Protect Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Protect jokes. There are some protect visibility jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these protect proactive puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

The Funniest Protect Jokes for a Bone-Shaking Laugh

Why does the Catholic Church protect paedophiles?

Because the last time they shunned a child molester, he started Islam.

King Arthur was in Merlin's laboratory where the good wizard was showing him his latest invention.

It was a chastity belt... except it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place.

'This is no good, Merlin!' the king exclaimed, 'Look at this opening. How is this supposed to protect m'lady, the Queen?'

'Ah, sire, just observe.' said Merlin as he searched his cluttered workbench until he found what he was looking for.

He then selected his most worn out wand, one that he was going to discard anyway. He then inserted it in the gaping aperture of the chastity belt whereupon a small guillotine blade came down and cut it neatly in two. 'Merlin, you are a genius!' cried the grateful monarch, 'Now I can leave, knowing that my Queen is fully protected.'

After putting Guinevere in the device, King Arthur then set out upon his Quest. Several years passed until he returned to Camelot. Immediately he assembled all his knights in the courtyard and had them drop their trousers for an informal 'short arm' inspection.

Sure enough! Each and every one of them was either amputated or damaged in some way. All of them except Sir Galahad.

'Sir Galahad' exclaimed King Arthur, 'the one and only true knight! Only you among all the nobles have been true to me. What is it in my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours!'

But, alas, Sir Galahad was speechless..

Self Protection with heavy Flirt :-

Teacher :- Why are u sleeping in the class ?
Student :- Your voice is so sweet thats why i am getting sleep .
Teacher : - Then why other students are not sleeping ?
Student :- They aren't listening to u mam ...........

In lieu of the recent manhunt...

The LAPD's motto is "to protect and serve." I think they ought to change it to "We'll treat you like a King."

jokes about protect

Have you heard? They pulled the Steve Irwin brand of sunscreen off the shelves.

It didn't protect against deadly rays.

Why should Steve Irwin have put on sunscreen?

To protect himself from the harmful rays.

What is 1 + 1?

3 if you don't use protection.

Protect joke, What is 1 + 1?

No matter how loud she screams, DO NOT take IT out.

protect your credit card guys :)

Why did Steve Irwin's sunscreen get recalled?

It didn't protect him from harmful rays

I firmly believe in taking care of one's body...

That's why I protect mine in a thick layer of fat.

Why does Steve Irwin hate sunblock?

It doesn't protect from harmful rays

You can explore protect sunscreen reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean protect conserve dad jokes. There are also protect puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Bad luck Steve Irwin.

Puts on sunblock.
Doesn't protect against harmful rays.

Some food puns I came up with

Why should you eat rye before battle?

It's bread for war.

Why should you eat melon before going in the sun?

A little melon in helps protect you from the sun.

When should you get a ladder in a slaughterhouse?

When the steaks are high

Why is it a good idea to rub blueberries on your face when you're embarrassed?

You should berry your face in shame.

I love my 6-pack so much I protect it with a layer of fat.

Why don't feminists carry handguns? (2)

Because it isn't a girls' responsibility to learn to protect themselves, **teach men to not be dangerous.**

What does a drunk police officer do?

Protect and swerve.

Protect joke, What does a drunk police officer do?

Why are Americans so bad at League of Legends?

because they can't protect their towers

The local high school volley ball team was having a game against the police force.

It was time for the police to protect and serve.

How do you protect yourself from ghosts?

Hide in the living room.

Wife asks god for a better husband

Wife: Dear God , I wish you could make my husband pay more attention to me, protect me, take me out, sleep close to me at night.
I wish he would be more caring even if I got the smallest of scratches.
God then turned her into a smartphone.

My parents had a gun to protect their 5 children

but they got rid of it to protect their 4 children.

What do you call a group of Spanish-speaking moms who band together to protect their neighborhood?

Super Barrio Mothers

A woman found a magic lamp on the beach, rubbed it, and out popped a genie.

"Ask me anything and it's yours!" She thought a moment and then answered, "I want my husband to pay more attention to me, to protect me, to take me out frequently, to sleep close to me, and to be more caring, even if I get a tiny scratch." "No problem." And POOF! She was a smartphone!

"Y'know with all the civil unrest, political corruption, class divides, drug smuggling, gang wars, police brutality, gun violence, and poor education maybe building a wall to protect us from our southern neighbors isn't such a bad idea"

\- Canada

Why don't you buy sunscreen from Steve Irwin?

Because it doesn't protect you from harmful rays

Apple just released a new iOS update to help protect against piraters

It's called the iPatch.

Protect joke, Apple just released a new iOS update to help protect against piraters

God allows animals to ask him one question...

The giraffe: God why do I have this long neck?
God: to be able to get the finest leaves.

The rihno: why is my skin so heavy and thick?
God: because your skin is your armor and its role is to protect you from your enemies.

The chicken: I don't care, so please don't even try explain! You make the hole bigger or the egg smaller.

Four students are asked what they wanted to be when they grew up

1st student: I want to be a teacher, so I can teach my fellow countrymen

2nd student: I want to be a doctor, so I can cure my fellow countrymen

3rd student: I want to be a lawyer, so I can protect my fellow countrymen

4th student: I want to be a countryman

My brother recently got a pocket protector

All of his friends laughed at it, but I was amazed. It's such a bargain, because not only does it protect the content of your pockets, but it also protects your virginity.

A King asks two guards to protect his beautiful daughter's virginity...

Unbeknownst to the guards, the king put a trap in his daughter's nether regions.

The next day, the king summons the guards and one showed up with mangled genitals. The King had him executed for making attempts on his daughter.

The other guard, with his manhood intact was offered a promotion for upholding abstinence, to which he replied "hnnnggg"

I saw where they pulled all the Steve Irwin sunscreen off the market for false advertising.

It didn't protect against harmful rays.

There are several types of vests designed to protect a person...

There's Life Vests - designed to protect a person from drowning.
There's Bullet Proof Vests - designed to protect a person from bullets.
There's High Visibility Safety Vests - designed to protect a person from getting hit while near traffic.
There's Leather Vests - designed to protect a person from road rash when laying down their motorcycle.
And there's Sweater Vests - designed to protect a person from women.

They shouldn't let students outside to see the eclipse today

They need to protect their pupils.

In a way, good friends are like condoms...

...they protect you when things get hard.

A young bride and groom-to-be had just selected the wedding ring.

As the girl admired the plain platinum and diamond band, she suddenly looked concerned.

"Tell me," she asked the elderly salesman "is there anything special I'll have to do to take care of this ring?"

With a fatherly smile, the salesman said,
"One of the best ways to protect a wedding ring is to dip it in dishwater three times a day."

How do you protect yourself from gamma rays and x-rays?

You don't bomb pearl harbor.

Why do the FBI always wear sunglasses?

To protect their FB-eyes

Why do slugs carry pepper spray when they go out late at night?

To protect themselves from a salt

How is a mini skirt like a fence?

They both protect the property but they don't spoil the view

Cases for phone are like condoms...

They protect it but it's just not the same.

Some people use their hands to protect themselves from getting punched. I use the head of a porcupine and two crayons.

It's an avant-guard

What do you call people who protect their yards?

Lawn Enforcement.

A King is being admired by his people...

They bring him food, bathe him, protect his castle, and all he has to do is shake a paw every once and a while..

One day, some U.S. senators were discussing how best... protect their constituents from predation by big businesses.

Things are so bad in the U.S...

...that I bet the EU could protect the rights of US citizens better than the U.S. can.

To all the dude's who didn't use protection this weekend

Happy Father's Day!

A group of chronic masturbators have recently started an organization to protect women from domestic violence.

Their slogan is "We only beat ourselves."

Facebook is promising to protect users from data misuse.

Meanwhile, Darth Vader is teaching CPR.

What do French barbarians wear to protect their eyes?


(Courtesy of my eight year old.)

What was the name of the political committee that worked to protect the rights of wine enthusiasts?

The Bacchus Caucus

I heard they recalled Steve irwin's sunblock lotion.

It didn't protect against harmful rays.

TIL Steve Irwin was trying to market his own sunblock.

The FDA wouldn't approve it because it didn't protect you against all rays.

What do the brave men, and women who protect our towns and cities have in common with some very small bugs that get stuck in Edgar Allan Poe's hair have in common?

They're both Po-Lice.

* my wife kicked me out of the car shortly after telling you this joke. Crazy part about it is I was driving at the time.

When the sun sets every evening, Superman moves all his Bitcoin investments into a regular mutual fund.

He tries to protect himself from Crypto night.

Why do Africans use mosquito nets?

To protect the mosquitoes from AIDS.

Why did the bakery install a security system?

To protect the dough!

Steve Irwin put on sunscreen.

Too bad it didn't protect him from harmful rays.

I've protected my laptop by placing several alcoholic fruity beverages on top of it.

I guess I misunderstood when people told me to focus on cider security.

We all can do better to help save the planet

With this in mind, i've just published a book on preserving the rainforest, and what we can do as a human race to help protect it.

Its over 2000 pages long.

What do G-Strings and barbed wire have in common?

They both protect the property without disrupting the view.

People have been using crystals and essential oils to protect themselves from covid.

Their corpses smell great and look very fashionable.

A man heard a knock at the door so he went to go answer.

When he saw a hooded figure with a scythe on his doorstep, he screamed.

The figure took off his hood apologizing. "I'm a priest, I have come to bless you to protect you from COVID-19! I just have to wear this because of quarantine, I'm not supposed to leave my house. This way no one comes to stop me."

The man was surprised, but let the priest into his house regardless. I mean how often do you find a blessing in disguise?

