prostitutes Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious prostitutes puns

I can't believe that you've been visiting prostitutes for sex, my wife screamed at me. I'm really disappointed.

You can hardly blame me, I answered. It's not like I was getting any from you.


Well, that's your own fault, she replied. You never told me you were willing to pay for it.

👍🏼

I can't believe that you've been visiting prostitutes for sex, my wife screamed at me.

I can't believe that you've been visiting prostitutes for sex, my wife screamed at me. I'm really disappointed. You can hardly blame me, I answered. It's not like I was getting any from you. Well, that's your own fault, she replied. You never told me you were willing to pay for it.

👍🏼

What kind of shoes does Voldemort force his prostitutes to wear?

Whore Crocs

(I'm sorry)

👍🏼

Marriage, the real story

A husband walks into the bedroom to see his wife packing a suitcase. He asks, "What are you doing?"

She answers, "I'm moving to Nevada . I heard that prostitutes there get paid $400.00 for what I'm doing for YOU for FREE!"

Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.

When she asks him where he's going, he replies,

"I'm coming too. I want to see how you live on $800.00 a year."

👍🏼

How many dead prostitutes does it take to change a lightbulb?

Obviously not 8, because its still dark in my basement.

👍🏼

Three prostitutes are sitting in a bar. . .

and they're drunkenly arguing over who has the loosest pussy.

The first one says: "Last night I had a John put his whole fist up me and open up his fingers.

The second one laughs and says: "That's nothing! Last week I had a guy who stuck his arm up me to the elbow and could wriggle it all around, barely touching the sides!"

The third one laughed at the other two and slid down the bar stool.

👍🏼

Studies show that prostitutes have higher levels of oxytocin than the average person.

Oxytocin is known to increase erotic vocalizations during sex. Scientists believe that this may be an adaptation to help with pleasing their clients.

It's a very powerful whore-moan.

👍🏼

Why do prostitutes love wearing underwear

Because it keeps their ankles warm

👍🏼

You got to hand it to blind prostitutes...

👍🏼

How many dead prostitutes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Apparently not 8 because my basement is still dark.

👍🏼

Why do prostitutes make more money then drug dealers?

Because they can wash their crack and sell it again

👍🏼

Two Prostitutes (Kim & Chloe) walking down the street at night....

Kim says to Chloe, "Wait, someone is coming over." Chloe surprised and asks, "How can you tell? Its so dark out here." Kim explains, "You know I have this gift of smelling dick from a far." Chloe laughs and says, "No silly, I just burped."

👍🏼

How many prostitutes do you have to kill until someone notices?

I'm not sure yet.

👍🏼

Two prostitutes are discussing the hazards of their job

One says, "Have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"

"No, but I've been slung around by the tits."

👍🏼

Why do British prostitutes always carry Vaseline?

Because their lips have so many chaps on them!

👍🏼

How do prostitutes get paid?

Income

👍🏼

"You know what they say about blind prostitutes?"

..."You've really got to hand it to them." -Fred Willard

👍🏼

A poll was taken by 2,000 prostitutes asking if they would have sex with Ted Cruz.

91% said 'Never Again .

👍🏼

How many dead prostitutes does it take to change a lightbulb?

I don't know, but I have 3 in my basement and I still can't see a thing.

👍🏼

How many dead prostitutes does it take to change a lightbulb?

One. Just because she's dead doesn't mean she can't still screw.

👍🏼

Two prostitutes are standing at a street corner, talking business.

"tonight's gonna be great," says the first prostitute. "I can just smell the cock in the air."

The second prostitute replies "No, that was me. I burped."

👍🏼

Three prostitutes in a bar...

First one holds up four fingers "I can take that inside me" she says.
"Well, I can take this" says the second, holding up a fist.
The third one slides slowly down the bar stool.

👍🏼

Did you hear about the sorcerer that turns people into prostitutes?

He's whorifying!

👍🏼

A man walks into his bedroom

A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase. He says, "What are you doing?"
She answers, "I'm moving to Las Vegas. I heard prostitutes there get paid $400 for doing what I do for you for free!"

Later that night on her way out the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase. When she asks him where he's going, he replies... "I'm going to Vegas too. I want to see you live on $800 a year!"

👍🏼

What do Subway and prostitutes have in common?

You're paying them to do your wife's job

👍🏼

What is the difference between a prostitute and EA?

Both have expensive loot boxes we have to pay for however it's prostitutes who end up with a bad taste in their mouths not their clients.

👍🏼

Why do drug dealers hate prostitutes?

Because prostitutes can wash their crack and sell it again.

👍🏼

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car that said: "TWO PROSTITUTES $50.00."

A policeman stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail. Just then, another car passed with a sign saying, "JESUS SAVES." One of the girls asked the cop, "Why don't you stop them?" "Well, that's a little different," the cop smiled. "Their sign pertains to religion." The two ladies frowned as they took their sign down and drove off. The following day the cop noticed the same two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again. This time the sign read: "TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER $50.00.

👍🏼

Two prostitutes are hanging out on a corner in the 70's when one asks the other, "Hey, have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"

The other says "No, but I've been swung around by the tits."

👍🏼

A mom buys an old parrot from a whorehouse..

A mom buys an old parrot in a whorehouse and proceeds to bring it home for the family to enjoy their new pet.

As she brings the parrot inside the house the parrot says "ah, new house!" and she bursts in laughter.

Later that day, the daughters arrive from school and promptly the parrot says "ah, new house, new prostitutes!" and they all burst in laughter.

Some time goes by, and after a long day of work the dad finally arrives home, and without wasting time, the parrot says "ah, new house, new prostitutes, same old customers. Good night Mr. Williams"

👍🏼

The dirty professor

The old professor started each lecture with a dirty joke. After a real objectionable example of that one day, the female students got together and decided that next time, when this happens again, they will all walk out in unison.

The professor got wind of this plot. Next morning, after he entered the lecture hall, he said: "Good morning! Have you heard about the shortage of prostitutes in India?"

Now all the female students stood up and headed toward the exit.

The professor continued: "Oh, ladies, please wait, the boat to India doesn't leave until tomorrow!"

👍🏼

I lost 80 pounds a while back...

British prostitutes are expensive.

👍🏼

Two prostitutes are standing on the corner.

One asked the other, "Have you ever been picked up by the fuzz before?" The prostitute replies, "No, but I've been swung by my tits."

👍🏼

The Professor's Jokes

The professor loved to start each lecture with a dirty joke. After a week of this, the female students got together and decided that next time, if this happened again, they would all walk out in unison.

The professor got wind of this plot. Next morning, after he entered the lecture hall, he said: "Good morning! Have you heard about the shortage of prostitutes in Singapore?"

Now all the female students stood up and headed toward the exit.

The professor continued: "Oh, ladies, please wait, the boat to Singapore doesn't leave until tomorrow!"

👍🏼

What do you call a train full of prostitutes?

A train of Thot.

👍🏼

What are the most funny Prostitutes jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Prostitutes? Well, here are the best Prostitutes dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Prostitutes pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes