Prostitutes Jokes

What are some Prostitutes jokes?

I can't believe that you've been visiting prostitutes for sex, my wife screamed at me. I'm really disappointed.

You can hardly blame me, I answered. It's not like I was getting any from you.


Well, that's your own fault, she replied. You never told me you were willing to pay for it.

I can't believe that you've been visiting prostitutes for sex, my wife screamed at me.

I can't believe that you've been visiting prostitutes for sex, my wife screamed at me. I'm really disappointed. You can hardly blame me, I answered. It's not like I was getting any from you. Well, that's your own fault, she replied. You never told me you were willing to pay for it.

Marriage, the real story

A husband walks into the bedroom to see his wife packing a suitcase. He asks, "What are you doing?"

She answers, "I'm moving to Nevada . I heard that prostitutes there get paid $400.00 for what I'm doing for YOU for FREE!"

Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.

When she asks him where he's going, he replies,

"I'm coming too. I want to see how you live on $800.00 a year."

How many dead prostitutes does it take to change a lightbulb?

Obviously not 8, because its still dark in my basement.

Studies show that prostitutes have higher levels of oxytocin than the average person.

Oxytocin is known to increase erotic vocalizations during sex. Scientists believe that this may be an adaptation to help with pleasing their clients.

It's a very powerful whore-moan.

Why do prostitutes love wearing underwear

Because it keeps their ankles warm

You got to hand it to blind prostitutes...

A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase

He asks, "What are you doing?"

She replies, "I'm off to New York City. I read that prostitutes there get paid $400 for doing what I do for you for free."

Later, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.
"Where are you going?" she asks

"I'm coming with you. I want to see how you live on $800 a year"

Why do prostitutes make more money then drug dealers?

Because they can wash their crack and sell it again

How many prostitutes do you have to kill until someone notices?

I'm not sure yet.

Why do British prostitutes always carry Vaseline?

Because their lips have so many chaps on them!

A man walks into the bedroom to see his wife packing

"What are you doing?" He asked.

"I'm off to New York," she replies. "I hear prostitutes get paid $400 doing what I do to you for free."

The husband begins packing his bags.

"What are you doing?" asked the wife.

"I'm coming with you," he said. "I wanna see how you live off $800 a year."

How do prostitutes get paid?

Income

"You know what they say about blind prostitutes?"

..."You've really got to hand it to them." -Fred Willard

A poll was taken by 2,000 prostitutes asking if they would have sex with Ted Cruz.

91% said 'Never Again .

What do you call a mermaid prostitutes?

Water Hose.

How many dead prostitutes does it take to change a lightbulb?

I don't know, but I have 3 in my basement and I still can't see a thing.

I can only get laid by prostitutes.

I'm a buysexual

You've got to hand it to blind prostitutes...

... no seriously you've got to

How many dead prostitutes does it take to change a lightbulb?

One. Just because she's dead doesn't mean she can't still screw.

Three prostitutes in a bar...

First one holds up four fingers "I can take that inside me" she says.
"Well, I can take this" says the second, holding up a fist.
The third one slides slowly down the bar stool.

Did you hear about the sorcerer that turns people into prostitutes?

He's whorifying!

What do Subway and prostitutes have in common?

You're paying them to do your wife's job

What is the difference between a prostitute and EA?

Both have expensive loot boxes we have to pay for however it's prostitutes who end up with a bad taste in their mouths not their clients.

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car that said: "TWO PROSTITUTES $50.00."

A policeman stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail. Just then, another car passed with a sign saying, "JESUS SAVES." One of the girls asked the cop, "Why don't you stop them?" "Well, that's a little different," the cop smiled. "Their sign pertains to religion." The two ladies frowned as they took their sign down and drove off. The following day the cop noticed the same two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again. This time the sign read: "TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER $50.00.

A mom buys an old parrot from a whorehouse..

A mom buys an old parrot in a whorehouse and proceeds to bring it home for the family to enjoy their new pet.

As she brings the parrot inside the house the parrot says "ah, new house!" and she bursts in laughter.

Later that day, the daughters arrive from school and promptly the parrot says "ah, new house, new prostitutes!" and they all burst in laughter.

Some time goes by, and after a long day of work the dad finally arrives home, and without wasting time, the parrot says "ah, new house, new prostitutes, same old customers. Good night Mr. Williams"

The dirty professor

The old professor started each lecture with a dirty joke. After a real objectionable example of that one day, the female students got together and decided that next time, when this happens again, they will all walk out in unison.

The professor got wind of this plot. Next morning, after he entered the lecture hall, he said: "Good morning! Have you heard about the shortage of prostitutes in India?"

Now all the female students stood up and headed toward the exit.

The professor continued: "Oh, ladies, please wait, the boat to India doesn't leave until tomorrow!"

I lost 80 pounds a while back...

British prostitutes are expensive.

What do you call a train full of prostitutes?

A train of Thot.

Two prostitutes were walking down the street...

Two prostitutes were walking down the street and one of them said excitingly, "Oh we're gonna make big money tonight, I can smell the dicks in the air." The other one said, "Oh please, I just burped."

All prostitutes...

starts off as noobstitutes.

A boy goes with his mother in a taxi,

In between taxi passes by a red light area.