Trump is fighting Covid-19 not only in the US but also for the world

by not only not stopping but promoting global warming. Now that it is confirmed heat and humidity kill Covid-19, I can see Trump was trying to protect us proactively even before the pandemic...

Why should you always use protection when having sex at sea?

So you don't get mermaids.

I figured out why President Trump thinks he doesn't have to wear a mask to protect himself from viruses.

Somebody told him he had diplomatic immunity.

There are many kinds of vests that protect you..

Life vests protect you from drowning.
Bullet proof vests protect you from getting shot.
Reflective vests protect you from getting hit when you are near a road.
And sweater vests protect you from women.

TIL Steve Irwin had a failed "Crocodile Hunter" sunscreen brand.

Apparently it didn't protect you from harmful rays

These long quarantines have been so difficult for many marriages.

Luckily for me I have an amazing wife. Just last night I woke up to her firmly pressing a pillow against my face to protect me from Covid-19.

I recently bought my pet duck a mask, to protect it from corona virus...

It's nothing flashy, but it fits the bill

Playgrounds in the UK have been fitted with advanced paedophile detection systems to help protect children

The company behind the technology has called it NonceSenseβ„’

Policemen are great at Volleyball, guess why?

They serve and protect.

A camel decided to educate his son who he suspected was getting a little insquisitive...

"Why do we have two humps," asked the son.
"That's so we can go for days without water. We can store it in the humps."

"Why do we have very long eyelashes?
"That," he was told, "is to protect the eyes from sand in a sand storm."

"And why do we have bulbous looking feet?"
"That's so we're can travel twice as fast through the desert."

"Dad," asked the young camel, "What the hell are we doing in this zoo?"

My girlfriend asked me if I would take a bullet for her

I said of course I would!


But if the intent was so that I could finally die or to actually protect her is a whole 'nother conversation

All of our workers have airbags in their monitor

So it will protect them when their computers crash.

Jesus, why did you let me die of coronavirus?

He ignored the lockdown order because Jesus will protect me he did not accept a mask because Jesus will protect him. He refused the vaccine, because Jesus will protect him. Then he died of Coronavirus and met Jesus. Jesus, why didn't you protect me!?
Jesus responded, First I put lockdowns in place, then I got you a mask. When that didn't work I created a vaccine, and still you refused... what more do you want from me?

Don't use Cops to protect the Capitol building!

Use barbers and hairdressers, the threat of a shave, shampoo and haircut should have most of them running for the hills!

Everyone is posting photos of people from the 1910's wearing masks to protect themselves from the Spanish flu to try and convince people to wear masks now...

Idiots. If masks work, then why are all those people in the pictures dead?

How do McDonald's employees protect their laptops?

They use McAfee

I read about how in ancient Rome gladiators had a layer of fat to protect them in combat.

I'm gonna start telling people I have the body of a gladiator.

Why do "nice guys" suck at Chess

They never protect the king, always the queen

What kind of food do you use to protect yourself?

Pasta, it's im-penne-trable!

Only Batman can protect the pig

A guy walks into a bar with a pig dressed all in black on a leash and orders a beer. "Um, what's with the dressed up pig?" the bartender asks. "It's my pet pig. He's dressed all in black for his own safety. This way no one can bully or harrass him," the guy tells the bartender. "Because Batman is sworn to protect goth ham."

How and why do people protect their iPhones?

Just in case

There was a giant, steel, robot who had one job, protect the city.

One day when it was raining some of the screws got rusty and fell off causing one of the legs to fall off entirely. When the leg fell off it crushed the city that it was meant to protect.

Oh, the iron knee!

What do American police have in common with American Congress?

They only serve and protect corporate interests.

why would a pig dressed in black never get bullied?

Because batman swore to protect goth ham

What's the best way for a lady to protect herself from a one-legged attacker?

Kick him in the crutch!

A Christian missionary goes to proselytize in Africa and gets lost

So he goes aimlessly through thick forest and stumbles upon a lion. He gets scared the lion will eat him so he starts praying to God to protect him from the lion. Then, suddenly, he sees the lion praying as well!


He gets relieved and tells the lion: Brother! I didn't know you're a believer as well. I'm so glad, for a moment I thought that you might eat me


The lion responds: Quiet, please! Don't interrupt my mealtime prayer!

A guy interviews a man on the street

Low Gas Prices or Protect Trans-Rights?

Low Gas Prices


Because It's better for the Trans-mission

Why do koi fish travel in groups of four?

To protect the group from predators. When attacked, kois A, B, and C will go in one direction. The fourth one is the D koi.

A man was hiking on a mountain when a small rockslide took him towards a cliff

The man managed to grab ahold of the cliff but was barely hanging on. Not knowing what else to do he looked up towards the sky and shouted God, if you're up there, please help me!

The man heard a voice say I'm here. I will protect you, but you need to let go.

The man then shouts Is anybody else up there who can help?

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the protect uphold puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working protect shield piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes