protection.
  • There has been a rise in sheeple recently. Someone better tell the sheep shaggers to wear some protection.

Protective Layer Jokes

Here is a list of funny protective layer jokes and even better protective layer puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I read about how in ancient Rome gladiators had a layer of fat to protect them in combat. I'm gonna start telling people I have the body of a gladiator.
  • I love my 6-pack so much I protect it with a layer of fat.
  • I firmly believe in taking care of one's body... That's why I protect mine in a thick layer of fat.
  • My abs are so perfect... ...that i keep them safe and sound under a protective layer of beer belly.
  • I love my six packs so much that I have protected it with layers of fat.
  • My six pack is protected by a layer of fat.
  • I like my 6 pack so much.... I protected it in a layer of fat
  • I love my six pack. Which is why I protect it with a thick layer of fat.
Protective joke, I love my six pack.

Protective Gear Jokes

Here is a list of funny protective gear jokes and even better protective gear puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A scientist conducted a research on smartphone protection gear. It was an interesting case study.
  • Trump's new EPA chief just released a slight tweak to the EPA mission statement The EPA is now switching gears from protecting the environment to protecting us from the environment.
  • What do you call a black kneecap protection? A knee gear
Protective joke, What do you call a black kneecap protection?

Happy Protective Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends

What funny jokes about protective you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean wearing protection jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make protective pranks.

Pregnant girlfriend

Guy: Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant, but we always use protection, and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?
Doctor: Let me tell you a story: There was once a Hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion suddenly jumped in front of him. To scare the Lion, the Hunter used the Umbrella like a Gun, and shot the Lion, then it died!
Guy: Nonsense! Someone else must have shot the Lion.
Doctor: Good! You understood the story. Next patient please.

A German shepherd, a Doberman and a cat died.

In heaven they faced God,who wanted to know what they believed in.
The German shepherd said "i believe in discipline, loyalty and training to my master".
"Good" said God. "You may sit on my right side".
The Doberman said "I believe in love,care and protection of my master".
"Aha,you may sit on my left" said God.
Then God looked at the cat and said" and what do you believe in"?
The cat replied " I believe you are sitting in my seat".

Two r**... are admiring their firearms.

One says, I keep these around for hunting, home protection, and to defend my 2nd amendment rights. The second says, I just like shooting cans.
That's a lot of firepower just for shooting cans.
Well, there's so many of them: Mexi-cans, Afri-cans, Puerto Ri-cans...

The government reveals their new logo today....

The government reveals their new logo today, on a black background sit a magnificent image of a c**....
I guess it makes sense, seeings as how a c**... allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of d**..., and gives you a sense of security while being s**....

A German Shepherd, a Doberman, and a cat died.

In Heaven, all three faced God, who wanted to know what they believed in.
The German Shepherd said, I believe in discipline, training, and loyalty to my master.
Good! said God. Sit at my right side. Then God asked, Doberman, what do you believe in?
The Doberman answered, I believe in the love, care, and protection of my master.
Aha, said God, you may sit on my left.
Then God looked at the cat and asked, And what do you believe in?
I believe, replied the cat, that you are sitting in my seat.

A German Shepherd, Doberman And Cat Have Died And Gone To Heaven

A German Shepherd, Doberman and a cat have died.
All three are faced with God who wants to know what they believe in.
The German shepherd says: "I believe in discipline training and loyalty to my master."
Good," says God. "Then sit down on my right side. Doberman, what do you believe in?
The Doberman answers: "I believe in the love, care and protection of my master."
Ah," said God. "You may sit to my left."
Then he looks at the cat and asks, "And what do you believe in?"
The cat answers: "I believe you're sitting on my seat."

Koi fish are incredibly intelligent, and naturally form groups of four fish, with each having a specialized role.

The group is always led by a leader fish , called koi A. The other three fish will follow it everywhere.
Koi B is in charge of hunting for the group, and will report back to them with the location of food.
Koi C is usually a large, aggressive female. She protects the group from threats, and asserts dominance over other groups of koi.
And if the fish are attacked, the other three swim away, and the predator always goes for the D koi.

A woman found a magic lamp on the beach, rubbed it, and out popped a genie.

"Ask me anything and it's yours!" She thought a moment and then answered, "I want my husband to pay more attention to me, to protect me, to take me out frequently, to sleep close to me, and to be more caring, even if I get a tiny scratch." "No problem." And p**...! She was a smartphone!

What's the best form of protection when you don't have a c**...?

A fake name

What should Steve Irwin worn the day he died?

Sunscreen. Know why..?
Because it protects you from harmful rays.

What do American police have in common with American Congress?

They only serve and protect corporate interests.

Protective joke, What do American police have in common with American Congress?