The boy asks his mother after looking at the call girls,

Mom, who are they ?

Mother replied: They are waiting for their husbands.

Taxi driver: Why are you lying the kid ?

He says, son they are prostitutes. They sleep and earn money!

Child Asks: Then mom what happens to the kids these women give birth to?

MOM : THEY BECOME TAXI DRIVERS

My Grandmother was excited to hear that some cookies at the bake sale were baked by genuine prostitutes

Grandma did always have a soft spot for ho-made products.

Why do most Vietnamese people seem like male prostitutes?

Because they pay for everything with their Dongs

A mother and her young daughter are going home by taxi at night...

after some time they're passing by the red-light district and the young girl discovers some prostitutes on the street. She asks her mother: "Mom, what are they doing?"
The mother replies: "They're just guarding the parked cars."
The taxi driver intervenes: "Don't let your mother bullshit you - they're whores!"
The mother turns red and sinks down in the back seat annoyed and disappointed by the driver.
A few moments later the little girl asks: "Mom can whores get children too?"
The mother starts smiling spitefully and looks the driver in the eyes through the driving mirror... "Sure, where else do you think all the taxi drivers come from?"

A koala bear breaks in to a prostitutes home,

And starts to perform oral sex on her. He does his thing and when he is done he jumps up and heads for the door. The prostitute stops him and demands pay. The koala bear is bewildered. So she grabs a dictionary and opens it up to prostitute. Under the heading the find "a woman or man who sells sex for money." Unfazed the koala casually thumbs back to koala and points. Under the heading they find " a bear native to Australia who eats bushes and leaves."

What do peanut butter and prostitutes have in common?

They both spread for bread.

Did you know that prostitutes at the Moulin Rouge used strong alcoholic drinks to bleach their hair?

Absinthe makes the tart grow blonder.

How many dead prostitutes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

More than three because the basement is still dark!


*(Just heard this today, even though I know it's probably old!)*

Hear about the mechanic who refuses to pay prostitutes?

He screws, nuts and bolts.

What did the prostitutes left leg say to the other leg?

Between you and me, we can make a lot of money!

When 2 prostitutes have sex, who pays?

Me πŸ˜€

Which country has the cheapest prostitutes?

Vietnam. Because over there you need 20840 dongs to make a dollar.

72 virgins in Heaven

An 18-year-old suicide bomber blew himself up and appeared before Allah.
He said, "Oh, Allah, I did your bidding, but I have a request. Since I'm only 18 and spent all my time in terrorist training school, I never was with a woman. So, instead of 72 virgins, who also won't know what to do sexually, can I have 72 prostitutes?"
Allah regarded him for a moment, then replied,
"Actually, 72 virgins are here in heaven because bastards like you murdered them before they could experience the pleasure of sex. So you're here to service them. Since they're virgins, they're quite sexually ravenous; and, frankly, you'll be on constant, exhausting duty."
The bomber responded, "Well, I guess I can live with that. How hard can it be to keep 72 women satisfied for all eternity?"
And Allah replied, "Who said they were women?"

Parrots and the Priest

A woman went to her priest with a problem. "Father, I have two female parrots, and they only know how to say one thing. All they ever say is, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Wanna have some fun?' "

"That's terrible!" exclaimed the priest. "But I think I can help. Bring your two female parrots over to my house, and I will put them with my two male parrots whom I taught to pray and read the Bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship."

The next day, the woman brought her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots were holding rosary beads and quietly praying in their cage. The woman put her two female parrots in the cage with the male parrots. The females said, "Hi, we're prostitutes. Wanna have some fun?"

One male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed "Put those beads away, our prayers have been answered!"

What do you call a large group of prostitutes?

A whored

Lost 200 pounds. Here's my story.

British prostitutes are *expensive.*

What's a prostitutes favorite soda?

Mount-and-do

Prostitutes

A woman and her 12-year-old son were riding in a taxi in Detroit. It was raining and all the prostitutes were standing under awnings. "Mom," said the boy, "what are all those women doing?" "They're waiting for their husbands to get off work," she replied. The taxi driver turns around and says, "Geez lady, why don't you tell him the truth? They're hookers, boy! They have sex with men for money." The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true Mom?" His mother, glaring hard at the driver, answers "Yes." After a few minutes the kid asks, "Mom, if those women have babies, what happens to them?" She replies, "Well, most of them become taxi drivers."

I think I've been spending too much time with prostitutes.

During sex, my girlfriend said give it to me and I pulled out my wallet.

What gender are people who sleep exclusively with prostitutes?

Buysexual

My barrister

You have to tell me the truth," my barrister said. "It doesn't matter to me if you're guilty or not, I just don't want to be surprised in court."

"Ok, I raped and murdered those prostitutes." I admitted.

"Interesting, but can we get back to this shoplifting charge please?"

A group of prostitutes play WoW.

I heard that they call themselves the whore'd.

I've dedicated my entire life to getting prostitutes off the streets

For an hour or so each day.

How many prostitutes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just one, but she charges me extra for weird stuff

What do male prostitutes and Inspector Closeau have in common?

They're both Peter Sellers

How to make Prostitutes jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Prostitutes to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Prostitutes? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Prostitutes pick up lines to share with friends.

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